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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
 Posted - 10/27/2005 : 18:32:21
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Hi everyone,
As many of you know, I've been pretty symptom free for weeks now. I had been so miserable in my marriage for years and had decided to call it quits. This decision has been an agonizing one. I also met someone else and have been spending time with them. Being with him reinforced in my mind that my decision was right. Now, that person (who was separated, but not legally - just had moved to his own place for a few months) is trying to decide if he should move back to his wife and family. He is one who initiated the separation and his wife has been trying everything possible to get him "back," even using the kids to help persuade him (he's extremely close to them). Now, he and I are not talking to one another while we both trying to figure our lives out. This has been difficult for me to say the least. I've noticed in the past two days, since we decided to "take a break" that I have been dizzy again, way more so than usual. I have anxiety 24/7, and do not sleep more than a couple hours a night. I'm up all night long with stomach problems (IBS) and during the day I'm exhausted. My anxiety is such now that I actually feel my head tingling all the time. I cry round the clock and I'm trying to get a grip but it's all just too difficult.
I don't think anyone can imagine how you feel unless they are in your shoes. Nobody knows how hard I fell for this guy. I honestly do not ever remember feeling like this about anyone in my entire life. We have shared some amazing times together. I love being with him and I know he enjoys being with me.
I'm trying to figure out if the dizziness is from the anxiety or if they are two separate issues. And, the fact that I felt the dizziness leave when I met him and made my decision, and now I'm having second thoughts on my decision and I'm not sure what's going to happen with him...I guess that could trick my mind into starting it back up again. I just don't know.
I'm sad and confused. Any comforting words would be helpful.
Thanks.
Laura
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ladyblue
United Kingdom
50 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2005 : 19:23:58
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Hello Laura,
I'm so sorry to read of the situation you're in. I don't have any great words of wisdom to offer I'm afraid, I wish I did.
Something did come to mind though, that although not in reference to a "relationship" such as yours, but to a friendship.
It's a long story so I won't bore you with how it came to be but a very dear friend of mine, Connor, over several months came to stay at my home every other weekend. I absolutely love this man to bits, he's one of my dearest friends. He's special in many ways to me but I feel mostly because of how truely "me" I am when he's around. We sit up until the early hours and talk about any and every subject. There's no pretence in our friendship, we often row but quickly make up, simply because we laugh too much to be serious for any length of time. The reason I'm telling you about this is that another facet to our friendship is the fun, we fight constantly (playfully of course), we have water fights, play chase, hide n seek etc etc...lol..it's complete madness when he's around.
It's that madness, that fun....that "disraction" Laura that results in me being pain free when he's here, or almost anyway. Enough that I can take part in the childishness of our friendship.
When he leaves, almost instantly, without thought, my pain returns.
Connor no longer has to stay, he just visits every other Sunday and it's only now, that I can look back that I truely realise what was happening. My pain is much lesser now anyway thanks to the discovery of TMS and doing a lot of self work.
You had no need for pain when your partner was around Laura. You felt happiness and love, not only in giving but in recieving. It almost sounds as though you were complete then, and now, during this difficult and indecisive time you feel in-complete and are reverting to filling that emptiness with physical symptoms.
Please don't be hard on yourself, remind yourself of how far you've come and all that you've learnt along the way. Be gentle on yourself and give yourself the love that you need right now. If you can learn to fill that gap yourself, eventually it'll cease being something that comes from an external source, no one will ever be able to take it away and I feel that as that happens your symptoms/pain will realise that they're no longer needed.
I think I too have some gap filling to do. I know that a part of me is awaiting the arrival of that "knight in shining armour"...lol...actually I think he fell off his horse on the way!
Seriously I'm beginning to think that maybe I had all I needed all along, I just didn't realise it, still don't I guess...but I'm on my way....and so are you.
Strength and courage to you Laura...Jane
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 10/28/2005 : 08:34:39
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Hi Laura,
My educated guess is that if you're contemplating staying with your husband, an untenable situation if ever I heard of one, that's the source of the dizziness...
Laura, I think you need some support, based on the depth of your pain and confusion...I'm not a shrink of course, but there's a limit to what any one individual can bear....
Can you see someone? My heart goes out to you. Truly.
Just to add, your heart will mend. I absolutely guarantee it. Almost all of us have been there. I've had my heart broken as badly as a heart can be broken, and a bunch of more minor shatterings along the way. That kind of pain can't be minimized. It's as bad as any physical pain I know just about (though no doubt there are worse..I don't want to tempt fate  ) But it will pass.
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Edited by - art on 10/28/2005 08:50:02 |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 10/28/2005 : 16:08:03
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Thanks, Ladyblue and Art,
I needed to hear some comforting words.
Jane, I think you are right. I've been stuck in a miserable marriage for so long, so unhappy. When I met this other person, it's like I was on a "high" or something. I felt great, especially when I was with him. I never felt dizzy around him. I talked to him today and he is trying to sort out his life. He has a lot on his plate right now and is just needing the time to "be" and figure out his game plan. He coaches hockey, he plays hockey, he's got a full time job, and he's trying to fit in time with his two kids (who are with the wife). His wife is very manipulative. Her boss saw us out together last week and she told asked him the next day about the "hot girl" he was with having a drink (it was nice to be referred to as a girl since lately I'm feeling pretty old). Now, she's pulling out all the stops - even offering to pay for his schooling (he has a couple intensive classes to finish up on and he can make his career change). She even got the kids involved and so they are saying "Dad, come home and Mom will pay for your school." She is pathetic and manipulative and he sees through it. But it's hard, since he is so close to his kids and would do anything for them. I can see his confusion. Plus, I am the first person he has been out with since leaving his wife of 15 years. I am not even separated yet, only in my mind. We keep procrastinating but I know the day is coming in the next week or two. Last night my husband and I sat down for about two hours to discuss what we are going to do (i.e. will I rent an apartment or buy a condo and how will we do it all). He is still trying to reel me back in too, but it's not really working. I want to get along and be his friend but I don't feel anything else and haven't in years (long before the other guy). Anyway, I really think you are right and that is why the dizziness started up again. Thank you for your kind words.
Art, you are right too. I have been contemplating going to talk to someone. Yesterday, I felt the lowest I've ever felt in my entire life...just so sad. I cried the whole day. I actually think therapy might be the best thing for me right now as I am really struggling. Yes, my heart may be getting broken too, only time will tell. I really believe this person came into my life for a reason and I hope that things can work out into the future. I just don't know about them working out right now. Anyway, I am trying to put my focus into a career change (I am going to cosmetology school, if I can find a way to pay for it). I want to learn about massage, waxing, hair styling, and all that it entails. It will be every day, Monday through Friday, and in nine months I'll have my license and can get a job. It's something I've thought of before but never tried to do. I'm ready for something like this and I finally have a direction to go in. Thank you again for your support!
Laura
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It's baaackk - dizziness starts up again
