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Mikey_Sama
Netherlands
13 Posts |
 Posted - 05/26/2005 : 02:35:08
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I've posted here a while ago... around 3 weeks or so. I was helped then, pain resided. A week later since that post... my mom took a turn for the worse. Exactly 2 weeks ago she passed away... her body had fought against cancer, and other illnesses caused from chemo(chemo lowers natural resistance to NILL, so you are more susceptible to other illnesses... and when you get ill from those it is usually 10 times harder on the body. So a normal Flu for her was devastating) She passed away rather fast... which is how she wanted it... but doesn't make it any easier for me or my dad, etc.
What confuses me is now i'm trying to get my life back on track... school is causing much stress since i was 2 weeks out of the running and have work to catch up on...
During that time i also learned how many friends i really had... which was 2 everyone else i had to cut out of my life... got no support from them at all, spite me supporting them whenever possible...
Still... why are the pains now returning... i had nothing at all when she passed away... during the cremation... and a week after that still no pains... and now they start when i'm trying hard to get back on track...
Any help would be very welcome... |
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marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - 05/26/2005 : 02:45:39
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| Sorry to hear about your mom. THe pain is coming now because when you were dealing with the actual services, etc for your mother, your brain had enough to distract it from emotional stuff, it didn't need a physical distraction. We can rise to the occasion and do all that needs to be done so well, and not have a twinge of pain, then when everything settles down, the services are over and we get back to living our lives, we have plenty of time and room in our brain for the effects to sink in and start eating us up. That's my understanding from all the books. |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 05/26/2005 : 05:18:41
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quote:
... and now they start when i'm trying hard to get back on track...
Hi Mikey
Terribly sorry to hear about your Mother.
I don't think any person ever has a closer relationship than the one they have with their mother...you actually shared the same body for 9 1/2 months! Even in cases where people aren't necessarily close,your mother is the person who actually carried you into this existence.If you've read Sarno than of course your familiar with Freud,and it would seem that Mom has the highest slot in the geometry of the dynamic make-up of any personality.
With that in mind,it would only seem natural that the grieving process would be considerable,and that perhaps the pain came now because you're not supposed to "get back on track".....there is so much prssure in our society to "be normal" and "get over it".......sometimes things happen where it just requires a period of time before the true impact can be absorbed,regardless of our conscious wants and needs.
You've obviously generated some new angers about school and your friends...but maybe,could you be angry with your Mom for dying?
I know it sounds absurd,but remember in the books...the subconscious is neither rational nor sensible.People like elderly parents and young children are sometimes huge TMS sources for the very fact that we would never,ever think to be angry at them.
-peace
Baseball65 |
Edited by - Baseball65 on 05/26/2005 05:20:39 |
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celestica
Canada
38 Posts |
Posted - 05/26/2005 : 06:17:24
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Hi Mikey,
I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. My own passed away 5 years ago. I just recently attended a bereavement group for adults who have lost parents and it was very helpful to me. I'm sure they have them in the Netherlands and probably are either run by volunteers or at reasonable cost.
It was very comforting to meet other people who were struggling with sadness, anger, and loss and discuss my own feelings as well. I felt as well great physical relief from relieving some of the emotions I had been holding inside.
Even if you don't find a group find someone who you can talk to about your feelings openly.
regards,
Amelia
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molomaf
119 Posts |
Posted - 05/26/2005 : 07:06:53
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Mikey,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I lost my father suddenly in 1989. Whether death comes quickly or slowly, it is still a shock to the system.
I wanted to comment on what you said about friends and support because I experienced the same thing as I have been coming back from a rare non-TMS conditions. I lost the motor function in both legs and had to be in a wheelchair for two months. It was during that time that I also realized which friends and family came through for me. I have a large family and I didn't get cards, phone calls or even an email from most of them. Now that I am mobile and back to my regular activities, this is what is bothering me the most and I am have tightness in the buttocks area that I know is TMS. I also am the kind of person that will call, visit, write if I hear that someone has had a loss or surgery or anything in which they may need cheering up. Very few people came through for me. So I would suspect that that is the reason for the pains to be returning for you as well. I had NO TMS for months because I had enough distractions being disabled.
I realize that I am very angry and trying to let it go. I have a family wedding to go to in August and I think about the things I would like to say to these crappy people. I probably won't say anything. But I know that many will come to me and ask me how I am doing and I wish I had a snappy reply.
I realize like you, Mikey_Sama, that I have to let go of those that did not come through for me. But I feel such anger about it because I would never have ignored someone in my situation.
Michele
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Mikey_Sama
Netherlands
13 Posts |
Posted - 05/26/2005 : 09:54:31
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Thanks for all your replies. Sorry i was outside in the garden studying for an exam tomorrow... which i do not feel too good about =/
Baseball: you bring up interesting points and you may be right that my subconscious is in fact angry with her dieing. But i personally that her pain has finally stopped... she fought so long, and so hard... she did what she could and was able to still live a few good years...
Celestica: There is a girl that has been a very very big support to me. I guess i grew a lil dependant on her through this period but yeah i do get great support there. Without her i know i'd be much worse off.
Molomaf: I still feel very angered about them not showing up when i was in need for a change. You'd expect them to be there when you need it, when you have always been there for them. Sadly... it doesn't seem to always work that way. Learned a valuable lesson there... and i'm pretty sure now that this was the issue... while i'm typing this the pain shifts from my hands to my shoulder immensely now...
Lastly i'd like to say, sorry for your losses... this is not something one should have to go through in life... but we must... somehow.
PS: It's ok to just say Mike. Mikey_Sama is just an Alias. Think it sounds rather funnah O_o;
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Edited by - Mikey_Sama on 05/26/2005 09:57:07 |
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Mikey_Sama
Netherlands
13 Posts |
Posted - 05/28/2005 : 04:43:08
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Just a small update and that might be useful for others as well...
It turns out it was feelings of guild towards my mom that ranged from me still being here, that i can go ride on the motorcycle (which we both loved to do) and that she couldn't no more...
So.. for the most part guilty ... |
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almost there
109 Posts |
Posted - 05/28/2005 : 08:18:33
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| Mikey- Death of your mother....undoubtedly one of life's most tramatic experiences.....regardless of the kind of relationship one has had with his or her mother....death is so final....no more time to change or fix things...hope for things to be different gone too...I am sorry for your loss...be kind to yourself....go to the wedding in August....say nothing to "them".... which probably would feel great at the moment you were saying it....but would immediately be followed by regret...and all that that would bring down on you....not worth it....talk to us on this Forum....put it in writing...no backlash from us....very therapeutic! P.S. Don't be concerned about the TMS manisfestations you are experiencing presently...this was the perfect opportunity for your sub-conscious to jump on board....laugh at your pain....it will go away....stay in touch! |
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Mom.. Died...
