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ladyblue
United Kingdom
50 Posts |
 Posted - 09/30/2005 : 04:21:43
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Hello All,
Several areas for debate/thought here and I feel the answers are out there somewhere, just waiting to find me!
There is, what appears to me, to be a pattern that needs addressing in-order to be conquered. My last thought before falling asleep is..."Please God don't let it be too painful when I wake up", it IS always however, my most painful time and undoubtedly most fearful time. I can only move literally an inch at a time, praying continually that the spasm doesn't hit. I have a microwave in the bedroom(yes, seiously I do)that is about 12 steps away from when I stand, I edge towards it where my micro bottle is already inside, the timer set and waiting for me to hit the button. Now once I have applied the warmth to my back it settles a little and I can then make the rest of the journey to my chair in the lounge.
At this point in the day I can hardly apply any pressure at all to my lower back as it feels very tender, literally as though it's badly bruised, I don't understand or can't find any explanation as to what causes that?
This morning when I awoke I was aware that at the instant I opened my eyes I wasn't in pain but within just seconds there was what I can only describe as " a surge of energy" to my lower back that very quickly turned to a tightening feeling...and pain, almost a "locking sensation"
I have read that the cells in the body can programme and duplicate themselves over time thereby I guess giving them the ability to constantly recreate patterns...I think?...am I miles off what's happening here? More importantly how do I change what's happening?
Your comments/thoughts would be really appreciatted....Jane |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2005 : 07:54:36
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quote:
Originally posted by ladyblue
My last thought before falling asleep is..."Please God don't let it be too painful when I wake up", it IS always however, my most painful time and undoubtedly most fearful time. I can only move literally an inch at a time, praying continually that the spasm doesn't hit.
The fear must be banished. You must change your thought patterns. If you fear the pain, you can be sure, it will come.
You have to recondition yourself to think differently about the pain. Tell yourself that you will not allow the spasms to come. Get angry at the pain. Rebel against it. Talk to your brain; as silly as it sounds, it works for some people. Tell it you know exactly what it is doing and you're not going to take it anymore.
Of course this won't change things overnight. You have to do it every time the pain is foremost in your thoughts, every time you are aware of it.
You can only move an inch at a time because you are conditioned. You are conditioned to expect pain, and it comes. You are conditioned that if you move too quickly you might get spasms. This is all just a bad habit that you have developed and you have to break it.
By fearing it, you are feeding right into its hands. You need to completely change your attitude about the pain. It won't happen overnight ... results will be slow to come. But you have to take a long term view and have faith that if you stay the course, the pain will gradually fade, one day at a time.
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ladyblue
United Kingdom
50 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2005 : 09:18:47
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Wow Dave...you know something really hit home whilst reading your reply. In life I do not know how to express anger, for as many years as I can remember I have allowed people to, more or less, treat me as they choose. Even though inside I may have been at boiling point as a response to the treatment, I can even recall rehersing what I was going to say to them....but never did.
So hear I am faced with a pain that has me seething...but I can't express my anger at it, I don't know how.
So many times I've read how situations in life will keep coming back at us until we deal with them and here I am a prime example, how clever to present itself in a way that I cannot possibly ignore.
So Dave you have, as they say, hit the nail on the head....thankyou! |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2005 : 09:25:49
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quote:
Originally posted by ladyblue
...In life I do not know how to express anger, for as many years as I can remember I have allowed people to, more or less, treat me as they choose. Even though inside I may have been at boiling point...
You have just described a major cause of TMS in a nutshell.
Now go and figure out what all that bottled up anger is about, and try to let it out! |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2005 : 10:14:26
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Just some thoughts
quote:
Please God don't let it be too painful when I wake up
How about "Thank you God in advance for removing my pain by finally bringing me to a lasting and permanent solution"....stop being a victim...you are NOT.God didn't design you to be in pain.Our subconscious minds created the situation and the miracle is our conscious minds can banish it!
quote:
it IS always however, my most painful time and undoubtedly most fearful time.
