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menvert
Australia
133 Posts |
 Posted - 09/11/2004 : 00:43:35
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Just curious if anyone else has similar experience...
with my TMS, I consider one of the most important factors my social phobia.
What makes it really difficult is that any time I start making really good progress socially or otherwise actually getting somewhere in my life is when TMS seems to strike the hardest.
It's like I actually get the courage up to go to a party of mostly unknown people and have a really good time without any pain whatsoever. Only the next morning I wake up and my forearms are in greater pain than I've had for weeks even months... even though I'm actually happy. Naturally, it's a big Downer to making progress...
Seems to happen most of the time I make a concerted effort to push through my [usually not pain related]fears.
Similarly six months ago I started doing skydiving as an exercise to break through fear in general... I looked at my physical limitations and realised Yes I can do this and it is something I wanted to do since a kid.. also had some notion that giving some attention to my inner child might also be beneficial. The first jump was fine on the morning of the second jump the same thing major pain in my arms... but it was overcast that morning so I couldn't actually just go and jump and push through my pain... a week later I was able to jump, by which time my arms had just recovered without confronting the source of the pain... I managed to do about three more successful jumps. three days after, for the first time ever, I had severe lower back(I really understand how bad back pain is now) pain I was unable to prevent myself from associating the sore back with the skydiving... I was pretty sure I should just do another jump that would fix it . but unfortunately, that was put on the too drastic list and I have not been since... my back is now stable . like most of my injuries(they're there as constant reminder sometimes flareup but generally are only moderate pain)
Part of the skydiving also included a whole new social circle, which I think maybe the reason for TMS being triggered in this situation.
Being introverted naturally, and then TMS making me increasingly isolated does not give me many opportunities to push through this fear unfortunately.
Just thought I'd like to share that and see if any have similar experience.
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my TMS = diagnosed with fibromyalgia - forearm & hand tendonitis - vocal cord muscle tension dysphonia - bad back/knee |
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Tunza
New Zealand
198 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2005 : 02:55:11
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Wow Menvert, I just stumbled across this post of yours from last year. I can relate to lots of what you said about social phobia and pain. My shyness/self-consciousness makes it difficult to function well at work if I get even an inkling that a client doesn't approve of me or is just an intimidating person in general. It also gives me a feeling of anticipatory dread when it comes to social events. The phrase "painfully shy" comes to mind.
I find it especially hard to socialise with people I don't know well but even outings with friends I have to shake off negative feelings beforehand and I am so often tempted to stay safely at home and yet I can't always put my finger on why I don't want to go out.
Also, a couple of years ago I got fed up by my life being so restricted by pain and anxiety and I did a skydive which was both the scariest and wonderful experience of my life. The free-fall was so violent and then once the canopy opened it was as if you were in heaven. There is no way to describe the feeling of being in the middle of so much air.
It didn't cure my fears but did help give me a boost for a while.
Kat |
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Rudy
United Kingdom
13 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2005 : 03:19:27
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| I think you would be surprised just how many people (i.e a lot, but who wouldn't readily admit to it) suffer from this socialising anxiety. I do sometimes and so does my wife, yet I can confidently present to an audience of 150 people. Bizarre. A common human issue I think. Good luck |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2005 : 07:03:28
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I don't get symptoms from it,but I've always had an aversion to Church,big builidings,malls,big parties....anywhere where I may feel confined.
I believe the condition is called agorophobia.It has caused problems in the family,as I avoid a lot of stuff.I only recently started to investigate why it is,but one I know for sure is that I feel dirty...like I don't belong in public.This is a residue of my childhood.
Like Rudy,I'm a musician and can perform in front of hundreds of people....I just never go into the audience/crowd afterwards...I go find some corner near the door or outside.
Interesting topic
peace
Baseball65 |
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Michele
249 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2005 : 10:00:29
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Last Sunday I stood up at our church's annual meeting and tried to speak to the large crowd about activities for the youth. The first 2 words were great, and then my nerves kicked in, my heart was pounding so hard I swear you could hear it, my face started twitching, and I started sweating. Oh, my brain froze as well, so the points I was trying to get across sounded idiotic!  Oh well, I tried. I do much better in a small, intimate group. |
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Tunza
New Zealand
198 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2005 : 12:33:51
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Thanks for sharing your experiences Michele, Baseball and Rudy. Menvert are you still on the forum?
When I was waitressing I used to put on an act like I was quite confident. This was a lot easier than in an informal social setting because I had a structured role to play. I knew what questions I had to ask people and I could focus on being friendly and helpful.
In my current workplace things are not so clear cut. Unfortunately we have been short-staffed and without a manager for a lot of last year and our quality of work suffered. I find myself having to deal with disgruntled people a lot and this just throws me. It's got to the point that I expect everyone to be angry with me (one of my deepest fears as I have a real issue with "abandonment").
But when I'm at a party just chatting with people I start to get really self-conscious. I was raised in a family who are not good listeners and I tend to start to chatter on to fill in gaps in the conversation as I get uneasy with the eye-contact part of just listening and nodding. I find myself rambling on and I can sense people's eyes glaze over. The whole time I am berating myself for saying stupid stuff but it's a kind of nervous reaction. Alcohol definately helps (in moderation!) with this but recently I have begun to dislike drinking.
