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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
 Posted - 06/10/2007 : 13:29:07
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Bert
I am sorry for your troubles. We can only offer advice based on what you tell us about yourself and our limited understanding. People leave the board for various reasons, many times because they simply cannot accept the diagnosis, and 100% acceptance of TMS principles is essential for recovery. Perhaps your pain is not due to TMS, it will be up to you to decide based upon your reading and understanding of Dr. Sarno's work. If you cannt accept that TMS is the source of your pain then no one on this board can help you. If you accept it, however, then you have to be patient as recovery for most people does not happen overnight.
Am I correct in assuming that you hate your job and that this may be a source of rage, even though you may consciously tell yourself you love your job? What kind of responcibilities are placed upon you in life- wife, children, aging parents etc? As for your self proclaimed vindictiveness, what suppose makes you this way? Possiblly low self esteem or that you feel no one will like or accept you for who or what you so you drive them away? Were you deeply hurt by someone in the past? Think about these things and try to go beyond your conscious feelings and reactions.
*******
Sarno-ize it!
Read chapter 4 of Dr. Sarno's "The Divided Mind." It's all you need to know in order to recover. |
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bert
24 Posts |
Posted - 06/10/2007 : 16:15:53
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I love what I do for work. I create and am very proud of the outcome. I enjoy the compliments I get for my creativety, neatness and personality from my customers. I should explain that I am self employed home improvement guy. I do not enjoy the other aspects of my job such as dealing with people who are looking for the cheapest price or asking for more than what an estimate indicates. Nor do I enjoy office work or relying on workers to do what the customer knows I can do if I decide to use workers who won't or don't know how. There are so many areas that I don't enjoy to keeping a business profitable by relying on others to do the work. I alone can only do so much to keep up. But I've set up my business to be easiest on me, without relying on too many people. But because of this pain I endure daily , I can no longer rely on me to perform the work, which keeps me from paying the bills to enjoy life. For ten years I enjoyed a very profitable business with plenty of down time to enjoy everyday pleasures. Now I am angry that I have to go through this and not enjoy what was once so easy.
So to comment on what you seem to be eluding to, I don't enjoy working while in pain. And I don't enjoy trying to set up work for others to do it. I'd rather have one or two helpers and do the work myself with them. It's very rewarding to do a job and say look at how nice this came out. The people who do work with me enjoy it, but they don't do the extra it takes to please a homeowner. So to leave them on thier own, I have to overwelm myself with all facets of running a business and then worry if they did what was needed. Usually what happens is once someone gets the knowledge to do the work, they move on. And I don't blame them one bit. Or they ask for too much money ($200 to $300 a day in this area) that I can no longer afford to keep them busy and make a profit.
In answer to the other thoughts. Yes, I have placed a lot of unwanted responsibilities on myself. Some mentioned above and some marital issues which are unresolved and need to be very soon. And some with a specific parent whom I will not hurt at thier age to resolve my problem with thier parenting skills. And for being deeply hurt in the past, absolutely. As for low self esteem, I'd say yes/no. I'm not sure exactly what that means. I have sometimes too high a regard for who I am and how I treat others. But I have also tried hard to do my best to impress others. Not so much anymore. I think realizing what I've done has made me not give too much into what anyone thinks anymore. But it is nice to get compliments on how I treat others. I now say it like it is. And if you hurt someone or myself and I don't like what you did, I tell you to your face. If your nice to me or others, I also let it be known to you. So I'm guessing I no longer have low self esteem. As I'm proud of who I am. And I don't really give 2 cents of what anyone thinks of me. So I am angry at others for acting like, A-holes.
Now this is something I get from this site especially. My concern is not whether or not TMS is real. It's more about giving out advise that whom ever comes here, has TMS, and should just go on with thier pain as if it weren't there. More priority, I think should be put on making sure the body is strong enough to ignore pain. You can get really hurt otherwise. The pain is real, regardless if it's induce by mind or body. And can cause further pain which few seem to be able to control it over the body. And if this isn't physical then one still needs to be mentally focused enough to believe it. But if it is physical then I'm one is hurting themselves more. I am now willing to exhaust more testing that I hadn't wanted to go through prior to make sure my pain is real or not.