Conditioning is very powerful...I remember expecting it every morning and it came.Visualize yourself popping out of bed and doing push-ups,hand grinding coffee..whatever.When you find the 'idea' of your morning pain creeping into your awareness..TALK to it!! Say "No...we're not going to do that anymore"..our subconscious is like a weak fearful bully..once stood up to,it goes away.
quote:
praying continually that the spasm doesn't hit
...sounds like your expecting it...once again,thank God that it's going away and is NOT going to hit.
quote:
At this point in the day I can hardly apply any pressure at all to my lower back as it feels very tender, literally as though it's badly bruised, I don't understand or can't find any explanation as to what causes that?
Because TMS creates all sorts of odd sensations...numbness,tingling,sharp pain,dull throbbing and even physiological changes....I used to feel like there was broken glass underneath my skin...remember those stupid graphs at the Dr.s office where you are supposed to draw a picture of your pain?? I would always draw lightning bolts across the whole page and write "It hurts EVERYWHERE"
quote:
This morning when I awoke I was aware that at the instant I opened my eyes I wasn't in pain but within just seconds there was what I can only describe as " a surge of energy" to my lower back that very quickly turned to a tightening feeling...and pain, almost a "locking sensation"
Every now and then,I would 'forget' that I was in chronic pain...the second I became aware of it's absence,it would come flooding in...conditioning,conditioning,conditioning.
quote:
I have read that the cells in the body can programme and duplicate themselves over time thereby I guess giving them the ability to constantly recreate patterns
Think psychological..not physical...this sounds like the 'structural diagnosis' excuse making factory that is modern medicine...when they can't fix a problem,they blame it on the patient.."Well Ms. Ladyblue...'ya see,it's YOUR body replicating these PAIN cells...we could fix you of course,if only YOUR body would stop this process...here...try our anti-cell-replicating program,meds and therapy"
You get the point.
We have ALL been where you are at,and your experience is not uncommon.Read the books,do the work...you'll look back at this time and laugh,though I'm sure right now you're probably scared,angry and in pain..nothing funny about that.
You're right on time
-peace
-piggy
Baseball65 |
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n/a
374 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2005 : 10:55:39
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You are definitely on to it, Jane - you've identified something vital to your recovery. When you woke up, for a moment you weren't in pain, but almost instantaneously - an energy surge.
Noticing that tiny lapse between waking and the fear surge was a big breakthrough. Something else - next time you find that pain (or any other manifestation that has been bothering you) comes on, notice that there is a tiny time lapse before the fear (or energy) surge follows it in. If your experiences are like mine - that was the start of a horrible pain-fear-escalating pain - more fear etc etc.
It was my excellent psychotherapist who put me on to 'living mindfully' - noticing all the little things that were going on in my brain - a brain which had become out-of-control.
I had to tackle TMS from two fronts - accepting and doing the psychological works outllined by Dr Sarno and I worked on the anxiety/fear thing with the help of a psychotherapist and I read widely on anxiety conditions.
I don't think there was any one writer or technique that worked above all others for me - it was more the drip, drip effect of immersing myself in well-researched information that did it - gradually, but surely. It took time, but I got there and I truly believe I have put in place defences that make a serious relapse very unlikely.
You'll get there as well - you have begun the journey to recovery.
This post is beginning to sound like something out of Star Trek's captain's log - a real mixed-metaphor fest. Still, I get a bit carried away when I start on this stuff - it honestly works! Sometimes I can hardly believe that I recovered from the terrible, hopeless state I was in three years ago, but I did; and so will you.
Best wishes
Anne
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ladyblue
United Kingdom
50 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2005 : 14:53:35
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Many thanks all,
Trust that the advice and suggestions are being digested and acted upon.
I do intend to beat this and for the first time ever I'm daring to see it manifest in my mind, I can almost feel the inner conflict going on when I do this and that's great...it knows I mean business!
I'm preparing for battle and my sons cricket bat is looking increasing alluring, along with several cushions that may or may not survive...lol..indeed they may have to be sacrificed, like it or not the angers on its way out.
Great respect to you all...Jane |
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Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2005 : 16:31:21
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Hi ladyblue,
You have taken the first step, you know your unconscious anger is causing your TMS pain. Now its time to fight back.
Read thru these prior posts, look for my replies here, they may be helpful. Note that some posts are long and have multiple pages and multiple replies.
