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Suz
559 Posts |
 Posted - 07/16/2005 : 21:52:59
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It hit me today that I have had enough of hating my parents and blaming them for all the emotional pain that has ultimately lead to physical pain of TMS. Have any of you ever had that feeling that the more one goes to see a psychologist, the more one ends up blaming ones life on someone else. I have been going for 4 months now and I know that the kind doctor's intentions are to help me access my feelings and therefore stop the TMS pain. She is very reputable, referred to me by Dr. Sarno. I am finding every week that I hate my mother just a little bit more every time and I feel terrible terrible anger. The TMS pain has simply shifted to my upper back where it spasms all night long. Hmm - not much better than before just new location. I feel great bouts of depression that I have not felt in years and last night during a terrible back spasm, I felt a little suicidal - well that only lasted 30 seconds but was not fun.
How is all of this better than a year ago when I first came across Sarno? I don't know. I have a very estranged relationship from my mother now who I really avoid talking to at all costs as I can't stand her. I feel the same way towards my sister. This is all after therapy. Life feels much heavier and more serious than it ever has. Now I ask - how could all this be called progress?
I would love to hear others reports on this. I would bet that many of you that have been in therapy for this TMS condition, now have more estranged, more painful relations with your families - TMS pain may have gone but at what cost? Forgive me if I am wrong.
I am thinking of finding another route. I agree 150% with Sarno that all of this pain is from the brain - his theory and diagnosis is absolutely spot on.Most medical doctors are barking up the wrong tree with all of their surgery and physical therapy. But could there not be another approach? After all, I know that this is not structural, I know all about my pain of my childhood. I wonder if there might be another route to switch off the brain's behaviour.
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ssjs
USA
147 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 06:49:51
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I do not have enough time to resond now, but my experience was that I had my very worst pain during the beginning months of therapy, It went as far as wildly horrible sciatica with a paralized foot!I REALLY hated my parents more and more...when suddenly, I was ALL better (well pain free, at least) and it has lasted almost 20 years at this point.
The hate gets bigger for awhile. I felt that that is how I knew I was getting at things that where really hidden. FOR ME, I couldn't have gotten better without that.
For you it may be different...but the pain is bad to pull you back from the real feelings you may have that are very buried. TO STOP YOU FROM DISCOVERY.
Only you can know what is best for you, but originally Dr Sarno sent me to a woman whose initials where FA. If that is yours, she was the beginning of a NEW life for me...although the beginning was terrible...since I went in thinking I had the best childhood ever...and found out I was actually quite neglected.
Give it time, but KNOW you will get better.
Sandy
(off to work on a SUNDAY.ICK) |
Edited by - ssjs on 07/17/2005 07:52:47 |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 09:55:34
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Suz,
I think that with many things in life, you can't expect immediate results. I've always believed that if it took you years and years to develop something (i.e. the sucky relationship with your family) it could take some time to undo all the pain that was caused. I myself am simply in denial. I know I'm angry at my parents and I know the TMS symptoms I'm experiencing stem a great deal from that anger. I did see a psychologist and it wasn't a huge amount of help to me, although he did point out some interesting things that made a great deal of sense. I think we just hit the tip of the iceberg, so I did not experience the extent of anger and pain that you are experiencing. Had I gone deeper with this or if I were to find another therapist (perhaps a female because being a woman I think this would be easier) then maybe I too would be in your shoes. However, like I said, I think you have to go through some discomfort for awhile and yes, things could be worse for awhile. Ultimately, though, Sandy is right and things will probably get better. You just need to hang in there.
