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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
 Posted - 06/16/2006 : 19:11:31
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For those kind people who have written back to me about the Alaskan cruise I wanted to let you know i decided against going..I made some calls and did some research on the forecasts there and they are expecting rain and potential winds that could make things rocky in the ship...I just am in too much pain and other symptoms to risk further irritation to my neck...It is so depressing because i really wanted to go and I feel guilty toward my sweet friend who wanted to do this for my birthday...I am turning 49 years old on Sunday, although people guess me in my 30's thank God..:) But when i think about the fact that i will probably be stuck in the house with this pain, it is so depressing...I dont want to bring anyone down here, but i am just sharing that even with reading the Sarno books, etc..I am just feeling so hopeless right now about my situation...How can i just suddenly wake up one day and be able to move my neck? All i can say is now this whole thing is affecting my mood as well as my heart..It has been skipping beats, probably due to the stress of being stuck here in pain and mostly all alone..My roomie is going away Mon. and Tues. on business and that is a concern...I cannot turn on my own shower or bend over to get things out of the frig on the bottom shelf...There is much i cannot do and i need help...How I wish i were dealing with this back in NJ where i have so much more support...Enough said...If you are so inclined please pray for me, not doing well at all these days...
Karen in Vegas |
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ndb
209 Posts |
Posted - 06/16/2006 : 19:57:13
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Dear Karen,
I've been following your messages. Please don't give in to fear. You WILL get better. You WILL be able to start moving your neck, maybe even overnight someday.
A few months ago, I was almost in as bad shape as you. I had pain in my arms and shoulders. It was terribly scary, the nerves to my fingers would 'shoot off' once in a while and my fingers felt numb. My arms were always stiff. I had no idea if the nightmare would ever end. My fiance did everything for me...cooking, cleaning, typing my papers for school. He had to wash my hair for me because I couldn't lift my arms. I couldn't button my own jeans, he had to do it. I couldn't put on well fitting t-shirts, and he had to help pull them over my head. I couldn't drive, because like you I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to react quickly enough, and also because it was painful to sit for more than a few minutes at a time. I was scared it would never end, and so angry about my dependence on my fiance, though he never complained, and did so much for me.
I read Mindbody prescription and listened to Healing back pain about a month ago. Overnight, my arms became less stiff by 60%. Over the course of the next 2 weeks, all my pain gradually went away. I am pain free now. I am back to excercising, cooking, cleaning, driving, everything I used to do before. I did take it one step at a time, slowly getting back to all this. My symptoms at the moment are a bit of itchy eczema on my legs.
Stop focussing on the pain, and don't let it terrorise you. When you catch yourself thinking about the pain, switch immediately to thinking about your emotions, and your suppressed anger.
By the way, I did have neck pain exactly like yours about 5-6 months ago, but it gradually moved to my shoulders. At that time I did not know about Sarno, but the thing that gave me releif was not to hold my neck stiffly all the time because I was afraid to injure it further. Don't hold it stiff if you are right now. Let it move with the rhythm of your walking. Practice looking a little side to side as you walk (what I mean is sort of imagine your head is just a free floating ball, and it sort of sways a little as you move). Do as much as feels comfortable. Maybe it will help you overcome your fear of moving your neck.
Best,
ndb
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Edited by - ndb on 06/16/2006 20:03:55 |
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carbar
USA
227 Posts |
Posted - 06/16/2006 : 22:11:52
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Hi Karen,
You say:
quote:
but i am just sharing that even with reading the Sarno books, etc..I am just feeling so hopeless right now about my situation...How can i just suddenly wake up one day and be able to move my neck?
I have felt so hopeless in the past. Pain can feel so strong, especially when it is hard to focus on other things. When I was suffering from arm pain I was always in fear of injury myself further (which I felt guilty for doing at the start of the pain) OR enjoying myself doing an activity then "overdoing it" and having pain after the activity. It made it very hard to just forge ahead in the face of the pain. Or even push my limits, coz I'd worry I'd just have pain afterwards. What a limits I felt.
Today while at work, I was thinking about how much more possible things seem today and it's because I was able to recognise what TMS is and how it was affecting my mind and body.
