| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| theghost |
Posted - 08/29/2011 : 10:15:32
Hi. I registered a month ago, but I was afraid to post anything. I don't know if I have TMS, but I know I have something... and I could use some help.
I've been having some problems since 1998. I get remission from them from time to time, but whenever periods of stress crop up in my life, I get really sick with some phantom illness.
In 1998, it was the "throat thing". I was dating a boy who I loved... and the relationship sort of just fizzled out because I wouldn't sleep with him. He stayed in a relationship with me, but he wouldn't kiss me. I was also away at college and it was an extremely stressful year. Not to mention the fact that I was homesick and never really got better from that...
Anyway, I had this phantom pain in my throat. I don't even like talking about it, I'm afraid it will come back. This lasted for a good 2 or 3 years, and then when I got out of college, it stopped. I have no idea what caused it to stop, but it just did.
Flash forward to 2005. My mother was dying of a brain tumor for 3 years. I had to watch her waste away ... the day she died, I had a weird feeling in my rib that happened. I went to the doctor and he tried to give me mood medication. I wouldn't take it. I left offended, and ... my mom passed away and it got worse and worse.
I finally found an osteopath, and she told me my ribs were out of place for sitting weird. But no matter how much she tried to fix them, my muscles would just pull them back into place. I even went to an osteopathic school in philadelphia, and they told me my muscles were tighter than they'd ever seen them.
This went on for a few years and then it stopped. I don't know why it stopped. It was just like the first incident.
So, flash forward to last year. I had a terrible thing done to me. I was asked to go to PAX (the penny arcade expo) in seattle, for those of you guys who don't know. I am afraid to fly. I didn't want to go to this thing, but someone had called in a favor to get me to go, so I felt I needed to. I got myself psyched up to go to this thing, and then I was told there was a mistake and I was being replaced by someone else. Someone who was better than me at what I do and more well known. I was really hurt because I don't exactly have high self esteem, and I was the only one who was replaced. A few days later, my current malady started.
It started out with terrible tooth pain. i still had my wisdom teeth at this point, well, the bottom ones, at least. I tried to go to 3 different oral surgeons and they wouldn't take them out. One of them suggested that I had TMJ. So I went to some hot-shot doctor in Allentown to make me an "NTI device".
The NTI device caused horrible nerve pain and burning mouth. I would wake up most mornings feeling like my mouth was on fire. I stopped wearing it and the symptoms went away.
So, after that, I tried massage therapy (which made me feel better, but only for a little bit) ... and I am currently trying physical therapy. I also had the wisdom teeth out. They left me with a numb lip, but it's only been 3 months since surgery, so I've been told that will probably heal. I'm 33 years old, so apparently I'm an old fart and nerves take a long time to heal at that age.
Anyway, nothing is making anything better. My muscles seem to just tighten if I think that I might have something wrong with me. Is this TMS? Or do I actually have something wrong with me?
I don't respond to any treatment by doctors. If I take medicine, it doesnt work. If I get osteopathy, it works for about a day and i go right back to how it was.
I will not take mood medication, I am determined to beat this on my own. I am starting to lose hope very quickly, though.
I am an artist, and my jaw hurts terribly when I sit and draw. I'm afraid I'm going to have to give up my trade at this point, and I don't know what I will do if I have to do that.
I've purchased "the divided mind", btw. I just haven't gotten a chance to put the audiobook on my ipod yet.
I am an interesting case, though. I tend to think I'm going to get better, and if I don't feel all right in a few days, I start to lose faith and hope and I get WAY worse.
I write a diary, and I see the patterns, but I feel powerless to break the patterns. If I could just get my mind off of it, I'm sure I'd heal. But right now, the only thought that goes through my mind is "You need to fix this RIGHT NOW or it will get worse and you'll never draw, eat hard food or sing again".
Sorry about the length of this. I just really need some help/advice.
ps - I'm a bit frightened by this clown emoticon.  |
| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| theghost |
Posted - 09/12/2011 : 06:39:31
I am so sorry I am just replying to this now. I was evacuated from my house for the last week due to flooding. Not exactly the best thing for TMS, eh? My muscles are so tight now, but for some reason I don't feel as bad as I have. I think I'm starting to heal. :) I have a bit of negative energy going on, but I didn't lose my house, I didn't even get a drop of water in my basement (somehow!) so I'm just thanking God for that. I'm looking at this as something positive to motivate me to get better. :)
@luckyblindshot ... thank you, sincerely. It's nice to know that I'm not the only comic artist who is like this. I was out of my house because of this flood, and it's funny, because my pains didn't bother me when I was drawing when I was out of my house.... I think my house and where it is located (smack dab in a flood zone!) might be a partial cause of my stress/problem.