I understand what you are going through. Believe me, there were times in my life that I have hated my mother so much I never wanted to see her again. My parents play favorites with my sister and that's always been a tough pill to swallow. Now, I am very close to my sister because I made a huge effort to have a relationship. It was kind of a "if you can't beat em join em" attitude. I couldn't continue hating her just because she's the favorite, although sometimes I do get annoyed with the extremes she goes to in order to win their approval and keep that favoritism going. At this point in time, my mother is 73 and is laying in a hospital. We thought we were losing her last week she got so bad. I have been calling her constantly and calling my sister constantly to confer about her care and her condition. Maybe I'm in denial, I don't know. I'm sure if I were to speak to a professional and delve into all this garbage I might just never want to see any of my family members again, I don't know.
Good luck and I hope you make some progress.
Laura
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 11:08:00
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Hi Suz.
First of all I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.I too spent about 2 years being angry at my Mom due to issues brought up in therapy.She had lied to me about my Fathers "heart attack"(nervous breakdown) ,never illuminated the family 'vibe' at the time of his death(they were in a spat{guilt,guilt,guilt})
None the less,as I finally became accustomed to the idea that my Mother wasn't perfect and I wasn't the worst person in the world,Our relationship 'normalized',and I've even been able to discuss some of these things with her.While I was angry we didn't talk a whole ot and it was strained when we did.
As far as the pain issues,I get a feeling from reading your posts that you're unconsciously waiting for some sort of 'breakthrough' to remove the pain.It may happen,but perhaps you should focus some of your introspective energy on something less brainy....like a good ol' fashioned primal scream gestalt type tantrum.Being reasonable and rationally approaching the problem doesn't seem to be working as well as you'd like.
I always found that getting myself into a fit of rage or emotional instability to where I could actually CRY was what made most of my pain leave.I went shooting a lot and blew up many pieces of furniture with shotguns and .45's,spent a lot of time at my Fathers grave,and went out of my way to be a vindictive A-hole to anybody who crossed me.
Obviously I couldn't always stay that keyed up,but the month or so I spent losing my mind was exactly what I needed....that is to LOSE MY MIND...when I found it again all the good pieces were still there,but the TMS portions were gone.
Do something silly,rash,wrong....enjoy it.YELLL!!!
Go buy a brand new set of dishes and glasses and throw them off the top of a bridge.
Try everything.
You will win.
peace
Baseball65 |
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2scoops
USA
386 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 12:04:34
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| This may also give you a chance to forgive your mother. If your mother is sick and getting up in years, you may not have too much time to talk with her. If she passes away then will that still stop your anger? Since you are aware of your feelings, then maybe now it's time to forgive. |
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Suz
559 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 13:59:11
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thank you guys for all of your input. I wrote that post last night at midnight in a very bad way.
I suspect that the tact that the pain has been getting much worse and has moved to a new location shows a sign of being on the road to recovery. I just hate that the process involves me ripping apart my parents and sibling. The pschologist is really enouraging me to focus on all my anger for my parents and is telling me each week how they are unable to love me and that I am basically feeling alone except for the love of my fiance. She said that I am in a lot of emotional pain right now in coming to terms with that. So every week, I come away feeling more like a victim and hard done by and neglected by my family. Now, realistically, I think my mother does love me in her own way and I have not experienced anything different to many other families. Parents are not perfect and most of the time are just trying to do their best. They have issues of their own that they went through. I feel ungrateful having these awful feelings towards my parents and so I should. They would be horrified if they knew what I was feeling and saying.
My point is - is this the only way to go in order to switch off this awful pain?
Sandy, I feel such hope when you tell me that you had to go through this to get to the other pain-free side. Sorry you have to work on a Sunday - if you have any time, I would love to know a little more about your therapy you experienced as it gives me hope that I am on the right track. I am not seeing the same Sarno psychologist (different initials!) How long did it go on before you the pain lef t you? Did you see the psychologist every week? I just have this problem with all psychologists blaming everything on the parents. Why can't they let you feel the anger but also say that the parents were doing their best - maybe then one couldn't feel angry enough. I don't know. All I know is that the pain in my back at night time is so so bad that last night I just didn't want to go on.
