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buster_lo
USA
12 Posts |
 Posted - 04/16/2006 : 14:14:14
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Alright, I'm at my wits end.
I mean, don't get me wrong, there are lots of people out there who have it a lot worse than I do.
Just last night I was out at a sci fi convention and saw all sorts of folks in wheel chairs, on crutches, walking around with walkers, all just stumbling through their lives, trying not to let it get them down.
Meanwhile, there I am, let out a little silent scream every time I stand up and stifling a whimper every time I take a step. And the worst part? Feeling like a real wimp for complaining. Feeling like a real wimp for not being able to just smile through the pain. Because when my back is acting up I'm a real bear--a real pain to be around.
And I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of the trips to the chiropractor, the massage, the search for "alternative cures" the babble about surgery and the glossed over looks of pity I get from my friends. I'm sick of being a victim. I'm sick of being just shy of crippled.
Here's my story.
When I was 18 I worked as a cashier at a big box store in Massachusetts. They didn't have us wearing back belts and I was a skinny, flabby stick of a kid. One day I reached down to shift a 60 pound bag of bird seed. I felt a twinge in my lower back. I felt like I'd ripped something or something had popped.
Then when I was 21 I was walking home drunk one night with friends when my buddy Joe stumbled and fell. Joe's a pretty small guy--maybe 150 pounds--so I picked him up on my shoulder and carried him for a bit. Everything seemed fine until I got home and tried to untie my shoes. There was that pop again, only this time it was worse. I stood up stock straight and let out a cry. It took two of my friends just to help my lie down, I couldn't get out of bed for about 2 days and had to walk with a cane for maybe a week after that. It sucked. But it healed up well enough. I mean, sure, sometimes my friend would say "Hey, Chris, you know you're limping, right?," but I'd just sort of brush it off. I even went to the doctor a few times, but all they ever did was give me big horsey pain pills and send me on my way.
Then I moved to Seattle, took up yoga, lifted weights, did some cardio and shaved my head. All of a sudden the pain was gone. I mean, sure, it popped up every once in a while after something strenuous, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. For the first time in my life I felt strong and active. I got to the point I could fold right in half and pull on my toes no problem. OK, so I developed some pretty bad carpal tunnel and my shoulder acted up a lot, but at least the back was taken care of. Right? Right?
Wrong.
Because about a year and a half ago when I was 26 my little VW Jetta and a big Mac truck had a bit of a run in. I ended up slamming into a concrete wall at 50 miles an hour, my right leg locked out straight on the break and all that force running right up me and into my hip.
I thought I came out of it pretty well. I thought I'd dodged a bullet.
But three weeks after the accident I woke up and I couldn't walk. Well, at least not like a real person. I strode wide-legged down the street like the Thing, a look of grim determination on my face, my jaw clenched so tight I'm shocked I didn't break some teeth.
And this time, the pain stuck around. And this time it was so much worse.
Sure, I went to a doctor, but he was no real help.
And I went to a chiropractor a friend recommended. He did some great work on my neck. He had me wearing all these weights on my head and doing whacky exercises. And my neck really does feel better, but my back? Not so much.
So now it's now. And I've been to three chiropractors and wasted a ton of money with no real results. Some days I feel alright and can get through the day. Some days I feel great and my friends say I light up like a light bulb and bounce around like a super ball when that happens.
But some days . . .ugh. Some days it's all I can do to get out of bed. I can't stand up for too long or it hurts. I can't sit down barely at all or it hurts even more. And when I stand up after sitting for a while? It's like a time bomb. I count down from three and suddenly this nauseating, pulling pain jumps out at me from the dark. Some days I look at the 10 dollar woden cane I picked up years ago and think "Is this the day I use it? Is this the day I give in?"
I bought this little saddle chair so I can get some work done. It's great, but damn it looks silly.
And I've got this electric desk so I can move around during the day.
And I've got this traction device in my living room. I hang upside down on it when I watch TV.
And this massage stick that I use to dig into my shoulder.
And none of really seems to do anything.
About 6 months ago I picked up one of Sarno's books. I read it. I didn't entirely buy it. But I wanted to. I wanted to believe what this guy was saying, because maybe if I believed it I'd be able to get back to living my life. Maybe I'd be able to bend forward from the waist without my whole right leg screaming at me. Maybe I'd be able to go out dancing without dreading the results the next day. Maybe I'd be able to make love without curling up in a ball afterward, waiting for the throbbing in my lower spine to subside.
Maybe.
Maybe not. Because I just can't seem to do it on my own. I just ordered "Healing back Pain" and I'm ready to drink the Kool Aide. I'm ready to think this guy has it figured out.
Because I do have rage. But most of that rage these days is at the pain. It's jealous rage. Jeaulous of folks I see out there who just hop and skip without a twinge of fear.
