| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| NicoleSachsLCSW |
Posted - 01/18/2013 : 10:57:56
Ok, I have healed! I am back with a Huge smile (thanks in large part to my mom, who pointed out that TennisTom and Bryan3000 gave so much of their lovely energy to go head to head about me complete with Hitler references!) I had a good laugh over that, and I needed it. That, plus the AMAZING influx of emails to me personally and facebook friending letting me know that most people here see only the light and love. How I appreciate you kind people!!! I'm looking forward to many lively TMS discussions with you all.
So, enough with the bickering. Let the healing begin. I want to address one thing that was written to me privately from a forum member. She commented that she had a good understanding of TMS and had read several books, but was having trouble connecting with her subconscious. "HOW??" she asked. Here's how:
My dear friend Mark, who often sat beside me on the Alumni Panel when Dr. Sarno used to host them at NYU Rusk, used to say, "YOU NEED TO GO INTO YOUR DARKEST ROOM, AND TURN ON THE LIGHT." I loved that, and I quote him often. I like to take it further, and say, "Once you are in there, you need to sit down on the floor and look around, at all the damaged walls and the cracked moldings and the uneven structure...until it doesn't scare you any more... Until you feel no need to be defensive."
The best way to access the dark truths you need to heal, is to do the opposite of that which is intuitive. Go right to the shame you suppress and the defensiveness which has kept you going, and challenge that. It is complicated to explain, which is why I thought to lead with the book - not to be an ass**ole who wanted to sell, but to give you all the answers which I've already painstakingly written down! Every time I try to rewrite it here, I falter..maybe I can copy a bit of it so you might be less skeptical. I just don't wait to take up too much space... Dave????
(Btw Dave and I have corresponded on our own and we totally understand each other. I've sent him the book for his consideration. So don't feel the need to moderate, he's on it.)
OK, I'm gonna see if there's something to paste in that helps to communicate my point without "selling" you anything...
(from my book):
As we become even vaguely aware of our deeper truths, and they feel ugly, or shameful, or dark, or (the ultimate fear) impossible to access, our natural reaction is to run in the other direction. However, before you flee screaming, please hear this enormous comfort: Your truths can ONLY appear this frightening and blocked, U n t i l ...
(Try to listen to the next part SO carefully.)
... Until they are unmasked, and revealed. Then, and only then, does each of us gain the ability to see ourselves completely. To stop using every ounce of our energy to fight against feeling “bad” or “defensive” or “wrong” or “ashamed.” To actually take in what has “happened” or “not happened.” To allow our stories to play out before us in a different, empathic and safe light. Raw pain may accompany this witnessing, but I have watched countless times as people have smiled through tears, because they have also been able to see the beauty. The beauty of truth without judgment is striking, as it is only through this lens that we can be forgiven. You can be forgiven. And it’s SUCH A relief. We all, simply, just want to be forgiven.
***
Let’s look at your life, together:
Is your marriage in ICU, although you know (somewhere in there) that the main roadblock is you? Are YOU the one who has cheated, but you hide from that wildly? Has your partner cheated or left, yet you have no real certainty where it went wrong? Do you need something that you can’t define? Are you in pain? Stuck? Depressed or anxious, but not desperate enough to seek real help? Alone, in any sense of the definition, even in a crowded room?
Perhaps... your pain is physical? Are you aching all over? Are you hurting in one specific place, and then JUST when you feel some relief, in ANOTHER place? Do you have a diagnosis that has no known cure, only treatment? Do you (in your private thoughts) question whether or not that diagnosis can even account for your symptoms? Do you spend your days being frightened that you won’t be able to live a full life as a result of your “state?”
Maybe you try so so hard to feel fulfilled, and it seems as if nothing makes a profound difference. Your partner seems distant because he or she doesn’t “understand” you. You feel as if YOU don’t understand you. Your mother doesn’t “get it.” Or, in your gut, you know it’s your mother who has hurt you the worst, but that’s not polite to discuss. It makes you feel embarrassed and alone. Perhaps your best friend was cool and seemed to want to hear about your life up until a point, and now she’s had enough. She really doesn’t want to listen to your crap. You can tell. It makes you feel so rejected.
Maybe you really wanted kids so much and you couldn’t live without them, but this whole parenting gig is not what you expected. You need so badly to be a “good parent.” Yet, in truth, you aren’t even exactly sure what that means or how to do it “right.” You feel empty a lot. Everything is exhausting. You’re not enjoying life as you “should,” and it’s going by too fast. You feel guilty sometimes, and you don’t even know why...