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=327&SearchTerms=broken,Stryder
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=430&SearchTerms=broken,Stryder
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=716&SearchTerms=broken,Stryder
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=1071&SearchTerms=broken,Stryder
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=1150&SearchTerms=broken,Stryder
Hope this helps, -Stryder |
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leegold
USA
66 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2005 : 20:10:45
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dave and baseball have excellent advice.
whatever we FOCUS on gets bigger- so when we do affirmations or pray, we dont want to focus on what we DONT want but what we DO want. Speak what you want and not what you dont. Say to yourself in the mirror: 'My back feels fantastic every day, all day', not 'my back hurts less every day. one focuses on the pain, the other on feeling good.
Also, not "my back will get better soon' (as your brain will always put it in the future out of your reach- the subconscious is utterly literal.
I have had the 'locking' in my back- went to chiros for 15 years several times per week to hopefully 'unlock'- sometimes with 'suiccessful' result, others not. i havent been to a chiro for 7 weeks now (UNHEARD OF!) and doing better than when I went. My body still tries it every once in a while, but I know the drill now and it eventually goes away because there's no way it will drive me back to the docs.
In fact, if you look at some of my original posts, dave gave it to me good, because I wanted SOOO badly to go back to the chiros, and he was RIGHT!!
Lee
"A tranquil heart is life to the body, but passion is rottenness to the bones" |
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ladyblue
United Kingdom
50 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2005 : 20:58:13
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Hiya Lee,
Thanks for response/advice.
You're so right, sometimes you just need someone to give it to you straight and I sure did!
I read all the advice I'd been given today over and over..all of it...and then over again. I followed the links suggested by Stryder and found some really helpful posts.
When it was time for bed, I felt quite rebellious! I looked down at my toes and saw that the nail polish was looking chipped and warn (it's been a while since I dared to reach down to my toes!)..so back up I got and fetched some varnish etc Without giving my back a thought I sat there on the bed and attended to each foot in turn...I was so pleased with myself!!
Well then of course there was no stopping me!
I rearranged my pillows taking away two from the usual five and proceeded to lay down on my side!
Lee the last time I laid on my side was August of last year!
Ok it's now 3.50am and I only slept like that for a couple of hours, but I don't care....I did it!
Yes, when I initially woke I panicked somewhat but for every negative thought that entered my head I went back at it with a positive, I also swore a lot and got real angry at it. At one point I did experience the shooting pains that have previously come prior to the spasm, but I carried on regardless and am now sitting here typing not having taken any medication at all.
LOL...I'm sitting here grinning, I feel very proud right now!
So on the journey!...Jane |
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ladyblue
United Kingdom
50 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2005 : 21:20:44
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Lee,
I've just read the posting you put on for Calvin and am really interested in your comment:
I think for me, many of the horrible feelings are from my pre-verbal stage of life, as there seems to be pure, unadulterated emotional pain and no issue attached to them. There is much mourning to be caught up with in life.
I have an incredible sadness related to my childhood but cannot trace the source. If I begin talking about childhood I want to cry, I've gone back as far as my memory permits which is about age 3 and can find nothing to account for such overwhelming sadness. I know that from an extremelly young age I lost the ability to express myself when in pain (there's a link to what's happening now if ever there was one!) ...but how can that happen to a child so young??
I'll give you an example...and this breaks my heart even today.
My father used to have several greengrocery shops and a part of that business was to deliver fresh fruit and veg to local hotels in the evenings. On this particular occasion he's said I could go along with him, I think I was about 5 or 6.
Whilst he was delivering to one I'd obviously become bored and had got out of the car and was roaming around but as soon as I saw him coming I jumped back in.
The only this was that as I'd jumped back in I managed to shut my finger in the car door. But Lee instead of screaming or crying as you do (it's awfully painful!)...I said nothing!
I just left it shut in the door until we were home.
What on earth had happened to that little girl back then to make her so frightened that she couldn't shout out when in pain?
I still do not know the answer.
