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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
 Posted - 11/28/2006 : 20:32:26
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This is a long post, but I thought I’d share some comments on repressed emotions from a book that’s not on TMS, but seems to relate in some ways. The author blames repressed and suppressed emotions as the source of her emotional eating, so a lot of what she shares is her own experience with acknowledging repressed (and suppressed) anger and other emotions. (At times she does seem to confuse repression and suppression.) Many of the author’s beliefs don't fit for me, but some of what she says does apply to me and has been helpful to think over.
She starts off sounding like Dr. Sarno: “In repression, we deny that the emotion even exists. The repressed emotion is blocked because it has been judged to be potentially disruptive to our psychological stability or our self-image.” Then she goes on to say, “Obviously, both the stability and the self-image are illusory because they are based on a rejection of our own emotions.” (I hadn’t thought of it that way before; kind of interesting.)
“Repression prevents us from understanding ourselves. For example, if we examine our selfishness, instead of pretending that it doesn’t exist, we might find the reasons for our behavior. Perhaps we will realize that it is actually a reasonable response to people who are abusing our generosity.”
“Repressed emotions consume energy. The effort to keep material in the unconscious mind is like trying to keep a buoyant object under water…”
Some of her thoughts on accessing and acknowledging suppressed emotions: “We don’t know how to sit with our emotions because we don’t want to experience any discomfort…. In a paradoxical way, by resisting our genuine emotions we experience more pain. …by avoiding our pain, we are also avoiding our lives. ...by avoiding discomfort we empower these emotions and grow them into disproportionate monsters.”
This statement reminds me of Dr. Sarno’s thinking again: “One of the subtleties that kept eluding me was that I just had to sit, I just had to be with my emotions; I didn’t have to analyze, I didn’t have to comprehend, I didn’t have to cry.” The author mentions using a journal to record the emotions she accesses.
Here’s the part I really liked: “…true love of self is achieved when we can be with our most ugly emotions and not reject them, but truly accept them and honor that they are part of us.... How can embracing ugly emotions such as anger be good for me? I had to understand that I didn’t love myself just because I was a good person….I began to realize that I never looked at my son and said, ‘Today you’ve been insufferable and I will stop loving you until you change….’ …I kept arguing internally, ‘But if I accept these negative emotions, won’t I start acting them out?’ Somehow I kept confusing being with my emotions and acting out my emotions. It took my desire to live healthy…to accept that rejection of my ‘undesirable feelings’ was part of what fueled...” (for her it fueled overeating, but all this can be applied to my physical pain.) She continues, “Don’t confuse being with your feelings with expressing your feelings or acting them out….This is about allowing feelings to enter our consciousness with acceptance and being with them until they stop masking themselves as…” (insert your symptoms here) Reading this has really helped me get to a point of allowing myself to journal with an openness that I was afraid of before. And that has helped me to improve physically.
Guess I should credit the author; her name is Dilia De La Altagracia and her book is called The End of Diet: Healing Emotional Hunger. It’s actually not what I’d call a well-written book, but some of her statements have resonated so strongly for me that it’s been well worth reading.
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MikeJ
United Kingdom
75 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2006 : 02:42:26
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Thanks for sharing this Littlebird!
I especially like this part:
quote:
Somehow I kept confusing being with my emotions and acting out my emotions. It took my desire to live healthy…to accept that rejection of my ‘undesirable feelings’ was part of what fueled...” (for her it fueled overeating, but all this can be applied to my physical pain.) She continues, “Don’t confuse being with your feelings with expressing your feelings or acting them out….
I think that's a very important point. For some people, embracing anger is synomymous with acting it out. I know people who would say "It's my right to be angry" and use it an excuse to harm people and spread the misery. |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2006 : 09:31:20
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Thanks, Littlebird!
quote:
“Repressed emotions consume energy. The effort to keep material in the unconscious mind is like trying to keep a buoyant object under water…”
In my opinion that effort uses up resources the body needs to keep itself healthy. Imbalances result and our health then suffers.
Hilary N |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2006 : 09:44:42
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Btw I'm also not clear on the difference between repression and suppression. Could you explain the difference to me?
Hilary N |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2006 : 11:18:50
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Sarno says that repression occurs when we never consciously experience an emotion, it is just automatically stuffed away because it is so threatening. Suppression is when we feel something, but don't experience it totally, and push it away because we think we shouldn't feel that way, or we can't right now.
Alice Miller in The Drama of the Gifted Child describes repression by quoting one of her patients saying that he lived in a glass house that his mother could see right into. He couldn't let her see him upset, but she could see everything he could. So he buried it under the ground where no one could see it. It was not accessible to him or anyone.
On the contrary in suppression the emotion is accessible to you, but you choose not to deal with it -- maybe a bit like putting it on a shelf. After a while the shelves as well as the "basement" underground are too crowded and the whole house is overflowing with unfelt emotions. And...cue TMS.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2006 : 11:43:05
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Thank you.
Hilary N |
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2006 : 12:04:24
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Mike, I've seen people who feel that being angry gives them license to intentionally hurt others too. It's been a challenge for me to feel balanced in dealing with anger that I feel. One reason I end up suppressing is because I fear going to far if I express it. But I know there is a balanced way to express it without using it in a mean way, so I'm working on figuring out how to do that. I'm finding that when I put the anger in my journal, then I feel like I can approach a person who has angered me in a calmer, kind way to address a problem without feeling vindictive.
Hilary, I agree that it uses up resources--that could be a big part of my chronic fatigue and why journaling seems to be helping me get some energy back.
ACL, that's a great illustration--thanks for sharing it!
Corey |
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Thoughts on repressed emotions