So, hi. My name is Chris, and I'm a back pain sufferer. And I need your help.
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JohnD
USA
371 Posts |
Posted - 04/16/2006 : 18:48:41
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| Dr Sarno's new book is very helpful. It has a chapter for people who can't accept the explanation of the pain, and he also claims that 20% of patients need professional help in order to get better. |
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altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 04/16/2006 : 20:00:03
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| I found taking the strongest pain reliver I could get, something with lots of codiene, works the best. Then, you can consider what emotional thing may be bothering you. I used to do this, and then go to the gym and work out. By the end of my workout, I had forgotten about the pain. Opiates work directly on the brain, regardless of the pain source. |
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n/a
374 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2006 : 01:38:26
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Hi Chris
You explained your story so very well. Welcome - you'll find many people hear have had similar stories, similar doubts and terrible fears. Oh - and bought all the equipment. In my case special chair for the living room, support seat for my car, a TENS machine and I had little magnetic pain patches that I stuck to my back.
I had to give up work because of the unbearable back pain, gave up driving (the support seat didn't work, of course) and was headed for a life of misery and disability.
That was three years ago. I'll look back here tonight. I have to go to work. Yes, I made it - after going through what you are going through now.
Best wishes
Anne |
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Pendoreille
USA
23 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2006 : 10:33:21
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Not sure if you've already seen a doctor, but I just found out about a TMS doctor in Seattle. He trained with Sarno last year. Here's his contact info:
Mark G. Strom MD
integrative health
medical acupuncture
1370 Stewart Street, Suite 202
Seattle, WA 98109
425-922-7576
425-669-7500 fax
www.integrativehealthmd.com
mark@integrativehealthmd.com
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buster_lo
USA
12 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2006 : 22:15:51
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Wow, thanks. I was just wondering if anyone around here was into Doc Sarno's treatments.
quote:
Originally posted by Pendoreille
Not sure if you've already seen a doctor, but I just found out about a TMS doctor in Seattle. He trained with Sarno last year. Here's his contact info:
Mark G. Strom MD
integrative health
medical acupuncture
1370 Stewart Street, Suite 202
Seattle, WA 98109
425-922-7576
425-669-7500 fax
www.integrativehealthmd.com
mark@integrativehealthmd.com
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Pendoreille
USA
23 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2006 : 07:22:45
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| There is also a TMS Therapist in Everett, but you have to have a TMS diagnosis. Her name is Dr. Mary Candelaria 425 347 7272, ext 106. |
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Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2006 : 12:10:14
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Hi Chris,
As Dave says TMSers have to take charge of their own recovery.
You have taken the first step in concluding that main stream medicine is not going to help you. Why? Because their diagnosis is wrong.
Dr. Sarno's diagnosis is dead on !
Because I do have rage. But most of that rage these days is at the pain.
The next step you must take after reading Healing Back Pain a couple times is to cease your anger against the pain and stop fighting against the pain. By fighting the pain you are playing on TMS' turf. You can't win that way. That is TMS' plan, to deal you up some pain in exchange for your anger. You have conscious anger yes, but there is unconscious anger too that has you trapped.
What else is going on in your life?
I went through this same path as you, I was very angry at the pain, and after I "let go" I started to recover.
You have some replies to your post about pain killers, I have not been down that path but many say it helps take off the edge so you can do your TMS work. See your Doc about some. You can see a TMS doc too.
If you cannot ignore the pain, then try accepting it. Just let it hurt. You can bank on the fact that the pain is harmless and you are not doing any serious damage to you body just because you have pain. This forum has a search feature, go back and read some of my many replies on how to stop fighting the pain, they may help.
You do not have to solve all the worlds problems.
Its not your fault you have TMS its just the way your brain is wired.
By the way, if you are looking for a "quick fix" you may have come to the wrong place. TMS is about changing conditioning and responses to conditioning. You will have to unlearn years of conditioned responses and habit. This can take weeks, months or years. You feel the pain and you equate that to injury. That's a conditioned response that is not true for TMS. You are lucky to have discovered Sarno early in your life and you will be spared tens of years of struggle. You are in this for the long haul.
Rest assured that Sarno's program can and will help you take control of your own recovery.
Take care, -Stryder
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Edited by - Stryder on 04/18/2006 14:02:59 |
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h2oskier25
USA
395 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2006 : 13:43:56
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Hi,
I would like to add to Stryder's excellent post.
AFTER (and only AFTER) you have read one of Sarno's book's at least twice, you may want to read Fred Amir's Rapid Recovery from Back and Neck Pain. Not only will you really relate to his story, but he gives you concrete practices and goals to work through. Helped me a lot.
Remember, though, you've got to do your reading with Sarno first.
Consider yourself extremely lucky to live in a State with a Sarno type Dr.
Wishing you well on your road to recovery,
Beth |
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Is this thing on? Because I need some support.
