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jrnythpst
USA
134 Posts |
 Posted - 07/17/2006 : 10:20:51
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Hi guys,
I know this may sound strange but it's starting to happen again which is why I thought about writing about it.
I go through "non caring stages" that is I start getting to the point that everything ticks me off on the inside that in order to keep from exploding I shut down totally emotionally and go into a non caring stage. The worst one was high school year and my best friend at the time managed to break me from it during graduation at the beach when she yelled at me and cussed me out in the middle of the street which in turn jolted me awake as it wore to come out of it. The only other bad time was on anti depressants ...one made me sick and one turned me into a total bitch and I can't remember anything of the two months I was on it but was told by more than one source how I acted. I have been journaling and was in those times too for the most part.
Its just I guess I care too much until I can't care any more and then everything ticks me off. Everyone tells me I am so sweet and they can't see how I can stay so stable especially with my job. I am stable and sweet/serene on the outside only. I am scared if I let the emotions boil that I will say things that I do and don't mean and do things I do and don't mean. I don't want to lose my job or friends or whatever. I know I care too much about what others think/feel. I just don't know how to approach this or anything. Even friends are ticking me off and they aren't doing anything to warrant it, just a build up of everything else. Each thing on it's own is not that drastic but it builds. (Speaking to the choir I know.) Please help!
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 14:02:10
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I wish I could help. I go through these too -- I think of them as depression episodes. They can be as short as an hour or as long as many months.
The depression/shut down is a symptom like any other, to keep you from experiencing the rage. Do you have other outlets besides journaling? Is therapy an option for you? That's actually where I've been thinking of heading for a while. I need some help handling things and I hope a therapist might help.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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jrnythpst
USA
134 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 14:26:38
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I have been debating on it army but I have so many other medical bills...like this last mri will cost near $700 and that's AFTER insurance. 75% or more of my debt are all medically related and I am still no better so it's very frustrating. Course I didn't mind spending the money on the Mindbody RX or the Divided Mind...these are beneficial and I think I am already seeing some results...a possible light at the end of the very long tunnel at any rate. If push comes to shove I will just accrue more debt and get counseling but going to try my best to do it on my own for right now. Only been aware of TMS for just under a month so far and Dr. Sarno says if still no progress after 6 months, that's when he recommends therapy...seems like a long time to wait but hey already waited near 20 years so what's another few months if it will work.
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 15:01:24
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Yeah the expense is tough. Don't know what it would cost me but I probably can't afford it either. Still, I think if it helps...and I don't mind doing it even before the timeframe where Sarno would prescribe it. After all he says it would benefit everyone to do a little therapy and know themselves better.
It's helped me just to know that it's a TMS equivalent, so that I understand what it's doing and I don't think that I really am a horrible, emotionless person. It also makes me more determined not to let it happen, because I want to get through this TMS stuff, and I can't just let it go to a different equivalent.
How does journaling feel to you? I sometimes feel like I am really getting stuff out, and sometimes like I am not because I am being too analytical.
Up to a few days ago I had heard the recommendations of pounding pillows but wasn't sure it would work for me at all. But I felt so mad the other night that I tried it and was really startled at how well that primitive activity could access the rage once I got started. I kind of did it in bursts. This is a strange analogy, but like feeling nauseated and throwing up. I'd feel mad enough to hit the pillow, and I would for a bit, then it would recede, and I'd sit there for a few minutes, and then it would start again.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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jrnythpst
USA
134 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 18:05:42
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Odd you used the term emotionless as that is exactly what I meant (ok I may have even said it can't remember now LOL) anyway my best friend on and off for years would say that I was emotionless and a bah humbug at holidays. I don't have kids and don't see why I should bother with decorating or anything. Decorations (to me) are just for the kids, I don't see why adults (unless they love decorating to start with) would want to do it, at least extravagently, just for themselves. Some decorations are ok, never been into the whole light thing, though at times they are nice to look at at night.
As for journaling, sometimes I feel like I am just writing to be writing and am not really writing anything of substanence. I mean I know some of my entries are humorous because I've been known to begin or end or sometimes both like it was the evening news. I love to write but get bored and try to spice things up. Most can probably tell with my postings that I tend to through humor in the with the dry.
