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electraglideman
USA
162 Posts |
 Posted - 05/24/2007 : 19:28:21
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When you have done your home work by journaling, reading, and thinking psyhological and your pains begin to decrease, how do you celebrate or reward yourself for a job well done? My pains are about half from what they were three months ago and I feel a need to celebrate or reward myself.
I've always had a hard time celebrating anything and it goes back to when I was growing up. My dad was the most pesimistic person I ever knew. He had a bad habit of turning an accomplishment completely around into something that I was ashamed of.
Let me give you an example. When I as 10 or 11 my first time at bat during the first game of the year (little league) I hit a grand slam home run. As I was approaching first base I saw the the ball go over the fence and I heard the crowd cheer. I jumped with joy. The opposing team said I did not touch first base and wanted me called out. I really don't if touched first or not but the umpire said I did. All of my team mates congratulated me and my dad walked over to the dugout and chastised me for what seem to be about 20 minutes for not touching first base. He told me in front of all the whole team I did not deserve the home run. I remember going home that night feeling like ****. That is just one small example of how my old man would turn what I thought would be a great accomplishment into a dud.
In my adulthood I've always felt uncomfortable with trying to celebrate or just feeling good about an accomplishment.
So I'll ask again how do you celebrate or reward yourself for a job well done? What do you do? Go to your favorite restaurant? Buy yourself a new toy? What? |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 19:36:32
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Going to your favorite restaurant or buying yourself a new toy sounds good. Or how about the latest Pirates Of The Carribean ir some other hot movie right now. What do you like to do? What gives you pleasure? Think about it then do it.
*******
Sarno-ize it!
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 19:52:30
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Yup; I would do something that makes me feel good and joyful to celebrate the lessening pain. One thing I do for pleasure on a regular basis is get a 30 minute massage.
I would say anything that spikes your feel-good neurotransmitters! A walk in nature! OK, maybe a new pair of shoes!
I'm sad to hear about how your dad put your accomplishments down. That would necessitate some serious journal writing for me. My dad is still quite critical; I've gotten used to it but at times have had to say "WHY do you have to say something negative? why??" It's sad really, that he is that way. Must be his own issues!
-Lori |
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 20:07:33
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quote:
Originally posted by electraglideman
So I'll ask again how do you celebrate or reward yourself for a job well done? What do you do? Go to your favorite restaurant? Buy yourself a new toy? What?
After my psychoT appt, I reward myself with a high-calorie coffee treat at Starbucks, and I indulge myself emotionally ... when the coffee conoisseur, or whatever the official title is, asks me "How are you today" I tell them exactly how I am feeling. It's really liberating to tell someone thru a drivethru over the microphone thingy EXACTLY how I feel.
Another thing ... I reward myself with kind thoughts when I notice that I have done something different, or changed a negative pattern of behaviour in my life. I say, "there there, Penn ... see? You can do it! You CAN protect yourself! You CAN share your feelings without getting lost in too many words! You are doing great, kid. You are doing the best you can, and that is enough!" Kind thoughts about yourself--whether forced OR natural--are very rewarding. For a while I had to fake these, but now they tend to flow more naturally.
OOOOh, I really like this question, Glideman: Another thing ... I allow myself to sit quietly and actually connect and FEEL exactly how I am feeling at that moment. If I feel sad, then I have a good cry: If I feel joy, I may cry for joy, or turn up some happy loud music and dance around my living room like a loon: If I feel apathy, then I down right let myself feel frustrated b/c I don't know what I'm feeling. Connecting to our feelings really can be rewarding. I was taught to repress my nasty feelings and recently have learned how to feel them. I'm still not ace at it, but much better.
Sounds to me like your dad taught you how to repress JOY! Someone here once said their spouse had a theory that one of the biggest problems in our culture is repressed JOY, and I think this really dovetails with Sarno's theories on repressed rage too. So many of us spend hours and hours watching TV, witnessing other people's lives or events, instead of living our own or experieincing our OWN feelings. It's like a collective-cultural apathy ... we don't cry for each other's losses, or when we witness the terrors of our world, we just don't feel anything. We also buy into other people's feelings about us and give other people our power, so when we "hit a home run" in life we look to others to validate our experiences, instead of jumping up and feeling strong and solid in our OWN feelings regardless of what other people say or react.
I'm sorry. Your dad was a &^%hole for robbing you of your joy. BUT since you have discovered this, that story does not need to continue for you.
Maybe go watch ONLY funny movies for a few weeks. Maybe read books about JOY and happiness. Ohh, a wonderful one I adore is "The Art of Happiness" by HH the Dalai Lama.
Sorry I rambled a bit, but I really hope this msg hugs you!
Another thing I do to reward myself? I take time out of my overscheduled busy life to indulge and reach out to other people who need. Helping other people is one of the most self-serving and rewarding things I believe we can do.
>|< Penny
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain."
The Great and Powerful Oz |
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sensei adam rostocki
USA
167 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 21:09:32
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You have already rewarded yourself handsomely. You have banished half the pain!!! Sounds like a great reward to me. Seriously, I think you are on to something big with this story from your childhood. It shows great insight into yourself and definite progress towards a complete cure. Do anything you want to make this a happy time...you deserve it!
CURE-BACK-PAIN(dot)ORG |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 05/25/2007 : 14:00:13
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When I was working on banishing my pain, I used oranges (small easy-to-peel type) and ice-cream sandwiches, both of which I adore. I don't know what it is about ice-cream sandwiches but I love them.
I also do what Penny does and work on positive self-talk.
On the way home I stop while walking and smell the baking bread smell from the nearby bakery. It such a tiny thing but always makes me feel better.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 05/27/2007 : 04:57:49
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quote:
OOOOh, I really like this question, Glideman: Another thing ... I allow myself to sit quietly and actually connect and FEEL exactly how I am feeling at that moment. If I feel sad, then I have a good cry: If I feel joy, I may cry for joy, or turn up some happy loud music and dance around my living room like a loon: If I feel apathy, then I down right let myself feel frustrated b/c I don't know what I'm feeling. Connecting to our feelings really can be rewarding. I was taught to repress my nasty feelings and recently have learned how to feel them. I'm still not ace at it, but much better.
Sounds to me like your dad taught you how to repress JOY! Someone here once said their spouse had a theory that one of the biggest problems in our culture is repressed JOY, and I think this really dovetails with Sarno's theories on repressed rage too. So many of us spend hours and hours watching TV, witnessing other people's lives or events, instead of living our own or experieincing our OWN feelings. It's like a collective-cultural apathy ... we don't cry for each other's losses, or when we witness the terrors of our world, we just don't feel anything. We also buy into other people's feelings about us and give other people our power, so when we "hit a home run" in life we look to others to validate our experiences, instead of jumping up and feeling strong and solid in our OWN feelings regardless of what other people say or react.
I absolutely LOVE this. Do I have your permission to quote you in a book I am writing?
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 05/27/2007 : 11:18:16
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quote:
Originally posted by Wavy Soul
[
I absolutely LOVE this. Do I have your permission to quote you in a book I am writing?
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question
Sure, Wavy ... what are you writing your book about?
>|< Penny |
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electraglideman
USA
162 Posts |
Posted - 05/27/2007 : 15:19:56
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Thanks everyone for your reply. I went to the "OUTBACK" last night and had a couple of tall frosty mugs of Foster's, a big juicy prime rib, and a couple of good laughs with my wife. |
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Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 05/28/2007 : 00:11:34
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| Beer. Very very cold beer. -Stryder |
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How do you celebrate or reward yourself?
