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kevin t
USA
72 Posts |
 Posted - 11/14/2006 : 02:33:13
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Ok so, Im new to this concept after dealing with this "disability"(I use the word loosely now)for the past 5 years.I recently had an "exacerbation" of an old "back injury". This "exacerbation" lasted 5 months and is still going.I even checked in to a "back treatment center" for 2 months with daily care and my pain was not subsiding.I was hopeless and ready to give up.I was have tightness in my midback that wouldnt go away with DAILY massage therapy(very costly)and stretching constantly(hours a day).I had "sciatica" in BOTH legs,down the FRONT and BACK(??????)to the FEET.I also had pain in my neck running down my left arm.I have been givin different diagnosis for 5 years.I was "sciatica" free for 2 of them, up to this latest "exacerbation " point 5 months ago.
Anyways, I was so depressed and secretely losing my #@$*ing mind.I thought the world was over.The pain was constant but would subside at the smallest most UNmedically logical times,like taking a hot bath,or walking and moving around.
So I pick up DR. Sarnos audio CD "healing back pain".Well to make a long story long,I sat for an hour listening to his CD which was a miracle because before that I hadnt sat for 5 minutes.The more I listened to his CD the braver I felt and the pain didnt register as much.Then as if by some Godly force ,I put on my running shoes,told my self "screw it" and went for a hardcore uphill walk.While I was walking I had this inner voice say " just try and run" so I FRIGGIN RAN.I hadnt run for 5 years out of fear.I was laughing and almost crying at the same time.The next day I went swimming for 20 laps.The day after that I sat for 5 hours.Completely amazed by all this.
I now have NOOO pain above my waist.Zero nada. After reading a FRIGGIN book.The only problem is, that Im still getting the "sciatica" like symptoms every minute,and now I have this anxiety lump in throat uneasy feeling.Im aware that there are TONS of negative emotions/memories in my subconscious.RAGE would be an understatement.Part of that RAGE is that Ive been "disabled" for years and not working.But to think that this "disability" was a psychosomatic one is almost the hardest pill to swallow.To lose everything I had after a work related injury that was pretty minor now that I look at the totality.Not saying I wasnt injured,but 5 years of fear,"exacerbation","flareups",and all the jargon, and to find out it NEVER had to be this way??????You want to talk about RAGE?I would say RAGE stems from the fact that I lost 5 years of my life due to fear and baseless non existent "injury".Im so angry at myself in some way.I studied everything about the back,sciatica,physical therapy.I know the spine back and forth like some damn CHIRO myself.But I NEVER figured in the psychosomatic piece of the puzzle.
This discovery is a new door to me ,when I thought I knew everything.Life has a way of humbling "know it alls" like myself.But the happiness of finding a key to the pain puzzle is bittersweet.I will have to let the regret go I guess.
So my questions would be.......
1) Why does my pain go away in some parts but this "sciatica" is sticking around? After reading the book a week ago am I expecting to much to soon?
2)Has anyone else experienced the total anger of wanting to blame themself for months or years of "disability"?
3)Does anyone have doubts sometimes and want to look for a "mechanical" reason, when all the logic says it cant be?
4) Do I keep trying more even though the pain wants to get my attention?
I would love to hear from someone about this.Im just shocked by this new discovery that I still somehow cant believe its true, although my logical self is saying that it has ALL THE SIGNS of being true.If this is true, then the implications of this knowledge is revolutionary to say the least.
God Bless! |
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Redsandro
Netherlands
217 Posts |
Posted - 11/14/2006 : 04:48:47
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Hi Kevin,
Congratulations on your victory!
Although your TMS troubles differ from mine, as an RSI sufferer who only discovered the TMS theory a few weeks ago after 6 years of severe problems and phases of disability I sort of recognize myself in your writing.
I partially cured myself, and then it partially came back. Anyway to answer:
1) Why does my pain go away in some parts but this "sciatica" is sticking around? After reading the book a week ago am I expecting to much to soon?
I couldn't even fully 'cure' one TMS related problem (YET) when I know I have at least 3. Some people get better in a day, some take MONTHs. I am saying to myself that I am expectiong too much too soon.
2)Has anyone else experienced the total anger of wanting to blame themself for months or years of "disability"?
Definitely. I recently found to release some of that by trying to realise the contious part of me is having to cope with the irrational ways of the uncontious because of the accidental way these parts merged into a human brain after milllion years of mutations and development. It's not my fault, it's evolutions'. But since you mention God a lot I don't know if this works for you.
3)Does anyone have doubts sometimes and want to look for a "mechanical" reason, when all the logic says it cant be?