Just to make things clearer, offering advice is good. Just be sure it's an offer and not intended to be fixed advise. That's what I got from some posts here. I am sure I have TMS to either some degree or a great deal of degree. I am not so sure whether some problems I'm having are due to real physical injuries. I believe just as the mind/body connection exists so too does the phychological/physical exist.
That's all. I vented. As you've probably notice I'm angry and just getting it out. Hopefully I've worded my typing to not direct my anger at anyone. If so I am sorry. It's not my intentions. |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 06/10/2007 : 17:04:50
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Ok Bert, thanks for responding.
Just to make one thing clear, TMS pain is ALWAYS physical and, for some people, can land them on their back so bad they cannot even move. Dr. Sarno writes about some of these cases in his books.
You have provided a good profile of some of your life issues and it is a good place to start. One thing I see in you is that you are a perfectionist and, as a result, place a lot of pressure on yourself to do things well and professionally. This is a laudable trait in this culture, but places a lot of pressure on the narcissistic self. I would read the sections on perfectionism in Dr. sarno's books and see if that applies to you. Keep sharing as it is good for you to let it all out as much as you can.
*******
Sarno-ize it!
Read chapter 4 of Dr. Sarno's "The Divided Mind." It's all you need to know in order to recover. |
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stanfr
USA
268 Posts |
Posted - 06/10/2007 : 18:59:19
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Bert, just the fact that your here posting says a lot about your open-mindedness and strength of character. There is no black and white when it comes to psychosomatic vs physical problems, and i sure as heck don't claim i have all the answers. If i did, i wouldn't be back trying to resolve new problems 10+ years after finding out i originally had TMS. There are some fine lines that tend to make one very confused when it comes to diagnosing, and when i read your fourth paragraph in your last post, this confusion comes through loud and clear to me, cause i've lived it!
To give you an example, 20 years ago i was a competitive runner. I got all sorts of injuries to my legs/feet because i pushed myself so hard, way past my capabilities! Ironically, part of the reason i was running was to deal with ongoing stress. One of the en-vogue injuries then was shin-splints, attributed to running on one side of the road, since its slanted and causes imbalance in your stride.
SO i did all sorts of strengthening exercizes trying to beat this, but it held me back from reaching the goals i set for myself (aside: perfectionism, need to be in control, frustration at being thwarted by injury: all classic signs of TMS!) In retrospect, i highly doubt this was real injury or even overuse, although i don't know for sure.
Then, one race down a steep hill, lots of high impact, and i ended up with a strained ankle. Or so they told me. I wanted to get back to racing, so two weeks later i started training again, until the pain was too great a couple months later. Then, they re-Xrayed and told me it wasn't a sprain, it was a stress fracture. New bone grew in my foot which required major 6+ hour surgery to fix. I was off my feet for 6 months, and my running career was over.
Now, if anyone had told me my injury was anything but a real fracture with real physically induced pain, up until two weeks ago, i would have told them point blank "your insane!"
Now, i'm not even so sure about that. Ive come to realize the mind and body are completely inseparable. Given my psyche at the time, i wouldn't say it is impossible that my injury was completely psychosomatic. They didn't catch the fracture in the first X-ray, after all. At the very least, i'm pretty certain a lot of my mindset wen't into the healing process (or lack thereof). Who really knows how much to attribute to the mind, and how much to attribute to real physical injury? Obviously, there are extremes, and if i had had a compound fracture the picture would be clearer.
On the other hand, I once was yelled at by someone on a 'Spinal Forum' when i suggested he might have TMS, when he blamed his back injury on a "sneeze". When i told him i thought this sounded a bit extreme, he angrily insisted that a sneeze "is one of the strongest forces in nature". Well, yeah, sneezes can be pretty loud/strong, but can they really lay you out in major pain for months?? When i hear that kind of irrationality, all i can do is shrug my shoulders.