Baseball - I know what you mean about having a fit! Last week, I freaked out with anger at the pain (or did you mean direct it at my parents etc?) - I ran around the room punching things like a crazy person - I remember having a night of virtually no pain. Was this your tactic in general? I tend to overanalzye everything and am definitely waiting for that wonderful recovery to happen.
I guess it makes sense that if I am getting closer to the emotional feelings, my brain steps up the pain in order to distract me. Weird that I don't have it during the day |
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Suz
559 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 14:04:50
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Laura,
Thank you for sharing your experience. How long did you see the psychologist for? Was it Freudian therapy? Why (if you don't mind me asking) did you stop?
I don't know - maybe I have to go through all this to make it through to the other end. I am so tired of being angry. This week, for some reason, I have been feeling sorry for my mother. She does not know how inadequate she was to me as a mother - I really think she loves me and worries about me a lot. She says tactless things to me all the time that make me feel bad about myself - but mostly she is just being silly. Hm - maybe I am forgiving her.
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ssjs
USA
147 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 16:24:44
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quote:
Sandy, I feel such hope when you tell me that you had to go through this to get to the other pain-free side. Sorry you have to work on a Sunday - if you have any time, I would love to know a little more about your therapy you experienced as it gives me hope that I am on the right track. I am not seeing the same Sarno psychologist (different initials!) How long did it go on before you the pain lef t you? Did you see the psychologist every week? I just have this problem with all psychologists blaming everything on the parents. Why can't they let you feel the anger but also say that the parents were doing their best - maybe then one couldn't feel angry enough. I don't know. All I know is that the pain in my back at night time is so so bad that last night I just didn't want to go on.
Suz,
I am sorry you have to go through this to be pain free, and remember, this is only how I feel, and I am not trained in any way to anaylize anyone or anything...but this forgiveness stuff that everyone is so into...well you might not be ready yet. I also used to say that my mom didn't know better, didn't mean it, other families had their problems too, but you know what...the fact is that some families and moms and dads just suck, and other families ARE better, and it really doesn't matter anyway, if it sucked for you...then it sucked, and they WERE at fault.
I have not "forgiven" what my mom did to me...because it DID change my life and made me into a different person than I could have been...very different...do I hate her? No, not anymore. But I do not care if she meant it or not, she still did it! I wouldn't mind seeing her...she has been dead for 12 years...but I am comfortable in NOT having forgiven her. Cause she really screwed up!!!
Funny that the last time I really had a problem with my back was right after she died. I felt so bad that I really DID NOT feel bad! It has never really bothered me that she is gone. I didn't wish her dead, and it wouldn't have mattered if I did...but I have not missed her...and that is very VERY sad...When she died I went twice a week to the therapist for 3 weeks to get over the fact that I didn't really care. But my back was better within a day because I realized that I shouldn't punish myself because I didn't feel attached to her the way other people thought I should be. That was her fault.
I have loved being in therapy...being able to finally hate my parents was the release I needed. I never felt guilty about it...because my therapist told me not too! I trusted her completely.
Who is to blame if not your parents? You didn't bring yourself up! Or you shouldn't have...if you did. It was them. Do not forgive...if in fact you eventually will...unless you really believe they deserve it. As I said, maybe they did suck! Do not get into this talk show crap about..."I love my parents to death"..or "that's your mama...you have to love her" As soon as you can be released from that guilt...you can get better and then decide your future relationship with them.
Yes I went once a week for a few years...stopped and started when I needed it. I am back again now. BEST money I ever spent.
I do like the person I am now. It was painful and horrible at times...but when you make the commitment TO YOURSELF to realize that "YOU COME FIRST" not them...yes you can hate them...and maybe they did know better, and maybe they just SUCKED...then you can get beyond it and be pain free.
It doesn't matter how long it took me. YOU JUST DO IT.
When I reread this it sounds bitter, and I am not...I meant it to sound matter of fact...but people are so uncomfotable about hating parents...especially mama's...
