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tdk
15 Posts |
 Posted - 09/04/2004 : 10:23:42
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Hello, all. This is actually my first posting on this forum, tho I read the entries often. Without going into details, I will just say I am a poster child for TMS. Chronic pain (mostly back) has been ever-present since 1985. Prior to that I suffered eating disorders, headaches, panic-attacks, etc. A funky gene pool and very stressful childhood complete the stew. I have been diagnosed w/SI join dysfunction and fibro. A few months back a very wise cranio-sacral therapist said to me, "The SI thing is just a symptom of the tension in your muscles, which is driven by an overactive hypothalamus. You have to work on that first." It started to really click with me then...it's all in the brain (ie, hypervigilent autonomic nervous system).
Anyway, long story short: I am one of those people who cannot seem to get over the pain by just working on the emotions, which I have been doing through therapy, journaling, etc. I have gotten mad and frustrated with myself, which drives the tension even more. The other day I had a epiphany...what if I am going about this backwards and the TMS is simply a symptom of something else, ie, generalized anxiety disorder? What if for me it's not as simple as "yelling at your brain" or "thinking emotionally?" God knows I've processed and processed my "stuff." What if some of us have truly been traumatized early in life, which altered our brain chemistry, turned on the hyper mode early, which year after year produces tension and finally, bam, PAIN. Now it's the pain we try to treat rather than the underlying anxiety.
This flies in the face of Sarno, who would tell me the anxiety is another symptom of TMS. To me it's the chicken or the egg...each person has to discover the method of breaking thru the angst, both physically and mentally. For me, just realizing the pain is part of the GAD has helped ease the suffering. I have stayed away from meds, thinking I would be weak if I submitted to them. Now I don't think that way. If meds will help ease the angst and get me moving again so I no longer fear the pain, then I will consider it success.
I'm certainly not trying to stir anything up, I'm just proposing that this thing is SO unique for each person that we must learn to trust what our gut is telling us.
tdk |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 14:53:31
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TDK,
You may be right. You sound very similar to me. I've journaled, talked to therapists, yelled at my brain, and read Sarno's books over and over. We probably had similar childhoods, without going into too much detail. My friends are all trying to convince me to try Lexapro or one of the other new anti-depressants but I'm drug phobic and so far have resisted. Maybe you're right, though. And if taking something would make me stop obsessing then maybe it is a good thing. Thanks for your post!
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Louise
USA
68 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 19:38:40
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The other day, after a long walk, I was reflecting on TMS, and a kind-of strange idea came to me about it. Here it is:
People who are prone to TMS are often people who have obsessive thoughts – about their pain, their jobs, their relationships, or whatever. Right now, with me, I’m going through a really stressful time – my boss is leaving, I’m worried about getting along with a new boss, and I’m also worried about the future of the company at which I work. I have lots of anger about being my boss’ sounding board for why she’s leaving, and I’m feeling really fed up with all the drama that she has created. I’m also dealing with the resultant guilt about being angry with a person who has been really good to me. I’m frustrated that I’ve experienced an upswing in my pain, because I think that I know what’s bugging me, and I’ve been taking steps to deal with it. I’ve been thinking psychologically, and I’ve been journaling, and I’ve been screaming and swearing and yelling about what’s bugging me, but I’m still not entirely successful at defeating the pain. It just seems to move somewhere else in order to try and snag my attention.
Anyway, I had this thought that maybe TMS can also act as a type of “balance”. By this, I mean that the more we try to control our world – the obsessive thoughts, the worrying about uncontrollable stuff, our obsession with what actually causes TMS, and even sometimes, the anti-TMS work – the more TMS acts up. Pain arises in reaction to and in order to balance our efforts to control. The TMS pain is anarchy, and it is in direct opposition to the control we’re trying to exert, hence the balancing aspect. Maybe this is why some people seem to have such a hard time with making their pain go away, long-term. Maybe one of the keys to TMS success is to recognize our obsessive tendencies, and to try to not to let them get out of hand. I know that Dr. Sarno says that we don’t have to change our personalities, but maybe we do need to work on this aspect of our personality. I mean, we all have friends who are “laid-back” and they don’t have long-term TMS. Maybe they have the right idea. Maybe we need to “let go” a bit, and stop worrying so much about TMS. Just a thought…
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moose1
162 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2004 : 09:46:20
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I've had a very similar struggle. I know that my low back pain is TMS. It's a 24/7, chronic ache that I wake up with every morning and deal with for the rest of the day. However, every once in a while, it will go away completely....sometimes for just a few minutes, sometimes for days, with absolutely NO apparent connection to anything that's happening in my life. And believe me, I've looked. For me, acknowleging and accepting the causes for my TMS is not enough to make the pain go away. Something else is clearly in control of it. Like you, I've had a history of anxiety-related problems: stomach problems, insomnia, panic attacks, etc. I am also starting to think that my TMS is a sympton of something else, and as with most things, treating the symptom is a waste of time and does nothing. I've tried anti-anxiety medications in the past and all they do is make me feel like my head is full of glue, so that is not a solution for me. I've tried the therapy route, too, with zero success.