I have doubts ALL THE TIME, but definitely not for a mechanical reason anymore. I've had a few days in which it worked, so I know my brain can lift the curse if it wants. The doubts are about why it doesn't work all the time..
4) Do I keep trying more even though the pain wants to get my attention?
I think you should. Don't give the pain attention, but spend some time thinking about the psychological fundaments for the TMS pain.
You probably want for someone with similar complaints to answer those questions as well. But I think we'd all agree that it's very helpful to read a lot of the other threads here.
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Do not base your joy upon the deeds of others, for what is given can be taken away. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 11/14/2006 : 09:25:35
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Hi KevinT,
Congratualtions on your tranformation! Your story could be a chapter in one of Dr. Sarno's book. You are a very intellngent and brave person. After reading a book you grasped the concept and literaly RAN with it and uphill to boot. You are a modern day miracle.
It may have taken your mindbody a lifetime to create your thinking patterns resulting in your reservoir of unconscious repression creating your TMS psychosomatic pain.
Your physical symmptoms may dissappear, disaptate, and morph to new locations. You must change your thought patterns so you don't refill your reservoir. Repressed anger creates psychosomatic TMS symptoms to STOP unsconscious anger from erupting to the surface, which would be perceived as anti-social in our highly repressive culture.
You have been awakened to the TMS recovery process and accepted it on the conscious level. Your unconscious has NOT fully accepted it and clings to the old mental homeostasis of mindbody patterns.
Dr. Sarno, in one of his previous books, eloquently quoted from Emily St. Vincent Millay, to paraphrase : "The heart is slow to learn what the quick mind sees at every turn."
You were angry before, thus your TMS symptoms...you are angry now, just for new found reasons: your perception that you "wasted" five years in your journey of discovery that lead you here.
You may take heart that many people "waste" entire lives going in circles due to their pain with no relief and are aided and abbeted by a clueles medical/industrial complex.
As humans, fortunately, we are quick to forget our pain. Meditate on the great transformation you have come through.
What is not visible in your last post is any mention of the life-situations that have caused you to repress your emotions and fill your repressed anger reservoir.
I suggest you stop discussing physical sypmptoms and move to the next TMS level and discuss your emotional/psychological issues. That's what the Good Doctor would probably tell you.
Congratulations on your break-through!
tt |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 11/14/2006 : 15:04:59
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It’s good to hear your story.
quote:
Im so angry at myself in some way.I studied everything about the back,sciatica,physical therapy.
Don’t be angry at yourself. We were just discussing in this thread:
http://tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2745
how hard it is to find out about TMS if you’ve never heard of it.
quote:
Does anyone have doubts sometimes and want to look for a "mechanical" reason, when all the logic says it cant be?
I think most of us have doubts at some time, particularly early on when you haven’t got as much “proof” to go on.
Hilary N |
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 11/14/2006 : 15:46:23
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Hi Kevin,
I really relate to your anger at the time that's been wasted being "disabled." I have different symptoms, but I've lost nearly 20 years to this thing. I've never been able to do many things with my children that most people take for granted as part of parenting. I've been unable to pursue dreams of operating a business. My family has struggled financially and otherwise due to my inability to function normally. It's both a relief and a major frustration to discover that my brain did this to me, even though I've always believed that my physical problems were somehow triggered by the emotional stress and anger that I was facing when all this started and I've always realized that each time I got worse physically it was tied to some major emotional situation.
I've had success at overcoming some symptoms but still can't function at anywhere near a normal level. (I've got rid of several neurological symptoms that were being pursued as possible Multiple Sclerosis, and got off a med that helped control those symptoms, but still have many Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia symptoms, especially fatigue, general pain, sore throat and malaise.) I'm eager to get my life back.
I really appreciate Tom's reply that many people will never learn of TMS and will spend the rest of their lives pursuing treatments that won't help. At least we haven't "wasted" our entire lives.
Have you done much reading about recent research into the brain and mind? I recently read that the conscious part only makes up about 5% of our minds and that the other 95% is unconscious. That was a helpful thing to learn, because I'm still grappling with how to influence my unconscious mind and I've been having a hard time picturing that part of me.
I also read (this was an article in a copy of US News and World Report from early 2005) that not all thought is language, which somehow helps me, because I've felt frustrated that now that I know about TMS I can't just tell my unconscious mind that I understand it's need to protect me, but it's making my life more unhappy by hobbling me physically. I want to be able to feel that I can reason with my unconscious and convey what I really need to it. The idea that not all thought is language gives me more confidence that I'll be able to get to the point of "communicating" with my unconscious. It would be easier for me to blame a mechanical reason for my symptoms than to deal with the new fear that I won't succeed at getting my unconscious mind to let me live again.