|
| luckyblindshot |
Posted - 09/05/2011 : 22:04:57
I'm new here as well so I don't feel like I can offer good advice, but I can offer a great deal of sympathy. I'm presently struggling with really bad mid back pain and am also an artist (working on a comic, in fact) and it really takes it out of me when I want to draw. Every time I think of doing a project my mind goes to how bad it might hurt to sit down and do it. However, when I sit down and work on my projects I get caught up in the worlds I'm dreaming up and forget about the pain. So I guess what I'd suggest to you is to work on something you've had on your mind (if you're like me, there's got to be countless unrealized images and stories waiting to be put onto paper) and try not to focus on the pain and the things that might be causing it. The pain is there, so you might as well use it as motivation to do things to forget it about it. |
| art |
Posted - 08/31/2011 : 09:06:39
Hey Back, That's right. It's a process of gradually waking up. It usually can't be done in a day, week, or month. Which is understandable. There's very little in our experience that we can draw on at first. If we have pain, every instinct we have is screaming out that we're physically hurt and that we must attend to it on that basis.
I've been at this 5 years, and I'm still waking up. I just had a hamstring episode that I had a very, very hard time believing was not real...I went out and ran with it because thats' what I would have suggested to someone else given all the surrounding details. I continue to be in awe at what from a certain point of view look like small miracles of healing. |
| Back2-It |
Posted - 08/31/2011 : 05:52:04
Art...
quote:
"TMS or not, I'm going to keep my balance. I'm not going to to drown in fear and panic over it. It's my negative emotions that keep these symptoms coming."
Very true, Art. I went structural, got a dx, and it is, at best, inconclusive: neuralga or nerve damage. Damaged how? By what? How can a nerve be damaged and still functioning? Why would there still be feeling? Why no pain while sleeping,etc. Sounds like, no matter what, I have more control over this than I ever would have thought.
"Bridges Freeze Before Roads" |
| art |
Posted - 08/30/2011 : 18:57:25
Re TT,
I"m at the point now where my default assumption on just about everything that can be classified "over-use" is TMS. This has been a very long process for me as I keep having to readjust my understanding of how powerful TMS can be. For some reason, back issues seemed easy for me. After that, I fought myself at every turn...
For the chronic worriers and hypochondriacs among us, eventually the issue needs to be not whether the current symptom is real or not, but the repeating dynamics that surround all symptoms. Until we get to the place where we can say regarding XYZ symptom: "TMS or not, I'm going to keep my balance. I'm not going to to drown in fear and panic over it. It's my negative emotions that keep these symptoms coming."
True recovery begins with that recognition followed by a commitment to change..
It's a battle, but it can be done. |
| theghost |
Posted - 08/30/2011 : 15:43:40
When I get a little money and a little time, I think I might call that guy in lancaster. I won't be able to go until sometime in october, things are pretty insane around here right now. But I might go if I haven't seen any sort of improvement from the self help stuff i'm doing right now.
We should see how much the ones who we loved despised us, and how little the ones who loved us understood us. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 08/30/2011 : 11:10:42
I strongly feel seeing a TMS doctor for a DX is one of the most valuable things one can do separate the wheat from the chaff, as it were, to better know what is TMS and what is structural. This would be for a consult and not for long term. I've driven from SF to LA and from SF to Santa Cruz on a regular basis to see TMS docs. I would drive 3000 miles across the USA to see Dr. Sarno if he accepted patients outside the Tri-States area. Given how destructive your health issues have become, I think it would be well worth it to be DX'ed by hook or by crook.
Just my two cents.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0dKBFwGR0g
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Author Unknown
"Happy People Are Happy Putters." Frank Nobilo, Golf Analyst
|
| theghost |
Posted - 08/30/2011 : 10:35:10
quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
Ghost, how far are you from the two TMS practitioners listed in PA? One's in Lancaster and the other's in Mt. Pleasant. You can easily calculate this by googling "Distances between Cities".
The mount pleasant one is really far, that's out by harriburg, so it's probably like 6 hours.
the lancaster one is ... crap, I just closed the window that said how far it was... like 179 miles.
It's not to far for me to go to once, it is a bit too far for me to keep going back. |
| Back2-It |
Posted - 08/30/2011 : 10:17:57
thanks guys. :)
quote:
And you're right about my anxiety. It is out of control right now. I'm not sure exactly how to get it under control and regain trust in my doctors.