I find that looking back discovering TMS for me was not an overnight end to my pain. Rather discovering TMS was part of my path towards recovering, and learning about the books came along at the right time for me to quickly internalize what Sarno has to say. Before that there were 6 years of guilt, anger, depression, holding myself back and of course physical pain.
You can appreciate that you have Sarno in your life now, and you can work WITH The Mindbody Perscription, et al, instead of wander towards identifying with it.
You will get there, but there's some pain to be undone. There's lots of little victories that you might need to celebrate before you can say WOW, I'm better. But, you will get there!!! I can see your stength in the fact that you are able to write these messages. I'm sure it's not easy to sit at the computer, but you are doing it and seeking out support to get better.
"Hope is the pillar that holds up the world." said Martin Luther, and that quote has always stuck with me and brought me peace. Be well. I'll think of you.
cb
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wrldtrv
666 Posts |
Posted - 06/16/2006 : 22:20:25
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Karen,
Like NDB, I've been where you are. If you read some of my earlier posts back in the late Fall, Winter, you'll see I was distraught about some neuro-like symptoms that I had also had a few years earlier. At times I was terrified, so sure there was something horrible wrong with me. All the tests found nothing, of course and I gradually returned to normal, but even now, I will occasionally have a relapse for a couple of days, eg a feeling of shakiness or leg weakness. The symptoms NDB describes--pain, numbness, tingling with arms & shoulders sounds exactly like what I had almost 5 years ago. It too disappeared completely.
I guess the point is, there will be truly awful days along the way, but they NEVER last. One last point: I probably would have forced myself to go on the cruise because not doing so would seem to reinforce your fear that you have a real structural problem. |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 06/16/2006 : 22:53:51
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I am deeply grateful to all of you kind people for writing to me and i plan to re-read your letters tomorrow...The pain is worse at night so i am going to try to sleep...Thank you from the bottom of my heart! God bless,
Karen |
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ndb
209 Posts |
Posted - 06/16/2006 : 23:33:52
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p.s. karen,
don't worry about your roommate being gone. just try doing the things that seem scary (bending, turning on the shower and so on), and if something gives a bit of a twinge, don't scare yourself that you've done some damage, sarno specifically says that the pain isn't a sign that there is some injury, the pain is either a conditioned respose, i.e. you're expecting to feel it, or its your mind that has told the body to decrease blood supply and the pain is due to a harmless lack of oxygen. so even if it hurts at first, doing stuff will not make anything worse, but your fear might! obviously, don't overdo it, but slowly try to build your confidence.
i was in a similar situation when my fiance would go on trips. one time he went out for a hike with his friend, and i cried the whole day till he came back. out of town trips were a source of dread for me...he would have to cook a weeks worth of food before leaving, and i would eat it out of the freezer! but...the truth is, tms tricks you into thinking you can't manage on your own, that makes you scared, and the symptoms get worse, and indeed, you are unable to do simple things! break the cycle with just a bit of activity, and you will be on the road to regaining all your lost ability.
don't worry, you are not alone!
best,
ndb |
Edited by - ndb on 06/16/2006 23:37:50 |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 06/17/2006 : 01:44:06
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Hi Karen,
I just checked my e-mail and my spamblocker caused your messages to be lost. Sorry about that. Could you please resend them or just continue communicating through the forum, which ever works best for you.
Right now your biggest TMS stressor is having to make the decision about going on the cruise. Not knowing, to what degree, you have been physically limited by your TMS, it is difficult to determine, if you should go, or not. It sounds like you would definitely spiritualy like to go, but fear what will happen if you cannot function enough to move through the travel processes that admitedly can seem quite trying today.
I assume you will have to fly from Vegas to a port city to board the ship. If we outline the steps, you need to get in a vehicle, go the airport, go through all the airport security b.s., board the plane, sit on the plane, get off the plane, take a vehicle from a West Coast port, L.A., S.F., or Seatle perhaps, board the ship and then your homefree and cruising. All this probably seems quite daunting I'm sure.