I not only feel anger that my brain has messed up my life so much, but I feel anger that my unconscious presumes to know better than my conscious about how to handle situations. My conscious mind has made choices that my unconscious mind doesn't seem to approve of, but I made those decisions for good, logical reasons. So why does my unconscious get to have all this power over me and get to fight my choices? How dare it think it's protecting me from choices I decided were necessary? And how dare it try to make me doubt TMS?
Tom and Redsandro both gave some great advice--continue reading other threads on this board and try to turn your focus to the psychological events that have gone on in your past. Write your feelings out in some type of journal. It seems to have a different effect than just thinking about it all--like the writing allows the emotions to be released so the mind doesn't have to hold onto them. You might want to check out Dr. Sarno's new book, The Divided Mind.
You're off to a good start--just keep at it. Take care!
Corey |
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Redsandro
Netherlands
217 Posts |
Posted - 11/14/2006 : 17:19:37
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quote:
Originally posted by Littlebird
I recently read that the conscious part only makes up about 5% of our minds and that the other 95% is unconscious.
I didn't know.. that explains some stuff!
quote:
Originally posted by Littlebird
why does my unconscious get to have all this power over me and get to fight my choices?
As they say that consciousness is separating the humans from the 'simpler' lifeforms you could say it was a 'gift' that grew into our brains later, thus sitting on top of the unconsciousness that was already there, closer to the brainstem, overruling things if it feels like it.
Not sure ofcourse but I'm thinking a lot this way lately to figure out a way to make this all acceptable as facts of the way we 'work' so that I can forgive myself.
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Do not base your joy upon the deeds of others, for what is given can be taken away. |
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 11/14/2006 : 19:40:44
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Kudos to you for taking your brain AND body back Kevin! It's a new day ...
You may have ghosts from your past (pain) visit you, and try to convince you that you are wrong about this new realization. This happened to me, and sometimes still does.
Consider reading The Divided Mind by Sarno, his latest--and all other books on TMS. (Brady has a good one too called Painfree for Life, he talks about a specific type of TMS he calls AOS.) Keep reading. For me, the more I read, the more I believed and accepted this to be true. I read tons of success stories and believe without a doubt that my migraines, fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, carpal tunnel (that was so bad the docs said I needed surgery), raynaud's, yaddayadda were ALL caused due to repressing emotions. They are ALL gone now. I'm a lot more connected with my emotions. I'm a lot happier ... I have fewer friends.
I first read about TMS in June and it took me a while for it to click. Now, the only thing I "endure" regularly is twitches ... but I talk to them and tell them I know my brain is removing oxygen there to try to get me to focus on the twitch instead of the emotion I may not want to feel ... then the twitch stops.
Welcome to the board. Use the search box above on "success story" and read read read. Be thankful that you only lost 5 years ... others lost much more. I know 5 years is a long time, but now you have a chance to prevent any more time lost to TMS.
>|< Penny
Non illigitamus carborundum. |
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kevin t
USA
72 Posts |
Posted - 11/14/2006 : 21:31:52
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Well,
Thanks for the responses to my posts, I will take it all in as I go.This seems like a very understanding lot of people here.Im a political chatter in yahoo, and discussion threads are usually filled with so much anger and hostility LOL.Its nice to connect with people on a similar path of mind.
When it comes to TMS my mind sometimes refers to a thought about FAITH. I refer to the comments made by the supposed or factual mythos called "jesus". In which he told some to walk when they thought they couldnt , and they did. And upon this they told Jesus that he had healed them. In return Jesus said "It is not I that healed you, it is your faith that did this". Maybe this entity knew something that we are only starting to discover.Its an interesting thought.
WHen you are in constant pain though.Faith and hope fade quickly which is totally understandable.Im not preaching as some sort of "christian" because I am not one.If I somehow end up working this TMS system to the point of no pain.I will undoubtedly spend my life educating others about it.I have a lot of sway with the people I know and my family is deeply involved in the medical community/alternative media/business.The resources are all around me.There would be no greater joy than to help inform people to "heal" them of pain.I believe that constant pain or the perception thereof is one of the greatest evils we can suffer as humans,as I have experienced it.
May the spirit of God be with you all in healing and thanks again for your time!
KEV |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 11/14/2006 : 22:42:53
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| KevinT, in regards to faith, Dr. Sarno does make reference to a "celestial archetect". |
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new to all this and seeing results
