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jrnythpst
USA
134 Posts |
 Posted - 05/14/2007 : 10:22:23
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Ok that subject is very vague but couldn't figure out how to phrase what I actually wanted to ask so bare with me.
I am, in general, a very subdued person. While I do laugh on occassion it's not one of those gut wrenching laughs. I find it hard to be (overly) emotional. I am not as bad as I once was (my best friend used to tell me I was unemotional, she still doesn't understand why holidays don't excite me). I am a very caring person (sometimes too much so as is the case with most TMSers) and tend to worry a lot. I am confused where I stand religiously and when I have gone to a church where people are emotional about their beliefs I feel uncomfortable....ok I feel uncomfortable whereever people are being overtly emotional.
Ever since I was a fairly small child I have been this subdued less than emotional being. I don't have any true passions so to say or anything that makes me just want to jump with joy. I have figured out three reasons this is so but figuring that much out has done nothing for me.
Reason 1: I was constantly yelled at as a child to keep quiet and not to yell.
Reason 2: When I did get really excited about something, anticipation of third grade field trip in particular, I made myself sick to the point of throwing up and thus didn't get to go.
Reason 3: I was raised in a household that was less than emotional. My father is clinically depressed and my mom is just not that outwardly emotional at all. I didn't learn (yes learn) to hug until high school at a summer church camp and I still have trouble verbally expressing how I feel toward others to this day. Writing it out I have no trouble with.
There are probably other reasons but these are the only two I have been able to pinpoint thus far. Is anyone else reading this experiencing similar things? anyone overcome this? any sugestiongs/advice in general to better aid me in working through this????
Thanks in advance!!!
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
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Shary
147 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 11:28:30
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Ali Cat, I'm always amazed at how many personality traits we TMS-ers have in common. I see myself in some of your post but not all of it. I, too, am a relatively shy, subdued person--until I get riled up enough to totally lose my cool. I try to keep that from happening because I don't like myself when I blow my top. Maybe efforts to be calm and rational instead have added to my TMS. Maybe I should practice primal-screaming into a pillow or something.
I'm also somewhat uncomfortable with people who are too outgoing or openly emotional. I tend to suspect them of being phony. My parents were affectionate and caring though not overly demonstrative. I can't say they were repressive. I grew up in a Catholic household but as an adult I rarely go to church. I don't want to go into my reasons here, so I'll just say my personal beliefs clash with organized religion to the point that there isn't much common ground. My parents weren't churchgoers either. They just sent me and my brother. Maybe their unspoken attitude rubbed off on me, and maybe I would have arrived at my own conclusions sooner or later, regardless.
Sarno indicates that much if not most repressed anger goes back to childhood. This idea baffles me. I don't think I had a bad childhood at all. Growing up when I did, I was marginalized a little because I was the girl. While I think this did cause some anger at one time, I have openly addressed every aspect of it and understand that my parents meant well. I know they loved me. They were just a product of the times and of their own upbringing.
I'll quit before I start rambling. But I think it might be interesting to see what others can add that we all have in common. |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 11:35:40
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I think when addressing childhood issues/incidents, the important question is "how did I feel when that happened?" and take it from there. It can end up a long journal on some topics, which I did not expect!
For example: how did I feel when my parents were not affectionate? Sad. And angry. I am angry they were not affectionate!
For me it was: how did I feel when I was not allowed to do this or that like the other kids were. . .
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Gemma_Louise
United Kingdom
68 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 11:59:30
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Shary, I agree that it can seem baffling when Sarno mentions about problems stemming from childhood. I too initially thought I had a pretty normal childhood, I mean I wasn't abused or anything awful like that. Then I really thought about it...
My parents were never really affectionate with me (especially my mother). I guess this made me feel unwanted which knocked my self-esteem and also made me angry. My parents were also very strict and as a teenager all my friends were going out and having sleep-overs and I wasn't allowed to (I was eventually after I kicked up a fuss for long enough!). However, the damage was already done. I still find it hard to form friendships to this day, probably because I didn't get to interact enough with other kids when I was younger. I think I also have a fear of rejection. I tend to hold back from forming friendships as I'm scared they won't last. I struggle with showing affection too. I remember when the office I worked in closed before Christmas last year. Everyone was going around hugging and kissing each other. I felt totally uncomfortable with that and literally made a quick exit - I think I ran!
