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Texasrunner
USA
60 Posts |
 Posted - 06/04/2004 : 12:19:54
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| Do you think that many who find themselves facing the TMS pain disorder are on some level comfortable with their pain, as a way of controlling things? Can a person have the fear that if they are actually happy, then something really bad will happen, so instead they create an acceptable distraction like butt pain? In that manner they can control their happiness...The distraction is no fun, but it is quantifiable. |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 06/04/2004 : 13:12:39
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Some people need the pain. They would be lost without it. It becomes a major part of their personality. It is a convenient excuse for when they don't want to deal with life's pressures. They are afraid of life without pain, of having to face the harsh realities of life.
This is all unconscious, mind you, and they're totally unaware of the key role that the pain plays in their lives. These people have TMS but would not see themselves described in the book, even if they believe in the concept. "Sure, maybe the pain is psychogenic for some, but for me it's different, because I know I have structural problems."
Some people might come halfway. My friend made progress treating his migraines as TMS. But when pressures mount, he blames his headaches on the weather. During those times, he needs the headaches to distract him from life. |
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Carolyn
184 Posts |
Posted - 06/04/2004 : 13:37:21
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As I have been doing my journaling one of the insights I came up with about myself is that I think over the years I have developed the subconscious belief that it is somehow wrong to be happy and relaxed. If you are happy or having fun then you must not be working hard enough or doing a good enough job. I think this became ingrained in me when I was in graduate school and there was a constant competition for who was working the hardest. It was a source of pride among my peers to be working on Christmas or miss important life events because then you were showing your dedication. Twisted but true and I think I internalized it. Since I am a perfectionist and insecure underneath my tough exterior, I think it may feel secure for me to feel under stress at all times and perhaps developing the pain gave me a way to be sure that I was never happy and was therefore more worthy ("fear of happiness").
Another thing I have wondered was whether I may have maintained the pain so that it could be 'the something wrong in my life' because I know everyone has to have something and that in my mind this could somehow magically protect me from other worse things happening. As I have journaled about some of my deepest fears- something happening to my husband or children, I wondered if I felt my pain was my way of doing the 'good' thing and taking on the bad karma for the family to spare them from harm? I know that sounds silly but don't we all believe or at least wonder on some level whether we can protect ourselves from harm by our worry. Not too far prior to the onset of my pain, I watched two close friends die from illness (I am only 36) and another friend lose a baby. It was like all of my worst fears coming true in people close to me so why not to me also?
Carolyn |
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Simona
USA
7 Posts |
Posted - 06/04/2004 : 17:46:41
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Carolyn:
I couldn't agree more with your observation that if you worry about something or someone enough that the thought has occured in your mind and therefore the bad thing you were worring about won't truly happen. Crazy, I know. I am in the process of reading Taming your Gremlin and I know thoughts like those are just Gremlin speak. |
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Sarah Jacoba
USA
81 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2004 : 22:49:18
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I definitely think there is paradox and perversity both in human nature. On some level, we all fear happiness, just as we crave it. I like Jung's concept of the shadow and how some of the contents of our shadow are good things, but our unfamiliarity or discomfort with these good potentials or aspects of our personality makes them shadow-like. I wrote a poem once about my shadow being "the glory I crave and fear." I think in the gremlin book somewhere it says that fear/anxiety is natural, but we should/could see it, alternately, as excitement over new things or possibilities. I try to make that choice in my mind when I feel anxious.
There is also alot of truth in the notion that we feel happiness and joy are unrealistic or just plain wasteful/unproductive.
--Sarah
"When dream and day unite" |
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Sarah Jacoba
USA
81 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2004 : 22:51:52
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along the lines of the gremlin book's mantra of "simply noticing" I find observing my anxiety and reframing it as excitement is really the solution -- no other "action" required!
--Sarah
"When dream and day unite" |
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shelliebill
4 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2004 : 11:44:54
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This is really interesting. My journalling brought up similar thoughts. If I lost the pain 100% my life would be 'perfect' and do I deserve that? Do I need that last bit of pain to offset my fear of not being worthy of all the good fortune that has come my way?