Any theories welcomed...Jane |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 10/02/2005 : 04:47:41
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quote:
When it was time for bed, I felt quite rebellious! I looked down at my toes and saw that the nail polish was looking chipped and warn (it's been a while since I dared to reach down to my toes!)..so back up I got and fetched some varnish etc Without giving my back a thought I sat there on the bed and attended to each foot in turn...I was so pleased with myself!!
Well then of course there was no stopping me!
I rearranged my pillows taking away two from the usual five and proceeded to lay down on my side!
Good for you, Jane – well done!
I can’t remember if you said already: are you having psychotherapy? It looks like you’ve been through a lot and it could be helpful to have an experienced person help you through it.
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ladyblue
United Kingdom
50 Posts |
Posted - 10/02/2005 : 10:58:29
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Hi there Hilary,
I really wish I "could" find a suitable psychologist to work with. I've been looking into it for the past couple of weeks actually as I feel strongly that I would benefit from the support right now, not just that but it feels "right"...if you know what I mean.
They seem to be a bit thin on the ground here in the South East with charges that reflect their demand, but I'll keep looking, the right one will come along I'm sure.
Talking of charges (lol...and I have non stop for the last 2 days!!). I received the bill for the consultant I went to see privately at a Bupa hospital the other day. Now I'd prepared myself for something in the region of £100, it was a 20 minute consultation....but it was £180 ! What is it they say about a fool and his money!...LOL Jane. |
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exRSied
United Kingdom
9 Posts |
Posted - 10/02/2005 : 16:58:33
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quote:
Originally posted by ladyblue
Lee,
I've just read the posting you put on for Calvin and am really interested in your comment:
I think for me, many of the horrible feelings are from my pre-verbal stage of life, as there seems to be pure, unadulterated emotional pain and no issue attached to them. There is much mourning to be caught up with in life.
I have an incredible sadness related to my childhood but cannot trace the source. If I begin talking about childhood I want to cry, I've gone back as far as my memory permits which is about age 3 and can find nothing to account for such overwhelming sadness. I know that from an extremelly young age I lost the ability to express myself when in pain (there's a link to what's happening now if ever there was one!) ...but how can that happen to a child so young??
I'll give you an example...and this breaks my heart even today.
My father used to have several greengrocery shops and a part of that business was to deliver fresh fruit and veg to local hotels in the evenings. On this particular occasion he's said I could go along with him, I think I was about 5 or 6.
Whilst he was delivering to one I'd obviously become bored and had got out of the car and was roaming around but as soon as I saw him coming I jumped back in.
The only this was that as I'd jumped back in I managed to shut my finger in the car door. But Lee instead of screaming or crying as you do (it's awfully painful!)...I said nothing!
I just left it shut in the door until we were home.
What on earth had happened to that little girl back then to make her so frightened that she couldn't shout out when in pain?
I still do not know the answer.
Any theories welcomed...Jane
1.I have an incredible sadness related to my childhood but cannot trace the source.
2.I lost the ability to express myself when in pain
3. instead of screaming or crying as you do (it's awfully painful!)...I said nothing!
I can't really give you any advice but I think there might be something here.
Personally, I've had a similar problem. I don't label, articulate, nor give voice to my pain. (who will listen anyways?) I haven't for many years. So it's always been hazy, unexplainable, and looked bigger than it is. I think silence magnifies pain more than a scream.
I have a lot of unresolved pain accumulated over many years. It's like bills that kept piling up that I just couldn't afford to pay at the time! The other day, I just screamed, cried, talked to myself, and let it aaaall out. Finally, I made my first payment. And it felt reaaaally good.
I'm not too sure where to go from here. I think someone suggested to do an "excavation" and try to dig out past emotional issues... Easier said than done!
When you've got so much responsibilities (work, family, etc) where do you find the time? AND how do you track progress anyways? I mean, this COULD take FOREVER.
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ladyblue
United Kingdom
50 Posts |
Posted - 10/02/2005 : 17:47:10
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Hi exRSied,
I'm so pleased for you, you seem well on your way to resolving a lot of overdue and embedded emotions.
Me to in a way. Today for example I've been sitting writing letters to several people that over the years have made me angry and I never said anything or chose to stop them. The letters I'm going to symbollically burn later on, but I have to say that I could feel the release as I wrote them...and I didn't hold back either, there's more swearing and abuse hurled than I ever thought I was capable of...lol..it was really empowering!