***
I feel bad posting too much, but I have dumped my soul onto the pages of what I've written and I ask you (kindly, and you know who you are,) if you don't like what I have to say, I ask you to keep any harsh negativity to yourself. I say this because I have a tender heart, but also b/c so many people have reached out to me, that I feel it's unfair to run away and not help then just b/c my feelings are hurt. I don't mind if you challenge me, or debate the issues, but please stop short of calling me a liar about my beautiful book reviews or questioning my credentials. I worked for years while raising children to get those degrees, and in addition volunteering my time and energy to the TMS effort alongside Dr. Sarno. I guess if you feel the need to question my credentials, then just do your research first. I can't imagine you would find anything to deny.
I come with love, and I thank all of you who have commended me for doing so. I am here to help. Hit me up!
Nicole
Embrace your Truth, Create your Life. |
| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| njoy |
Posted - 01/23/2013 : 03:04:11
Nicole said: "i want so badly to simply participate and help. i just feel so attacked. i think i know what i have to do, though. i will try my best."
Hi, Nicole. Thank you for sending me the .pdf file of your book. I've already read about 40 pages and I love it. So, please don't take the following as a criticism. It is absolutely not meant to be.
You seem to understand that people are going to be skeptical about your ability to really help them and yet you employ an in your face approach that screams danger to people (like me) who have been disappointed a thousand times and are reluctant to trust anybody, let alone people who say "trust me". I'm sure you know that toning down your "chirpy" manner would be less frightening and have your reasons for not doing so.
So why did I find your first posts irritating and a bit scary? Perhaps because I've found people who employ a super positive manner are usually leaking hostility. They have been hurt many times and are just waiting for it to happen again so they can turn on the bastard. When the bastard is me, that scares me.
But now I know (well, I'm pretty convinced) this not what you are doing. This is your actual method. That's cool but who knew, in the beginning? Certainly not me. And maybe some others are still unconvinced.
I love your book so far. Very interesting ideas. I also love the way you say things like, "Ok, I have healed! I am back with a Huge smile (thanks in large part to my mom ..." My response is, "Must be nice to have such a mom. Mine threw things at my head. Now, I'm envious. Oh, bother, another demon surfaces." Lol.
I think you should consider starting a "therapy" thread (here or elsewhere). I will personally sign up to learn how to light up my darkest rooms.
|
| tennis tom |
Posted - 01/22/2013 : 07:27:07
OK folks, the TMS Help Forum's in-house therapist Nicole, had an untimely cancellation, who wants to fill it in? This is a great opportunity to get some TMS advice from an expert, who was "cured" and then went on to work with the main man, the GOOD DOCTOR, himself, now retired. This is a one time opportunity to get the TMS info from as close to the SOURCE as one can. Who's gonna' step up to the couch and lie down on it? Others pay good money for this kind of help if they can even find a practitioner who's TMS savvy.
GO FOR It!
tt/lsmft |
| NicoleSachsLCSW |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 19:24:03
lovely balto,
in our communication, dave very kindly let me know that the link to my site (in my tagline) was the one thing i should omit, as the outcry here was about accordance to the rules.
it's ok. trust me i'm over wanting to promote anything on this forum. i imagine the original concept of my first post was connect people to my book, but despite my most honest efforts i couldn't break the spell of skepticism.
just wanted to answer your post, as you took the time to think of me. i want so badly to simply participate and help. i just feel so attacked. i think i know what i have to do, though. i will try my best.
cheers,
nicole
quote:
Originally posted by balto
quote:
Originally posted by NicoleSachsLCSW
hey tom,
tried to write you directly but it was blocked and then i was unable to click on the link. please let me know if i can be of any help to you. your kindness is uncommon, and should be acknowledged. so, if you'd like to consult about your tms struggles it would be my pleasure, free of charge. and before anyone jumps all over me for saying this... i am a sarno therapist so that's why i needed to qualify!
this group makes me leery now...
:)
n.
Embrace your Truth, Create your Life.
Hi Nicole, Just come here and share your expertise whenever you do have free time. Participate and help people right here is one of the best way to let people know about you and your book. All you need is just a little link to your website in your signature. Reader here will do the rest. People you help will be the best advertising force for your book. You don't have say anything about your book at all, they will find it and tell the world about you once they realize what you posted here make sense to them and helped them.
------------------------
No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience.