I also had horses as a child from the age of about 4 up until the age of about 14/15. They literally took over my life, which meant I didn't have a lot of time for friends/socialising. I used to enter competitions and my parents were quite pushy and I guess I felt the pressure. 2nd was never good enough.
So even though I initially thought I couldn't have problems stemming from childhood, I think it's fair to say that I definitely do! Our childhood shapes who we become. I'm actually quite scared to ever have children. I would want to make everything perfect for my kids so they grow up to be well balanced and happy.
'The more sensitive you are, the more certain you are to be brutalised, develop scabs, never evolve. Never allow yourself to feel anything, because you always feel too much' - Marlon Brando |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 12:01:01
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quote:
Sarno indicates that much if not most repressed anger goes back to childhood. This idea baffles me. I don't think I had a bad childhood at all. Growing up when I did, I was marginalized a little because I was the girl. While I think this did cause some anger at one time, I have openly addressed every aspect of it and understand that my parents meant well. I know they loved me. They were just a product of the times and of their own upbringing.
Shary, I hope this doesn't offend you, but this strongly indicates that this anger is still repressed for you. One does not have to have a "bad" childhood to have anger from childhood. The inner child is a child, and wants to be loved, included, and taken care of. If you consistently had experiences where this didn't occur and you were "marginalized" or scolded for something you couldn't help being or doing, it's likely that the inner child is angry (and sad).
I love my parents and know they did their best, but that doesn't change the fact that they did not allow me to express my anger, and often disregarded my feelings on important issues. I don't often consciously feel thing anger, but it is there.
I think it's very common for people with TMS to grow up in households that encourage emotional suppression (as well as having experiences that result in repression), since how else would we get to the point where we have to get pain to repress things?
As far as I know the best way to get back in touch with the emotions we have is to keep being aware of the small hints of emotions that we get, keep being gentle and encouraging the inner child to come out and say what she (or he) feels. We can also consider how someone else we know and trust (who shows more emotion than we do) might feel in our situation and try to contact that same feeling in ourselves. I try to do this and it has been helping me. One thing I notice is that I often get a negative emotion (like disappointment or sadness or anger) first, and then from there, I can deduce that a positive emotion previously existed but was suppressed (like excitement or caring) and then look for it. Excitement in particular is such a golden, sharpening feeling, it's quite exhilarating to get in touch with it.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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Gemma_Louise
United Kingdom
68 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 12:05:29
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quote:
Originally posted by armchairlinguist
I think it's very common for people with TMS to grow up in households that encourage emotional suppression (as well as having experiences that result in repression), since how else would we get to the point where we have to get pain to repress things?
Do you think smacking could also contribute to this kind of suppression? I was smacked as a child when I misbehaved. As a result, I loathe smacking and if I have children, would never smack them. Smacking is just a lazy way to deal with things.
'The more sensitive you are, the more certain you are to be brutalised, develop scabs, never evolve. Never allow yourself to feel anything, because you always feel too much' - Marlon Brando |
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jrnythpst
USA
134 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 12:25:18
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Wow thanks guys that's a lot to read so I will reply in sections as I don't have much time at one time to do so.
Shary my parents never went to church either and I rarely did. When I did it was either with my sister (who is now muslim but at the time was Baptist) or my cousin who now doesn't go to church at all and only wanted me to go with her so she would have company. Everything (most anyway) stemming from childhood baffles me too which brings me to Mirlorinj's commnet, I have to say as a child I didn't know to feel one way or the other or to know that it wasn't normal to not show emotion. It wasn't until middle school that I really began to understand the dynamics of it all. I mean I was one of 5 children growin up but the older three moved out by the time I was 9 years old, my younger sister is mentally handicapped and can't speak so I imagine I felt abandoned and ignored but I can only surmize because I don't know for a fact that this was so. Sometimes I do remember feeling like an only child in the midst of all this. I do think there is something repressed from my childhood but couldn't begin to tell you what it was and I don't want to go to a "shrink" because I am too scared of having ideas put in my head.
