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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
 Posted - 10/17/2006 : 09:23:26
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I read this article yesterday (http://www.creativegrowth.com/teresa.htm) and during the reading I had an amazing sense of my inner child running up to me and picking her up and loving her in a way that I don't think she's had much of. I started crying at work and had to go into the restroom.
Then last night I was feeling sad and empty and thinking about how I've lost/lost touch with a lot of my friends because I've moved around, so have they, etc. I started to cry and then really sob as I thought of all the friendships that have gone bad, all the times I was rejected. I asked the world in the tiny voice that was all I could muster, that felt like a child's voice "Why doesn't anybody like me? Why?" And I felt all that old (and not-so-old) sadness of loss and rejection and the partial rejection that I have felt when someone cares for only part of me. The pain was intense and I was moaning and my chest felt tight. I also felt angry at those I felt rejected me unfairly and hurtfully. Then I stopped for a while and just felt like breathing. I started a softer crying when I thought of those who have loved me unconditionally, or stuck with me and not let us drift apart.
After this oddly I began to feel anxious about a few things -- upcoming wedding that I must decide whether to attend, work, money. I tried to go into the anxiety and see what I was truly fearing. It was rejection. Of being not good enough and people not liking me if I fail. I was able to dive into this, not try to get out of it, for the first time. I could see that it was coming from my still scared young self. Now I feel more whole and I hope I can recover the parts of me that have been lost and scared.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 10/17/2006 : 15:28:57
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ACL, I also found the article very powerful. For the past 4 years I've had that feeling of really raw emotions just under the surface, but while a lot of things trigger tears I've fought to push the feelings away and stop the crying right away.
I came across the link to the article on another thread, but I think it's great that you posted it on a new thread of its own where people who may not have seen it on the other thread will find it.
It's always encouraging to me to read about other people's progress, making me feel like I can make progress too. Your comment about being able to dive into your anxiety and not try to get out of it was great. |
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carbar
USA
227 Posts |
Posted - 10/17/2006 : 20:16:21
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ACL, thanks for sharing this!
I like what Wavy Soul said in another thread that these hard to experience emotions can convert into power. It's really awesome that you have the awareness of this. |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 10/18/2006 : 09:55:29
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This morning I am feeling like crying, and am glad to read that I said that these raw emotions can convert to power!
Why am I feeling so sad? I got up early to go to the gym to meet my trainer. I saw an e-mail denying me coverage on a huge medical claim. When I got to the gym my trainer wasn't there, so I got to relive the abandonment thing.
Also, in my inbox was an e-mail from my sister with a letter from my mum's doc in England saying that she has been definitively diagnosed with Alzheimers.
But honestly, I don't think any of these things are why I feel like crying. I think they are triggers, but I think really that my sadness (+ rage etc.) is really very core, and goes back to my original separation from source.
I've been using the work at the gym to push through my alleged symptoms - the main one being fatigue. When he didn't show I went on the treadmill for 15 minutes, but then I lost my energy to go on. I realized, as I have realized before, that there is a gap in my emotional make-up around the physical male side.
What I mean by this is that I feel we are all both male and female and part of my evolution is to balance these somewhat. I had been very "feminine" in the physical life departments, always having a husband to take care of the heavy physical stuff and provide the "yang" energy. On a mental level I was plenty "male" at times, able to manage large projects and teach complex stuff. But on the physical level I had somehow given all my power to "the man".
After my divorce 3 years ago I realized it was time to wake up my body's inner yang energy and not be such a fading violet. This has resulted in a drastic increase in energy and health.
This morning I'm having a blip in this. I want to say "I'm okay," but I don't want to do that British stiff upper lip thing (which probably made me sick in the first place).
Truth is, I feel like sh*t, it all s*cks, and I'm mad as hell. Grrrrr!
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2006 : 16:33:40
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| Thank you for posting that. She describes the awesome power of inner child work and how to go about unlocking the repressed feelings. It's not a quick fix but works slowly over time and ultimately brings greater happiness into our lives as well as TMS relief. |
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MikeJ
United Kingdom
75 Posts |
Posted - 10/23/2006 : 09:53:37
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Great article, thanks for sharing it.
Here's a quote I found interesting:
quote:
And especially, all of us had unmet needs. “People seek psychotherapeutic help largely because of the pain, despair, rage and unfulfilled needs of the neglected inner child” (Stein cited in Abrams, 1990, p.264).
On the topic of "unmet needs", I remember reading somewhere that perfectionists are a lot more critical of their parents and upbringing than most people.
Could perfectionists unrealistically demand more and have more unmet needs than others?
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 10/23/2006 : 10:52:34
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In terms of my experience as a perfectionist, I think perfectionism is the result, not the cause, of unmet needs. It's a strategy that a child uses to make sure he/she doesn't lose a parent's care when such a loss could be fatal. Parents (for whatever reason, usually their own unmet needs) demand the child's best efforts, and are upset when the child does something poorly. As a result the child is always attempting to do his or her best (very exhausting!), and never feels that she measures up. If she does succeed, it's a matter of course rather than an occasion for celebration; failure, on the other hand, is notably negative.
Later in life perfectionists use criticism of others as a defense mechanism to make themselves feel better. They are not meeting their own unrealistic standards, but no one else is either -- in fact, no one else even does as well as they do. Thus we feel at least a bit worthy.
I don't find this attitude (which prior to a few months ago was totally unconscious for me) very positive, but at least now I have a vague idea about where it comes from and what purpose it's serving, where before I just wondered why the heck I was so hard on everyone, including me.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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Growing Towards Wholeness article -- release!