So you are not alone in your frustration with this thing. I wonder if for people like us, we need to actually change the things that are casuing our anxiety and stress in order for the pain it causes to go away. I have an aquaintance who had totally disabling shoulder and arm pain for nearly two years. He went to every PT and specialist around and eventually had surgery to address the problem. Nothing helped. Then, for a completely unrelated reason, he changed careers. He went from a super high-stress, IT career to building custom cabinets and chairs for contractors...something he had always loved and wanted to do. About two weeks after leaving his old job and starting his new one, his pain disappeered completely. That was three years ago. He has not had a single moment of pain since. Looking back now, he says that he had hated his job for a long time and he clearly acknowleded that it was making him miserable, but it wasn't until he actually changed that situation that his pain went away.
Moose |
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tdk
15 Posts |
Posted - 09/06/2004 : 09:03:42
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Moose,
I think you are really on to something with the underlying causes. Each one of us has a purpose on this earth. If you know what that is and follow your heart, you are fulfilled and happy from the inside out. If you follow what society or family or others say, what you think you are supposed to do, then you may go against your very nature. This can create conflict and frustration, and sense of wasting yourself, being unfulfilled. This is definitely my story.
I am a dancer in heart and spirit. This is the thing I love to do most. When the pain struck I gave it up. That was almost 20 years ago, so it's been a long time since I simply did something I enjoy. Also because of my pain I do a job that is beneath my capabilities. So that fuels the esteem issues I have (but have been working on). I am aware of all this...blatantly aware. It's the FEAR that holds me back, prohibits me from daring myself to try.
Breaking thru the fears is the biggest challenge. The fear is the fuel, the anxiety is the fire, the pain is the result. As pessimistic as this sounds, I still believe I can heal. I always have, or I wouldn't keep going, trying.
Thanks for your insight. tdk |
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pault
USA
169 Posts |
Posted - 09/08/2004 : 05:03:18
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| Louise tms is in the unconscious mind which is not logical,that is why it is important to believe,understand how the system works. |
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kenny V
USA
268 Posts |
Posted - 09/08/2004 : 12:58:51
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quote:
(Quote from Tdk)
Moose,
I think you are really on to something with the underlying causes. Each one of us has a purpose on this earth. If you know what that is and follow your heart, you are fulfilled and happy from the inside out. If you follow what society or family or others say, what you think you are supposed to do, then you may go against your very nature. This can create conflict and frustration, and sense of wasting yourself, being unfulfilled. This is definitely my story.
TDK,“Your expressions,” your words of “insight.” They are true words of self-examination, including help and healing.
quote:
I'm certainly not trying to stir anything up, I'm just proposing that this thing is SO unique for each person that we must learn to trust what our gut is telling us.
TDK
Your board name sounds familiar.
You where also part of the old forum correct?
Well any way I would like to say if it might help
You seem to be on to something yourself; you have mentioned “(gut feeling).
What seems to be your gut feeling in your situation?
What do you think is your next step?
quote:
(Quote from Moose)
I've had a very similar struggle. I know that my low back pain is TMS. It's a 24/7, chronic ache that I wake up with every morning and deal with for the rest of the day. However, every once in a while, it will go away completely....sometimes for just a few minutes, sometimes for days, with absolutely NO apparent connection to anything that's happening in my life. And believe me, I've looked. For me, acknowleging and accepting the causes for my TMS is not enough to make the pain go away. Something else is clearly in control of it.
I am also starting to think that my TMS is a sympton of something else, and as with most things, treating the symptom is a waste of time and does nothing.
