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 Why won't my TMS go away?
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jimmyjimmy

USA
19 Posts

Posted - 08/11/2006 :  18:41:28  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I had severe bakc pain 12 years ago that was easily heald by reading Dr. Srano's book.
'
Now it has come back slowly but surely and I have what mostr people would call Fibromyalgia. I have been seeing a thearpist that deals with tms, but I have been un able to reduce my symptoms for about a year now. Any advice?

thanks

Stryder

686 Posts

Posted - 08/11/2006 :  18:43:38  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Hi jimmy,

Tell us what's going on in your life?

-Stryder

Edited by - Stryder on 08/11/2006 18:43:51
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jimmyjimmy

USA
19 Posts

Posted - 08/11/2006 :  19:16:13  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Well, I read the book in 93 and my back pain went away. then a bumnch of other equivalents started(vertigo,IBS,skin disorders) I fell into a major depression in 99 and then became very afraid of feelings. I kind of numbed myself and was certainly afraid of falling in love.

I noticed my pain coming back wehn I decided to get into a relationship with a wonderful woman. I think my id wants me to stay young, single and responsible only to myself, but my super egeo wants so desperately to be a grown up and do the right thing.

My therapy has consisted of me accepting that I will always feel like afailure and that nothing ai do in my life will ever fill that void. I have noticed that when I accept that part of myself, it actually hleps calm my brain.

My therapist also tells me to accept that I am "broken" and that I think a woman can fix me, but that it will always end up th sam--me wanting a differnt woman. So I should accept that I am broken,. and that nobody can fix me, and that by doing this it will take the need for the pain away.

My therapist says that the pain i tellin me that a part of me feels defective and broken and the sooner I can embrace it the sooner the pain will go away because the need for the pain willl be taken away.

Plus, I have been dealing with my childhood and the violent nature of my parents, even though they were very good parents in many ways. Now I bring up the past and am shouted down by my parents and syblings.

Okay, I'll stop now. thanks again.

Jimmy
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sonora sky

USA
181 Posts

Posted - 08/11/2006 :  21:59:20  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Thanks for sharing, Jimmy. Does your therapist really tell you to accept that you feel like a failure? Does he/she really call you "broken?" I'm no therapist, but this strikes me as counterproductive (and maybe destructive) advice. Do you feel like therapy has been helpful overall and that you have made progress? Is this the only therapist you've tried? Sometimes you need to 'shop around' to find one that really clicks with you.

Acceptance of yourself 'as you are' sounds better. In fact, how about this: you are perfect just the way you are, you have always been perfect, and you always will be. My TMS doctor told me this yesterday, and I was like, "What?!?" But then I thought, "Wow. . .yes." It was something I had not realized or believed. And it might be a long time getting to that point. But I think *unconditional* love of yourself is a big step. I'm not there yet. But I think many of us know where we want to be, and that's a large part of the journey.

I agree that you shouldn't expect or look for a woman or any other person to "fix" you (you are NOT broken), but you might find someone who will become the catalyst for you to heal yourself.

Hang in there. You've travelled farther than you think.
SS
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Singer_Artist

USA
1513 Posts

Posted - 08/11/2006 :  23:44:15  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Hi Jimmy,
I think Sonora Sky raises some good points...It doesn't sound healthy for you to be thinking of yourself as broken for life...Just bad mental programming altogether...I might be wrong, but perhaps what your therapist is doing is merely trying to get you to feel DEEPLY whatever is bothering you...In other words, if you feel defective or broken..experience the feeling of brokenness once and for all and then let it go...At that point you will be releasing the need for the pain..Just my take on it...
~Karen
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jimmyjimmy

USA
19 Posts

Posted - 08/12/2006 :  01:42:11  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Hey, thanks for the advice. I never did fe3el totally comfortable with the idea that I am broken. But I think I did a poor job of explaining the therapy I am receiving.
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My therapist stresses accepting the parts of you that" feel" inferior or incapable, instead of fighting them. Realize that a part of you will always feel like a failure, or incapable, no matter how many great achivements you may achieve. In fact, my therapist says that all of his patients are in reality very successful and high achieving. But they still feel like failures. My therapist sometimes jokes and says all he treats are "successful failures".

So, its a lot more about self acceptance. And the paradox is aht as soon as you start acccepting tahat part of yourself that you have denied, it immediately starts to lose the grip it had on you. Its like you take away the power by embracing it.