Trust but verify. Nothing wrong with that. I had a neurologist and then and MRI confirm that I had a thoracic disc protrusion and that was what was causing my abdominal pain. Not an ounce of thought went into the neurologist's mind that the scar from my surgery lined up with the same nerve as the disc --BUT ON THE WRONG SIDE from the disc protrusion. I spent 1.5 years thinking I had a one in a million back problem. I got promptly worse. I am now running and lifting weights and riding my bike.
quote:
They really aren't all bad... and some of them are even trying to help me. When they don't know what's going on, though, I'm very reluctant to let them experiment with things.
Don't let them do any harm. Keep that in mind. Sometimes it helps, even if you think you might have a structural problem, is to get the anxiety under control. Once that is done you can see what, if anything, is still bothering you.
quote:
The problem I'm facing now is that even the ones that DO know what's going on, I am finding myself not trusting them, either. And that's sort of a hurdle that I need to get over. I don't exactly know how to, but maybe I'll figure it out.
Take a break from them. Read and re-read the Sarno books, but also work on the anxiety. I was uber-anxious when I first started, and I read the words but didn't comprehend. Anxiety won't let you.
quote:
I think a big part of my problem is that I read about TMJ on the internet. I read about it and I see how hopeless everyone with the condition is. Instead of reading success stories, I see the stories where the person has had TMJ for 20 years and has just gotten worse and worse. And my mind focuses on that.
Google a thoracic disc protrusion...I have had doctors literally gasp when I tell them that is what the MRI says, though up to 40% of the population has asymptomatic thoracic disc protrusions. They don't tell you that and THEY DON'T READ THE MRI TRANSCRIPTS CAREFULLY, BUT, LIKE WE ALL, DO, JUST ASSUME THAT THE PAIN IS RELATED TO THE DISC. My new PCP, and DO, automatically assumed I was done for and said that if I could stand the pain, don't have the operation -- too dangerous. I asked him to read the transcript again and then consider my symptoms. He did, and retracted his first thought. Quite a thing for an OD, a structural guy.
Point is... Just as people who have had TMJ and gotten over it don't come back to the internet and broadcast it. I'm sure there are success cases with TMJ right here in the forum, for instance. Or on the Wiki.
quote:
I used to think I had cancer when I had the "throat thing" back in college. But cancer would have killed me. While I'm still afraid of that, I'm now more afraid of illnesses that will not kill me, but instead handicap me so I cannot continue my work. And when I get under a lot of stress, my body says "okay, you want an illness that will stop you from doing your work, here it is!"...
There's a line in a song that says "That what you fear the most, will meet you halfway". I think that's what TMS is all about.
That's the worst part about all of this. Rationally I realize all of these things. It's making my emotional side BELIEVE what my rational side is telling it that is the challenge.
Exactly, we must change the way we think, and it's not easy. I'm not there yet, though I did "cure" my back problem. I am making one last trip to an allopathic doc to get a best guess about a suture in a nerve, then that's it. I would have done it long ago after the surgery if I hadn't been told I had the worse back problem a person could have.
"Bridges Freeze Before Roads" |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 08/30/2011 : 10:02:22
Ghost, how far are you from the two TMS practitioners listed in PA? One's in Lancaster and the other's in Mt. Pleasant. You can easily calculate this by googling "Distances between Cities".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0dKBFwGR0g
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Author Unknown
"Happy People Are Happy Putters." Frank Nobilo, Golf Analyst
|
| theghost |
Posted - 08/30/2011 : 09:51:55
thanks guys. :)
And you're right about my anxiety. It is out of control right now. I'm not sure exactly how to get it under control and regain trust in my doctors.
They really aren't all bad... and some of them are even trying to help me. When they don't know what's going on, though, I'm very reluctant to let them experiment with things.
The problem I'm facing now is that even the ones that DO know what's going on, I am finding myself not trusting them, either. And that's sort of a hurdle that I need to get over. I don't exactly know how to, but maybe I'll figure it out.
I think a big part of my problem is that I read about TMJ on the internet. I read about it and I see how hopeless everyone with the condition is. Instead of reading success stories, I see the stories where the person has had TMJ for 20 years and has just gotten worse and worse. And my mind focuses on that.
I used to think I had cancer when I had the "throat thing" back in college. But cancer would have killed me. While I'm still afraid of that, I'm now more afraid of illnesses that will not kill me, but instead handicap me so I cannot continue my work. And when I get under a lot of stress, my body says "okay, you want an illness that will stop you from doing your work, here it is!"...
There's a line in a song that says "That what you fear the most, will meet you halfway". I think that's what TMS is all about.