Every day from now on and for as long as it takes I'm going to expel some of my anger.
I get the feeling that the further I go the more my subconscious will allow me access to those things that so far have been hidden.
Equally as important though is realising and accepting that I can never allow my emotions to build up again. I have to change, I guess I have to learn my own worth and value, I anticipate some negative feedback on that one from those who are used to treating me in a certain way....well, that's one problem that they're going to have to own I'm afraid.
As for "tracking progress", I don't know. But I'd like to reach a stage that I'm comfortable enough with myself not to need to, if that makes sense.
You know I think that learning does take forever, it's an on-going process. But this is just a chapter in the book, in time we will move onto a different lesson and that will hold it's own challenges too. When I look back now I can recall times that I thought would never pass, but they did and one thing that I know for certain is that the harder the lesson the greater the reward.
Wishing you continued success....from Jane (currently flying the flag of anger and happy to hit anyone with it who gets in my way!..lol) |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 10/02/2005 : 22:19:27
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quote:
Originally posted by ladyblue
I have an incredible sadness related to my childhood but cannot trace the source. If I begin talking about childhood I want to cry, I've gone back as far as my memory permits which is about age 3 and can find nothing to account for such overwhelming sadness. I know that from an extremelly young age I lost the ability to express myself when in pain (there's a link to what's happening now if ever there was one!) ...but how can that happen to a child so young??
Any theories welcomed...Jane
Jane- You experienced pain (either physical or emotional) at a very young age that was over the top, to much for you to handle, so the survival mechanism that we all have kicked in to shut down your emotions. Rest assured that there is a very good reason, although you may not know what that is at the moment, that can explain why you shut down the way you did.
In parralled with the work suggested by Dave and Baseball you should start journaling about those early scenes that you do remember and try and feel as much as you can. Write precisely about the issues that you already know (that make you want to cry). Then really let the tears flow. Weeping is healing. Keep doing it as long as you are still feeling about it. This is a process and will likely take some time so do the work every day and don't get frustrated if things don't progress quickly. You may want to consider exploring inner child work as I have done. You will probably get a lot out of it.
Psychotherapy obviously can also help a lot but at this stage you can probably feel a lot just with your own journaling. |
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exRSied
United Kingdom
9 Posts |
Posted - 10/03/2005 : 02:01:48
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quote:
"Me to in a way. Today for example I've been sitting writing letters to several people that over
the years have made me angry and I never said anything or chose to stop them. The letters I'm
going to symbollically burn later on, but I have to say that I could feel the release as I wrote
them...and I didn't hold back either, there's more swearing and abuse hurled than I ever thought
I was capable of...lol..it was really empowering!
Every day from now on and for as long as it takes I'm going to expel some of my anger."
Hey! I'm happy to see this works! I think I might try writing letters as well. :) Maybe expeling
some anger everyday should become a habit, not unlike detoxifying your body. One thing I found
out however is SAYING IT OUT LOUD really helps TREMENDOUSLY! I always suspected it did, but my belief was reaffirmed when I read this somewhere:
quote:
"Speech is a unique human characteristic. When you want to translate something from a spiritual thought into a physical reality, speech is the method.
When struggling with a question or problem, use your voice. It forces you to grapple with the strangeness and the vagueness. Bringing a thought from your mind into your mouth takes it from potential to actual. When we say it out loud, the thought becomes engraved in stone.
(..)The more senses you have working at one time, the deeper the impression. Saying something out loud means you are using every one of your bones. You are using your diaphragm, your brain, your ears, and your lips, teeth and tongue. Try to be consciously aware of involving every fibre of your being."
The soul wants to grow, but the body is holding back. That's why you need to articulate ideas in a way that's convincing, to penetrate the idea into the body. We feel greater responsibility to carry through on what we say, much more than on what we think."
----
quote:
"I get the feeling that the further I go the more my subconscious will allow me access to those
things that so far have been hidden."