And you continue to live your life and acieve but you do it for differnt reasons. But instead of doing things to try and rid yourself of the feeling, you do things for the joy of doing them. It is kind of zen in a way.

It has helped me a lot in realizing that looking for outside validation is a never ending trap. And it has helped turn off the thing inside my brain that always feels unfullfilled and worrying about the future.

ther is a lot more too it also, but I have to stop somewhere. I guess my real question is has anybody ever "cured" themselves for a long time and then had the pain return and not go away. I have had a steady increase in pain for the last four years. I absolutely know it is TMS, and have read al th books multiple times. I see myself on every page and copletel accept the diagnosis.

I can't get over how I cured myself for ten years!! and then it got me again. I have been thinking of actually moving to New York to be seen by Sarno. I am very discouraged.

Sorry this was so long.

Jimmy


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wolf29

USA
108 Posts

Posted - 08/12/2006 :  06:15:19  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Besides dealing with TMS, I think it's time for new therapist. Last thing I want to hear is that I have to accept that I'm a loser We're all a miracle of life in one way or another.

As for TMS, keep working on it. I had chronic back pain for over 3 years non stop and finally am getting rid of it. Fear is the biggest set back. I'm not afraid of my own body and emotions any longer.

Good luck.

Jay
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sonora sky

USA
181 Posts

Posted - 08/12/2006 :  08:06:46  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Jimmy, don't see your recent recurrance of pain as backsliding. It doesn't mean that all the interior work you did--all the learning, understanding, growing, etc.--is all for naught. You're still moving forward, and you're at a 'higher' place now than you were before you originally learned about TMS. I don't think curing TMS is a one-time shot. We as living beings with a mind/soul are constantly growing throughout our lives. New things come up, old things resurface. It's a constant process. TMS is sneaky and powerful, and it will do whatever it can to burst through to the physical surface. Often, people's symptoms return with a vengance, just when they are beginning to make an emotinal breakthrough. It's the TMS giving a last-ditch, full-out effort to distract you from deeper emotional pain. So, don't think of it as being back at square one. Your mind is giving you another opportunity--a challenge--to take another look inside. Think of it as a quest--you've been on calmer waters for a while now, but you can't avoid the rapids. Ride them like a pro and know that the calm water will return.

Stick with it!
SS
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Logan

USA
203 Posts

Posted - 08/15/2006 :  18:41:51  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Jimmy,
I like what your therapist had to say about successful failures and embracing what you fear or dislike about yourself. Boy, I could use him/her right now.

I am embarking on a huge new endeavor right now that has me scared spitless. I'm about to start teaching freshman college comp and I have never taught before in my life. I am not an education major. I will have no student teaching practice before I get up that first day of school next Monday and have to ACT like I am a teacher and that I know what I'm doing.

Talk about terror. Talk about pissing off the lazy id, that's a lot of pressure.

I have been "cured" of TMS for about 3 years now. My pain went bye-bye. I live a completely normal life as far as no meds, treatment, feeling "normal" on a daily basis, doing things etc.

BUT, this morning as I was stretching at the breakfast table, BOOM, got one of those neck spasms I haven't had in years. I've been stiff and sort pained all day since then etc. This has happened to me a handful of times since getting cured. My first reaction used to be to over react, to bewail the fact that I was back at square one et cetera.

Now, having been through this before, I know I will feel fine and dandy tomorrow. I've been talking to my brain all day telling it what crap this is and how I'm in no way falling for that old shtick and it's got another thing coming if it thinks I'm going back to the old ways etc. It works. I know it works. I have "faith." It's not scaring me or distracting me so it will stop.

Don't be scared Jimmy. It's just the man behind the curtain, like in the old Wizard of Oz movie. Just little old TMS trying to be the big bad boogey man. Keep doing the work and keep fighting the fight. I like to swear like sailor at my TMS and tell it to F' off. It always does. You just have to know it will.
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Michele

249 Posts

Posted - 08/17/2006 :  12:36:50  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Hey Jimmy, I agree with the others. Maybe you have developed TMS from seeing your therapist.

YOU ARE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE -- THERE IS NOTHING TO FIX!!

Oh how I struggled with this and that's the first thing my therapist said to me when I started. She made me bring in a picture of myself as a child. We looked at it together and she said, "See how perfect this little girl is? She's still perfect, there is nothing to fix. She is good enough."

I also agree that fear holds us back from moving on. I fully embrace TMS, but still occasionally have pains. It's a learning process and thank goodness we know how to treat it!

Good luck
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