That's the worst part about all of this. Rationally I realize all of these things. It's making my emotional side BELIEVE what my rational side is telling it that is the challenge. |
| art |
Posted - 08/30/2011 : 09:38:27
There's always plenty to be scared of. Life is by it's nature, scary. But how we choose to react to scary things is up to us.
Just as an aside to what I consider the main point (because you can always find something frightening in just about anything), just because most doctors do not understand psychosomatic illness does not mean they're not competent to treat actual illness. But there again, worrying about what might happen *someday* is a gigantic waste of energy.
You're going to have to find a way to get your anxiety under control. In my opinion you won't recover until you do.
|
| Back2-It |
Posted - 08/30/2011 : 09:36:44
theghost....
quote:
I think the thing that upsets me the most is that the book is sort of making me be even MORE distrusting of doctors. I see this as a very bad thing. the reason is that while I may not have something wrong with me now, not really, there may come a point in my life where I have to put my life in a doctor's hands. Like if I had something like gall stones or cancer or something that can't 'be fixed by a simple mind over matter.
I already hate doctors and am terrified that they are going to ruin me. And this book makes me feel that I was right all along in this assumption and that the healthcare profession doesn't know what the hell they're doing.
I want to be able to trust them if something goes terribly wrong.
And i do have a lot going on. I've been bounced back and forth from doctor to doctor. Some of them have been sympathetic but not helpful. Some of them have been cruel and tried to offer me mood medication. But after what happened to my mother and nextdoor neighbor, who were both killed by the negligence of doctors, I'm very wary of them. This is a HUGE issue for me. I don't want to be like this anymore.
I don't like doctors, either. There are a few, though, who do care and do try.
I had emergency surgery for gallbladder, speaking of gall stones, and the surgeon was good and he cut the thing out and that was that. I had to trust him because it was ready to burst.
Regarding mood drugs... I am not a fan of those either, because they do not cure the problem. However, sometimes your adrenal glands are shot and there's no serotonin to be had. Those doctors are probably not insulting you but trying to help, because they recognize that part of your problem may be psychogenic. What happens to a person once they may be on mood medication depends upon good advice. The best advice is that, at best, the pills are a short-term crutch and that mental work must be done.
I'm no stranger, either, to doctor negligence. My father was helped to his death by a doctor, and a doctor nearly killed my mother by over-prescribing pills.
I try to look at it this way with allopathic doctors... it is an art, not a science. They are taking their best guess.
Healing Back Pain is probably the best of the lot of Sarno books, followed by Mind-Body Prescription.
Regarding anxiety, an oldie but a goodie is by Dr. Claire Weekes, "Hope and Help for Your Nerves." I like the book, but her CDs are better, because you can hear the common sense and intelligence in her voice. In addition, she tells patients flat out that if they need something for their nerves, take it. She then gives a person the tools to deal with anxiety.
"Bridges Freeze Before Roads" |
| theghost |
Posted - 08/30/2011 : 08:01:41
quote:
Originally posted by art
What in The Divided Mind is upsetting to you?
To tell you the truth, I found that book a little dull and poorly focused. I much preferred Healing Back Pain. It's a breeze to read, and I think a great way to get introduced to this stuff..
You've clearly got a lot going on. We can be our own worst enemies. Simplify. Decide that you want to work on one thing at a time. In this case I'd pick your physical problems. Maybe even just one symptom. Begin by understanding it's not real in the sense that it does not stem from actual physical/structural issues. This is a huge leap, and almost always sufficient to effect major improvement...
If you try to address all your problems at once, it's easy to get overwhelmed.
If you're afraid of doctors, then TMS self-treatment is made for you. You don't need a doctor. Many to most of us get better without one.
I think the thing that upsets me the most is that the book is sort of making me be even MORE distrusting of doctors. I see this as a very bad thing. the reason is that while I may not have something wrong with me now, not really, there may come a point in my life where I have to put my life in a doctor's hands. Like if I had something like gall stones or cancer or something that can't 'be fixed by a simple mind over matter.
I already hate doctors and am terrified that they are going to ruin me. And this book makes me feel that I was right all along in this assumption and that the healthcare profession doesn't know what the hell they're doing.
I want to be able to trust them if something goes terribly wrong.
And i do have a lot going on. I've been bounced back and forth from doctor to doctor. Some of them have been sympathetic but not helpful. Some of them have been cruel and tried to offer me mood medication. But after what happened to my mother and nextdoor neighbor, who were both killed by the negligence of doctors, I'm very wary of them. This is a HUGE issue for me. I don't want to be like this anymore.
|
| art |
Posted - 08/30/2011 : 07:21:13
What in The Divided Mind is upsetting to you?
