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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
 Posted - 12/29/2006 : 18:43:07
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For me I think a great deal of my internal rage is my continual comparing myself with others. There is no doubt in my mind that a prfound and deeply entrenched sense of low self-esteem is in operation inside of me. Throughout my adult life I have tended to look at the "success" of others and then compared it with my own life. As usual, I always find myself lacking.
This is particularily acute when I don't see someone I know for a long time and then run into them and find they are doing extremely well in comparison to myself, ie very good job, nice kids, home, healthy etc. These comparisons are destructive and leads to defeatist attitudes and sadness. I feel like a dupe at times for even believing the stories I tell myself. |
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cfhunter
119 Posts |
Posted - 12/29/2006 : 19:31:26
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Here's how I see these types of things (because i used to go where you do with comparisons and I do not anymore). Do you REALLY know how they are doing? Really? Just because things look one way on the outside means nothing. Absolutely nothing in reality. they may look at YOU and say "Man..look at how great things are there .. why can't MY life be that way?"
You never know what someone else is going through. Comparisons are a waste of time.
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phyllis
United Kingdom
46 Posts |
Posted - 12/30/2006 : 06:51:26
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You can't judge a book by looking at the cover. I missed out on a lot of education as I was in care and fluffed all exams at school owing to abuse.
I have always had a sense of regret that I did not become a teacher or lawyer. However, I do teach adults shorthand and have quietly got on with improving myself. You need to boost your self esteem and look the world in the eye. I always say that the world needs everyone to function - from the trash collector to the professor of brain surgery. We all are important to a certain extent and keep the 'wheel moving'.
That is why I am not snooty with our refuse collectors like some of my neighbours. I run out and give them bottles of orange juice on a boiling day and chocolates at Christmas. I think we can all obsess too much about what everyone else has or what they are doing.
I have gradually edcuated myself, keep abreast of current affairs, read a good newspaper and it has greatly boosted my self confidence. I used to shrink when I heard 'educated' people talk about world affairs, feeling I could never join in or even have an opinion! I am sure most of the time they were bluffing anyway. I learned a long time ago that a lot of life is bluffing and people making out they are doing well, when deep inside they are probably very insecure.
You get out there and look people in the eye. I find a great boost to self esteem is to help someone or 'phone up someone you have not seen for a while and say 'Hello, how are you?' I find they are usually very touched.
This last couple of days I have cleared out a lot of stuff and taken it to the charity shops. I am constantly amazed that things I no longer want are so gratefully accepted.
Get out of bed with a piece of paper and write down two things that you are going to do that day! It really works. If you meet someone and they are telling you how great everything is just say 'I am pleased for you' and look them in the eye.
DON'T compare yourself to them. It will just make you so unhappy. Remember, whatever we all do, we all have the same wonderful world, the morning light, the evening stars, wonderful animals, music and literature. The onlky thing I say about people is that they have not got such a lovely dog as me! He is beautiful and I love him to bits!
Well, I have gone on for a long time, but keep going and forge on with those little written tasks!
Happy New Year
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LitaM
Canada
54 Posts |
Posted - 12/30/2006 : 07:13:17
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Phyllis,
That was such a wonderful positive post. You had advice that I can use myself. Thank you and Happy New Year! |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 12/30/2006 : 08:49:17
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quote:
I learned a long time ago that a lot of life is bluffing and people making out they are doing well, when deep inside they are probably very insecure.
So true!
I'm envious of you having such a lovely dog!
Hilary N |
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phyllis
United Kingdom
46 Posts |
Posted - 12/30/2006 : 10:41:38
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| Ah, I will have to guard him then - a buff roan cocker spaniel with the looks of a star! |
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Comparing self with others
