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leegold
USA
66 Posts |
 Posted - 08/28/2005 : 19:28:45
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"Do you think it's ok if I don't read Sarno or this board everyday?"
i was just at one of sarnos follow-up group mtg last tuesday. he said in no uncertain terms that if you are in therapy then you do NOT need to continue to read his book daily- the real issue for healing is in the work you'll be doing w/ the therapist.
i still continue to read the books, but not as heavily as before working on the issues.
i keep a copy in the bathroom for easy reference... 
Lee
"A tranquil heart is life to the body, but passion is rottenness to the bones" |
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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
Posted - 08/28/2005 : 19:47:51
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This weekend, in retrospect, saw a handful of wonderful things pass. I may or may not have mentioned this on this board in the past, but I do have a history with my father. In essence, he is a spitting image of me, or rather, I of him, and being as such we have had much tension between one another over the years. We've never had much of a relationship, and I've always had an intense anger towards him. Well, recently I came to the realization that he was just doing the best with the knowledge he had at the time. I told him this, and how I'm beginning to sow forgiveness in my heart. He was overjoyed.
We spent Saturday together, something we haven't done in over a decade, and I took the time to talk to him about what has being going on with me, physically, emotionally, how I still have the same symptoms that I was chasing in the past, but that now, I know what needs to be done to eradicate them. Supportive he was, incredibly.
So that was a plus. I took my first dose of Cymbala today, so let's cross our fingers.
What's distressing is this: I know what needs to be done in order to heal, you've told me, I've read it, I've even had many conversations with myself, and have had my mind tell myself that the answer is surprisingly simple, that none of my symptoms are dangerous, that the answer lies in getting on with my life, but as we all know, it's easier said than done.
I want more than anything to get on with my life, but there are times when I catch myself thinking quite the opposite. That I NEED these symptoms, that it's too scary without them. I know in my heart that this isn't true, it just scares me that these thoughts would enter my head. And I begin to believe that they are in fact emanating from my heart, and not my mind. So amongst all these negative thoughts, I must further solidify my resolve, and push on. Thankfully, I have everyone on this board behind me 100%.
As for that chest pain/burning I mentioned, it probably is TMS, and I even took an antacid today just to see if would have any effect. I did not. But I do have a physical coming up and will mention it to the doctor if it still is an issue. Dave, you're right. The cycle can go on forever, new symptoms, new doctors, and new fears.
After I had this turn around in my thinking last Sunday, I mentioned in a subsequent post that I had this new found excitement, that what happened was necessary in order for me to complete my healing. But you know what. I find myself slipping into that old familiar cycle. And I'm glad I'm realizing it.
What I mean by this is allowing my mind to turn everything against me. Seth, you're on the wrong medication. Seth, it's not going to help it's going to make things worse. Seth, you must have the chest pain checked out or else you're never going to make progress. This can go on indefinitely. Not anymore. Even as I'm saying this, I can feel, viscerally, the tug; that is, the part of me that is saying that I do not want this to go away. But I'm stronger than this. Way stronger.
I'm glad also that I've mustered up the courage to post every day without fear that I'm bothering any of you. Such a silly thought indeed. This is a big step for me, admitting that I need help and utilizing an outlet, but I feel it's necessary in order for me to heal.
I'm only 23. There's a whole world out there. I don't need this anymore. I'm ready to move on.
Thank you again.
(As I trip over my soapbox.)
Seth |
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n/a
374 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2005 : 03:06:13
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Hi Seth
I've been reading your posts with interest - what you describe, I call it an 'All over the placeness,' sounds so very familiar. I recognise what I felt like a couple of years ago. Some new symptom would surface, some new medication prescribed - almost immediate concerns about said medication; I'd read all the small print about side-effects and convince myself that I was experiencing one of them, inevitably one of the most serious. We have a help line here in the UK called 'NHS 24' You can call it and talk to a nurse who will ask you about your symptoms and then advise you what to do next. I dread to think now about how often I called them, usually at around 3am.