Yeah me too, I think I only spotted the tip of the iceberg though. Personally, unless I get myself a bulldozer it's going to take forever to get to the core lol. I figure I need to have more "breakthrough" moments where everything clicks, cry it all out, make a resolution, apply it as soon as possible and see if it works! Can't let emotions build up again!
quote:
"I anticipate some negative feedback on that one from those who are used to treating me in a
certain way....well, that's one problem that they're going to have to own I'm afraid."
How do they treat you, if you don't mind my asking? Could you give an example?
quote:
"You know I think that learning does take forever, it's an on-going process. But this is just a
chapter in the book, in time we will move onto a different lesson and that will hold it's own
challenges too. When I look back now I can recall times that I thought would never pass, but they
did and one thing that I know for certain is that the harder the lesson the greater the reward."
Thanks for sharing your insight, I think that's very true. It reminds me of the following I read somewhere:
quote:
"This lesson in late, hard-fought discovery is good news. What it means is that today's confused
can be tomorrow's dedicated. The current difficult climate serves as a form of reckoning. The
tougher the times, the more clarity you gain about the difference between what really matters and
what you only pretend to care about. "
However, what I fear is being "stuck" in this chapter forever because I might be approaching it the wrong way. I once read this and it stroke a chord with me:
quote:
" Many people are on a "self-improvement campaign." Their intent is admirable but the process
usually backfires. Inherent in a plan to improve is the assumption that something is wrong. You
are not okay. No sooner do you "fix" one flaw, than another one appears. After years of work on
yourself, you may still feel dissatisfied and unhappy.
The route that will take you where you want to go is to start with your strengths.
Add to them by developing new skills. Start from a place of abundance, not a place of scarcity.
You'll be happier and your self-esteem will flourish."
If I dig out my emotional issues, I don't think I'll ever be done. I tug at one issue, and a bundle of new ones fall on me. It's quite overwhelming. One answer leads to 10 more questions. This "search of self" is neverending. I suppose if instead I LEARN how to prevent things to build up and reach that critical TMS stage, I won't have to deal with this problem again? I'm not too sure.
Doesn't anyone feel almost lethargic digging out emotional issues and not knowing what to do with it next, especially if it seems unending?
quote:
"Always remember that enthusiasm comes from the inside out, not vice versa. It's easier to motivate yourself from within than to pump yourself up with empty sayings. Enthusiasm grows when you focus on solutions and opportunities, not problems and circumstances"
I found out from experience to be true for me. SOLUTIONS! That's what motivates me!
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ladyblue
United Kingdom
50 Posts |
Posted - 10/03/2005 : 06:36:20
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Hi exRSied..
LOL...I do love the way that you disect everything!
It shows a very articulate nature, you're not a person afraid to challenge or debate, that's a great quality.
LOL..So to my turn!
The letter writing works! Well it has for me, although you're quite right in that expressing verbally is necessary too, and I am, although I have to watch my language when the children are about.
Following my last nights letter writing I've cried lots...and lots...and lots. This morning I attended my daughters Harvest Festival service in church, she'd been selected to read out a prayer she'd written, as soon as she began...I cried!
I feel sad, tired and exhausted...but relieved...so very relieved.
I've opened a door and for the first time I have the courage to walk through, I'm not frightened or intimidated. I read the other day how important it is to trust in where I am, I do.
I'm not making any resolutions though. I believe that what I'm feeling are emotions linked to the past. But it is the past, I don't think I made any wrong decisions back then as I know that I would have done what I felt was right at that time, it's the emotions that I'm going back to heal.
Now having said that I've come to the conclusion now that the situations are irrelevant, I don't need to know and I'm not going to serach, I think (hope) that the healing is all I need.
Yes I can give examples of how I've allowed myself to be treated...lol...loads of them. But you know at the end of the day they all fall into the same category.
I deemed myself worth very little and I guess gave out that messsage to others who in return treated me as having little worth.
There were relationships in which I was physically and mentally abused and I allowed that to go on, then there were matters far more trivial. I have a friend whom I have known some 10 years, we meet usually 2 maybe 3 times a month. Having made the arrangements to meet, to date, she has never arrived on time. Now I'm not just talking by a few minutes, it's always 20, 30 mins plus. Once I waited an hour and half. She always arrives in a fluster and says exactly the same thing..."oh you know what I'm like"
What does that say of her opinion of me?
