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aruba22
2 Posts |
 Posted - 06/05/2005 : 12:48:11
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| I just wanted to say that I have just come across Homer McDonalds site. I wish that I had found it alittle earlier. My spouse has filed for divorce about 8 months ago, and things are moving forth with the divorce, I don't even know why he is doing this, I havent done anything to him as far as I can remember. About 2 years ago he had an affair, filed for divorce but then changed his mind and asked for another chance, I loved him so much that I gave him/us another chance. 9 monthslater, he becomes addicted to porno and dating sites, and blames me and continued to lie and hide that. I am very devastated, this is not his personality. I don't know what happened. He walked out on me close to one year ago? I spoke with Homer and he told me that he would be able to help, I also purchased his book. I have to say that I am scared, because my husband is stubborn and I think his mind is made up. We don't fight over other matters, which would be more normal family, money etc. I catch him lying and he is denying it to my face , he is chosing to give up our marriage over a computer. Currently he is not with anyone.Any suggestions about Homer, and my situation. Thanks |
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almost there
109 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2005 : 13:53:34
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Aruba22-
I don't know anything about Homer....but from the information you gave in your post I would say it is high time you walked away from this marriage....in fact you should run...this situation will only get worse....you say he is not with someone else....I say he is...the people or person on his computer....whether they are real or contrived....the end result is the same....leave while you still have time to make a "life" for yourself....you've probably wasted too much time already....don't you think you are worthy of better then this! |
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aruba22
2 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2005 : 18:28:50
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Could you please elaborate alittle, are you trying to say that he has an "addiction"quote:
Originally posted by almost there
Aruba22-
I don't know anything about Homer....but from the information you gave in your post I would say it is high time you walked away from this marriage....in fact you should run...this situation will only get worse....you say he is not with someone else....I say he is...the people or person on his computer....whether they are real or contrived....the end result is the same....leave while you still have time to make a "life" for yourself....you've probably wasted too much time already....don't you think you are worthy of better then this!
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almost there
109 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2005 : 19:43:05
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Aruba22-
Your spouse may very well be addicted....in fact you yourself said in your original post that he is "addicted to porn"...do you seriously think he will change...I don't....in fact Dr. Phil says "the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior"....do you think it will be any easier to leave five years from now....you will only be five years older....cut your losses today....if you are afraid to be alone....these are the things you should be working on....get the help you need...make a plan and prepare...beating yourself up over what you might have done to deserve this is futile...you have done nothing to create this.....this is a defective person....you just didn't realize this when you married him! |
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almost there
109 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2005 : 19:47:58
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Aruba22-
One final thought....you said he is a liar....you will never, ever, be able to deal with a liar...you will never be able to trust a word he says....this is no way to live....good relationships are built on trust! |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2005 : 10:22:11
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I agree with Almost There. I would run away as fast as I could. This guy is an adulterer and a liar. Why on earth would you want to have him back? You sound like a bright, articulate person. I think you should give him his divorce and move on with your life. At some point, perhaps you'll be ready to find someone else. Hopefully, you will meet someone who is deserving of you and who does not treat you like a doormat.
Good luck!
Laura |
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almost there
109 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2005 : 12:33:01
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Laura-
Thank you for agreeing with me in my reponse to aruba22.....I thought afterward....perhaps I came off being too harsh...however, I believe I spoke the absolute truth....and since I don't know aruba personally I(we) can be objective...sometimes it's hard to tell someone to their face what is so clear and obvious....for fear of hurting their feelings....that's one of the reasons this Forum is so great!
Aruba22
Do you have children? |
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brokenbow
6 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2005 : 12:57:22
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I'd have to agree with most of what everyone else is saying here. Homer's book is really for people on the receiving end of a divorce or separation who, for the most part, have had normal disagreements and marital problems but the other half decided to give up. It's advice on how to get your mate back and how you yourself need to change the way you interact with your mate.
Your husband is the one in SERIOUS need of help. It's easy to get addicted to porn. It's also just as easy to quit and see how harmful it is. Porn kills the need of the addict to truly WORK on all aspects of a relationship. Chronic lying is another matter altogether. Coupled they pose a serious problem that you can't fix.
Good luck.
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Edited by - brokenbow on 06/06/2005 13:43:21 |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2005 : 16:30:15
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I'm not exactly sure what this has to do with TMS, but just my two cents from the masculine side of the fence. I think the advice given is spot on. Guys like that very rarely change. He sounds like a very troubled guy. What really sends up red flags is the fact that he blames you, which to my way of thinking hints at a very serious character disorder...He won't change because he doesn't think he has to...it's everyone else's fault, no matter what..
You've got a lifetime of potential happiness ahead of you, if you're brave enough to reach for it. |
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Allan
USA
226 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2005 : 17:13:56
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The person that you divorce is not the same person that you married. The problem is that one is still in love with the person that one married. That person is gone forever.
It must be a horrendous decision to divorce and move on because moving on means starting all over again, and who will love me? Well, someone will. Someone who will recognize that it is "what is in one's heart" that counts.
Allan. |
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holly
USA
243 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2005 : 19:25:32
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Just Do It! Leave, or let him leave! When I got divorced at age 28 after 7 years of marriage I was nervous and upset for 2 weeks and then life was great! Of course I didn't have kids. No matter what from what you describe, just get rid of that loser! There is no downside for you here. |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2005 : 20:26:50
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Consider that addiction is really a TMS equivalent. It is a distraction from our true feelings.
Clearly he needs psychotherapy but if he's unwilling to do it I don't know if there's much you can do. At this point why not give McDonald's advice a shot; you have nothing to lose. If it fails, the marriage is over, and maybe your TMS symptoms along with it! |
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Allan
USA
226 Posts |
Posted - 06/07/2005 : 11:31:45
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A ray of hope.
I believe that you said that you have Homer McDonald's book. If so, go to Chapter 6 and read section 28. Subsititute "porn addiction" for "drinking problem" and see if it applies to your situation.
Also, check out Chapter 6 section 32.
Maybe, taking advantage of McDonald's telephone counseling, even at $575 an hour, would be worthwhile. Two hours broken up into four 30 minute sessions should give you some idea of how to resolve the situation or at least determine if it can be resolved.
Allan. |
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smth416
USA
43 Posts |
Posted - 06/07/2005 : 21:17:12
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| I certainly feel sorry for your situation. I am confused, however, how this may pertain to TMS. Please elaborate, are you having symptoms from this stress? Did you see the posts lately on divorce. Their are many on this site who provide support on many topics, but i'd like to know what aare your TMS symptoms.-Al |
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New to site new some advice
