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wurstsalat
United Kingdom
12 Posts |
 Posted - 06/21/2007 : 04:28:20
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Hi there,
I have been in chronic back pain for about 3 years. Until about a month ago I believed this was due to my S1/L5 slipped disc. I went through all the usual suspects of therapy, yoga, pilates etc. and occasionally was pain free but generally there was always something hurting. I also had acute attacks maybe once a year, coming out of nowhere, like when I was washing my face in the morning or when I was sitting on my bike, they were extremely painful and lasted for maybe 48hours, and were "gone" within a week.
I found Sarnos books about a month ago, read them and immediately felt better, I re-read them and for the first time ever in 3 years I was completely pain free. I started doing exercises again and my life just changed so much, everythign suddenly was positive and I truly believed that I would never experience chronic pain again, and especially never have to experience an acute attack. I was pretty much 98% pain free and the little remainders I was sure would fade eventually.
BUT:
Here I am sitting today in agony. Absolute agony. I had an acute attack 2 days ago, my lower back is in pain, I can barely move, it took me about 30minutes to get to my desk, I am crawling around on the floor, I dont know what to do. I have had acute attacks before, but this one is the worst so far, and it has lasted for longer than the other ones ever had. I dont understand why this is happening, I was absolutely pain free for almost a month and completely confident and positive that I was on the right path.
Now I am scared, I am not in control anymore, this hurts so much and came at a time in my life where psychologically I thought I had everything sorted out, or at least had it sorted in a much better way then ever before.
I find it almost impossible to believe this is not physical and the pain is so severe I just want to run off and get surgery. I just dont know what to do. I need some support.
Thanks. |
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LuvtoSew
USA
327 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2007 : 05:40:25
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Please don't rush off and get sx as I went to a pain dr. last week and he said most of his patients are failed spine surgeries.
I am so sorry your were feeling so good and now it hurts again.
I have no real answeres since I'm a newbie to this. |
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wurstsalat
United Kingdom
12 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2007 : 05:45:41
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You know what is the worst about this TMS approach. It is easy to blame yourself for your pain. I always wondered, if the pain is due to psychological reasons, maybe taking the physical pain and seeing it as a psychological thing will cause additional psychological stresses. I mean its like if you are in pain you are not dealing with stuff correctly or not aware enough of your feelings. I find this quite rude, or at least very counterproductive. It is not my fault I am in pain, and if I persist to be in pain even though I am doing everything in my mental powers to analyze the problem then what? Maybe I will start making up problems?
I dont know, this all just seems very unfair to me ... |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2007 : 08:22:38
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What you are experiencing is common. Once you learn about TMS your brain is threatened that you are finally on to its tricks. It steps up the attack in a desparate attempt to continue the distraction strategy that has worked so well for so long.
Just keep following the treatment program. Try your best to ignore the pain. Take strong painkillers if you need them. Continue to search for psychological triggers. Most of all, have faith that there is nothing physically wrong and that the pain will subside. |
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2scoops
USA
386 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2007 : 08:40:19
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Plus, also remeber, what is going on in your life, what do you feel inadaquate about, who are you worried about making happy, what are your life pressures?
Thinking it could be physical is going to keep the pain going. |
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wurstsalat
United Kingdom
12 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2007 : 08:47:43
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You know guys, thank you very much, its good to not be alone.
But sometimes I feel the fact of trying to figure out what might or might not be wrong with me all the time makes life worse????
Do you really think, that after 3 years of pain I could have been healed because I truly believed in TMS and this is a defense mechanism? Do you really think I will be fine again once this episode is over? |
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Shary
147 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2007 : 10:16:44
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Hi Wurstsalat,
I think it bears mentioning that sometimes the pain is going to be in control, regardless of how hard we try to prevent it. For reasons unknown to man, people with TMS seem to have relapses from time to time. Even after we've dealt with all the psychological crap...or think we have...new psychological crap surfaces. It may be in the way we are hardwired that we have trouble coping with the day to day stuff...or maybe we cope too well, meaning we sweep stuff under the carpet so it can cause physical problems at some later date.
Whatever the reason for the relapse, the thing is, you can't think psychological when you hurt so bad that you can't think at all. Fear sets in when you start obsessing about the pain, and that sets off a vicious cycle. Try taking pain relievers for a few days so you can get your mind off of it. Then just assume, if you can, that the relapse will run its course and you will continue to improve. As much as possible, go about your business and don't obsess. Sometimes the less thought you put into TMS, beyond knowing what the cause is, the better you're likely to do. |
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wurstsalat
United Kingdom
12 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2007 : 10:45:42
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Shary,
thank you for your words. I appreciate your support, I think what you said made perfect sense.