To tell you the truth, I found that book a little dull and poorly focused. I much preferred Healing Back Pain. It's a breeze to read, and I think a great way to get introduced to this stuff..
You've clearly got a lot going on. We can be our own worst enemies. Simplify. Decide that you want to work on one thing at a time. In this case I'd pick your physical problems. Maybe even just one symptom. Begin by understanding it's not real in the sense that it does not stem from actual physical/structural issues. This is a huge leap, and almost always sufficient to effect major improvement...
If you try to address all your problems at once, it's easy to get overwhelmed.
If you're afraid of doctors, then TMS self-treatment is made for you. You don't need a doctor. Many to most of us get better without one. |
| theghost |
Posted - 08/30/2011 : 05:16:45
quote:
Originally posted by 2scoops
Where are you from?
I'm from northeastern pennsylvania. Those two places are a little far for me to commute, unfortunately.
I'm listening to Dr. Sarno's book, the Divided Mind right now. I started it last night. It's actually making me a little bit more upset. I am afraid of doctors, you see. Really afraid of them. It's making me even more afraid of them. I think that might be a bad thing. I'm going to continue listening to it, but it's really upsetting me.
We should see how much the ones who we loved despised us, and how little the ones who loved us understood us. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 08/29/2011 : 23:43:57
Randy Cohen, DO (Physician)
Pain Medicine and Rehabilitation Specialists
160 North Pointe Blvd
Suite 115
Lancaster, PA 17601
rcohen@painstoppers.org
(717) 560-4480
(717) 560-4485 Fax
Larry Montemurro, PhD (Therapist)
902 West Main St
Mount Pleasant, PA, 15666
(724) 423-6217
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0dKBFwGR0g
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Author Unknown
"Happy People Are Happy Putters." Frank Nobilo, Golf Analyst
|
| 2scoops |
Posted - 08/29/2011 : 22:37:11
Where are you from?
|
| theghost |
Posted - 08/29/2011 : 18:43:39
quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
Ghost, since funds are an issue, if you bought all the TMS books, videos and audios extant, you probably couldn't spend more than a couple of hundred dollars, a pittance to doctors appointments and body work costs. And if TMS resonates with you, just reading one book, thoughtfully may suffice.
If you can see a TMS doctor, or talk to a TMS therapist, even by phone you would benefit exponentially. Do you know how to find TMS practitioners?
I vaguely remember looking at TMS doctor locations when I first joined this site. I don't think there were any in my area, but I might be mistaken. I think there might have been someone in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, but that's a bit too far for me. Having to drive that far for an appointment will just give me more stress and make things worse. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, maybe) I know that much about myself.
If I were to talk to a therapist, it would probably have to be by phone, because all of these other places are REALLY far from where I live. Do they do that sort of thing?
I have a big problem with things that are considered "obligations". That's another part of my problem. I was going to a psychologist after my mother died, and i got upset that it was taking up precious video game playing time on a monday night, so I just stopped going. I am starting to feel the same way about my physical therapy, but my back is terribly out of shape, so I'm going to fight the urge to cancel the therapy and actually try to get better. This is why scheduling an appointment with someone far away is sort of out of the question. I know it will make me more upset. :(
Anyway...
As far as the spiritual side of all of this goes, I have quite an interesting story that lead me to the physical therapist and ultimately to posting on this site.
Two weeks ago, I had pretty much reached the lowest point that i had been. I was crying, telling my husband that I wanted to die... bad stuff. The next morning, I got in the car and I prayed to God. It was a simple prayer, it was just "God, please help me. Show me what to do". and then I drove to work.
I got to work and was working on a booklet for a local football league. (i am a graphic designer) ... I was moving ads around, and one of the ads was for a physical therapy place. I wasn't paying attention to any of the ads, but then I saw the word TMJ on the page. I picked up the phone and immediately scheduled an appointment. I decided I was going to try to get better.
But part of me getting better is healing my mind, and I think it's time that I finally acknowledged that.
Anyway, I'm tired and rambling. Thank you again for your help, all of you. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 08/29/2011 : 18:09:54
Ghost, since funds are an issue, if you bought all the TMS books, videos and audios extant, you probably couldn't spend more than a couple of hundred dollars, a pittance to doctors appointments and body work costs. And if TMS resonates with you, just reading one book, thoughtfully may suffice.
If you can see a TMS doctor, or talk to a TMS therapist, even by phone you would benefit exponentially. Do you know how to find TMS practitioners?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0dKBFwGR0g
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Author Unknown
"Happy People Are Happy Putters." Frank Nobilo, Golf Analyst
|
|
|