But I have actually felt soooo good the last few years. I am almost 50, and not a thing hurts me and I have a new business that is starting to thrive, and a great family, and I recently graduated from college!
Problems? Sure! But alot of wonderful love in my life.
You will be fine...doubts mean that the truth is right there. embrace it.
Sandy
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Allan
USA
226 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 16:45:47
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Suz.
I suggest that psychotherapy may not be as effective as we are lead to believe. I question that we should even consider it.
I believe that Dr. Sarno recommends psychotherapy for the 5% of patients that do not recover following the standard treatments.
I have read three books in the last several months, in which all of the authors repudiate the Freudian concept that the childhood must be studied and unraveled to understand the current problem. The first is “Consilience” by Edward O. Wilson, winner of two Pulitzer prizes. Another is “Three minute Therapy” by Michael Edelstein and the third is “Change your life and everyone in it” by Michele Weiner-Davis.
Weiner-Davis is a therapist originally trained under the Freudian concept. She found that psychotherapy was effective for locating the cause of the problem but did nothing to provide answers in order to solve the problem. As a result, she had difficulty in helping her clients.
She has subsequently built up a successful practice with a very high success rate in 1) avoiding getting involved with psychotherapy altogether and 2) having her clients realize that the past is past, they are in the present and their actions today affect the future
Allan.
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ssjs
USA
147 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 16:58:53
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Allan,
I must add here that the last time I saw Dr. Sarno (in person) He said that he had rethunk that 5% idea, and now realizes many more do need therapy.
Just his, and my opinion...
but whatever works for you!
Sandy |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 17:29:34
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Suz,
Hi, if you are interested, I posted a longish message just the day before yesterday under the topic 'oops, I did it again' . I've tried to explain my own relationship with my mother and the recent steps I have taken which have proven to be effective for me.
I basically told her just days ago that I won't be involved in any sort of relationship with her until she learns how to behave herself and conducts herself in a manner that is befitting and dignifying to both herself and her 2 daughters. Hope it helps.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 17:52:58
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Mala,
I read that post under the thread I started and I wanted to tell you thank you for sharing about your mother and I'm sorry to hear about the way she treats you. It is sad. If only our parents could realize what they are doing!!!
Laura
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 18:11:02
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Suz,
I have seen different therapist throughout my lifetime, even long before I knew about Dr. Sarno and his work. When I first moved to California back in 1984, I began to experience panic attacks that were so bad they put me in the emergency room. I saw a psychiatrist who was not too helpful who diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and suggested I take Ativan. Since the panic attacks began one day after I had taken medication for a cold (decongestant, cough medicine, antibiotics and a large cup of coffee) I became phobic of taking anything (even a Tylenol!) I soon realized he wasn't helping me (after about four or five visits at $150 per hour) so I stopped. I do not believe he was a Freudian therapist.
About a year later, we moved from West Hollywood (the city) out to a more rural area about an hour north of Beverly Hills. I had no friends at all, was missing my family (mainly my sister), and felt all alone. Then, I got pregnant and we were thrilled but scared to be expecting our first child. On a vacation in Maui, I got some water in my ear and my ear became infected and plugged up from the ear drops. I freaked out and had a major panic attack. From that point on, I've had the "ear phobia." Just the thought of water in my ears freaks me out. When we got back from the trip, I started having many panic attacks which were worsed by colds. If I got a cold, I freaked if my ears got plugged. About a month before our daughter was born I started remembering being molested as a young girl by a grandparent. It was awful. After our daughter was born I was having panic attacks quite a bit and sought out the services of a gestalt therapist named Donald Dossey, who was a pioneer in something he called "Keying," which was basically neurolinguistic programming. There is a book and I think it's called From Frogs to Princes by Bandler and Grinder and Dr. Dossey's work was based on that. He wrote a book and he sold his series of tapes, which I bought. I began seeing him once per week (at $175 per session) for six weeks. He felt that psychotherapy was not the correct way to conquer fears and phobias and that his methods were better. My time spent with him didn't do a lot for me though so I was back to square one.