I actually managed to take a shower and walk around today for a few minutes, it hurt, but it was the good kind of pain, like the one that you get when you havent stretched for a long time. I think my left leg is just in total spasm half of the time, very stiff, and my left lower back feels slightly bulky compared to the other side, you can even feel it with your hands. Its just all messed up and tense. I guess that makes sense in terms of TMS and muscle spasms rather than anything major physically.
I will keep you people posted, I think that I will know quite soon whether after this acute attack is over I will be able to go back to my pain free state which I so proudly achieved with Sarnos books, or whether I will be in chronic pain again once this unbearable situation has passed.
To me it makes sense that this is a last defense mechanism to distract me (it sure has!!!) but sometimes I wonder whether a scientific, analytical person like me can believe in so much deceit and intelligence behind TMS ... I really try, but I wonder where you draw the line ...
Ok, sorry, I will stop worrying. I am much better already. In a few days time this will be gone. And I will start running again. Screw you TMS! |
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LadyBug
USA
54 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2007 : 11:47:15
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Just wanted to mention that I had a spinal laminectomy/decompression and it did not help at all. Take it off you list of choices. It is a bad one. Read Again!
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished |
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h2oskier25
USA
395 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2007 : 15:02:03
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quote:
Originally posted by wurstsalat
I found Sarnos books about a month ago, read them and immediately felt better, I re-read them and for the first time ever in 3 years I was completely pain free. I started doing exercises again and my life just changed so much, everythign suddenly was positive . . .
So, how could the above be true if you aren't suffering 100% from TMS. Don't even forget those painfree times.
REMEMBER, slow non linear progress is just a sign that your brain is being re-programmed, and it takes time. Don't woryy. I would put some ice on your back when you get really acute like you did earlier today, but other than that, laugh at the pain. It's hard, but it's the path to freedom from pain.
I'm very analytical, too, and I found Dr. Schecters audio tapes helped me a lot. I'd just play them over and over in the car . . .
Best wishes,
Beth |
Edited by - h2oskier25 on 06/21/2007 15:03:22 |
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2007 : 20:00:15
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quote:
Originally posted by wurstsalat
Now I am scared, I am not in control anymore, this hurts so much and came at a time in my life where psychologically I thought I had everything sorted out, or at least had it sorted in a much better way then ever before.
Hi Wurstsalat ... Welcome to our group. The above sounds like you have a classic TMS personality. Perfectionist, thinking you can do everything right and play by the rules, and stay in control. Logic and rules don't really work with TMS (it's a gremlin oyou know... remember the movie?) Unfortunately, being TMS-susceptible means that we have some embedded patterns that create the pain. (For me it was repressing anger, jealousy and sadness.)
Some people go years without pain, then relapse severely. The best we can do is try to pay attention to what our bodies may be reacting to: the emotionally stuff and NOT the physical. Symptoms (sx) are a sign that emotions are being repressed, or that deep down you feel differently than you are expressing. Our brains are trying to do us a favor and spare us from the dangerous emotions, emotions that we NEVER like to show. It is uncommon sense here. It doesn't make sense, but neither does our subconscious.
Keep reading the books. There are many authors and audio programs that are helpful too. Check out kelvin's (he's a forum member) site at http://www.etex.net/kelving
and you can download free audio interviews with Sarno and see journal guides and other helpful things.
Hang in there and keep the faith.
>|< Penny
"Oz never did give nothing to the Tinman that he didn't already have."
song lyric, America |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 06/22/2007 : 08:07:15
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quote:
Do you really think, that after 3 years of pain I could have been healed because I truly believed in TMS and this is a defense mechanism? Do you really think I will be fine again once this episode is over?
YES! And it's critical for you to believe it. |
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wurstsalat
United Kingdom
12 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2007 : 15:07:30
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Thanks for your replies.
I am slowly getting better even though it is still painful to walk. This has been the worst acute attack I had in my 4 years of back trouble and I am still scared but I am desperately trying to fit it into the Sarno scheme ... This is a last uprising because I was painfree for over a month. Once I have outlived this it will be over. I try and be positive. Every day I am getting a little bit better. And even though I will not be brave enough to immediately jump into normal, fear free life again I will do my best to get there as soon as possible.
What options do I have anyways ... everythign else never worked, this did ... |
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wurstsalat
United Kingdom
12 Posts |
Posted - 06/25/2007 : 07:05:13
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I am back at work today. My pain is almost gone, I have some numbness and stiffness left, but it is getting better every day.
I realize that I am pretty afraid and careful, but I think I will get over this in a few days time. i just need to build up my confidence again. Its not easy, an acute attack is quite traumatizing actually.
When it happened to me I was actually on my bike and I had to call an ambulance to get carried home. i was completely lost. |
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Acute Attack after I thought I was healed ...
