| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| marytabby |
Posted - 06/08/2010 : 16:27:58
For those of you who don't know me, I've been on this board since 2005. I don't visit here much and I apologize for that. I used to have debilitating back pain/neck pain. I have made a lot of progress over the years thanks to all the Sarno books and this forum. I do still have some chronic female related symptoms but I deal.
So here's my story which I am probably enraged about I'm sure...
I made a new acquaintance back in December. In April she started having debilitating back pain. Nothing caused it, no accident or disease or anything. She attributed it to a group workout we took at our gym which was like a boot camp type workout. Nothing about this workout is enough to cause the back trouble. It is classic TMS trouble. This I know from my great education with Sarno books and this forum. She said her doc said she "sprained her lower back" and is now in PT with no success. So of course I gave her a brief overview of TMS and how I have had much success with the books, etc. I offered to let her borrow my Healing Back Pain book. She said no, I'm not interested. Ok, I didn't push. So now she won't talk to me anymore and her friends on her social networking web site are making comments about this "friend of hers who has some nerve telling her it's all in her head" which I never said. I asked her if I did something wrong, is she mad at me because she doesn't return my calls or emails anymore. She said no, and those comments aren't about you they're about someone else. OK, perhaps... but bottom line, this person no longer will speak to me. So moral of the story is... when you try to help someone to get better from TMS, you really do put yourself out there to being disliked and dis-friended. It's a rocky road to be on and takes a lot of courage because most people will not accept the simplicity of the TMS concepts and you may find yourself not liked anymore. Talk about a perfect case for me being enraged and getting a whole host of bodily symptoms! I think I'll go start up a back ache over this now. NOT!!!!!! |
| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Back2-It |
Posted - 10/23/2010 : 16:22:48
For the OP.
I got into a big misunderstanding with my girl friend over this. I rarely bring up my back pain/problems with anybody, because nobody wants to hear it.
Have had trouble for a year plus now. Put down MindBody Prescription last year because I didn't think it was valid. Picked it up again and Healing Back Pain, because I have reason to believe I have TMS, even though I had a so-called back disc herniation.
My disc is mid back, T-7/8. Doctors, nobody wanted to touch it advice wise, because it is so rare. One in a million. So I put myself on the disabled list, but continued to walk and exercise and do all the usual things short of injections, and surgery to heal it. I have radial pain that wraps around my chest, and walking and standing caused great pain. Less now, but I deal with the anxiety of walking and standing.
When the chiro I go to said that he doubts the disc is causing inflammation after all this time, I thought again about MB and started a re-read. Got Healing Back Pain, too.
I was so excited about finding what I am more everyday believing to be the source of my on-going problems that I was running off about it and how muscles and nerves can be effected by TMS.
My girlfriend said I was talking like a "f--ng lunatic".
I promised I would never mention my problem to her again. I had hardly said anything the last six months, which she agreed.
It's tough living in silence with any problem, but I have to every day. Losing a friendship? I know all about it. And worse. |
| marytabby |
Posted - 10/19/2010 : 11:37:45
I know what you mean hemalite. I guess once a person gets "sick and tired of being sick and tired" they will try anything to get well which is what I did. I said, "what do I have to lose by buying a $12 book and seeing if this, like the countless other thousands I spent will do anything." I bought an inversion machine for my "mis-aligned back", special pillows, special implements for reaching things in high places because I couldn't stretch my shoulder out, thousands in co-pays for chiro, PT, meds, massages, you name it I tried it all. Then reading Mind Body Prescription changed it all for me for good. I sold the inversion machine and tossed all the safety apparel and gave the TMS concepts a try. Now I can say I'm 90% better. |
| hematite |
Posted - 10/15/2010 : 03:29:59
I struggle because my best friend, who I'm no longer "real" friends with, but facebook friends, has fibromyalgia. She's always posting about government conspiracies and how they've suppressed research to discover cfs is some sort of infectious disease.
My problem is I don't know if this is her truth or not. But after 10 years of messed up health I judge her. I think, she should just view this stuff as mind body.
Ha!
