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anxo69
USA
36 Posts |
 Posted - 03/18/2006 : 15:43:04
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Hi , I havent posted here in a while, I have been doing pretty good lately. I have been getting up everyday feeling like im getting better, Pain was down to stiffness. Most likely cause I walk stiff still kinda out of fear. well Lately I have been getting really stressed out about a house I just bought that needs a lot of work done, when last year I would be so excited to get started and now Im dreading it, Im afaid Ill hurt my back and be laid up in bed. I have been staying with my mom for the past year because I sold my old house and I started my back pain in june while working on a tractor ,my daughter and girlfriend also stay here.... That has been hell! I stay in my room like a 16 year old to stay away from my mom. She likes to order you around and Im 36 now and cant take that. Its winter here and the weather is cold, I havent gone out much to get away. so Im a bit cabin fevered too.
Well we have been trying to get along, me and my girlfriend started arguing about everything which is getting to be normal thing now. I am so confused that i dont know what to do. I wish I could move in to my house alone , but I want my daughter to have a home too. we talk about this all the time (my girlfriend and I) I also think i feel this way cause of my back, I have lost my confidence in myself as being able to do the work and pay my bills, I have my own business and hate doing that now too. I close in 3 days. I feel llke hiring a couple people to fix it up , then just sell it...buy a motorhome to drive away. anyways I woke up this morning rolled over and Im having bad pains in my lower right of my back. Im must admit it scaring me again and Im thinking structural. My head is saying.. I need surgery!!! I haave no insurance ....blah I havent got up today but once to go to the bathroom as the pain is pretty good , and wierd like something new is wrong. Do you think my girlfriend could be driving me nuts? I know with my girlfriend and my mom together makes me wanna never come out of this room.
Does anybody share any of these things?? |
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altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 03/19/2006 : 11:35:28
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I think living with my mom gave me back pain in the first place. I couldn't wait to move out when I was a teen. I also have an old house, and have been working on it for the past 10 years. My suggestion is to budget a few things to do every year, maybe the most urgent first, and look at spending 500-1000/year after that.
Try not to stress too much about it, you can always sell. I found doing Dr.Schecter's Mindbody Workbook helped me, particularly making a list of your stresses, changing the things that you can change, and accepting what you can't change. Sounds to me like you are already doing that, but writing it down seems to help. |
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joemccarthy
USA
18 Posts |
Posted - 03/22/2006 : 14:29:37
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Hey Anxo how you doing this week? Anything change for you? I own a home improvement company and I really feel for ya. Winter sucks the life out of me and I stress about little crap that it seems like no problem to deal with in the summer. I had my dtr living with me with her 3 kids and it just about split up my marriage. I drank a lot and hid in my room. I had chronic neck pain and used that as a reason to drink a lot and not work. I've been pain free just about 11 months and this past 2 months I've been anxious and depressed; letting all kinds of work slide and getting way behind on bills; more stress. I'm trying not to beat myself up; I'm pain free still and haven't had a drink in 22 months. Things have got to get better. Hope things are better for you.
joemccarthy |
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anxo69
USA
36 Posts |
Posted - 03/22/2006 : 17:20:37
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| Hi everybody today was a terrible day for me. I just closed yesterday on the house. I went to the closing having my girlfriend drive me there sitting on my side reclined. When we got there my lower back was ache pretty good. I stood threw the whole closing. Signing things with a clipboard. My attorney asked me whats wrong with your back? I said I hurt it last summer lifting my tractor, But since then I believe it is all stress.. I said Im not doing surgery and she said but you cant sit... Im like ya but I often feel better late at night when everybody is asleep it seems not to hurt as much. Makes you feel weird. Today I woke up and was gonna meet the nimo, and water guy at the house.. It felt tight but not too bad, Then I couldn’t find my keys, after a half-hour, I found them. Then I went out to start my truck and it wouldn’t start cause I haven’t drove it in a while. So I had to get the jumper cable and jump it, finally it started and I headed to the house late. I got there and missed the nimo guy, by 5 minutes. went to call then back and cell phone was dead, had to drive back home to get charger and hurry back so I don’t miss the water guy too. Well the water guy turned water on to the house and its 28 degrees here and I’m hoping the pipes don’t burst tonight. So IM in quite a bit of pain now, I wish I could stop this. Its like a anger alarm now.. so guess what I’m always in pain. I keep thinking the pressure of getting the house and my girlfriend (not sure I want to be with her anymore, and Not wanting to leave my daughter) is too much for me now, cause I don’t trust myself to pay my bills with this back problem. I keep thinking I’m gonna just sell it and not even move in. I gotta admit , I don’t know what to do. My lower back gets to the point where it locks up and have to lay down or it feels like its gonna spasm. It go's to my butt then to legs and calves. I feel like I have fibromyalgia. I accept this to be stress, I feel it the difference, and IM thinking I either need to get real with my relationship or get on paxil and go to therapy to get threw this. I never felt so much pressure..I remember when getting a house to do over was so exciting , I couldn’t wait to start. Now I haven’t even gone in the house after closing... |
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Susie
USA
319 Posts |
Posted - 03/22/2006 : 19:26:35
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| hey anxo, I have read your post twice and it is very clear to me that you are totally being controlled by fear. You say you have to lie down because you are afraid your back will spasm. So what if it spasms? Yeah, it hurts but it is surely not the first pain you have had. You have to DARE it to spasm.You have to laugh at the spasms. The pain is total misery but it is harmless. You are really under alot of stress which is natural for making a big investment, but you are causing your own physical misery by being afraid. Your posts dwell on everything negative that happened to you today. You are counting the negatives instead of the positives. So your truck didn't start and your phone was dead. Big deal! In the meantime you managed to buy a house and that is terrific. The fear is consuming you and you are the only one that can stop the cycle. Begin by trying to notice when your mind starts spinning. You must create an awareness in order to be able to stop it. You can gain control and stop the pain but you have to quit runnung. Tms is a bully and you are letting it win. I can promise you that gaining control is very impowering. I was where you are 2 years ago. If I climbed out you can to. |
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anxo69
USA
36 Posts |
Posted - 03/22/2006 : 19:47:25
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| Hi suzie, You are right about the fear, The first time it happened to my back , I went to the floor and could not move without the most pain I had ever felt in my life. That pain lasted 3 days then regular pain after that, I do fear that insane pain and Im afraid if I push it , it will bring it on again , and I wont be able to move. I have anxiety attacks also so It tends to make everything seem 100 percent worse. I guess I am letting the fear control me . |
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imdplum
USA
7 Posts |
Posted - 03/22/2006 : 20:09:21
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Anxo, my heart goes out to you. If you wait a couple days, then re-read your posts, it will be 100% clear to you that stress is doing you in. Not just the stressful things that are happening, but the feeling that you're not in control of your life, and you can't do anything to fix the problems that are ongoing. You have your work cut out for you.
Keep in mind that you don't have to *fix your problems* in order for your back to feel better. You may not be able to yet. But anything you can do to reduce your overall stress (meditation, journaling, making a list of the things you *can* control and fix) and to respect and allow your feelings will help.
Chris |
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one step forward ? steps back