Anyway army (hope that's ok by you to refer to you this way LOL, I like cutesty nicknames, but will respect what you wish, afterall it's your "name"), it sounds like we have a lot of the same mental TMS, at least reactions. I was wondering if I was the only one that went through these shut down non caring stages. Thanks for enlightening me! Cheers.
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 18:07:57
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Guys,
can I offer you some advise? It may or may not do the trick but from where I stand you have nothing to lose. One thing you have to do is stop this up and down of emotions. Remember that they are not your emotions but YOU create them, so allow yourself to experience them, but dont become your emotion. Detach from it! It's ok to feel angry or depressed, but try not to act on it. Don't live in that emotion. All emotion is, is just a chemical rush in your head, nothing more or nothing less, and what causes those chemical rushes.....YOUR THOUGHTS!!!!!! Example. Dude cuts you off in the car. You think to yourself ( That prick! What a stupid arsehole!) Personally, I used to get very frustrated at stupid people, cause.......well....they're stupid. So this would make me angry. then you think ( That stupid prick could have killed me) This makes you more angry. And so it keeps building. Each thought creates a rush that adds to the last rush before it had a chance to leave you. Layer upon layer, thought upon thought you become that emotion. How do you stop it???? QUESTION IT!!! Why did he cut me off? Maybe he didn't see me, happens to all of us, maybe he's in a hurry...ect. When you question your thoughts and reason them you disarm the emotional charge. Then ask yourself why do you care so much? Is it normal? Maybe deep down you don't feel important enough and this is a way of imposing your importance. Maybe you didn't/or don't feel cared for, you have to dig around and ask yourself questions, keep doing it. Get it?? Talk to your brain and ask it what the hell it's on about. Try this and let me know....... |
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jrnythpst
USA
134 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 18:24:03
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Hi Darko,
The comments about the driver cutting you off and your reactions had me cracking up! That is so me. I have (inside the car) road rage badly. It's the only time i really allow myself to be and feel pissed off. I have been trying to talk to the ole noggin but so far it's pleading the 5th, it ain't talking, it ain't even divulging today's date or anything. I swear I will be burning out a few interrogation lamps before I get to the bottom of this caper.
In all honest this is how it feels, that I am the good(ist) guy and it is the convict trying to get away with (mental) murder and taking the body along with it for a joy ride, ya know the one where they tie a body to the bumper of the car and go joy riding over rocks, and spikes, and through a ditch or too. Yeah gonna need a new chasis before too much longer. LOL
I make light but I do understand what you mean Darko and I have been trying it, just no real answers so far. I have a list of 30 things that make me anger and one of my brothers and older sister made three different numbers for three diffferent things on the list. I know there is a lot of anger and resentment there. I am one of those people that felt that they knew how to control their emotions and that they (I) was doing ok with it all. I didn't know until recently that it wasn't I controlling the emotion but the emotion controlling me and I am still working on getting the facts (and only the fact ma'am). I will keep you posted trust me.
Hugs,
Ali Cat
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 20:15:02
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Ali Cat,
You gotta go deeper. A list of 30 things that piss you off hey? What I would do is go through that list and ask myself why these things piss me off? Keep asking until you find the truth, you'll probably find that most of it is silly and irrational, and comes back to you and the way you feel about something. It's really easy to say he pisses me off cause he does this! But why does that action piss you off really, you'll find that most of the time its your views that are the root of the anger. Why are you allowing other people to have control over your emotional states??? If your bro is pissin ya off cause he farts everytime you get in an elevator. Ask yourself why is it getting to you, cause it stinks? embarrasing, lack of respect, rude.......you see? All of things are your things. So you need to think about that, and make changes or eat more beans.....whatever |
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jrnythpst
USA
134 Posts |
Posted - 07/18/2006 : 06:25:41
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Close Darko, my father is the one that embarassingly farts not the bro. LOL Seriously though the list is a work in progress. I haven't finished just stopped at 30 so far to work on other things. I will get back to it soon to add more. I know 30 is no where near the end, sorry if I made it sound as such. I love your humor darko, you're a hoot. will post more later.
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
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Approaching non caring stage (again) ..help please