Embrace your Truth, Create your Life. |
| andy64tms |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 18:20:44
I was joking Bryan,
just trying to bring some humor to an otherwise stiff thread. Did you not look at the link and the horse’s mouth? I chuckled all the way down the stairs after I posted. While I’m being flippant I remember you read my “Now I’m being silly post” that I wrote last March. Here is the link again. I wrote it for fun, but much of it is really so very true as I look back nearly a year.
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=7290
On a serious note, I’m sure there are good and not so good therapists. I haven’t used one yet. I get all the therapy I need from my wife and this board including many of your posts and comments. Thank you for writing them.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Stopped Wiki Edu Program in lieu of own journalling
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 18:06:27
Bryan, it's really interesting how you turn this around and make me look like the bad guy. I'm not going to waste much more of myu time with this internet sillyness. You Are the one who wants to shut-people up and shut them out of here with your silly adherence to some boiler-plate rules that no one but you gives a hoot about. I'm all for following the rules but in this case it doesn't help anyone here get better and you are the one acting the mod part not me. You haven't given Nicole a chance to say anything and you did the same with SteveO. As far as personal attack and your marriage you started that one too. Hospitality is hospitality whether it's in person or over the internet and your behavior to SteveO and now Nicole has been inhospitable. Why don't you let Dave speak for himself instead of pretending to be his spokesman here. I've been here a lot longer then you have and it is essentially unmoderated (thank you Dave) and everyone is free to express themselves, you, me and everyone else. But thanks for bestowing upon me some mystical powers that I certainly don't possess nor want to. |
| bryan3000 |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 17:36:17
Guys... I'm telling you as someone who's worked with a TMS therapist and spoken with several... you should keep your expectations in check.
In fact, read some posts around here from others who have. You'll hear similar stories.
It's similar to anxiety. Every therapist on the planet claims to be able to treat anxiety. I'd say about .03% actually can. I had to find this out the hard way.
No one is looking a gift horse in the mouth, either. Look at the incredibly warm reception the other authors and doctors have received here.
Seems to me this forum has been wide open to help from those who approached sincerely and with respect for the forum's integrity.
|
| andy64tms |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 17:26:04
Hi Tom. I am mystified too.
I’m frightened of asking one of these TMS therapists for help in case they send me a bill. Talk about “Looking a gift horse in the mouth”. Here is the link. Neigh…
http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/dont-look-a-gift-horse-in-the-mouth.html
Neigh, Neigh, Neigh
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Stopped Wiki Edu Program in lieu of own journalling
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
| bryan3000 |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 17:22:37
Thanks Andy,
I read the sample pages at Amazon and it's definitely written in a style that I find hard to get through. I didn't see anything compelling in the pages, nor in the intro or from her in posts thus far. But, her words may speak to others and I'm not here to block that, of course. I was just offering some clarification, and your sentiments aren't lost on me. I wish you well.
|
| bryan3000 |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 17:18:34
Tom,
No one is objecting to information.
It seems that this thread seems to consist of setting up straw men and knocking them down.
I think most of us are ready to hear some actual information, as opposed to personal and sales info.
But, it takes all kinds, right?
We're all free to comment on what we appreciate and what we don't, here.
As for info... there is a wealth of info from regular people here that is light-years better than any doctor I've ever seen, and yes... I have PAID to work with a TMS doctor.
I've also worked with a host of other psychs, therapists, etc. They're just people. Some are great at their job, some not so much. Some are collecting a paycheck.
I'm fairly sure that if we were on an auto mechanics forum, your average gear-head wouldn't be at the feet of any "professional" mechanic that came in without that mechanic offering them a reason to be.
Tom, people are allowed to have an opinion. Not just you, but other people as well. Doesn't need to get into personal insults about people's marriage, threats to leave the forum, etc. I haven't seen one person opposing you make personally disparaging remarks about your private life, or threaten to leave the forum.
Grown people can generally disagree, and just recognize that adults often differ in opinion. |
| andy64tms |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 17:15:19
Hi Bryan,
After pages and pages of chit-chat, I don’t think we need clarity, we need peace and acceptance.
Yes I absolutely do respect everyone’s opinion, that’s why I mentioned the first amendment. Yes there are discrepancies and violations, but I’m not interested in going around in debate in point by point detail perpetuating fears and anger, it would add nothing to the value of what I have already said, and other people are better at this than me.
I trust and hope that your concerns will be diminished with Nicole’s future posts, or you could download her free pdf - just maybe she has something to say to help you. Time will tell.