Another thought that has been posed to me is "If pain was instantly gone with no fear of return, what would my life be? Where would my focus be? What would I need to deal with that I'm not dealing with now?" Don't have the answers, but at least have the direction to look for the answers. |
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Susie
USA
319 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2004 : 15:32:27
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This is terribly interesting. I had a very good run of events in my business several weeks ago and I found myself thinking,
"I hope I don't have to pay for this with something horrible". I didn't think to notice if my worry affected my symptoms. I think it's human nature to have these kind of thoughts. Of course, if we worry about this too much we don't even enjoy the good things worring about the bad. I will now try to make sure my unconscious doesn't take advantage of the situation. |
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n/a
21 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2004 : 16:12:36
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HAPPINESS!!??
Thanks TEXRUN for the topic and Carolyn for delving deep and to ALL of you for the wisdom here!
The more that I have experienced TMS and healing myself, I realize that, in many ways, the pain and health crisis that have plagued my life in the past 6 years served a purpose for me. I can see that I UNCONSCIOUSLY brought or invited the pain and health issues into my life to get out of my business. I was in a very profitable and happy partnership with another individual for 20 years. Three years before I "retired" her daughter came to work in the business, because she wanted to "take it over" someday. I don't need to go into the soap opera of the last three years of my professional life, but the nuts and bolts of it are that I could NOT, would not, didn't know how to articulate my feelings of anger and rage about the changes in the status quo of my business. I just wanted OUT in the worst way and guess what -- the most acceptable solution (unconsciously) for me was to GET SICK, real sick -- even have an attack -- which my subconscious complied with completely. I got just what I wanted -- an exit solution and I still kept "face" and I never had to utter an "ugly" word. My partner and I are still on "good terms," ---poor SUNFISH went off to do her necessary healing and started collecting her pension and royalties (YES!)
Watch what you wish for, TMS might be at work to help you get it. :)
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alamogirl
6 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2004 : 19:10:49
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In response to Dave's post, I have a neighbor who absolutely NEEDS her back pain. She thrives on having her own ongoing personal drama, something that immediately puts her center stage. She chose to have back surgery a couple of years ago and -- no surprise here at all -- while her back pain cleared up for a while, a new and just as debilitating pain appeared in her neck (is this classic TMS or what?). I told her that I knew my recent back spasm was due to unexpressed tension and stress and she immediately countered with, "I wish that were my problem." Not a good candidate for Sarno's methods.
What saddens me the most about her situation is that she let herself be cut open and messed around with for no reason at all. Unfortunately, now she truly has a structural deficiency. |
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Connie
USA
11 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2004 : 20:20:53
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quote:
Originally posted by Sunfish
Watch what you wish for, TMS might be at work to help you get it.
I think wishing for a way out of responsibilities is at the bottom of a lot of my problems too. In one case that's more obvious, I used to be very active as a musician, much of it unpaid work for church, but felt so "used" that I found myself wishing I couldn't play the piano, etc., in order to avoid the expectations. Low and behold, about 15 years ago when I was back in school to study music, I developed "myofascitis" and "tendonitis" from extended practice which ended my ability to play. I'm still limited in my ability to play and know I have a lot of unresolved emotions about being a musician. Even longer ago, I became unable to hold my violin up anymore due to shoulder pain and weakness. I'm sure that's TMS, too, and likely tied into my relationship with my father--which was a difficult one. |
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menvert
Australia
133 Posts |
Posted - 09/19/2004 : 08:09:48
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This is the really scary thing about TMS for me. TMS is basically the only thing I have in my life. I don't seem to have a plan. I don't believe I have much to look forward to or any specific goals. Some hints I've received for TMS include think about what you would do when you are healed, how different your life would be. I find that very challenging. It does seem I may be afraid to be happy, successful and alive. As much as TMS pain limits my life and makes me feel pain . I can see quite apparently . it keeps me in my comfort zone where things are familiar. I can use it as an excuse any time I don't want to do something. It got me out of a job. I later realise I did not particularly enjoy. Hey it even got me out of drug addiction(cannabis amplified my pain) :) It is hard for me to truthfully say yes I want to get better.
Yet, I can see this is insane illogical and completely wasteful. I really hate being in pain, but more importantly, I hate being limited in my mobility. It would seem that may be my unconscious, holds the balance of power over my conscious and that's not the way I want it to be. Maybe I've been depressed since childhood... actually probably since high school would be more realistic. |
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Fear of Happiness?
