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Michele
249 Posts |
 Posted - 09/11/2006 : 11:37:34
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I went biking last Thursday night. I stopped to adjust my seat and when I started back up, my bike fell off the path and I caught myself with my left leg, jamming it into my hip. I have arthritis, but it doesn't have me and I'd been feeling "almost" pain free for several weeks. Then the pain came. Then I couldn't put weight on my leg. Then it started throbbing.
Friday morning I was so upset, the first thing I did was take an OTC painkiller, and called the doctor demanding a bone scan because I was CERTAIN I had broken something. About 2 years ago I had an MRI and xrays on my left side, but nothing since.
He probably did me a favor - he refused, unless I went in to see him so he could make sure it wasn't my LOW BACK. His nurse got an earful from me, then I hung up. Then I stewed for a while, cried uncontrollably for 5-10 minutes, then dried my eyes and decided to go on with my life.
Friday afternoon I attended my son's cross country meet, walking the grounds following him. Then to the high school football game, climbing the bleachers to the top.
Saturday I traveled to my other son's college football game, climbing again to the top of the bleachers several times.
Sunday I got up early and ran 14 miles in the pouring rain, through the puddles, and in a cold breeze.
Today, I'm a little stiff from the high mileage, but I'm fine. 
TAKE THAT TMS!! It ALMOST got me, but I won.
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hsb
149 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2006 : 12:01:01
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Michele-
That's great! Can you help me run tomorrow? 
Been posting about my hamstring which I am scared about. I took 4 days off from running but I am going to brave it tomorrow.
I need to beat this Gremlin -- has me "runnin" scared
HSB
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2006 : 12:15:42
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I look back at my high mileage days wistfully...These days 7 is an undertaking...but I'm grateful for every one...
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Michele
249 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2006 : 12:41:13
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quote:
Originally posted by hsb
Michele-
That's great! Can you help me run tomorrow?
Been posting about my hamstring which I am scared about. I took 4 days off from running but I am going to brave it tomorrow.
I need to beat this Gremlin -- has me "runnin" scared
HSB
So much of running is mental, at least for me. I'm not a naturally gifted runner, won't win any races, but at least I'm out there.
Yes - be brave! Don't let this TMS crap win! |
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Michele
249 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2006 : 12:48:39
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Art,
It has taken me a LONG time to get this far. I look back at my training logs and how I was running 2-3 marathons a year. The training never stopped! A 14-miler was a "short" run! Sometimes I wonder if I wasn't running AWAY from alot of emotional stuff. Most of my pain started when I decided to take a break from marathoning, and there would have been no reason for the pain.
FYI - I'm still not running 100% of the time. I'm using a run/walk method, with my runs getting longer and longer. Someday I'll be running non-stop again. |
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h2oskier25
USA
395 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2006 : 14:43:46
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14 MILES !!! I ran distance in high school, but I NEVER did 14 miles.
Anybody who can run 14 miles - in the pouring rain, no less - is in better shape than I am, and I'm in really good shape.
Congratulations! I'm happy for you Michelle.
Beth |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2006 : 17:58:15
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Michelle,
I was running 12's up to a couple of years ago, but had to cut back due to a variety of injuries, which may or may not have been TMS...I love long runs...just love them. I don't think there's a better feeling in the world.
These days I'm going for long kick bike rides instead...I kick for 3 hours some days and love those as well...I run or kick or Trikke with a sense of both joy and gratitude..There's nothing more healing I don't think than long, slow, distance (LSD) provided one has built an appropriate base...There's no doubt in my mind that whatever I have in the way of health is in no small measure due to exercise...I would have been dead without it, I'm almost sure..Human beings need to move...without consistent exercise we're living lives that are unnatural given the way we've evolved...eventually we pay a price...
BY the way, I'm a big proponent of the run/walk...There was a time when I simply would not have allowed myself to walk, no matter how tired/thirsty/weary...BUt as I get older, I more and more appreciate how even a short 30 second walk after every mile or two is amazingly energizing...I can feel just about at the end of my rope, then walk for maybe a tenth of a ile and feel absolutely great again..
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Edited by - art on 09/11/2006 18:03:12 |
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hsb
149 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2006 : 18:28:37
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Art and Michele-
I have a "long distance" mentality. Put me in a pace and I can go for hours. Unfortunately my history of "injuries" never allowed me to train for many marathons. I was always breaking down and not making it to the starting line. And of course these injuries always lasted months and months and that's with every treatment in the book.