I think if I was once in the middle of a pain relapse and someone said to me, this is in your head, i would have freaked out too. But desperation is a motivator. God willing your friend won't be in pain for 6 or 7 years, but sometimes, after thousands of dollars and missed work, people become way open minded to all of these concepts! |
| Michele |
Posted - 10/14/2010 : 11:51:40
Hi! Haven't been here for a while, because I have no pain. Anywhere. :)
My boss is having carpal tunnel and trigger finger surgery next week. Two years ago, I handed him "The Divided Mind" and told him there was information in the book about carpal tunnel syndrome. He practically threw it back at me. Wanting to keep my job, I did not say another word.
My husband kind of poo-poos me about TMS, but he has all sorts of aches and pains that he ignores, keeps working, and they go away. I don't have the heart to tell him he's doing it right!  |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 08/28/2010 : 10:03:31
If the topic of "injury" comes up I have no qualms about chatting-up TMS--if "I" feel like it. There's not a day that goes by that I don't step on a tennis court, that someone doesn't zero in on my hip and inform me of "someone" they know who has had one or the "best" surgeons do a hip-replacement. I have a file of the "best" surgeons. No one has ever said, "I went to a mediocre surgeon or I chose one who just graduated from surgical college".
Just yesterday I played a "friendly" practice match prior to a tournament and was practicaly verbally assaulted by an opponent to get a hip-replacement. I reaaly didn't feel he was doing it for "my" own good but more for his ego to let me know although I was obviously the best player on the court, he had the "knowledge" that I needed. I told him I would have preferred if he had something nice to say about my game like what a good serve I have.
Then he proceeds to tell me about how HE is considering having surgery on his knee. I informed him about Dr. Sarno and stress and TMS. He could care less (although I could tell he was an "free-thinker type").
I literally told him that he wanted me to have an "amputation" of my hip but hadn't yet had his surgery for his knee--you first sir. This was not an amicable conversation. I'm sure he thinks I'm nuts and he will have his knee surgery someday with the "best" surgeon. Then we'll see if he's still ploaying tennis--I don't care--thanks to TMS I'm no longer a blatant GOODIST. I don't remember his name nor do I wish to. We've become a culture that sees life as an engineering problem.
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6415
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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| tennis tom |
Posted - 08/21/2010 : 10:10:42
Hi Shawn, nice to see your post, welcome back. How ya' doin'? You and I
are at the opposite ends of the political spectrum but I've always respected you for having a clearly defined view, your right to state it, and your right to discuss or argue it without name calling.
Cheers
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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| shawnsmith |
Posted - 08/20/2010 : 21:27:44
I have learned over the years not to talk about it to anyone even when I know they have TMS/MBS as the message will fall on deaf ears. Accept this and move on. |
| Big Rob |
Posted - 08/20/2010 : 18:21:02
If you confront people with TMS they can get defensive because effectively it is pointing out psychological weakness.
Of course the great irony is some people have an irrational fear of having a psychological weakness.