Ok wow that was a longer response than I anticipated. Ok will read the other comments and comment again soon. I love the insights and comments though so keep them coming please.
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 12:35:17
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quote:
Originally posted by jrnythpst
I have figured out three reasons this is so but figuring that much out has done nothing for me.
Reason 1: I was constantly yelled at as a child to keep quiet and not to yell.
Reason 2: When I did get really excited about something, anticipation of third grade field trip in particular, I made myself sick to the point of throwing up and thus didn't get to go.
Reason 3: I was raised in a household that was less than emotional. My father is clinically depressed and my mom is just not that outwardly emotional at all. I didn't learn (yes learn) to hug until high school at a summer church camp and I still have trouble verbally expressing how I feel toward others to this day. Writing it out I have no trouble with.
Ali Cat
You have layed the groundwork for the grieving process.
The three reasons you have listed indicate to me fairly severe abuse in childhood and can be a good starting point to getting into the feelings of the child. When you say they have done nothing for you I think this is the wrong way to look at it. Being aware of these items is the first very important step that you the adult need to understand before you can provide the support that the inner child needs to feel safe enough to come out of hiding.
You are going to need to learn to love yourself and what I mean by that is love the precious inner child unconditionally. One of the most damaging things that happens to us in childhood is that we lose contact with the ability to connect with our vulnerable childlike selves and that is why it takes a lot of work to get back this capability. We learn this from our parents.
There is a ton of sadness and anger in there for sure because you didn't get to have the childhood you wanted and deserved.
While it's probably true that your parents did the best they could it is also true that you got wounded and have a right to feel about it.
Be patient with yourself. To heal this is going to take time. |
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Sky
USA
96 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 12:46:03
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Yea, it will take time...
Since reading Sarno's book a year and a half ago I've become a lot more open, comfortable laughing out loud and more likely to smile. I used to sort of always carry a frown on my face. I don't do that nearly as much anymore.
I still don't smile in pictures much. I've argued that it feels stupid to force a smile if that's not how I'm actually feeling. But I'm starting to wonder if it isn't just that something was repressed a long time ago, and I still haven't overcome the sadness of it whatever it was, and as I continually get in touch with how I'm feeling, I'll eventually unlock it and be a little more likely to be at ease and comfortbale enough and happy enough to crack that smile a little quicker and easier. Not to say that other people who do smile in pictures aren't faking it sort of, but I guess I just feel like there's a likely connection between consistently wearing a long face and having endured difficult, repressive times earlier in life.
I think if you keep at it Ali Cat, you'll accept your feelings, come to terms with why they're there, and as you come to peace with it, you'll gradually be a little quicker to express your emotions, to share them with others, and to generally feel more confident about and comfortable with yourself. |
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sonora sky
USA
181 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 13:46:40
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quote:
Originally posted by jrnythpst
I do think there is something repressed from my childhood but couldn't begin to tell you what it was and I don't want to go to a "shrink" because I am too scared of having ideas put in my head.
Isn't it the idea to face our fears head-on? If you're actually afraid to see a shrink (for whatever reason), isn't this reason enough to do just that?  I guess what I'm getting at is that seeing a therapist is not such a big deal. It's really very common these days. I'm not sure you'd actually need to see a 'shrink,' i.e. a psychiatrist, but there's a chance you'd benefit from talking with a psychotherapist about your childhood memories. I know this topic has been discussed many times--there are good therapists and bad ones, ones that will 'gel' with you, and ones that you won't get along with. You might have to do some searching to find a good fit. But a good therapist will not 'put ideas in your head.' And I think you'd realize right away you're with the wrong person if this was the case. My current therapist barely says anyting during the whole session; it's mostly me talking things out. She'll interject a thought or pose a question to guide me further into what I am working through. I find that when I do TMS work on my own, my thoughts often reach a certain point and then stop; I feel like I've taken the thought/emotion/experience as far as it goes, but there is always more. And I've found that a good therapist can help bump your 'work' to the next level.
