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 harm-OCD as culprit ?
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Posted - 05/25/2017 :  09:55:37  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
hi everybody !

two and half years ago, after a hard and stressful time in her student life, my much-beloved daughter developed a weird pain in her hand arms, Shoulder and back, mainly in her right side. "Pins and needles", muscle twitching, numbness, tingling and so on. The first explanation was "evident": use and abuse of her body playing her "big" musical instrument. Some repetitive strain injury. All kind of physical treatments (PT, massages, pills, food supplements) followed... with no success.
Later on my daughter put her eyes in the TMS paradigm and read many books (Sarno, Ozanich, Amir, Schubiner, Hueftle,..) and online documentation in order to find some clues for his unexplainable pain. Obiously the source of her pain could be the stressful life ahead as artist, the perfectionism required, the comparation with colleagues, the permanent judgement suffered by musicians, the feeling of not being enough good,... Convinced, she made her "homework" (journaling, meditation, connection with past psychological trauma -none, in fact-... ). No results!
The "third period" was a comeback to the structural, official medecine: RMIs, ultrasound imaging, X rays, electromiographies,...
Nothing wrong.... except a feasible entrapment of the radial nerve in the wright Arm! Found, at last! But three months after the surgery the pain persists.
My daugther is a very smart person with a very solid intellectual preparation. Extremly kind-hearted, she is a Highly Sensitive Person with unbearable sentiments against injustice and human misery. In her childhood she was someting like an "indigo child", with a astonishing capacity for observation and prediction. Early in her life she developed harm-OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I mean: intrusive, unwanted, distressing thoughts of causing harm (with a knive, for instance). Thoughts inconsistent with the individualís values, beliefs and sense of self. Harming obsessions typically centered around the belief that one must be absolutely certain that they are in control at all times in order to ensure that they are not responsible for a violent or otherwise fatal act. My daugther was contaminated by unbearable mental imagery of horrific violence and feelings of relentless guilt.
After some psychotherapy that problem was apparently solved. "No more fear and anger, no more suffering about that, Dad. Problem solved. Period."
But I am very suspicious that this harm-OCD is not yet solved. Instead it has been buried deeper and deeper in my daughter's unconscious .... and that could be the real cause of the unsolved, resistant pain.
Quoting Steve Ozanich:
"OCD is anxiety run-amuk, and since tension is a driver of anxiety, it only makes sense that the most compulsive people would have higher tension and would have more trouble healing. Most everything that drives our health problems stems from fear. And fear comes from darkness of being alone, either through rejection, or the most common, from the deepest desire to be united and connected in wholeness. I can see loneliness in every person I work with. When they reconnect they heal. Tracordifying is the word I used to try to convey this need and this fear that results in obsessive thoughts, the fear of isolation that we spend our entire lives trying to avoid....the great pull of the others to us, through violence, or artistry, or goodism, or forums. We need others to become whole and to heal, and a large part of that is seeing that others have similar problems and fears. And as Jung also stated, "there's no coming to wholeness without imperfection." We need to see others also fail and then also rise to guide us through by showing us that we can too".
The self-image of my daughter could be menaced by her Jungian "shadow": that inner scary, unbearable "evil monster" capable of the most outrageous acts by her "out of control" mind.... till the possibility of become mad (the great taboo) and to be segregated, isolated and punished bt the Community.
The gentle, kind mood of my daughter is bittering day after day as long as the pain doesn't dissolve.
I wonder if the "beginning of the end" goes throw the confrontation face to face of my daughter with her "terrific shadow".
Perhaps after some minutes of that "violent encounter"(and some crying?) the "missed link" could be found and the process of acceptation could lead to the dissolution of pain (at last unnecessary and inconsistent).
Since I am in an state of extreme confusion and perplexity, trying to understand that should be made, any comments or advices will be very, very, VERY welcomed.
Thanks a lot!


1862 Posts

Posted - 05/25/2017 :  16:48:29  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Originally posted by miquel
the "missed link" could be found and the process of acceptation could lead to the dissolution of pain ...

You are very insightful.

It seems you have a very good understanding and acceptance of TMS and how it applies to your daughter.

Acceptance is key to recovery. She will need to reach this point on her own, but with your help and support, it should be possible.
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