More imoportantly what does it say about me?
Am I patient? (categorically not!)
I stand there because I feel blessed that someone is taking time out of their "busy" life to meet me.
Lol...I can confirm from this day forward I shall wait no longer. My time is important, I'm important, if she wants me let her come find me...lol...but I may be too busy to fit her in!
All the best...Jane |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 10/03/2005 : 12:40:01
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quote:
I really wish I "could" find a suitable psychologist to work with. I've been looking into it for the past couple of weeks actually as I feel strongly that I would benefit from the support right now, not just that but it feels "right"...if you know what I mean.
They seem to be a bit thin on the ground here in the South East with charges that reflect their demand, but I'll keep looking, the right one will come along I'm sure.
I know what you mean. I wouldn’t have a clue where to even start looking for one privately. What about asking your doctor to refer you to one on the National Health Service? You might have to wait a while, and you may not get one you like (someone said to me: “you have to be prepared to sack your psychotherapist if they’re not doing you any good”) but it’s worth a try.
A book I found useful for uncovering hidden emotions was “The Journey” by Brandon Bays.
It sounds like you’re making good progress on your own, though.
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I have a friend whom I have known some 10 years, we meet usually 2 maybe 3 times a month. Having made the arrangements to meet, to date, she has never arrived on time. Now I'm not just talking by a few minutes, it's always 20, 30 mins plus. Once I waited an hour and half. She always arrives in a fluster and says exactly the same thing..."oh you know what I'm like"
Why don’t you arrange a time then turn up an hour later?
Hilary |
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ladyblue
United Kingdom
50 Posts |
Posted - 10/03/2005 : 14:39:46
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Hi Hilary,
Have just ordered the book on Amazon, read a couple of reviews and it sounds amazing...thank you for that.
As for meeting my friend an hour after arranged time...lol..oh don't tempt me!
No, I think I shall start as I mean to go on...either be there on time or she'll be lucky to catch a glimpse of the back of my car as I leave!
Hilary finding a private psychotherapist is indeed a nightmare, it's like swimming in the dark...lol..and there are sharks!
I did visit my GP and was refered to a Counsellor. Now this is a difficult area for me as I trained as a Counsellor myself (believe it or not!). I think I may have been a tad unfortunate with the woman I was refered to as after one visit I walked away thinking...she'll never handle me! lol
She did everything by the book, which was probably the problem...all she did was continually reflect back everything I said and an hour of that is positively annoying!
She also had a habit of watching all my body language to the point that she took notes. Being an individual with a sick sense of humour I decided to play with this, so I would deliberately stretch out an arm, or scratch my nose, cross and un-cross my legs etc...lol..she ended up frantic trying to take notes!...lol..that was wicked of me I know.
Some time prior to my Counselling training I did pay to see a private Psychotherapist whom I thought was wonderful...(damn, why have I always got a story to tell)...anyway I discovered during my trainig that he'd crossed every boundary possible. Apparently hugging & kissing on the cheek are strictly no-no's. As are such things as calling me at midnight for a chat, asking me to collect his dogs prescription from the vets, offering me a job keeping his books and the last thing I recall was him offering to do the cooking at a BBQ I was having....LOL...So you could say that the icing on the cake in this case was actually ....the sausage on the BBQ!!!
All the best Hilary...Jane |
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exRSied
United Kingdom
9 Posts |
Posted - 10/03/2005 : 15:11:59
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You know, I've never met you ladyblue, and I may be totally wrong, but just from the way you express yourself, I can tell you have a very gentle nature. The type who's really supportive and smiles to everyone, trying not to disrupt the peace, avoiding confrontation. I'm not surprised if some people would take advantage of you. "Oh here's one who won't move a finger if I poke her" Poke you once, no response? Well then, they'll just trample all over you.
It's kinda like a rose without thorns, ya need protection!
This is just an observation based on hunch and of course I may be COMPLETELY wrong. I'd gladly accept a slap on the head if I am lol |
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Pain, Psychology , Tenderness & Mornings..Help!