When I first began exploring my childhood, I had trouble remembering specific events; I just had these hazy, vague memories of my youth. It was frustrating and surprising to me that I couldn't remember things like how I felt at a particular time, or how people around me acted, but in actively exploring these memories over a period of time, things have become much clearer. Events and emotions reappeared--things I had completely forgotten (repressed?). If you keep returning to those memories on a regular basis, they will become clearer and more things from your past will re-emerge.
ss |
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jrnythpst
USA
134 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 14:25:22
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Sonora (that's pretty by the way) I did try the "shrink" thing a few years back. One just doped me up on drugs and I became a t total bitty and the other told me there was nothing wrong with me that I only needed more self confidence. Plus other members of my family would have been much much better off had they never gone to the "shrinks" they went too. I try to write it out and talk it out amongst friends and folks on here.
Gemma Louse I kind of understand the horse thing. I have always been a cat person. Cats were the only way I would show emotion (almost still to this date) I love my pets and constantly tell them that I love them and cuddle them and pet them. I just am not as emotionally secure with people. My cats all they have to do is greet me when I get up or when I get home and purr....that's there way of telling me they love me back. Self-esteem wise my father hindered it greatly as a child, he would call me a fat little pig and I would run to my room crying...detrimental to my self esteem as in looks. I've since talked to him about this and we get along great now. I can't undo the past though so yes it's still with me and it's almost a daily battle to overcome it. (I'm using a walker to get around now too ever since knee surgery back in NOvember....doctor thinks TMS is acting up a LOT, where as I do have a really really bad knee....eroded the joint by OA....he says I shouldn't be where I am at just due to that. I will eventually need a knee replacement as I have very limited range of motion and the joint space is narrowed. I am only 30 as well so that makes the self esteem bit a tad bit harder too. I get jealous of people with normal legs...but I'm working on it.) As for your parents smacking you, I think it depends on how hard, how often, what for, and your state of mind as to how badly it affected you. I was spanked as a child too but rarely because I was a good little girl (still am) and rarely misbehaved.
Armchairlinguist I think I was somewhat marginalized as a child too because of being a girl. I got in trouble in high school for walking around the high school with my female best friend at 8pm at night. My mom came driving up and demanded we get in the car because it wasn't safe for girls to be out alone at night. She wasn't this way with my brothers. Lordy if she knew all the times my friends and I would sneak out and go walking after midnight (yes we were corny, would join hands and skip along singing that Patsy Cline song).
Thanks for the answers again I really am enjoying readining others perspectives on things.
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 15:37:18
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For the vast majoirty of TMS cases emotional release is not necessary
*************
Sarno-ize it!
************* |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 18:22:00
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Shawn, just because it is not "necessary" does not mean it is not desirable.
I also have trouble remembering my childhood in detail, but gradually I have seen some events come back to me. I often feel like I got amnesia because I just didn't want to think about a lot of stuff that happened, I'd rather forget anything unpleasant about it if I could. Even though I knew about some stuff that bugged me, it was on a level I could handle intellectually. Looking deeper, I can see that a lot of stuff was going on at a much deeper level.
Sometimes with remembering, it's an event I already know about, but I get a new perspective on it -- the perspective of my child self. As adults we have essentially internalized much of what we learned from our parents about how to be, emotionally. Reconnecting with ourselves involves putting that back outside of us, where it came from. In John Bradshaw's book, he talks about being bearers of shame that doesn't belong to us. We were shamed at times when we were being ourselves, because our parents could not handle us being ourselves, for example, being angry. So we carry, inside, the shame that they gave us about being angry. But it doesn't belong to us, we shouldn't get it. So it's in a way about rejecting that and saying "It's not mine, it was fine for me to be that way, it IS fine for me to be that way."
For example, there is a story about me being bribed with a candy bar to finish doing something where I had gotten afraid in the middle of doing it. This story is regarded as funny and I always thought of it as such, until one day when I realized it was actually very sad, because my feelings in the situation were not respected. The whole focus was on how I shouldn't be afraid and I should finish up doing what I started because there was no other way.
I grant that in the reality of the situation my dad certainly had to do something to get me started again. But I feel there was a better option, to respect that I was scared first, allow me to express it and acknowledge that it happens to us all, and it's normal and okay, and then to move on to practical issues.