Kind regards
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Stopped Wiki Edu Program in lieu of own journalling
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 17:07:42
Guys, this kind of advice usually goes for $150-240 an hour the last time I got charged for it and with inflation it's probably a lot more now--that is if you can find a TMS practitioner, which are rarer then diamonds on the planet--how can you object to free?--I'm mystified but I usually am. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 16:31:10
quote:
Originally posted by NicoleSachsLCSW
hey tom,
tried to write you directly but it was blocked and then i was unable to click on the link. please let me know if i can be of any help to you. your kindness is uncommon, and should be acknowledged. so, if you'd like to consult about your tms struggles it would be my pleasure, free of charge. and before anyone jumps all over me for saying this... i am a sarno therapist so that's why i needed to qualify!
this group makes me leery now...
:)
n.
Hi Nicole,
Thanks for you generous offer to help me, your email did come through and I will contact you soon. I've been busy with my tournament and will contact you as it wraps up. If you haven't participated much on message boards, this kind of thing is the occasional norm so don't worry about it. You have to go through a few of these wars to build up your immunity. After some experience you just learn to say your piece/peace and let the chips fall where they will, ignoring the bricks and bickering. Many come to message board just for the entertainment value of watching the train wrecks. It does take some getting used to but helps to clarify your beliefs. After participating in a few you learn to save your energy and observe others battling it out. Your post was clearly an announcement and not an advertisement--and who cares? I read "THE RULES" for the first time and it's your normal boiler-plate--no sex, no politics, no religion, no insults, no selling fake Rolex watches. If we obeyed all those "rules" where would be the fun in that?--might as well read a READERS DIGEST. I've broken everyone of those rules in my sleep except for selling the fake Rolexes--mine are real fake Rolexes.
Stick around for a while and have some fun. Say hi to your Mom. |
| pspa123 |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 16:17:50
James has provided a great deal of substantive information and advice in his short time here, and specifically answered many questions. Time will tell if Nicole does the same. |
| bryan3000 |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 16:03:25
Andy, for clarity... the things people were adverse to were...
-Seemingly bogus reviews of her book by ghost reviewers (6, immediately, all new users)
-No mention of TMS or Sarno in her description
-Claims that she sees herself in posts that others have searched and can't find
-Two separate announcements of herself and her book here, despite the first drawing some concern
-Clear violation of the terms of service
-Her ordering people not to moderate because she had "talked to Dave"
-A lack of actual TMS information and an abundance of personal information and what appears to be fan-base building
No one said she couldn't sell a book. We have several published experts here who blend in like regular people and provide a world of help, all at no cost and with no advertising of themselves. In particular, no CLAIMS THAT THEY CAN HELP YOU in all caps, etc.
So, let's be fair to both sides, shall we? It's not really right to call some fairly factual concerns "ludicrous."
Some people see this one way, some see it another.
I respect your opinion. I hope you can respect that of those here who disagree with you. Either way, it's always important that we at least have the proper facts out on the table when we discuss this, as it affects the forum for everyone.
|
| andy64tms |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 15:37:27
Welcome Nicole,
I am a returning user who found it necessary to take a break from the forum recently. I had become disillusioned and irritated with how the forum works.
You’re joining the forum and the commotion it caused highlights the very essence of my complaint. I followed the thread without commenting for days and days, as I watched people’s emotions, views, fears and hates unfold. I was aghast at the depth of concern and the lack of trust my fellow TMSers had in you, for I had no concerns whatsoever, absolutely none.
Some were adamant at you not using the forum selling your book against the forum rules. Ludicrous, for we all buy and sell here in the form of helping and receiving advice- the cost is our time. Are people really jealous that you are making money, and do they begrudge you getting some recompense for the many hours you didn’t get paid? Also I was upset at the unfairness other people showed. Dr. James Alexander and Dr. Zafrides and perhaps others add links to their posts to sell their wares and offerings whether its books or podcasts, they were not rebuked in any way. And to cap it all many rules are broken here; take religious texts and political arguments that we shouldn’t be reading about.
This forum offers the 1st amendment liberty, known as “free speech” to the rest of the world. Does this mean users they can degrade to slander, verbal abuse, bullying and the behavior demonstrated in your first post? This seems to be so and this is why I feel alienated from the other posters. But I saw a glimmer of hope in your second posting.