I remember the horrible, out-of-control anxiety - it really was no way to live. At the time I sometimes almost despaired of ever being 'normal', but the key word there is 'almost' because deep down, I think I knew that I could change things and I did. It seems to me, from what you say, that you have that same determination.
You're on the way to recovery, Seth - it comes through in what you say. I wish there was one thing that you could do or take that would short-cut things for you, but I don't believe there is - my recovery was in little stages. The thing is to focus on every little improvement you notice, accept the setbacks - that's all they are.
If there were any defining moments for me - they were, in retrospect, probably these - reading Dr Sarno's ideas and having a psychiatrist tell me that someone who is willing to explore ideas concering anxiety and mind/body problems the way I was, will get better. I remember the way he said it, with such conviction - it really hit home.
One other thing - I got to the stage where I began to take the attitude that. yes, serious physical illnesses exist, and yes, it was possible that I would get one, but was that possibilty going to control my life? Not any more.
You have been through such a lot - no wonder your mind and body were stressed to the point they were, but you'll work out another way to react to things - give it time and be kind to yourself. You will get that TMS gremlin under your thumb where it belongs.
Very best wishes
Anne
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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 18:00:33
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Good evening,
(Paco, my cockatiel, says "HI")
As many of you know from my recent postings, I've really been reassessing how I'm approaching TMS--and my life for that matter. I've realized that it's okay to reach out for help when you need it and not have to feel like a failure--be this help in the form of medication, message board postings, conversations with friends or family, etc.
Whereas before I would mainly recite the TMS principles verbatim in my head, now I'm actually forcing myself--hard as it is sometimes--to put the work into action. For instance, in the past when running I would really focus on my shin splints the entire time and say "Seth it's TMS, just a distraction," but I would still be paying it utmost attention. It was doing its job. Now I put all my efforts into forcing myself to think about anything else but the pain.
Another problem was that TMS theory and the mind-body connection began to dominate my life--I was literally eating, breathing, and thinking self-help all day long. I thought the more that I read and the more times I recited lines from MBP, the faster I would recover, clearly not the case.
Now I'm bent on reclaiming my life. Enjoying things for once. My life was still incredibly regimented, and I was convincing myself otherwise for fear of admitting that I might need a different direction in therapy, or a medication tinker.
I've since started reading a Fantasy novel. Do you know how long it's been since I've read a book for leisure? Years. I forgot what it was like to get lost in the pages.
Currently, I try and spend a solid 30 minutes every day thinking long and hard about what is bothering me--something again that I would often think about doing, but never actually implemented. If I find myself during the day thinking about my pain(s) I remind myself quickly what is going on, maybe think about something that is bothering me if I have time, otherwise I just try and focus my attention elsewhere.
Now I understand why people say recovering from TMS is work, hard work. Before I never quite grasped that.
Dave, you had mentioned--after I posted about the chest pains and seeing a doctor--that I still may not be surrendering to the TMS theory completely. While I would like to think I have, I believe you're right, there still is resistance--this is upsetting I must admit. Is this just something that I should not worry about, something that will come with time (and patience)?
It's easy to say--in my case for example--oh, I'll know I REALLY have TMS aand the work will REALLY begin after I make sure that this chest pain thing is fine; and after I see a TMS doc. This is just part of the cycle I believe. Things must start now; hard as this is.
You know what's so ironic? I have found over the years that I can become obsessed with practically anything medically related. Any of my past diagnoses, I would research to no end, my thinking would be consumed.
I need to become obsessed with letting go, with doing nothing, with surrendering.
By the way, I started the Cymbalta 20mg on Sunday, and today I am feel a little bit better. I keep telling myself not to get too caught up with whether or not this is due to the medication, because, ultimately, It's me who is responsible for my healing.
Much love.
Seth |
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Calvin
USA
46 Posts |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 19:19:30
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quote:
You know what's so ironic? I have found over the years that I can become obsessed with practically anything medically related. Any of my past diagnoses, I would research to no end, my thinking would be consumed.
I do this. This drives my therapist nuts.