That's kind of what I mean by being aware -- this happened to me as I was walking down the street one day and thinking of this story. I was able to connect with it because I was kind of aware of the child by then.
I highly recommend The Drama of the Gifted Child and/or Healing the Shame That Binds You. These books can help to clarify what dynamics in a family are problematic and what kind of pain they cause to a child.
Also, jrny, I understand that you've had some bad experiences with therapists, but there are good ones out there, and they can be really helpful. I find that my sessions so far involve mostly me just talking and experiencing, and my therapist helping by suggesting connections and that I might not see given that I'm kind of down in the emotional trenches of the experience.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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sonora sky
USA
181 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 18:33:38
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quote:
Originally posted by shawnsmith
For the vast majoirty of TMS cases emotional release is not necessary
Ali Cat,
I'm wondering if you could clarify exactly what you are seeking, or what you mean by "emotional release." From your first post, I got the sense that you just wanted to get in touch with your childhood and discover more about what circumstances helped shape who you are today. (I think getting in touch with this 'stuff' would bring you extraordinary emotional "release" or "relief" and would in turn allow you to move forward and re-shape (if desired) the person you want to become.)
Or, did you mean that (after having realizations #1, #2, and #3) you realized you didn't want to be that shy, unemotional person, and are looking for a way to become more comfortable (and outgoing) with your emotions. (I see this as sort of a cognative-behavioral jump.)
Or do you not have a desire to be a more "emotional" person, and are just realizing why you are the way you are.
So, I guess I was wondering if Shawn was misunderstanding or I was, or if I'm just not understanding what he said....
ss
p.s. Sorry about your previous experiences with therapists. I really think there is a difference between psychiatrists and psychodynamically-oriented psychotherapists, especially if you find some that are familiar with Sarno/TMS or mindbody therapy. Despite you and your family's bad experiences, I hope you'll try to keep an open mind for the future. You can always 'shop before you buy:' definitely pre-screen by phone and in-person. No reason for sticking with a weirdo--you have enough smarts to steer clear. And, from my experience, it can be worth the search. |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 20:10:40
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armchairlinguist,
If you can feel something that is great. I am not saying that you will not feel something when you dig deeply, my point is it is not necessary for recovery. But thinking inwardly and drawing your attention away from the pain in the real key to recovery.
*************
Sarno-ize it!
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jrnythpst
USA
134 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 20:57:50
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Sonora I am going to paste your sections and answer each because it's not a clear cut one of them.
I'm wondering if you could clarify exactly what you are seeking, or what you mean by "emotional release." From your first post, I got the sense that you just wanted to get in touch with your childhood and discover more about what circumstances helped shape who you are today. (I think getting in touch with this 'stuff' would bring you extraordinary emotional "release" or "relief" and would in turn allow you to move forward and re-shape (if desired) the person you want to become.)
It's partially this one as in I want to get in touch with the part of me I can't remember to see what is there (if anything).
Or, did you mean that (after having realizations #1, #2, and #3) you realized you didn't want to be that shy, unemotional person, and are looking for a way to become more comfortable (and outgoing) with your emotions. (I see this as sort of a cognative-behavioral jump.)
I have been working on this since 11th grade in high school and am no longer all that shy...still somewhat unemotional though but I am also fairly outgoing....I would like to be more comfortable with my emotions yes.
Or do you not have a desire to be a more "emotional" person, and are just realizing why you are the way you are.
trying to figure out all the pieces of the emotional puzzle. I want to know how to undo what has been done in order to be what I envy in others...full of life, full of spirit, unabated when it comes to showing emotions, able to take more risks, able to live more freely and not as confined in my little subdued goody two shoes life. I don't want to go too extreme though. I plan to maintain all my morals and principles just to loosen up a bit.
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
Edited by - jrnythpst on 05/14/2007 21:00:19 |
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Shary
147 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 21:01:15
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| ACL, I'm never offended by anything on this forum. Even though I'm aware that not everything fits me personally, I'm here to learn as much as I can about TMS. I appreciate your input. |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 21:24:04
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jrny- Getting smacked in childhood is a terribly shaming experience for a child. I was also not hit often, actually only a few times as I remember, but the times I remember were quite frightening and shaming. What was the most frightening wasn't even the physical act but the look in my fathers eye's- the look of rage like he was losing control. This even happened when I was a teenager once when I had a friend in my room. I remember distinctly not feeling about it because I was so programmed not to feel. When I brought the issue up years ago I was startled to get the response that he did not remember this and all the other incidents of physical punishment. To his credit he admitted that it was wrong to do it.