Carriers today are pretty much mandated by law to make travel possible for dis-abled people. Special boarding, shuttles, wheel-chairs, and assistants are all available to facilitate people with disabilites like yours. Are you feeling guilty about asking for or receiving such special treatment? Do you feel you do not deserve to be accorded special treatment? You are at this time disabled. You qualify to avail yourself of all the special treatment that disbled individuals are accorded in our society. Do you feel that for some reason you are not worthy of being accorded such treatment?
If you have TMS, which I would hazard to guess you do, then you will not damage your neck by any of the outlined procedures.
It sounds like, in your heart, you really want to go, but fear causing injury. If you have TMS, you won't injure anything. You will be in pain but it will be TMS pain. Very painful but harmless, like a cramp in the middle of the night--caused by your primitive unconscious mind to distract you from feeling your emotions.
You probably will not be "cured" of all your pain in a TMS miracle overnight. But you may overcome your fear of moving enough to allow yourself to sit in a wheelchair and be special boarded, which is all quite common in today's travel business. Allow yourself to be suffering from TMS and let the people whose job it is, to aid you and to do their job. Just sit back and enjoy the attention and the pampering.
You just need to call a little ahead to give the airline and cruise company the heads-up about your special needs. There are probably specially equipped taxi-vans also. You may be able to rent an electric wheel chair like I just got my dad. They are quite easy to learn how to operate and are actually quite fun, a cross between a convertible and a go-cart, no sweat.
I had a chance once to go with a girl-friend on a cruise once and due to circumstances it got cancelled. I will always regret it. Not trying to lay a guilt trip on you, but it sounds like you really want to go and the only thing holding you back is fear. If that's really all it is, than, JUST DO IT GIRL! Many of the people on the cruise will probably also have special needs also. The ship is used to dealing with these needs routinely. You will not be putting anyone out.
If, on the voyage you should experience a TMS miracle cure and throw away your "crutches" than all the better. Sleep on it.
Regards,
tt
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rickt
5 Posts |
Posted - 06/17/2006 : 10:41:45
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Hi Karen,
There is an excellent book that came to mind when I read your post. In working though my TMS I drew on a variety of sources to cultivate my inner life. I look at pain (and everything else really) as a spiritual journey.
In addition to working the Sarno program, I was greatly helped by reading and contemplating a book by Eckhart Tolle called The Power of Now. The book for me is a blue print for conscious living.
There is a chapter called Consciousness: The Way Out of Pain. For me, that says it all.
If you are not familiar with Tolle, I'm sure you can read a profile, reviews, exerpts on line.
Maybe this will resonate with you and help you along.
Good luck,
Rick |
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n/a
374 Posts |
Posted - 06/17/2006 : 11:29:29
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Hi Karen
I haven't been here for a while and I've just read all your posts. You are going through what I went through in 2002. My pain was in the lower back - disabling, terrifying pain.
I made it, though, and so will you. The truth is, my herniated discs and 'collapsed vertebra' don't hurt anymore. That diagnosis was what tipped me over the edge into the worst period of my life.
The diagnosis was probably correct - well, it looked that way on the x-ray pictures they showed me. Something like that has got to hurt, right? Well, it doesn't hurt now. My prognosis was poor - lifelong painkillers, possible surgery, increasing disability.
Sarno was right - not the legion of specialists and health practitioners who scared me and took so much of my money.
It may take time, Karen. It did with me; but you'll get there. The thing that so many of us experience during our recovery from TMS is that as the fear recedes, so will the pain.
Another parallel with your experience. My husband always wanted to take a cruise - in our case the Norwegian Fjords (very like Alaska, I have been told). He never thought we'd get to do it, though - because of my 'bad' back. Neither did I, but in 2004 we did it. - the midnight sun, the arctic landscape in the far north - amazing.
You could make a promise to yourself - to make that cruise - when you are ready and you will be ready.
Sending you all good wishes from Scotland.
Anne
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 06/17/2006 : 13:38:59
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My Goodness...I am soooo moved by ALL of you messages..Thank you so very much and God bless you! Wish you all lived in Vegas so we could hang out!
Hugs,
Karen |
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decided against the cruise, so sad