In all my years of running I think I have only had ONE year without an injury.and any serious lay off time. And that was the year I came in 3rd place in my age group in a big city marathon. This year I have run much much slower than I used to. I have battled stuff this year but kept on plugging along. The hamstring is the latest of the bunch. So I would consider this year a success. I am trying my darndest not to get hamstrung!!
Thanks always for your advice.
HSB
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wrldtrv
666 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2006 : 20:14:37
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HSB,
I understand how frustrating it is to get a hamstring injury, espec since they are known for being very easy to reinjure. But there is definitely hope.
You can scan old posts by me complaining about the very same thing: hamstring tendonitis. I had it continually for as many years as I can remember...until about two months ago. It has been quiet, pain free, despite doing as much running and hiking as usual. This is extremely unusual, believe me.
So, what changed? All I can say is this: About 2 1/2 months ago I started running EVERY SINGLE DAY, something I had never done before. I ran low mileage and I did it for 40 days in a row. Secondly, I made sure I carefully stretched after every run. I know the bad p.r. stretching gets these days as supposedly useless in preventing injury, but I beg to differ. I have always been about as inflexible as you can be, but after several weeks of careful (to avoid irritating the area) stretching I could see that I was much more flexible. After the 40 days, I stopped daily running because I was going to start doing 14-ers for awhile. I haven't been running much or even stretching as much, but I maintain the new level of flexibility. And my hamstrings have been REMARKABLY without symptom. This is the longest period in a few years that I have not felt a thing.
Along with the above, I have also been much more mindful of the TMS possibilities. Who's to say what worked? Placebo? Coincidence? Stretching? Maybe all. All I know is that I am very grateful.
PS--my situation might even be worse than yours, HSB, because I still have the signs of an old partial rupture of that very hamstring. |
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hsb
149 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2006 : 08:18:34
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Well I ran this morning about 5 miles very slowly. The pain wasn't bad during the run. It is now tightening up and I can feel it when I walk around. After 5 days of taking off, I did not feel the hamstring walking around - so it is the running that is causing the tightness. I am going to plan on running Thursday. Basically it is the same stuff I felt on my last run, a week ago.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. More confusion to add to the mix.
HSB |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2006 : 09:50:13
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The bottom line is good....YOu're able to run...A bit of tightness is no big deal...
Happy trails... |
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hsb
149 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2006 : 11:06:05
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I don't know Art. I don't know how to reconcile 5 days of no running and the hamstring definitely felt better especially during the course doing normal stuff. then i run and it sort of hurts running but afterwards - darn I am walking stiff legged.
I am confused as to what to do. |
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Michele
249 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2006 : 11:30:29
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quote:
Originally posted by hsb
I don't know Art. I don't know how to reconcile 5 days of no running and the hamstring definitely felt better especially during the course doing normal stuff. then i run and it sort of hurts running but afterwards - darn I am walking stiff legged.
I am confused as to what to do.
What do you associate with running? What do you associate with NOT running? Those are questions I've had to ask myself, and questions my therapist has posed to me. What is the emotional connection we have with running, or not being able to run. |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2006 : 11:45:58
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quote:
Originally posted by hsb
I don't know Art. I don't know how to reconcile 5 days of no running and the hamstring definitely felt better especially during the course doing normal stuff. then i run and it sort of hurts running but afterwards - darn I am walking stiff legged.
I am confused as to what to do.
I'm very frequently dealing with this or that pain, and sometimes even hobbling about a bit...Your hammy tightened up a bit after the run, but it doesn't seem that big a deal...Would I be concerned about it? Yes. But in the absence of serious pain, I'd be out there for my next scheduled run...
See how it feels tomorrow..I'm guessing it won't be too bad... |
Edited by - art on 09/12/2006 11:47:34 |
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hsb
149 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2006 : 12:40:50
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Hi Art-
I am not so sure I should run but I will report back tomorrow as Wed is a swimming day for me. Currently I'm limping from this morning's 4.5 mile run -- can't keep my leg straight. I realize all I've been talking about are the symptoms and the physical stuff. 
I am thinking about what's going on with me especially 2 weeks ago when it started. I know I am giving the pain the power. Does that mean it's winning - I suppose so because I am scared and planning on taking a week off from running. GRRRR.