Anyhow, sorry for the rambling reply, just wanted to let you know i'm pulling for you. I agree with Shawn: if you haven't already done so, read ALL of sarno's books, then read them again. Decide for yourself what applies to you. That's all anyone who comes here can do. Good Luck! |
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Newmom
USA
57 Posts |
Posted - 06/11/2007 : 13:24:13
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I appreciate everybody's reply's here. Hilary N, I do not feel that I am fully recovered but thanks for the positive reply. I no longer have pain and those mini panic episodes that caused my pain, but I still have the fear. Fear of reinjuring myself, fear of never being able to do things again, constant fear, etc. This holds me back. Until I can let this fear of reinjuring myself go, I do not consider myself a success story.
This board has helped me in so many ways both physically and mentally. This board has been a good obsession for me and I have learned to use it to my advantage. I read only the posts that I feel will help me and have learned to ignore the posts that are off topic for me. I consider myself a hypochondriac and if I read somebody else's symptoms, it never fails and I start to get them. That's why I tend to read only the topics that are beneficial to me. I think this happens to a lot of other here and this can become a bad obsession.
I work very closely with doctors in my legal profession, some on my side, some are against my clients. When preparing for court, I try to find as much dirt on a doctor as possible, if I were cross-examining the good doctor, I would use this forum as ammunition and I can understand why doctors do not want to be associated with these kinds of forums. It would make sense that Dr. Sarno is the same.
Bert, I read your post, and I want to let you know that I have become pain free. I cannot get rid of the fear of re-injuring myslelf or having the pain again though. I am always on guard. However, it is getting less and less the more that I do. I was not able to resume normal activity once I believed I was not injured and that nothing was wrong with my lower back, probably because of the fear factor. So I started out little by little and gradually got moving again. I function normally throughout the day but that's it, no extra activities. Several months ago, I would not even carry my 25 lb son. I now carry him. I do not bend over to pick him up because of the fear - not the pain and I still get into a squatting position and then stand when I pick him up. This is progess for me and it takes time. Do what you can, even if it is baby steps. Everybody's recovery is different.
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 06/11/2007 : 14:14:54
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quote:
(Newmom) but I still have the fear. Fear of reinjuring myself, fear of never being able to do things again, constant fear, etc. This holds me back. Until I can let this fear of reinjuring myself go, I do not consider myself a success story.
Yes, it’s true one isn’t completely “cured” until one no longer has that fear of activity. But it’s still good to read of your progress and it looks like your activity is increasing slowly, so I'm sure you'll get there.
Hilary N |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 06/12/2007 : 12:42:58
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This just in. Dr Sarno says get off the net and resume normal physical activity.
*******
Sarno-ize it!
Read chapter 4 of Dr. Sarno's "The Divided Mind." It's all you need to know in order to recover. |
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Lizzie
United Kingdom
56 Posts |
Posted - 06/12/2007 : 13:05:41
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NewMom
Congratulations on your progress. I relate to your "baby steps" and fear. I am the same. Now largely pain free and not panicing nor seeking reassurance from physical therapists once symptoms worsen. This confidence feels empowering but I still fear new physical activities and future pain/reinjury (?!!) especially those moves that involve lifting and bending and still often avoid them. My latest "baby step" however is I have started jogging... not far but jogging nonetheless and this is something I posted a few months ago about not having the courage to do. That's progress for me. Hopefully you and I in the months to come will be able hand on hearts to post success stories, but as Dr Sopher says "celebrate" so for now I am celebrating the little steps I've made.
Take care and good luck to everyone else.
Lizzie |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 06/12/2007 : 13:12:52
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Excellent!
Hilary N |
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LadyBug
USA
54 Posts |
Posted - 06/14/2007 : 10:30:44
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I'm not sure if we've lost Bert, it's been 4 days since he posted. Bert if you're still reading this, your "quick" mention of anger at an elderly parent jumped off the page at me. I would love to discuss with you all that I've learned on that subject. It has caused me a great deal of pain. You can post here or e mail me directly. Please somehow identify yourself in the subject so I know it's from someone on this forum. We need to talk! This is a subject I am familiar with.
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished |
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bert
24 Posts |
Posted - 06/15/2007 : 10:18:59
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Hi LadyBug,
I email you last night through this site |
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What does Dr. Sarno say about this forum?
