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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
 Posted - 05/23/2007 : 20:58:39
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Hi All,
Been awhile since I posted..I needed another break..My dog is doing much better for those who are interested, but not 100 percent..He still has to be hand fed every 2 hours..Another new thing..I went ahead with it and broke up w/ my b/f..It was very hard but i think i did the right thing..I never ended a relationship b4 w/ someone I still love..very weird..and painful..He was devastated and asked me if we could just take a break instead..I told him no, however, if God wants us together in the future,anything is possible once he works through his anger and jealousy issues..I also, btw, started a new PT job working at a Pilates studio and I am back teaching voice at the music school here..I haven't painted since my doggie got pancreatitis..but I hope to get back to it soon..that's my life update..now for the TMS GREMLIN ATTACK!
I woke up this AM stretching unconsciously and felt a pain in the right side of my neck..a few hours later..severe lower right back pain started..I took a nap after waking at the crack of dawn to take care of KC and even while laying in bed it was intermittently stabbing me INTENSELY..I took an advil because this intermittent sharp pain was too much to handle w/o meds..Then the pain changed and covered a bigger area of my low right back..My back typically doesn't hurt when i am working out and in shape..but now..since KC's illness i have been away from the gym, or any exercise and i gained more weight..So..there is more pressure on my back..or is it conditioning??
So right now, things are a little calmer..because i am on 2 advils and ice..Not 100 percent sure it's TMS..or is it from the weight i gained coupled w/ all the bending i have been doing that i normally don't do to care for my dog..There was no ONE incident that i moved a certain way and wham..but..i tried to stretch my back out in bed after this all started and when i stretched a certain way the pain was REALLY bad..so i backed off..So both my neck and back are freaking out right now..this sooo stinks because i have been doing better, TMS wise..Any words of encouragement would be deeply appreciated..
Hugs to all,
Karen |
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 05/23/2007 : 21:44:17
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quote:
Originally posted by Singer_Artist
I never ended a relationship b4 w/ someone I still love..very weird..and painful..He was devastated and asked me if we could just take a break instead..I told him no, however, if God wants us together in the future,anything is possible once he works through his anger and jealousy issues..
Hi Karen, I'm so glad your dog is doing better, although still very much dependent on you. Thanks for the update.
I'm guessing your Pword is INDEED a TMS gremlin attack, and nothing else. Especially b/c your stream of thinking divulged the above ... I think THAT situation would be enough to get your subc a-raging. Subc is thinking ... "what the bleep are you doing breaking up with someone I still love?!" This is a HUGE stand you have taken for yourself, in protecting yourself. You should be very proud that you found the strength to recognize the destructive pattern in your relationship, and made a commitment to stop it! KUDOS to you! Maybe he will get help, but don't let his problems continue to trouble you. MOve on, and eventually you will find someone who will treat you right.
I'm sorry your hurting, but repudiate repudiate repudiate! and don't forget to pat yourself on the back for breaking this off. Stick to your guns! He may send flowers, beg ... even go thru therapy himself, but try really hard to remember your reasons and protect yourself. You are worth it!
>|< Penny
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain."
The Great and Powerful Oz |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 05/23/2007 : 21:55:51
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Penny you are a sweetheart and sooo full of insight..I LOVE reading all your posts whether to me or not..Thank you so much..I will read and re-read what you said.. |
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Newmom
USA
57 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 07:34:34
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Karen,
That gremlin is always going to be with you until you let it go. Have you ever asked yourself what is it about the pain that really gets to you? Is is the actual feeling of the pain, the fear of further reinjuring yourself, or the fear of not having this to obsess about? For me, having a bad back became a part of my identity. Sometimes when I read your posts, I see how silly I used to think and act, because my behaviors were similar in a lot of ways. (Not calling you silly, just our behavior!!)
Bottom line, did you ever consider the gremlin that keeps causing you pain to be a form of OCD? I get the same pains, etc. and when I used to feel the small/large twinges, I would go into full panic mode. I would obsess, obsess, obsess and it was the only thing that I could think about. The pain was there, but the pain wasn't what was overwhelming to me. It was the extreme panic/anxiety that accompanied the pain. I could not do or think about anything else and I would get so bad that I would think this is it again, I hurt myself again. I have suffered no further injuries and I am no worse off than when I started my journey to getting beyond this. I wasted a lot of time spent on obsessing over nothing.
