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jrnythpst
USA
134 Posts |
 Posted - 07/09/2006 : 14:57:05
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Several of you asked, and I hope I answered succinctly.
I just finished watching the Sarno video lecture with my parents.(Incidentally in the video he states that many of his patients take 6 months to a year for total revovery, so he does not really promote the quick cure on video as he suggests in the book) My father thinks he has TMS too (actually had been told so in not so many words for years) and my mom thinks she may have a touch too (unexplained shoulder pain and she has carpel tunnel). I am thinking that my conditioning started as a child.
One thing I found of great interest in the book (Mindbody Prescription) was that he include psoriasis in all this. I developed psoriasis at the age of 7, the same year I got stitches in my legs (and a Velcro cast on one), same year I got glasses, and the same year I had the teacher from hell. I didn't notice too much more until puberty and would get shin splints and leg cramps and general pain in my legs. The PE teachers pretty much just told me I was fat, lazy, and out of shape. The doctors told me it was growing pains and I would get over it. This is what I was told for ten years.
Finally at the age of 22 I said, look this is NOT growing pains and made them probe deeper. It was determined that I had a torn meniscus in my right knee. I tested negative for lupus and rheumatoid arthritis but had psoriasis (but none of the tale tale signs of psoriatic arthritis) and pain so therefore it was decided that I MUST have psoriatic arthritis and no further testing was ever done.
Well enter in the ex asshole from hell, my first long distance relationship and when the pain went from moderate to severe. I was bed ridden for much of this relationship. I was in great physical shape just prior to meeting him. Within a month and a half of severe depression and staying in the bed, both knees became deformed and I was unable to straighten them. I stayed with the asshole because I was 24 years old and had never had a long term relationship and wanted to make something work. Well this moron was awol from the navy, didn't have a valid driver's license, didn't have a job, and was very paranoid. Plus he was abusive both mentally and sexually. I am assuming that part of me just didn't believe that I deserved better.
Approximately the same time, I was still seeing Dr. Doom (only to switch to Dr. Moron later on but that is much later), and he said it was because I had not sought treatment for a year (no medical insurance during this time) that my knees got so bad (keep in mind this happened in actuality within two months) and I would need double knee replacement surgery. I cried the whole way home (cried the whole way home after being diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis as well). Well the now ex moron (my ex still a moron) decided to take care of the awol thing (I am leaving out a LOT, mostly feelings and such...I was in turmoil, out of work, financial burden, friends and family hated boyfriend, I hated myself...yada yada...not point of this narration would I would go into more detail). Well while he was taking care of the Navy thing, he decided to cheat on me with his ex girlfriend (whom he went into the navy to find her in the first place), well this was the best thing that ever happened to me in that relationship. I know it sounds weird, but it was only after the cheating that I allowed myself to feel truly angry and started expressing my anger through exercise. Oh I forgot to mention that Dr. Doom had told me that I would never be able to work again. Well through the anger and the exercise (still couldn't straighten my legs) I gradually got better and began working that same year and have been ever since. Interestingly enough, I was journaling almost every day at this time too. I have journaled on and off since the age of 11. Once dwelving into the TMS forum and reading the book and viewing the video, I further understand how important that is. When I went into “remission” I was journaling every day and exercising a lot, thus I really had very little to no fear.
Well I was getting better and then met up with a guy and we hit it off, until he wanted me to be part of what I called his harem. He was faithful with me for about 5 months and then wanted to go back to his old ways. We are still friends amazingly enough, mostly because he was honest. I really didn’t get worse during this time either. But then my father had to have several bypass surgeries and I ended up spending many a night in the hospital. I did journal then too, but that was just to make myself keep my mind occupied. That started the downslide again. Then two friends introduced me to asshole number 2. I stayed with him for a year, trying to make it work out for my friends’ sake and because I thought I could save him. Well he was also mentally abusive and a slob, good for nothing, no account, lazy, no ged, no job, no license, no ounce of ambition moron who made me believe he had been abused growing up. Trying to save him made me lose more of myself.
During this time I switched doctors as well. I have tried all the biologic drugs, 11 out of 18 commonly prescribed NSAIDS, physical therapy, and other analgesics drugs to no avail. This new doctor, I affectionately call, Dr. Moron, ignored any symptom not related to what I was previously diagnosed with and even told me he knew nothing else to do. He put me on methotrexate which made my liver enzymes too high. So I decided to go to Chapel Hill (medical training hospital in NC) for a further more comprehensive evaluation. Well I got an intern (one not fully degreed yet) and he took x rays and the like and agreed with Dr. Doom and Dr. Moron that what I had was “consistent with psoriatic arthritis”. Well needless to say I did not like the consistent with because in my mind that’s not a diagnosis of something of that degree.
Well I decided I wanted an allergy test (I had hoped to get one in Chapel Hill). So I made an appointment with a Dr. Collins in NC. He evaluated me and said that he didn’t think that I had psoriatic arthritis that it just didn’t sound right, especially since I was not responding to the highest level of treatment for this. He suggested I see Dr. Bruce Hill in Charlotte, NC because he would take me seriously and listen to all my symptoms and hear me out completely. So I had my primary care physician refer me to Dr. Hill (at this point I deemed him my last resort and I would start medicating myself afterwards since I seemed to know more about my problems than either Dr. Doom or Dr. Moron did). Well I expected to wait for months to get in to see Dr. Hill but he had a cancellation and I was able to see him within two days.
For the first time all my symptoms were validated. For the first time he wanted MRIs done of both my knees (I had one back in 1999 when I had the arthroscopy for the torn meniscus and not sense) and he wanted to redo the blood work to recertify that I didn’t have RA or Lupus. I see him again on the 20th and am very anxious to know what’s up with the mri.
So that’s my background. Any thoughts, advice, commonalities to your own story?
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
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Scottydog
United Kingdom
330 Posts |
Posted - 07/10/2006 : 01:46:10
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If your symptoms started at age 7 (eeeek! ) then your parents or close relations probably influenced or caused them. Was anything traumatic going on in your life then?
If you live next to your parents now (and watched the sarno video with them) you are probably still very close. I can't mention Sarno's theories to my elderly mother as it would be obvious that I held her decisions in the past as responsible for causing my and my siblings problems now and, as she was probably doing what she thought was best at the time, I don't want to upset her over something that cannot be changed.
You say you stayed in hospital during your father's bypass ops - maybe they do it different in the US but over here i've neverheard of anyone staying over with a bypass patient. So it makes me wonder if you are feeling over responsible for you parents well being - some amateur psychology there.
Fom your letter you seem to be understanding many of your past feelings and anger which is half the battle so best of luck and keep journalling.
Anne |
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wolf29
USA
108 Posts |
Posted - 07/10/2006 : 08:07:36
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Based on your story it seems clear to me you have a lot of anger, and rightfully so, and I'm sure you left out many things from your post. You could easily still be repressing many of the emotions you've had to deal with in your past.
I hope you can bring them out, deal with them, and alleviate some of the pain you're in. It would be a big injustice to yourself if you allow your past to control your future.
Jay |
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jrnythpst
USA
134 Posts |
Posted - 07/10/2006 : 08:38:00
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Hi Jay,
You are right I did leave out a lot. Just hit the highlights. My calf muscles are killing me. I could stay in the hospital with my dad just not in the operating room. SLept in waiting room during his surgery. I love my parents to death but yes they are part of my programming/conditioning....but only my dad can see this as being so. I hope the doc's office calls back with muscle relaxers.
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
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The ugly truth of my background symptoms