Eventually, I found a hypnotherapist who I saw for awhile. She was a psychologist who practiced hypnotherapy. That didn't do a lot for me either and it seemed like she was trying to convince me of things that I was not sure were true. She kept suggesting I divorce my husband as well. She would always say "You aren't happy now but would you be happy if you left your husband?" She had suffered a bitter divorce and I think she hated men.
Some years later, in about 1994 or 1995, I began seeing a therpist that came highly recommended to me by a friend. This lady herself had OCD and would tell me about how she needed to check that she locked the door, and things like that. It was kind of weird talking to her because sometimes I felt like I was listening to her problems. She did help me a little but not much so I stopped going.
The last therapist I saw was Dr. Don Dubin, recommended by Dr. David Schechter. He is very nice but I didn't get a lot from that either. He pretty much kept repeating the same things to me every week and a lot of the time I felt like he wasn't even really there listening to me. In fact, the last time I saw him he kept answering the phone because he was all distraught over losing his day planner. His wife called and he sat there talking to her about it. About 15 minutes before my one hour session was supposed to be over he said "Well, that's it" and stood up. I decided that I was done with that.
As you can see, I haven't had much luck with therapists. If I found someone good, I'd stick with them for awhile. Sometimes I have felt that it isn't good to keep wallowing in all the crap from my childhood though. I don't know what the answer is but I wish you the best on your journey. Stick with it for awhile and see if you start seeing results. The worst thing that can happen is you'll stop and maybe find someone else.
Laura
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ssjs
USA
147 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 18:52:47
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Suz,
my first therapist was recommended by Sarno. She helped alot but she cost $100 and that was 17 yrs ago! She recommended one for my son, who was having anger problems (suprise suprise). Eventually I started seeing the one my son saw, and that worked out great.I I guess I have been very lucky because she has really helped me.
She is being "nice" to me, and "only" charging $90. I am sure that will go up soon.
But it has been so great for me. I am a different person.
The work is hard, but it is worthwhile.
I used to see myself as a sad victim...now I feel strong and in charge...most of the time!
Although I have been known to talk too much...
Sandy |
Edited by - ssjs on 07/17/2005 18:57:09 |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 19:18:39
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Laura,
Thank you for kind comments. I think that there is a possibility that my mother knows what she is doing is wrong but doesn't have the ability nor the intelligence to do anything about it. She really does think that it is her right to dictate how her kids should live. When I asked her the other day to give us credit for the things that we had acheived in our lives she said "well, who do you think that was because of?' meaning that she would take credit for all that was good and slag us for anything that didn't go according to her 'scheme of work'.
It has been tiring and frustrating having to deal with all of this and frankly I've had enough. It takes up too much energy and doesn't lead anywhere. Things are hashed and brought up again and again and nothing ever changes. Nothing will until she decides to change. It is my mom who needs to see the therapist not me and there is not a chance in hell that she will ever do that. You can only deal with issues that you have some degree of control. I think that keeping my distance is the best solution.
Here's a bit by Kalil Gibran which I think all parents should read.
Children
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of
Children."
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit,
not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you
with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that
is stable.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
Edited by - mala on 07/17/2005 19:20:49 |
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Suz
559 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 20:47:00
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Wow - I just got back from going out with friends and there are all these wonderful posts from all of you. How grateful I feel to have all of these kind and helpful people here!
I am not sure what my path will be. Alan - I have a sneaky feeling that therapy is not all it is cracked up to be. I am interested in those books.