Until tomorrow's report ........
(and thanks Art)
HSB |
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hsb
149 Posts |
Posted - 09/13/2006 : 06:03:37
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Good Morning-
Michele wrote: "What do you associate with running? What do you associate with NOT running? Those are questions I've had to ask myself, and questions my therapist has posed to me. What is the emotional connection we have with running, or not being able to run."
I feel that is the crux of my stuff. My therapist has gone through this with me as well. I have very low self-esteem and running gives me self-esteem, it makes me feel good, it makes me look good and I can do what most people cannot. I associate everything with my running -- I am HSB the runner and nothing else. IBut honestly I am HSB the runner who is ALWAYS hurt. I have nothing else to offer but my running. All of my friends are runners and when I cannot run, it is devastating to me.
It is very difficult for me to separate myself from running. And with all the times I have been not running with my tons of injuries, I have yet to reconcile it. My history has been run for 6 months, then get an injury, off for 6months because it wouldn't "heal". And of course I go from dr. to dr. looking for a cure. My head is spinning right now, run, not run, stretch a hamstring, don't stretch a hamstring. blah blah
But before I stop the running I go through what I am going through now, the indecision on whether or not to run.
So running is everything to me. Very distorted and my priorities are skewed. And as I have discussed in therapy --- "what is more important to you, running or my boyfriend". I hesitate ...................
My hamstring still is not great. I am going to layoff for a bit and when it feels better, go back with the run/walk thing.
Thanks all.
HSB |
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Michele
249 Posts |
Posted - 09/13/2006 : 10:11:54
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I was not a runner until 1997, but I always considered myself athletic. One of the best times of my life were in high school, being on the track team and doing very well in the high jump. It was one of those things I did very well, and no one else could. It made me feel special. Outside of track, I was destroying myself with booze and cigarettes, attempting to cover up the pain from years of molestation from an uncle. But of course, I didn't know that at the time.
For years I tried to be athletic, doing aerobics, walking, etc. but never found much I liked. In the fall of 1997 I had ballooned up to 210 lbs., again, trying to cover up the pain of my life (marriage, job, body image). At that time, I was given the Oprah and Bob Green book, "Make the Connection" and for some reason, it clicked. I started getting up early to exercise and did it every single day for a year and a half. I ended up losing about 50 lbs. and had started running because "If Oprah can do it, so can I!"
Like you, it makes me feel good, it makes me look good, and I'm doing something that alot of people can't/won't do. Then I started marathoning and a whole new attitude sprung forth. I was now, "Michele, the marathoner." People were impressed, my son would introduce me as "this is my mom, she runs marathons", and I felt *special*. I was becoming what I DO and not who I AM. To separate the two is difficult.
Who Am I? I am a runner, but that's what I DO. I am a paralegal, but that's what I DO. I am a good parent - that's what I DO. I am a kind and compassionate person - that's who I am.
Somehow, we need to break the shell of "I'm a runner and nothing else." Of course you are something else, but what is it? You've placed so much emphasis on what you do, but only scratched the surface of who you are. If you could never run again, wouldn't you still be who you are?
This is my problem too. I still have pain on my left side, representing my feminine side. My oldest son has left for college. My youngest son just got his license and will also be leaving for college soon. Suddenly, I'm not needed as a mother like I was. I was defining myself as a mother - what I do. I still enjoy that special feeling of "being a runner" and hearing people say, "Wow - I could never do that!" (They could, but won't.)
For me, I didn't feel special growing up. There was nothing special about my childhood, it was painful. No boyfriend ever made me feel special, but I suppose I was also projecting to people that I was NOT special, so don't treat me special. I always felt like I wasn't good enough. But running makes me feel special, and I'm good enough.
So I understand how powerful the connection can be. I hope some of this has helped? I just want us all to run again!! |
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hsb
149 Posts |
Posted - 09/13/2006 : 13:57:22
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Wow Michele
Pretty much sums up my life. I have belonged to a running club ever since I started running, about 20 years. I am not a super fast runner, not elite by any means. I was a good age grouper. But I define myself by being a runner. I do what most people cannot. As you said, it makes me special.