Moose,
You are not alone; I have had back pain 24/7. My back was in continuous spasm for over 3 years, never letting go; (knots, stiff neck sciatic and many other manifestations like a knife in the wrists and my knees also. Waking up to the day not even able to get my feet out of bed was daily task and torturous.
I do not think your situation is unique that the principles of TMS would be any different in applying Sarno’s theory to it.
Of course the pressures in your life situation may be different, as well as the traumas and experiences that you have endured. But their still is an underlying factor to WHAT is causing your pain.
Let your changing pain be confirmation that you are susceptible to TMS symptoms from the unresolved repressed emotions.
You mentioned treating the symptom is a waste of time and not at all beneficial to doing the work required treating TMS. And perhaps your friend’s situation changing something in your life would be a possible answer if you can only dial in to what is your source of repressed emotion. Well sometimes it is relatively easy to associate a life emotional experience and trauma to this, which makes it easier to accept and reconsider Going through the phases of self examination, and making changes will definitely free you up of any possible triggers to your pain.
Ya know my brother was always mad at people, society, the law, and the justice system, because he was always in trouble with the law. Well he used to come to me for counseling of what to do. And I would tell him but he never liked the answer I gave him. One time he came to his senses and said, “do ya think it’s me”? “Do you think I should change”? It is still funny when I think back, that was the fist time he ever said that in all the years. He is deceased now; sorry to say he just couldn’t live life on life’s terms.
quote:
About two weeks after leaving his old job and starting his new one, his pain disappeered completely. That was three years ago. He has not had a single moment of pain since.
Some times it is that easy. Yet sometimes it is a mater of re- adjusting our attitude and perspective in life as a response to our current condition or situation that we cannot change. And that falls into acceptance, which when we finally let go and release it we are freed from the anxiety, anger and rage that often controls us and hold us hostage.
Always Hope For Recovery
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Edited by - kenny V on 09/08/2004 13:03:36 |
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tdk
15 Posts |
Posted - 09/08/2004 : 16:42:15
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[font=Arial]Kenny V -
I find your perception interesting. Yes, I was part of the old board but left due to (what I considered) a pompous personality who ridiculed my insights one too many times. I had enough abuse as a kid...I don't tolerate it as an adult.
Thank you for your encouraging words. I have been doing a lot of work on myself, peeling the onion as it were. It's the hardest work I have ever done, and hopefully, one day, the most fruitful.
You ask, "What do you think is your next step?" Funny, I have been comtemplating that very thing. Just learned my mother is in the beginning stages of dementia. Made me acutely aware of my own mortality and "time wasted," esp with this pain thing. So, that being said...
1) working on forgiving, first and foremost myself, for not being perfect, famous, rich, brilliant, yadayadayada
2) move into acceptence, esp self-acceptance; I have always believed this pain thing had MUCH to do with my relationship with myself; I learned early on how to beat myself up; I am now trying to unlearn it
3) overcome the fear and do things that give me JOY; it has been way too long, way too long, my friend
So, I do subscribe to Sarno's theory, but for me it's not about "yelling at my brain" and "telling myself to stop." It's about reparenting and being kind to myself, releasing the self-judgements and self-criticism, perfectionism which stems from the low self-esteem. The inner tension that drive the pain.
Very heavy stuff. TDK (aka, "Tap Dance Kid")
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kenny V
USA
268 Posts |
Posted - 09/09/2004 : 10:59:13
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This tms stuff can be frustrating, especially when we are not confident in its diagnosis or its methods.
As for your mom I am sorry to hear of her heath and if you are a caretaker it can become your hardest emotional struggle.
Do you believe the care taking and acceptance of her illness are your strongest emotions for TMS fuel?
I do understand, I have a grandmother with Alziemers, a chronically sick TMS mom, and a son with a neurological disorder.
TDK there is Hope for these conditions, and I have seen first hand methodologies implemented that has promoted brain activity that stimulates and continues. So don’t be fed the BS what society tells you on any sickness and illness. “Look”, understanding and believing in TMS offers the same example. You have heard hundreds of TMS success stories that the mainstream medical community offered no hope right?
I do believe by now you have been exposed to the teaching of Sarno and have grasped the concept of TMS.
You have seen it already work on yourself is that correct?
How far have you come?
And what you say about the work you have to do is probably right on target. Sometimes we need extra help in this area, getting out these feelings making peace with them and learning how to change our perspective and manage them in the future.