In the case of this woman, if the initial conversation between you was private, then tell HER to go away. What a b***h!!!!! |
| efyl |
Posted - 08/18/2010 : 17:42:58
Although I grew up in what I would describe as a somewhat "straight and narrow" family where "consult the expert" was the word on any issue that came up, I developed an openness and curiosity that led me to check out different alternative groups, diets, and health practices. I'm not though a personality that gets wrapped up in "worshiping" any one thing. Perhaps I'm too independent and skeptical for that. I tend to feel uncomfortable about any one thing being "The Answer". That said, at the least I can say that when I came across TMS after over two years of suffering multiple, debilitating pains, I knew I had found something important and quickly saw a 50% recovery. I began pretty openly sharing it with friends and family, though with the kind of cautious reserve I've historically shown, "I came across a doctor in New York who has this approach towards healing that really requires some suspension of disbelief--it's kind of weird--but it seems to be helping me". In doing so, I pleasantly discovered some people to be closet "mind and body" enthusiasts who believed in linkages but had only their personal experience to go upon. I did, however, run into a bit of a wall with one old friend. He actually asked me a lot of questions about it, thinking it might be appropriate for his girlfriend. That said, he's a tough-sell skeptic. When he got home, he googled the topic and the only link he looked at was this skeptic's commentary on "The Divided Mind" called "The Deluded Mind":
http://www.skepticnorth.com/2010/03/the-deluded-mind-a-review-of-the-divided-mind/
As there are no alternative views there, he generalized the author's comments and sent me an email that felt judgmental and condescending. It enraged me, literally. I eventually pointed out to him that the skeptic's review was not a double-blind journal published study in itself but merely one person's perspective; and that the skeptic doesn't entirely deny the possibility that "Dr. Sarno might be onto something". I do think it's important to approach things (new and old) with skepticism and to raise questions. It does feel to me like a lot of TMS is just theory. For me though, the proof is in the pudding; and it doesn't really matter what made much of my pain go away. For my friend, he needs more. He needs something to be accepted by the masses or for there to be stacks of scientific books backing up the claims. I openly engage in new topics because I'm curious and history has shown me such action usually is enriching for me. I avoid trying things I know will hurt me (e.g., crack cocaine). As such, the difference between my friend and I illustrates that we're dealing with each person's personal psychology. Sometimes it's surprising the receptivity. Other times it's shocking the resistance. Personally, knowing how much I lost and gave up for my pain, to me it's worth risking relationships to help others--albeit perhaps in the cautious manner some other posts speak of. The societal cost to do nothing is far too great. |
| Capn Spanky |
Posted - 07/08/2010 : 11:14:48
Its’ been frustrating talking to people who could use help. I’m mostly met with silence. I’ve only talked to a few.
It’s hard not to say “What’s the matter with you? This stuff is great! It changed my life!”
There was a time when I would not have been receptive. Unfortunately, there’s so much snake oil and BS in the world. I guess I can only plant a seed and then not get my feelings hurt when people ignore it.
I think Darko’s advice about feeling people out first is a very good idea. It’s unfortunate this has to be such a struggle. I can totally see why Dr Sarno has to pre-screen patients. |
| Darko |
Posted - 07/07/2010 : 20:19:21
Marytabby,
I have always found giving people solutions to be a tricky thing...usually cause they're just not ready or too narrow minded for anything outside the norm....whatever that is. What works for me is to explain what I have discovered that works for me in respect to a particular issue and leave it at that......don't even suggest they have a look or read "what worked for you". I have always said it's better to ask the person questions and let them answer themselves through your directed questions. "Do you think it could be emotional or stress related?" is a great question to ask to see if they would be open to the TMS theory. If they really want a solution they will 'see' and ask you to share more. Most people are happy with their suffering......so let em suffer I say :-) Secondly, this friend of yours sounds very narrow minded and that's ok, however she and her friends also sound very immature.......not really they kind of people you want around you anyway right? I'd fire her and her friends, life is to short for that crap!
D |
| art |
Posted - 07/06/2010 : 05:19:27
About ten years ago someone gave me Healing Back Pain and I've always been grateful. I try to "pay it forward" when appropriate, but just about never with good results. |
| RageSootheRatio |
Posted - 06/14/2010 : 11:22:13
Well, maybe there is not much of a "goodist" in me, but I don't feel any need to tell anyone about TMS. I actually consider it my little secret. :o) I also don't really mind hearing about others' "fibromyalgia" as that is their reality and they all know that not everyone "believes in it" so they have chosen to take that on, as opposed to choosing a more psychosomatic explanation for their symptoms. I just figure there is a TON of information out there on psychosomatic ailments, and if an individual was ready to pursue that strategy, they wouldn't have to look very far for information/ help. So I don't feel any particular need to "rescue" anyone ... or maybe I am just a non-caring, non-goodist! |
| 2scoops |
Posted - 06/14/2010 : 10:51:35
Yes, there are people out there that will get angery if you talk about psychosmatic symptoms. I've been cussed out, threatened at work not to talked about anything that is medical related that conflicts with western medicine, (I work for a health clinic. Some are grateful, some are just being nice and say thank you, some get angry. The only thing we are responsible for is passing along truth. Maybe the goodist comes forth in us and we think we must make them believe or accept the diagnosis. We offer books, insight, etc and yes, it can be tough to experience rejection. Matter of fact, a lof of people who experience TMS are afraid of rejection.
