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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
 Posted - 03/20/2007 : 10:03:33
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It seems that there is an unwillingness to deal with or admit to existing repressed anger within me. How can I admit to something I don't even feel? My brain makes tremendous effort to ensure that I never actually feel that anger and instead keeps me occupied with some physical symptom or other annoyance.
There is one area in my life that I have been unwilling to admit having any repressed anger about, and that is towards my wife. How can I be angry at her? She has been so kind, so supportive, so loving and so accomadating. What could she have possibly done to enduce any anger within me? Yes, I understand why I would repress such feelings- so embarassing, so childish, so stupid, such a mark of failure as a loving husband and so unfair. But there it is, staring me right in the face, and me in a state of denial and feeling like crap that I would have such felings. I guess it may not be one big thing, but a compilation of many little annoyances that have piled up over the years. Different ways of thinking and doing things. Marriage as a representation of a loss of freedom to do what I want, etc......
These feelings have a crafty way of sneaking up on you over the years. It cannot be pin pointed to one particular incidcent. A pattern emerges, misunderstandings, unresolved, yet trivial conflicts, power struggles, feelings of betrayl, and a host of other feelings which add up over time.
I tell myself that I love her, that she is my everything, that without her I am a lesser man. So how in God's name could I be mad at her? It is so complex, so utterly beyond words, so incomprehensible that I cannot express myself here. I don't want to believe it, it must be false, or there must be some kind of mistake, I keep telling myself. Am I turning into my father who was unloving and cruel? Am a selfish a-hole whom nobody could please despite their best efforts?
*************
Sarno-ize it!
************* |
Edited by - shawnsmith on 03/20/2007 11:09:08 |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 03/20/2007 : 10:16:58
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RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas .
3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" .. So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late
for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"
*************
Sarno-ize it!
************* |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 03/20/2007 : 10:51:07
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He, he, he!  That's very funny Shawn, I'm taking these to the hot-tub. It may cheer-up all the the hypochodriacs in there. Three surgeries for them in two weeks--must be something in the water. They are all eyeing my hip longingly. If they had any sharp implements they would have done a hip-replacement on me yesterday afternoon. |
Edited by - tennis tom on 03/20/2007 13:40:28 |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 03/20/2007 : 12:26:23
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Shawn- I had one incident with my wife were we had an argument that seemed to kind of spin out of control, which i'm certainly not proud of, and when she tried to leave suddenly my repressed rage was triggered and I felt it. What I realized immediately is that this rage had nothing to do with her but instead was a leftover of an earlier time with my mom that was never resolved where my parents would fight my mom would leave and I was scared ****less that she would not return. My dependency needs and abandonment feelings were revealed as well as my repressed rage which I believe was generated even earlier in infancy.
The reason I mention this is to suggest that it may be that the rage actually happened earlier and that there may be something your wife is doing that is triggering this earlier stuff. How is your wife doing things that are somehow similar to what your parents did? I could be projecting my stuff into this discussion but I just wanted to throw this out there on the possibility that it may help somehow.
It may help to try and talk to a therapist about it if dialoging can't clarify. Maybe something can click for you and it can start making more sense. |
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Anger repressed- random thoughts