I had this thought in that you have something to offer. Perhaps you might include that one word or phrase that would enlighten guide and help just one person in need. Little did I know that one person could be me, for when you included extracts from your book I was touched by what you wrote. “As we become even vaguely aware of our deeper truths..”.It was very sincere and received as such for it applied to me.
As one who is in the field of psychology you probably understand what went on here better than I do. We have many passive and extreme personalities here. I look forward to seeing you help some of them, and in turn helping others, the main attribute of a forum I believe.
So why did I have absolutely no concerns about Nichole’s entry to our forum? Because I am different to you:
As a shy introvert immigrant when I came to America, I noticed most Americans were sales people, for we all sell ourselves, we all want to be heard, we each of us want to survive and thrive. Later, when unemployed I joined job hunting clubs and was trained to seek jobs. Nichole did everything right. She advertised, she sold herself in the best possible light, she was enthusiastic and positive, she promised help. She even primed references, a commonly accepted occurrence when job hunting. Welcome again Nicole, your hired!
PS, I’m glad you’re helping Tennis Tom. There is much I’d like to say to him but don’t have the courage or skill. Hi Tom.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Stopped Wiki Edu Program in lieu of own journalling
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
| plum |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 15:16:04
Nicole,
Thank you so much for sending me your book. I'm touched that you did that.
No need to be leery here, for there is much warmth and friendship.
I shall begin reading tomorrow.
Meantime, the Orwell quote rocks.
Take care sweetheart. x |
| balto |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 14:54:56
quote:
Originally posted by NicoleSachsLCSW
hey tom,
tried to write you directly but it was blocked and then i was unable to click on the link. please let me know if i can be of any help to you. your kindness is uncommon, and should be acknowledged. so, if you'd like to consult about your tms struggles it would be my pleasure, free of charge. and before anyone jumps all over me for saying this... i am a sarno therapist so that's why i needed to qualify!
this group makes me leery now...
:)
n.
Embrace your Truth, Create your Life.
Hi Nicole, Just come here and share your expertise whenever you do have free time. Participate and help people right here is one of the best way to let people know about you and your book. All you need is just a little link to your website in your signature. Reader here will do the rest. People you help will be the best advertising force for your book. You don't have say anything about your book at all, they will find it and tell the world about you once they realize what you posted here make sense to them and helped them.
------------------------
No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 14:37:31
I now have in my possession Nicole's book which I will read right after I finish the current book I am reading. |
| NicoleSachsLCSW |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 14:23:22
hey tom,
tried to write you directly but it was blocked and then i was unable to click on the link. please let me know if i can be of any help to you. your kindness is uncommon, and should be acknowledged. so, if you'd like to consult about your tms struggles it would be my pleasure, free of charge. and before anyone jumps all over me for saying this... i am a sarno therapist so that's why i needed to qualify!
this group makes me leery now...
:)
n.
quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
WOW!!! Waking up at midnight and coming back to this thread is a real WOWER!!! It resembles real life--CHAOS--in the best sense of the word. Much honesty here--maybe the recent board burp--fart--diarrehea will result in a higher half-step up the TMS homeostasis ladder.
Nicole glad your Mom talked you back here, mother knows best. You don't need to walk on egg-shells--let it all hang-out.In a short time it will all disappear below the fold into the black-hole called the archives. Which fortunately, only archivist look at, and that's a dying profession. We are on our way to once again proving, if you don't study history we are bound to repeat it. I think the proper outlook on posting at a message board is viewing it as an Etch-A-Sketch, good typing practice for the next book or writing fortune cookies. I've been more appreciative of chaos recently, though I can't say the same for others around me--as long as I know where everything is it will be alright--it's somewhere in that pile.
Welcome back, you survived your hazing. I'm impressed you had a communication with Dave, I hear he's at the end of the Yellow Brick Road, what was that like?
Embrace your Truth, Create your Life. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 01/20/2013 : 02:55:29
Hi Pspa,
My sympathies for your personal struggle. Although the buzz word of the day is "community" in reality unless one lives on a commune or a kibbutz, most of us live in isolation because we can afford to. We have the luxury of not knowing our neighbors because we don't need them for anything--until the next big one hits. Add that to living in a world of perfect looking people and if yours is not the perfect Leave it to Beaver household, that's a lot of pressure. If we lived in real communities you would have more help to give you some respite. I think it was Balto who said it well, your son is a gift like TMS. In nature anomalies are the norm. It's like TMS, anomalies on imaging are the norm, there is no such thing as the perfect x-ray, that would not be "normal".
Best wishes,
tt |
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