It is very interesting to hear of different people's paths with therapy. I had an eye opening situation this afternoon. I called my mother with the intention of seeing how she is. I have not had that urge in a long time but decided to put her first and ask how she is doing despite all of the things I have been discussing in therapy. Over the last couple of months, I have not been calling her - sort of avoiding her because I felt so much hatred for her. I have also not been sharing anything personal with her as I just don't feel or receive the words or support I need - so what's the point. Well today, it slipped out that my back pain is back and I also told her I was seeing a psychologist- at Sarno's recommendation. What was I thinking???? She was horrified - asking me hundreds of questions - why was I seeing her, why was the back pain back etc etc. I realized that this was the pattern that we always go through - i have to prove to her why I am doing something - as if I am in court and she is the prosecution. I end up getting sucked into providing a long defense until I am exhausted - normally she gets a few digs at me - like - "well you are just so sensitive" or "why do you have these problems - I have never had problems" or she talks about how other people don't have any of these issues. Basically as the conversation goes on, I begin to feel like a freak. This time, I was very different in I told her directly - well, Mum, the pain is really bad and this is the recommended "cure". I was open and direct with her. In retrospect, I should have said - stop questioning me, this is what I am doing Period. We moved onto a different topic, but I got off the phone and felt that familiar beaten up/numb feeling - sort of a dark, deep pit in my stomach. My fiance was picking me up to go to our friends house and I was just numb. I started to tell him and I just let go- I was screaming and crying in the car -totally crazy! I never do this. I told him - please let me express this anger as I really need to. He knows the TMS drill and he let me go. When I got to the friends house, I waited in the car for about 15 minutes and went through all the emotions. This was very very good for me. I actually stopped and felt. I felt physically sick but I did it.
Funny though - I still feel that this was her way of panicking and that she is really worried about me. She wants to help me. Although I never feel helped or reassured. I just feel alone and unsupported. She is unable to be constructive. She then turned to a topic - asking my advice on something. I am as always the parent. This is the relationship i know. I give her advice and I receive nothing myself. I normally receive a detailed critique of my character failings.
There is another possible path I have been pondering on. After going through a divorce four years ago, my life took a terrible dive for the worse. I ended up with an addiction problem and so entered a spirtitual program for recovery. This program (based entirely on God/higher power - whatever you want to call it) cured me of my addiction and a whole host of things - bulimia, smoking cigarettes, deep depression - basically my life transformed. I have been in a very successful job now for three years and am engaged to a wonderful man. All this came about when I put my trust in something greater than human life and I started to pray. I have to say that I had barely ever prayed in my life before so this was pretty weird.
So - my questions is - how about applying the same approach to this TMS. By the way, I have to add that I found Sarno one week after I started to pray for help with my back. Quite the weirdest thing - random people at work and at my office cafeteria (who i had never even spoken to) - saw me limping and started talking to me about Sarno. I heard about Sarno 6 times over the next week. I went to see him one month later and the rest is history.
I am nervous bringing up the spiritual approach as I know it can freak some people out (me included a few years ago!!) I believe God works through people. I am rambling now - I wonder if anyone has managed to combine this work with a kind of faith or spiritual aspect. I would love to know |
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Allan
USA
226 Posts |
Posted - 07/18/2005 : 07:49:16
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Suz.
Don't buy "Consilience." Wilson is a well known naturalist and his book is primarily about science and nature. There is only one page where he repudiates Freud, but he does it decisively.
The other two are on Amazon and you can buy them for less that $10.00 used. I recommend them both. If you are only buying one, buy “Three Minute Therapy.
I believe that psychotherapy and the review of childhood traumas may have its place and utility. It has certainly worked for some.
May I suggest that Dr. Sarno is a pioneer and like all pioneers others build on the original idea and, hopefully, improve on it It could be that the concept of working in the present and improving the future could be the standard therapy of the future. Who knows?
Allan.
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Suz
559 Posts |
Posted - 07/18/2005 : 09:08:23
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Allan,
Thanks for this info. I am very interested in reading those books. What path have you taken? I assume that you must have TMS as you are posting here. Did you recover just from reading Sarno's book or has it taken more work?