I'm in the mechanical trades. Yet I obsess about things medical, such as what I'm going through now, or what I've gone through in the past. I research and research until my eyes are bloodshot. Thats great, because then I'm dog tired and I go to bed with all that on my mind. Nothing like setting up your subconscious before sleep.
What is this "need-to-know"? My shrink says its part of my anxiety condition where I have to have an answer to everything, I constantly search out information. Sort of like a defense mechanism. I'll have all the stuff I want to know in case of a worst case situation. |
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PeterW
Canada
102 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2005 : 09:17:57
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"You know what's so ironic? I have found over the years that I can become obsessed with practically anything medically related. Any of my past diagnoses, I would research to no end, my thinking would be consumed".
"Yet I obsess about things medical, such as what I'm going through now, or what I've gone through in the past. I research and research until my eyes are bloodshot".
Seth and Calvin, so so true!
And I always thought I was anything but the obsessive type of personality, and always wondered how anyone could allow themselves to become compulsive gamblers, alcohol or drug addicts or whatever. I always had such strong self control. Well yes, over most things. But throw irresolvable health problems that defied conventional medicine into the mix and then I was no longer in 'control' of my good ship. Then the obsessing got rolling, without me even realizing what it was . . . thinking "there's got to be an answer to this" etc, pushing the concious mind even more into the forefront. The logical, rational mind that (so we think) can always deduce the answer to everything, and I needed those answers so I could feel like I could be back in control again.
And it's just to dang easy to research until our eyes are bloodshot with the joys of this internet age, with thousands of sites on every ailment and condition known to humanity, plus tons of sharks trying to convince you that their concoction or gizmo will fix this or that condition and restore you back to the vibrant health you had when you were 21 and bla bla bla.
But a few good things actually did come out of all this research, including being awoken to the Sarno perspective which shed a totally different light on things. But most of it really was a waste of time and effort.
"I need to become obsessed with letting go, with doing nothing, with surrendering".
Seth, from my perspective I'd suggest modifying that 'obsessed' to a 'focussed'. I figure it would be counterproductive to be obsessed about not being obsessed. |
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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2005 : 09:41:21
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Happy Holiday TMSBoard!
So I printed out this entire thread "What a day..." and let my therapist read it on Friday. Such an important decision because it truly gave him insight into how exactly I've been feeling and what has been going on in my life since I saw him last.
He feels that there are some very bright people on this board based on the responses I was receiving and encouraged me to continue using it.
I do feel now that we are both on the same page, for the most part. There was only so much we could cram into our one hour session together but he did go through the printout and mark it up--underlining important responses, adding side notes, and the like.
And interestingly enough, he said he felt that chest tightness/burning sensation is completely emotional. And guess what? During our session the pain, while it did not go away, moved! Not dramatically, but enough to be perceptible. He encouraged me to talk to it, breathe into it, and try to visualize the issues being released--or something to that effect.
He did say, facetiously, that he wishes he could burn the Sarno book (I brought it with me to the session). Not because he disagrees with the man, in fact he feels quite the opposite, but because it was taking over my life. And at this point, I really don't find it necessary to continue reading and re-reading. It's time now to put the plan into action--the hardest part.
I still have it but a lot of my fear concerning it is gone.
Basically, since I was essentially trying way too hard before obsessing about TMS and all things self-help, my new approach is to pretty much stop trying so incredibly hard--and being so incredibly hard on myself.
Anthony, in another thread summed it up nicely:
"At first, I was worried about not getting the instantaneous cure that people in Sarno's books got. However, I eventually just moved on with my life with the belief that I did have TMS and that eventually it would sink in and the pain gradually went away."
I know that part of me is still resisting the diagnosis, based on silly lingering thoughts: maybe I should get ONE more lyme test, etc. But instead of beating myself up over this and trying to force myself to accept it 100%, I think doing what Anthony did, especially in my case, is the answer.