Have you had success in Journaling?
Have you had any form of counseling?
This is where I made all my connections to TMS and many other major breakthroughs. Following Sarno’s teaching to the “T”, I was at the point in my progress that Sarno said you may need special counseling, so I called on someone who I knew was qualified to do this, but he was too busy to see me and I got put off. This angered and fueled my TMS pain, another human being in life who doesn’t care nor believe me.
Love companionship, sense of validation and understanding, something we are all looking for.
This turned out to be a blessing because I was left to face TMS head on. ME and ME. And it was me who had the problem and I was just the person to work it out with. Because of my personality I was able to do it my self, but would always recommend outside help in any emotional circumstance that can help us to think more rational. Even today I lack support and fellowship that I long for it, is a lonely road ,but often I look up for help.
Always Hope For Recovery
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tdk
15 Posts |
Posted - 09/10/2004 : 07:20:48
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Kenny V, I am happy to respond to your inquiries, which will hopefully benefit some of the other readers here:
Yes, I do believe the care taking and acceptance of my mother's illness is an integral part of my TMS fuel. I have always taken care of her, emotionally. She was dianosed bipolar when I was 5; as the oldest I assumed her responsibilities in the household, as well as fought her vicious battles w/my dad, who was abusive. I heard over the over, "You are sick like your mother." There was no stability, only chaos. There was no calm, only angst and fear. A perfect recipe for TMS. Her illness robbed me of a mom and my childhood.
I moved away from home after college (can you blame me?!?!) so I will not actually be her care taker. She will be placed in a good assisted living facility with constant care. My siblings and I max'ed out a long time ago...this is the healthiest solution for us all.
Funny, I have had enormous amounts of anger towards my mother over the past few years, and expressed them in therapy and to her. But now with the dementia I am beginning to feel a sense of compassion and forgiveness towards her. Now she really cannot help it. Would I hate her if she had cancer? Of course not.
As the forgiveness and acceptance comes, I think it will help me be kinder to myself. Ya know, life ("god") presents lessons to us all the time. If we pay attention and learn, growth results. Forgiveness is my current lesson. Lots of homework to do.
Namaste,
TDK |
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kenny V
USA
268 Posts |
Posted - 09/10/2004 : 14:36:04
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Tdk (Namaste)? Don’t know what this means.
How about ShellAnn? That is who you are respectively,
Thank you for responding in sincerity, being honest, and opening your life and circumstances for others to hear.
I have a lump in my throat as I read a real life story with the emotions flowing in every sentence. Among all my writings of mumbo jumbo I have shared that I too have grown up with similar conditions. My dad was (manic-depressive) my entire life, today they call it BI polar. And his mom also suffered from a mental disorder his entire life. Back then they didn’t understand the illness and prescribed shock treatment and many other cruel remedies, when in his case an adjustment of his lithium level was all that was needed to stabilize his brain chemistry to function well.
He is a brilliant man, a very well respected, successful mechanical engineer. But he never trusted in the medical community because of his experience with his mother. So growing up an exposed to this is what helped me to understand, believe and treat my TMS.
Today he leads a very productive life, taking what he believes to be the right amount of lithium that his body needs. He hasn’t had a major episode in over 10 years, however once in a while he decides to try to wean himself off and goes slightly off the deep end. But I am there to get him back, before he looses total control. I grew up this my entire life and know the early signs from the way he speaks. This only takes about 3-5 days until he is completely manic. Your brain needs more than 20 minutes of sleep a day.
So I have seen it all, over 35 years of manic and depressive episodes. Growing up was not easy for me, especially because I come from a divorce family (because of his condition), and a mom whom I didn’t grow up with BC my dad had won custody from the age of 6. I spent a few years alone in foster homes as the battle for custody was being fought. Any way with my mom I relay never got to bond with either, she has also been pretty much sick my entire life. And today worse than ever. I am preparing for her to die, she is a TMS mess at it’s worse It is sad I con not help her because she wont take responsibility for her condition. It is also ashamed because her mom who is still alive has alziemers is going to out live her.
In the past, on the old board I welcomed all that wish to send a personal e-mail to ken @kep.com. If you would like to share more about your experience with TMS, perhaps we can help one another. There was a dramatic turning point in my recovery that I discovered to be revelation.
I made the spiritual connection to the mind body connection, and am willing to share this as well.
Always Hope For Recovery
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GAD
