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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
 Posted - 05/27/2007 : 04:52:07
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Hi Friends
One of the great results from my TMS recovery has been my return to yoga. I started yoga when I was 18 (I'm now 55!). But for years and years - well, decades actually! - I couldn't do it because of my back problems ha ha.
One of my "do it anyway" practices since discovering that it's not really a problem has been to go to the lively yoga classes at Golds Gym. I am gradually working my way into doing more and more forward bends, which are what I believed I couldn't do. Since they generally take up about half a yoga class, they are the reason I stopped going to yoga and eventually stopped doing it on my own.
Anyway, there are a couple of things I want to say: First, as Tennis Tom said in a nearby thread, exercise helps. Duh, we are in bodies and they get healthier with exercise and good nutrition, etc. I have truly found that doing lots of yoga practice as well as weight training, for the first time in my life has been a marvellous adjunct to my new less-fearful attitude. The strength is valuable in itself. The yoga, however, seems to be gradually unravelling the way my body had hardened around its unconscious rage etc.
As I soften into poses that I "couldn't" do before, and increase the flexibility in places that were completely hard, I am having to feel a lot of pain. Of course, a good yoga teacher will have you breathe into that pain and stop resisting it, and doing this is actually equivalent to feeling your unfelt feelings. The resistance that I feel to relaxing into my tight hamstrings is actually unconscious rage (etc.) I find. As I relax, breathe, and feel my way through, a lot of emotions go through.
If I could verbalize these emotions (although they are actual waves of a certain kind of frequency before being translated into story) they would be saying:
"I don't want to do this. NO! You can't make me! F**k you, I'm getting out of here. I hate this place. I'm going to kill myself. I'm going to leave. I'm going to leave..."
I feel that a lot of my unconscious rage comes from having felt like I didn't want to be here - on earth, in a human body, in that particular family, etc. I used to run away from home like crazy when I was 12-15. A nightmare, being trapped in that dysfunctional environment.
Since I couldn't get out, my feelings got trapped and turned into these somatized TMS things. But these symptoms accumulate over the years and may be what kills us. At the least, they are what hardens our bodies.
I am absolutely AMAZED at how wonderful it is to be opening up these parts of my body after so many years. Instead of thinking, "Oh, my back just went out," I am thinking, "Yes, I know honey, you are feeling pissed off, but we're still going to do this because you will feel better." Gradually my angry sad fearful inner child is starting to like the yoga and exercise because she has more space inside my body as it gets stronger and freer.
One more thing: a problem I have is that sometimes I squeak or have to stop a pose to work into it, and the teacher will come over and say something like "did you hurt yourself?" I always answer "NO!" these days. I don't want them putting negative attention on my symptoms that will just make me believe in them more. I had to take one of my yoga teachers aside and ask her to stop talking injury all through the class. She considered this a major revelation for herself, and can't stop talking about it (shows what good communication skills I have, therapist that I am!).
Anyway, hope this is of some help to someone.
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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electraglideman
USA
162 Posts |
Posted - 05/27/2007 : 15:11:11
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Wavy, I'm one year older than you. I'm 6'4" 250lb. and I'm solid as a rock. Most people guess my age to be ten years younger than I actually am. If you were to watch me go through my workout at the gym you would never believe that I could be in any pain because of the amount of weight I'm lifting and my intensity.
I don't know anything about Yoga but I did try to reduce my pain (lower back, buttocks, and neck) by stretching. It has given me more flexability in my joints and muscles but it did nothing for the pain.
I do not believe physical exercises or stretching can reduce pain but I do believe that it can reiforce your belief that there is nothing physically wrong with your body.
On the other hand I do believe mental exercises can help reduce your level of pain. One mental exercise I use while I'm working out is to inhale deeply and imagine fresh oxygen going to the muscles and joints that my unconscious mind has deprived. Then when I exhaul I imagine flames coming out of my mouth (flames representing an overflow of rage leaving my unconsdious). I repeat this over and over while I'm working out. Sometimes I practice this mental exercise while I'm laying in bed before I go to sleep.
If you want work on the pain, you have to do the mental work, the journaling, reading Sarno and this forum. |
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carbar
USA
227 Posts |
Posted - 05/27/2007 : 18:09:13
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quote:
Originally posted by Wavy Soul
I am absolutely AMAZED at how wonderful it is to be opening up these parts of my body after so many years. Instead of thinking, "Oh, my back just went out," I am thinking, "Yes, I know honey, you are feeling pissed off, but we're still going to do this because you will feel better." Gradually my angry sad fearful inner child is starting to like the yoga and exercise because she has more space inside my body as it gets stronger and freer.
Thanks for sharing, ws. It is good to read this. Yoga was one of those things I assumed I should never even try because my wrists couldn't handle the pressure of all those bridge/downward dog postures. I always liked to strech, though. I was so ignorant! Now that I'm into yoga (upon learning about Sarno) and know what Ilyenar yoga is purposefully gentle...wish I had been there back in the "injury" days.
Seems like giving the inner child the "You can do it!" that lots of us didn't get as kids is part of the trick to healing. When I speak them to myself I feel so proud of myself for being able to say this!
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 05/28/2007 : 10:41:18
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Wavy, this was such a great thing to read. I always love your posts, very well-written and evocative. It made me want to try yoga. I've done it a few times but never gotten really into it.
I was actually recommended Iyengar at one point as something gentle and respectful of the body and any limits to try. Kinda wish I had. Maybe someday soon.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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lilly
9 Posts |
Posted - 07/18/2007 : 14:35:23
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Wavy,
I've been working with Sarno's theory and TMS for about a year and was really pleased to find your post on this forum about yoga.
Four years ago I started to do yoga to help alleviate some of the tension I thought was causing neck and shoulder pain. I loved it so much that I threw myself into it with abandon. After two years I was having constant knee pain and buttock soreness. After a five day yoga retreat, when all the other women were glowing and saying how different their bodies felt, I thought, "Yeah, mine too. Everything hurts and I feel like s**t". So then the sciatic pain started. After trying different forms and dropping in and out of classes, I gave up yoga for awhile. Then I discovered Sarno and got progressively better. But whenever I would go back to a class, I'd be ok for awhile then something would pop and I'd be in pain again. In retrospect, I think I was unable to filter out some of the comments from the instructors like, "Be careful with this pose, it can contribute to sciatica.", "This helps if you have lower back pain.", etc. I also think I pushed myself too deeply into poses when egged on my the instructors.
For the past four months I've stayed home and have been doing yoga on my own with various cd's and again feel better. I'm trying to gather the courage to go to a class again. My big, big great fear is of forward bends. I have had tight hamstrings since I was a teenager, so starting yoga at fifty they were none to pliable. And I do think my wanting to do forward bends like those yogis whose faces are down at their toes contributed to my pain, or at least made a convenient place for my brain to settle it.
From your post it sounds as if you are experiencing pain as you work at yoga and softening into poses. Or perhaps I'm misintrepreting, and it's discomfort? I guess what I'm wanting to know from you is are you really pushing yourself into and past the pain or just mindfully working with the pose and allowing your body to let you know when it's ready?
I sometimes think I don't know the difference between pain and discomfort, and I also don't want to get into the whole competative thing like when I was practicing regularly (that's the other reason I've staying home, so I don't feel I have to do what my neighbor is doing.) When I was younger I walked on a broken foot until it healed quite well on it's own, as I've done with about a dozen badly sprained ankles. So I'm really pissed off that I feel like a pansy.
Any input would be appreciated.
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yoga stories