I have very few friends outside of my running. So I am kind of insulated. When I do stuff with my boyfriend’s friends (he does not run like me) – every question is to me is about my running or are you healthy (they know my reputation as always being injured? But I have thought a lot about this – I really don’t have much to say to people outside of running. I am funny and I am smart but because of the way I was brought up, I was never taught to socialize, how to make conversation, how to keep a conversation going. If you talk to me about running I can talk for hours but put me with someone I barely know, the conversation goes south. HSB is a runner and is sort of socially retarded. I know I am being harsh but that’s the truth.
Running is the most important part of my life. I don’t have children and I became totally selfish in my relationship with my boyfriend. Running comes first – no we can’t go out tonight, I have to get up early to run, ad nauseum. So when running is taken away from me – I just fall to pieces. And of course I am always injured.
That is one of the reasons why I gravitated to the TMS stuff. How could one person possibly be so injured? As you can tell I still cannot discern if my hamstring is really hurt or if it is TMS. And my head spins because I need to get back running ASAP.
There are other things involved – body image, etc. I wish I was the type of person who get pains or gets hurt and shrugs it off and says, it will get better when it gets better so I miss 5 weeks of running– I just fall to pieces.
It’s a struggle
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/13/2006 : 14:55:23
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quote:
Who Am I? I am a runner, but that's what I DO. I am a paralegal, but that's what I DO. I am a good parent - that's what I DO. I am a kind and compassionate person - that's who I am.
Identity is a tricky thing. I agree that it's far better to identify oneself in terms of character than roles, but even there, since we're human beings, it's a slippery affair. I too am a kind and compassionate person, but I'm also at times jealous, angry, petty, and mean. I do my utmost to behave in a kind and compassionate manner, but now we're right back to things I do.
HS, I have a lot of compassion for you. I want you to know I respect and admire your honesty and willingness to lay it all out there...So for what it's worth, for my money at least, you can add courageous to your list of identifying characteristics....
I have the sense that you're a lot closer than you think...You're seeing the whole picture, you just need to connect the dots a litle better...It simply makes no sense that you would have so many injuries, and that they would not heal after months and months..The onnly alternative explanation that I can see anyway is TMS...Acceptance doesn't happen over night for most of us..Keep struggling with it and I've no doubt you'll get there.. |
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hsb
149 Posts |
Posted - 09/13/2006 : 18:27:00
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Art-
Thanks. You know one of the feelings I get when I cannot run is that I resent all of my running friends. I resent them because they don't get hurt as often as I do; I resent them because they are doing something I want to do; and I resent them because when they get an injury it's 6 weeks max.
I get tormented when I get some sort of pain because I always have the fear it is going to be another 6 monther. Like currently I am saying to myself, here we go again, maybe it's not my hamstring, maybe it's sciatica and I need to get it treated. I swear the inner battle, the "chatter" as monte of runningpain.com says, just is exhausting. "What if, I should, maybe"
There is just so much "stuff". This is the tip of the iceberg.
What I have been trying to do this time is try and take it day by day and be more npresent. So the hamstring hurts, it felt better after a few days. I am trying to tell myself it's not the end of the world. BUT, for me it almost is.
Oh boy. this is tough stuff.
Thanks all.
Resentful HSB |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/14/2006 : 06:23:08
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quote:
What I have been trying to do this time is try and take it day by day and be more npresent. So the hamstring hurts, it felt better after a few days. I am trying to tell myself it's not the end of the world. BUT, for me it almost is.
Well, how about looking back at all those times you've been hurt and unable to run...Did it really feel like the end of the world?
I used to get hurt just as much as you hs...My significant other used to call me "china doll"...Nice, eh? BUt she was right...If I so much as mowed the lawn, chances were I'd do something to myself...I have a chronic illness (improved now) and I just believed what I read, that people with my kind of illness were prone to over-use syndromes...
Strive for objectivity...It's just not at all likely that an otherwise healthy person would be injured so much...Neither does it make any sense that these would not heal in a reasonable amount of time...
Given your history, I would just assume TMS...Just take that leap of faith...It's a way off that terrible merry-go-round you're on..
Worst case scenario, by some quirk you actually do have an injury which will get worse and worse and you'll have to take some time off...but that's what you end up doing anyway...
It's a terrible thing to live in fear like that...All the running in the world isn't worth it. Even when you're not in pain, you're worried that you soon will be...
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Edited by - art on 09/14/2006 09:04:52 |
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SuccessStory: This weekend I won