I have always felt that everyone else is superior to me in some way and so when I enter a room full of people (or just walking down the street) if anyone looks at me I interpret their look as disapproval. Just like you Baseball I fell like I don't belong. I do know this is a common enough human feeling (through reading fiction) but everyone around me is so damn good at hiding it and I feel so much more obvious (people have commented to me that I seem uncomfortable in social setttings).
Anyway I'm rambling on about myself right now so I'll go.
Oooo - very pleased with myself to have written a post focusing more on the psychological side than you-know-what. I've told myself that for the next week I am not to mention any physical stuff to anyone.
Kat
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Hestia
21 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2005 : 18:42:42
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| I have problems with social anxiety also. I just moved a year and a half ago. The move has magnified it. Having to meet new people on a regular basis is difficult. I am horrible at meeting new people and social situations were you have to mingle. Sometimes I just freeze. I obsess over past social events. I have a lot of trouble approaching and talking to people I don't know. Social issues are definitely a big TMS issue for me. |
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Albert
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2005 : 10:34:04
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I get uncomfortable in social situations too. It's because I'm so concerned about what people think about me. For whatever reason my mind is programmed to feel happy when people think well of me and unhappy when people think badly of me. I believe that just about everybody is like this, even if they won't admit it.
If I'm in the presence of a person I believe I'm superior to, I feel self confident.
If I'm in the presense of a person I believe I'm inferior to, I feel insecure.
I wonder if we can ever feel completely good about our self. It seems to me that any standard we use to make such a judgment is arbitrary.
I'm so glad that this is a site in which we can talk about how imperfect we are (imperfect, depending upon how we look at it).
Here's a tid bit:
I just recently heard that even though Johhny Carson was able to put himself up in front of millions of people on his show every night, he was in fact very shy and didn't like crowds. |
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deer
USA
30 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2005 : 18:41:34
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| Tunza,I too have social phobia.I have also realized that there seems to be an interesting pattern to it.I find that when I am the one who initiates the conversation then the social anxiety is less.Similiarly,when I have a big smile on my face and I speak really friendly ,then it's a lot better.I feel as if I am the "host" of the conversation.I think that preparation is very helpful.The truth is that I think that most people form there conversation, from some form of anxiety.I have been observing many people lately and it seems that a lot of people speak from pressure rather than from free will.I think that it is possible for one to train himself to speak from free will.Part of the training must be to constantly think about your words,and to figure out if they stem from anxiety.In addition, you have to prepare yourselflike you would if you were speaking in public.Eventually your concious actions will have some effect on your unconcious mind,and you will be able to reprogram you reactions and thoughts.Even if the smile is a fake smile it still does millions. |
Edited by - deer on 01/30/2005 21:09:32 |
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Tunza
New Zealand
198 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2005 : 03:07:46
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quote:
I have been observing many people lately and it seems that a lot of people speak from pressure rather than from free will.
Deer, I agree totally.
I'm off to bed now. I'd love to type more but my brain's going on me and I can't think of how to word it.
'night
Kat |
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Carol
91 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2005 : 10:23:20
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I am totally fascinated with this thread. I am another who suffered social anxiety for most of my life. I was so shy as a child that I would cross the street to avoid having to make eye contact with someone approaching me.
I have mentioned my dyspraxic grandson on this board a couple of times. What I haven't said is that I am pretty sure I am an adult dyspraxic. Long before my grandson was diagnosed I used to tell my daughter "he is so ""me""! I was just like him as a child. I was clumsy (dyspraxia is known as the "clumsy child syndrome"), I had a hard time communicating, although I had a large vocabulary. I used to observe people to see how they talked to each other. I didn't understand humor, it took me a long time to learn to write, ride a bike, color a picture. At the same time I was an excellent reader and was good in math, so I did well in school. I remember the frustration of trying to learn to tie my shoes, or anything else that required fine motor skills. I was such a klutz!!!!!
As I grew up, and by observing people, I realized that most people were much more concerned with what I thought of them than what they thought of me. That was the beginning of overcoming my shyness. I learned that most of the time all I needed to do was ask a couple of questions, then listen. I am still more of a listener than a talker. I am also, like some of you said, perfectly comfortable talking to a group of people, but have a problem with one on one with people I don't know. I dread social occasions, and can depend on my back flaring up the night before. I always have a good time once I go though.
I have mentioned that I have trouble writing down my feelings. This forum is helping me with that. It's interesting how many of us share certain traits. I am amazed that Dr. Sarno picked up on this with his patients, with the small amount of time that a doctor has to spend with any individual.
Carol |
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Bazz
Netherlands
34 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2005 : 11:37:25
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Social phobia is definately one of the main causes, why I got TMS-symptoms. In my new job I felt uncomfortable in the large group of new people and the large companybuilding. Although I tried to do if I felt relax to my collegues, i felt more and more inhibited to speak and to contact.
Interestingly, I have found out that the main cause of the social phobia was my severe acne that I had before. When I had this acne I felt really uncomfortable to appear in public situations. As you will all know in the meantime, acne is also a TMS equivalent!
Anyway, I think the most important thing is to accept of yourself that you feel not comfortable in some social situations and also staying yourself. Avoidance of the social situations you don't like is not the solution. |
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Personal sabotage