I don't get to come to the board that often due to my work so I don't get to follow-up on many of the posts that I read. Let me ask you this, in the several months that I have been reading your posts, you often have been scared you have reinjured yourself. Have you ever suffered actual physical damage? I have read your posts when you go into panic mode - I am familiar with that panic mode - but I never heard you post that you actually hurt yourself. The fact that I am not aware that you have ever further injured yourself is encouraging. TMS. Panic/anxiety/excessive worry/compulsiveness/obsession is a part of this as much as the pain itself, in my opinion it is what drives my gremlin.
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 08:07:26
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Thanx Newmom,
I hear what you are saying and yes I do get very frightened that I hurt myself or it will get even worse..I have actually had many real physical injuries to neck and knee in particular..The back is more vague..I was in bed on and off for a total of almost 8 months just last year w/ either knee, ankle, or neck..This does do damage to one's psyche..I was also in bed for a long time after a car accident in 1995 and 2 years later as well..The pain comes back and lingers longer then it should because of TMS..i do believe that..But i never fully got back 100 percent range of motion in my neck, for example..and i babied it a long time..So my fear is also that it's weaker then it should be and more vulnerable..I have been obsessive in the past about pains or relationships..but feel i have worked alot on this..Thank God I have never had an actual panic attack..i just get anxious when I have level 10 stabbing pain in my back or neck..That part i think is natural..But..the connection between the pain and my unconscious is what i am still working on...It's better today then yesterday..so let's hope i am getting better at fighting it..
Thanks for responding!
Hugs,
Karen |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 08:58:38
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Hi Karen and Newmom,
Karen, you have made great strides in transitioning from focusing on structural pain towards examining the emotional, good job! As the song says, "breaking up is hard to do". Doing it at a distance is probably good if one party involved is of the volatile nature; it avoids a lot of embarrasment in front of the neighbors, keying of cars, and throwing valuable stuff.
Your neck is probably somewhat weaker and less flexible than it used to be due to not using it, protecting and babying it. But, it is as strong as it has to be...after-all it is still holding your head up! We are MUCH stronger than we think we are. The mind gives up before the body does.
Atrophy due to non-use can be rectified within a couple of weeks doing muscle specific exercises. My right leg muscles are visibly smaller when I look in the mirror due to whatever it is in my buttmind or mindbutt. This may sound like TMS sacrilige, but, I am contemplating doing a series of a dozen phyical therapy sessions to strengthen my right leg to see if that helps. In the past when I got sports injuries I always did PT and always was good as new. For some strange reason I have never done this for my hip. This may be the other side of the TMS coin.
As far as panic-attacks, I have had several spaced about ten years apart. They have resulted in doctor's or ER visits. They were proven psychosomatic and I always felt better when the treadmill tests came back that I was healthy +. Imagining that you are dying from a heart-attack due to chest-pain symptoms can induce quite a bit of anxiety!
I can trigger the panic-attack symptom by ingesting a couple of cocktails with a double Starbuck's Mocha chaser. My beloved family doc, gave me an rx for Xanax, which I keep in the med cab, but I havn't had to use it yet. It hasn't been ten years yet. I'll pop one of those and an aspirin next time I feel I'm having a heart-attack.
By the way Newmom, did you ever try those Mom-BabbyBuggy group exercise classes I mentioned to you once?
Regards,
tt
Some of my favorite excerpts from " THE DIVIDED MIND " :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 09:08:19
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Tom expresses it well. You are still thinking in terms of your body being weak and prone to injury. Your body is strong and adaptable. You are still in a very stressful emotional situation...possibly all the more so now that the acute stress is a bit less. With more time to think and feel, your unconscious thinks it's more likely you might get to some scary emotions, so it steps up the pain.
Don't let it distract you. Stay in the moment and respect your feelings. I'm glad you and KC are doing better.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
Edited by - armchairlinguist on 05/24/2007 09:08:35 |
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LuvtoSew
USA
327 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 09:58:16
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I thought a chiro had really hurt my neck and boy did it hurt after a couple visits with her. Had another mri done and it was the same as the last one, but my neck was not hurting before seeing her.
I know the feeling of good and bad days. Hope you feel better quick. |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 10:18:24
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quote:
Originally posted by Singer_Artist
Not 100 percent sure it's TMS.
If I were a betting man I would bet everything I own and then borrow even more money to place an even higher bet that it is TMS.
Congratulations on the breakup. That was a big step, but I think it was a wise one for you. An extremely jealous person is no treat to live with.
*******
Sarno-ize it!
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Edited by - shawnsmith on 05/24/2007 10:20:40 |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 12:14:41
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quote:
Originally posted by Singer_Artist
..Not 100 percent sure it's TMS..or is it from the weight i gained coupled w/ all the bending i have been doing that i normally don't do to care for my dog..