Thanks
Suz |
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johnnyg
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 07/18/2005 : 10:04:41
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This thread is similar to some past ones where the idea of something more (or different?) is needed for some people to get rid of pain completely. I gather that this creates a rift between some posters. If you analyze it logically, though, it shouldn't be considered heresy to consider other methods as long as they don't undo any of the good that came from TMS therapy.
Think about the small percentage that Doc S sends to psychotherapy. He has for all intents and purposes "cut them loose" under the assumption that psychotherapy is what they need and he can do no more. This asssumption has a basis in the fact that the ultimate cause of TMS is unconscious emotions and that the cure for TMS lies in the knowledge that unconscious emotions cause the pain. However, if this knowledge alone does not effect a cure, there is much less evidence to support the assumption that 'uncovering' the past repressed emotions in psychotherapy is the only way or even the best way to become ultimately cured.
It may be that the good doc left it at that because he had to bow out at some point. Isn't it possible that TMS therapy works its' cure by making us aware that repressed emotions (the ones that are never conscious) are the culprit, but does little to help us with the emotions that become supressed (the ones that originate in the conscious and then get tucked away). Doesn't it make some amount of sense that a therapy that helps us to avoid supression and reduce stress can help get us over the hump to where we need to be. |
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Suz
559 Posts |
Posted - 07/18/2005 : 10:12:52
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JohnnyG,
Fabulous points you make! I am not suggesting an alternative to Sarno's "cure" - as thanks to him, I know that this physical stuff comes from repressed anger and anxiety. I would never have known that without Sarno. I think there could be an alternative for the 5%to Psychotherapy. I had a very restful day yesterday - spent quality time with my fiance - did very little and really unwound. I believe that stress reduction is very important - something that I need to work on. This probably reduces adding to the pool of repressed rage in my unconscious. I find that spiritual means help me do this. I seem to be finding that expressing my emotions is also really important. I got really angry after talking to my mum - and I screamed and freaked out. Last night, I had the first good night's sleep that I have had in ages -with very very little pain. |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 07/18/2005 : 10:23:45
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Suz- I can relate to the frustration and pain you are going through as I've been diving into anger issues with my mother intensively over the last year and have been feeling a lot of very strong emotions of anger and letting myself have the anger.
When I hear what your mother does to you and how invalidating of YOUR feelings she is it angers me probably because I've gotton some of that from my mother.
I liked that you let loose in the car and let your feelings out with your fiance. He seems like a good man and one that is letting you have your feelings and not trying to talk you out of feeling the way you do. I suspect that is one good reason why you are attracted to him.
The problem with therapy, as Laura's post so apply states, is that you have to get a therapist that has worked out their own unconscious issues and has healed themselves so that they can really be there for you. As us TMS'ers know that is no easy task and often takes years of work. Alice Miller's Drama of the Gifted Child (as Hilery's post points out) is excellent in that it outlines this problem in detail. John Bradshaw is also excellent on this stuff. Finding a good therapist is not easy but can make all the difference in the world to feeling your true feelings. I'm currently trying to find a therapist now and hope that I can find one to work more intensively on all this pent up emotion from early childhood.
I know a lot of people on this board believe that there is another way to heal by trying to live in the present and let the past be the past. After all your parents did the best they could and probably came from disfunction families also. But this approach denies and makes us feel guilty for having our feelings and if we could have our feelings when we had them instead of repressing them then we wouldn't be posting on this website but would be pain free and living in the present. I'm with Hilery in that I don't believe we can really honestly forgive unless we had felt what we need to feel and let the emotions have there day(or year or years as the case may be).
Bradshaw outlines his version of grieving. The first is grieving your own grief (feeling your own feelings). Then after that step is done then you go on to grieving your parents grief (or demethologizing your parents). Many folks go to step number two before finishing step one. As you and many others on the board have discovered it can take years to get past stage number one.
Suz- don't get too distracted. Stay the painful course. I believe it is the right path.
I've got to go now- got to spend time with my son. |
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Problem with Psychology