If you have presented your beliefs to her, and tried to help, than that is all you can do. I'd say let it be. Ifr she wants to know more or gets desperate enough, maybe she will contact you. True friendship is about love and forgiveness. |
| marytabby |
Posted - 06/14/2010 : 06:07:22
It's hard for those of us who have had success with this to keep hearing the person complaining over and over how they can't sit, they can't stand, they can't sleep, they can't walk, run, bike, watch TV, drive their car. And to the person who doesn't want to hear about TMS I just say, "yep, I know I've been there, but thank God I'm better now."
That's all I can do. Then I say, "I hope you feel better soon." |
| Effie |
Posted - 06/13/2010 : 13:14:06
I had a coworker who really needed to know about TMS, but every time the subject came up, I just kept mentioning how grateful I was that I had gotten relief from reading "The Divided Mind" and kept putting it in the context of my own pain relief with no emphasis on her problems -- eventually she became curious and I offered to loan it to her. Now she's my best advocate, and we help keep each other on track. I noticed it in another coworker's office last week and he mentioned that she had loaned it to him! One thing I've always emphasized when venturing to talk to people about TMS is that the pain is REAL . . . we all know that from our own experience and it can't be emphasized enough. I know I would have been turned off initially too if I even remotely believed that someone was telling me it was "all in my head." You really can't do this until you're ready . . . and your former friend is obviously not ready. |
| catspine |
Posted - 06/11/2010 : 13:48:10
Hi TT
Thanks for your comment. I'm glad you saw nothing personal in this question as it was not meant to be so .I was still in the context of TMS pain when I wrote this line about being masochistic , because a few months ago a member on this board with a lot of issues admitted to being masochistic about the symptoms she was struggling with. It didn't occur to me at that time that people into it seek it out consciously so I guess that it answers the question.
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| tennis tom |
Posted - 06/11/2010 : 01:28:39
quote:
Originally posted by catspine
------------------------------
Hi TT
If the purpose of pain is 'good' could that mean that there are masochistic people out there who would want to keep the pain the way it is?
I had never thought of that...Now the question is can one become masochistic in the process of 'sitting with the pain' or welcoming it like some members of this board talk about?
Masochism is a form of sexual perversion based on pain and humiliation. People into it seek it out consciously. TMS is operating on a subconscious level. It's going on in the back-ground of our minds. I'm not sure if I would refer to it as "good", maybe the lesser of two evils. It's a defense mechanism or protection against feeling dangerous emotions, that our subconscious has decided we can't handle.
I think the best thing would be if we could raise our level of consciousness to feel and confront these dangerous emotions, therefore freeing our bodies from the physical pain distraction.
Well, I guess if one consciously chooses masochistic behavior to float their boat, they would be doing so through their personal freedom of choice. Personally, hanging around tethered to fish-hooks from the ceiling is not my idea of pleasure--I'd prefer Thai massage or some Rolfing, less susceptible to infection.
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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| catspine |
Posted - 06/09/2010 : 15:06:09
Maryalma8,
When every else fails to work eventually your ex friend might end up reading from this forum and realize what you were trying to do.
------------------------------
Hi TT
If the purpose of pain is 'good' could that mean that there are masochistic people out there who would want to keep the pain the way it is?
I had never thought of that...Now the question is can one become masochistic in the process of 'sitting with the pain' or welcoming it like some members of this board talk about?
Ooops! I hope this doesn't get misinterpreted...I meant that one gets accustomed to pain and chooses to stop at that level in the healing process.
-------------------------------
Susan828
How have you been? |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 06/09/2010 : 08:50:59
I just tell them there's a doctor at NYU Hospital, that heads the Rusk Rehabilitation Institute, who's written books about your problem, that might help.
If they show no interest, I conclude they don't really want to get "well" but NEED their physical symptom to distract them "from the anticipated greater emotional pain that is considered more dangerous than the physical pain. This is a paradox that is often difficult for patients to grasp: that the physical pain is intended to protect them, not to harm them." (from: "THE DIVIDED MIND", page 176-177.)
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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