Hate to say it, but this seems to be a microcosm of your battle with TMS. Until we can complete step 1, we really can't hope for any appreciable recovery. |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 16:15:21
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Thanx guys,
I would write back to each of you, but I am pooped from being up so early to start KC's every 2 hour feeding..I am feeling less symptomatic today..but still hurting..I found value in what ALL of you had to say..so thank you for taking the time to write to me!!
Hugs to you all,
Karen |
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 16:43:57
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quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
I can trigger the panic-attack symptom by ingesting a couple of cocktails with a double Starbuck's Mocha chaser. My beloved family doc, gave me an rx for Xanax, which I keep in the med cab, but I havn't had to use it yet. It hasn't been ten years yet. I'll pop one of those and an aspirin next time I feel I'm having a heart-attack.
TT,
I'm intrigued by your cocktail/coffee combo causing panic-attack symtom. Interesting, as I had this happen last weekend ... I drank a 3 cocktails, then had my first Turkish coffee (alike espresso only sludgier) and then at 2 am awoke to racing heart and feeling really out of sorts. I put it to TMS and the fact that I had a date with my husband (the first in a long time), but now I wonder about the combo of consuming alcohol (depressant) then super-duper caffeine (stimulant)???
Also, just wondered, have you ever had a pan attack and been able to talk yourself out of it? The one I experienced last year lasted 12 hours and included massive adrenal surges, and awoke me out of sleep. I got a grip, then went back to sleep, then it happened again (like 5 times). It seemed that my body didn't want me to sleep ... I wonder why my subc was preventing me from consolidating/reprocessing my emotions in my sleep? I ended up in the ER after 5 hours of trying to get thru it on my own. They gave me medicine and the terror finally stopped surging, and then I became truth-serum woman and told my family EXACTLY what was on my brain (stuff even I didn't know was going on). Then I crashed and slept for 16 hours.
I learned a valuable lesson thru that experience; I was lying to myself and denying a lot of emotions. This experience (while dreadful) set me up completely to believe in TMS theory. I don't think I would believe in TMS as much as I do, had this not happened. I actually caught myself in the act of repressing and then releasing (albeit drug induced LOL) closely-guarded emotions, then I started getting better. I don't know where I would be had I not found TMS ... I guess that's why I've become such a preacher of the good doc's word! I feel like since I've had another chance at wellness I owe a debt to help other people on their path to at least consider the stuff. When they've heard my story, read Sarno(or considered it), if they don't buy into it ... I drop it. Ultimately, for some people the pain seemingly serves them greater than having to deal with the mental part of TMS. That's their choice.
>|< Penny
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain."
The Great and Powerful Oz |
Edited by - Penny on 05/24/2007 19:12:03 |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 05/25/2007 : 10:29:37
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Hi Penny,
3 cocktails + Turkish coffee + a relationship = panic attack
I would think panic attacks, co-incide, and are part and parcel of one of the Rahe-Holmes listed life-cycle "dis-ease" pressure creating events. The scarey event may create the need to spill one's guts about what is troubling one and bringing one so close to one's maker.
As far as talking myself out of one, I have only experienced two REALLY bad ones making me run to my doc for a treadmill or to the ER at 3:00 am, thinking I was having a heart-attack. Believing you are having a heart-attack, and your death is imminent can create a LOT of panic by itself.
I guess I may talk myself OUT of panic attacks daily, but, then I guess they aren't panic attacks, just anxiety. I guess I define panic as thinking I'm going to die, lose a limb, or experience a catastrophic life-style change...like haveing to drive a Prius 
Some of my favorite excerpts from " THE DIVIDED MIND " :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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carbar
USA
227 Posts |
Posted - 05/25/2007 : 14:44:16
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Karen wrote:>>but now..since KC's illness i have been away from the gym, or any exercise and i gained more weight..So..there is more pressure on my back..or is it conditioning??
My friend, this is just you living life. This is just you having normal changes. The pain is TMS. I agree with everyone else who wrote to remind you that having a sick animal and a recent break-up are high up on the list of stressful events. There's no need to pile on there by blaming yourself for moving the wrong way or eating an extra brownie.
Hope you enjoy your new job and glad to hear the doggie is recovering. Happy long weekend!
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 05/25/2007 : 17:07:59
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Thanx Carbar,
Appreciate the kind words..You are right! I do need to stop being so hard on myself..
Hugs,
Karen |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 05/25/2007 : 23:31:37
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Thanx Shortcake,
I wanted to write to you via regular email but you don't have contact info on here..Can you write me that way please? My contact info is in my profile..
Hugs,
Karen |
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attack of the gremlin, please help!