My impression is that you think that you have talked this out with your dad and have completed the issue but my hunch is that it is only complete from an intellectual adult point of view. The child probably has unresolved feelings about it like shame, rage, sadness, and a loss of dignity.
Armchair- Another great post! Your example of your dad bribing you underscores the sublety of parental invalidation of feelings. |
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jrnythpst
USA
134 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 21:37:02
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Miehnoser (I think I copied your name right...does it stand for something? last name? looks like German to me in a way...sorry words and names fascinate me)....ok to respond
jrny- Getting smacked in childhood is a terribly shaming experience for a child.
Sorry I still believe in spanking...please no arguments here (not just you Miehnoser, we all mean well) and I believe if more children were discipilned there would be less violence in the world. Ok this goes back to screaming uncontrolled kids running around the office I work in a lot and I was spanked as a kid and am a good moral person now who doesn't misbehave. (Those who disagree feel free to respond but I request that you not lecture please).
I was also not hit often, actually only a few times as I remember, but the times I remember were quite frightening and shaming. What was the most frightening wasn't even the physical act but the look in my fathers eye's- the look of rage like he was losing control. This even happened when I was a teenager once when I had a friend in my room. I remember distinctly not feeling about it because I was so programmed not to feel. When I brought the issue up years ago I was startled to get the response that he did not remember this and all the other incidents of physical punishment. To his credit he admitted that it was wrong to do it.
It sounds like you father, however, took it a bit far. Especially with a friend in the room and in high school. So in your case I do not agree. I think most people/kids (around here anyway) would be told to shape or lest "I tell your father when he gets home." It can be taken too far though and sometimes it's hard to tell where that line lies.
My impression is that you think that you have talked this out with your dad and have completed the issue but my hunch is that it is only complete from an intellectual adult point of view. The child probably has unresolved feelings about it like shame, rage, sadness, and a loss of dignity.
I honestly do not know the answer to this one so if you have any insight as to how I can figure this one out that would be great.
I am sorry you felt slighted and abused by your father. Outwardly you seem very mature, smart, and outgoing. Thanks for the response.
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
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sonora sky
USA
181 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 21:38:44
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quote:
Originally posted by jrnythpst
I want to know how to undo what has been done in order to be what I envy in others.
I totally know what you mean, here. I'm working on the same thing. But I don't think you have to "undo" in order to become the person you want. I think it may just involve some searching, getting in touch with that child, acknowledging her pain and frustration, and giving her some tenderness and compassion. I know it might sound silly, but when you visualize her or journal about her, you could have a dialogue. You could even hold her in your arms and give her that attention that she so desperately wanted. Treat her (yourself!) just as you would one of your cats. She (and you) deserve it. This might be a good place to start and see how it goes from there.
ss |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2007 : 22:02:55
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quote:
Originally posted by jrnythpst
I honestly do not know the answer to this one so if you have any insight as to how I can figure this one out that would be great.
Hugs,
Ali Cat
jrny- It's not a matter of figuring it out but feeling the feelings of the inner child(IC). Getting to those feelings is a long term process but one I think is well worth the effort. If you are interested there is a lot of info on this site regarding inner child work and there are a ton of books written on it as well. I've only looked at Bradshaw, Miller and a few others that I can't remember at the moment.
I have an impression from reading your posts that you have disconnected from your inner child which is not surprising. I think everyone that has been through a lot in childhood automatically disconnects to survive. What is wonderful however is that as adults we can choose to re-connect with that child. It just takes persistance, desire, and time.
What is especially sad for me is to see how disconnected my dad is to his IC and how much he has suffered in his life because of it. As I go through my process and plow through the feelings it becomes more and more clear to me this disconnection. He is old now and it is too late. I will never be able to connect with him on a deeper level because of his own rejection of his own feelings.
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Suggestions on emotional release