And that is exactly what I'm trying to do. Getting on with my life, exploring relationships, meeting new people, embracing who I am, all the things that I was saving until the TMS went away. All of the issues that conjure up strong feelings of fear. This is the road to recovery, and I must admit it is scary, but no one ever said kicking this was easy and now I am beginning to understand why. Part of me, for example, gets upset knowing that I'm going into the above with pains and symptoms and a low sex drive, and wants to wait till things get better, but you know what, they won't unless I muster up the courage, and take that leap of faith.
You know, something I find to be incredibly helpful is sitting down with yourself, doing some breathing excersises, and slowly, gently, begin asking yourself questions. What is bothering me? Why am I afraid? Don't force the answers. This is not a left-brain activity :] Let them come naturally and you'll be surprised by the results. But more than anything, learn to trust them.
Looking back, I would often receive answers to the tune of: Seth, getting rid of all of these symptoms is so much easier than you think, the answers are truly at your fingertips; stop trying so hard. I didn't pay it much attention then, but now I understand what my mind was trying to tell me.
So when I notice a symptom, a pain, instead of launching into the tactic of thinking of a particular notion that bothers me, I just simply shift my attention elsewhere. (As hard as this may be sometimes.)
On the psychiatric front, I'm down to 100mg Wellbutrin--after a month of this I'll be off of it for good--and up to 40mg Cymbalta. This is only my second day on 40mg, I was on 20 the first week and so far I can't say I feel terribly different. But I do understand these meds take time and that I did start at a low dose and am working my way up slowly. This is one thing I really appreciate about my psychiatrist, his motto is "start low, go slow."
So that's it for now.
Actually, I must say, this whole "chilling out", not trying so hard bit, it's so very weird. My whole life I've had schedules and regimines and routines. Not subscribing to any of that not only is difficult, it's a bizzaire feeling. I can widdle and waddle the day away and it's ok!
One question. You know when we say that if the pain goes away when you're having fun or involved in something or excersising that it's TMS? Well, wouldn't pain do the same thing even if it wasn't TMS? Just curious.
Seth |
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n/a
560 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2005 : 11:43:36
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quote:
Originally posted by Dave
The anxiety is a smokescreen and prevents your recovery. You might benefit from special relaxation techniques, though personally I have not used any. If I find my mind racing, I tell myself "SHHHH!!!!" and then pull an imaginary curtian over those thoughts. I don't allow them to continue. I focus on breathing, or force myself to think of something completely different, preferably something calm and soothing.
This sounds a lot like repressing one's emotions to me. Is this wise? I am asking as I too become overwhelmed with a variety of emotions and I don't know what to do with them other then to acknowledge they are there and try my best to tell my unconscious to calm down and relax and re-assure it that everything is going to be ok. |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 09/06/2005 : 08:32:57
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quote:
Originally posted by PeterMcKay
quote:
Originally posted by Dave
The anxiety is a smokescreen and prevents your recovery. You might benefit from special relaxation techniques, though personally I have not used any. If I find my mind racing, I tell myself "SHHHH!!!!" and then pull an imaginary curtian over those thoughts. I don't allow them to continue. I focus on breathing, or force myself to think of something completely different, preferably something calm and soothing.
This sounds a lot like repressing one's emotions to me. Is this wise? I am asking as I too become overwhelmed with a variety of emotions and I don't know what to do with them other then to acknowledge they are there and try my best to tell my unconscious to calm down and relax and re-assure it that everything is going to be ok.
I'm not talking about genuine emotions here, I'm talking about runaway anxious thinking, which in itself is a TMS symptom (in its extreme, it is OCD).
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2005 : 13:54:17
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Seth,
I think that's great that you're starting to forgive your father. I'm sure this will be a turning point!
I think having a positive view to those around us is essential for our own well-being. (That also goes for ex's / previous partners in a relationship.)
Blaming others for our problems and feelings feels good superficially, but somehow it doesn't really help us deep down. Perhaps it's because it gives us an excuse to hold on to those (self-destructive) bad feelings, and makes us think we have no control over them. After all, if it's someone else's "fault", we don't have control over them -- so they are going to stay there forever!
Hilary |
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What a day...
