| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Jena |
Posted - 08/21/2008 : 15:54:31
Has anyone here had an obsession of their body and health all the time? Ever sinced I cured my back pain I have literally been my own worst night mare. I am def a hypochondriac and cybercondriac ( go online and look up symptoms everyday). I talk to a therapist (not one of Sarnos because its not covered under my insurance). Living in my body is a pure nightmare. I drive my family crazy. I am constantly poking around my body for lumps and bumps. Recently I had a lymphoma scare because I have been able to feel my lymph nodes for years and years. I started googling and found that one should never be able to feel their collar bone (supraclavicular) lymph nodes; and if you do its 99.99% malignant! I nearly passed out at the screen. I immediately went to a encologist/hemotolgist and had a full body ct scan which showed 4 enlarged nodes the largest 1.5cm x 1.9cm in the posterior triangle and a 1.1 supraclavicular node and 2 others with benign appearances. My doctor did not think I had cancer but did a ultrasound guided FNA biopsy of the node with flow cytometry and it came up benign reactive.
She also explained some people can feel their supraclavicular nodes but literally i looked up online for months and I can not find 1 website that says this is normal. All my blood work was great.
The reason for this entire story is that I thought I would feel better after going to the doctor but now Im doubting it because of these collar bone lymph nodes I feel. I dont know what to do. I literally obsess over my lymph nodes CONSTANTLY. I know this is TMS. Im not myself I do not know who I am. I always think I have cancer or brain tumor.
There is a few pages covered about this in Divided Mind but not much. I wish he wrote more about this. I spoke to Sarno on the phone he explained its my mind. I believe if I didnt feel the collar bone lymph nodes I wouldnt be so obsessed.
Can anyone relate to hypochondriasis or even palpable collar bone lymph nodes...
I just needed to vent, thanks for listening. |
| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| catspine |
Posted - 02/23/2010 : 04:34:39
It has been said that in order to know how to live a man must truly die first.
Of course this is a reference to the death of the ego and the person who undergoes the process and survives it will emerge from there like a phoenix out of the ashes. GUARANTEED!
Not a pleasant experience for sure but nonetheless a great asset in one's life time if you're lucky enough to be born again...
One of the unexpected side effect is also a much more reasonable fear of death.
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| jerica |
Posted - 02/22/2010 : 15:00:21
mcone you sound like me. I have had all those tests except the carotid artery one...I have had hundreds of EKG's and 3 echocardiograms, a stress test, 24 hour holter monitors, 30 day event monitors. The doctors keep saying I'm anxious, take xanax, take zoloft, see a therapist. I get all the stuff you get plus breathing stuff, too. I will get short of breath, out of breath, smothering and choking sensations and so on. It's all random, comes and goes, and seems to have triggers sometimes and sometimes I can't figure out the trigger. |
| Dor |
Posted - 11/23/2008 : 05:12:14
Bravo for recommending Dr. Claire Weeks. For people with anxiety (TMS too) she is intelligent, comforting, helpful, reassuring, hopeful, and enlightening. She was a leader in the cognitive theories and well respected today among many psychologist. Her books are easy to read, understand, and apply and she treats everything with dignity, straight forwardness, and compassion. I am so glad she helped you mcone. I always smile when I see people pass her along for she has been such a help to so many. How wonderful it feels to read and absorb her books and then be able to say - this is just anxiety.
Dor |
| mcone |
Posted - 11/22/2008 : 20:14:11
Chest Pain almost completely gone...
Read Claire Weekes "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" - just the first few chapters. She describes my (our) chest pain symptoms almost to a tee- The tightness accross the chest, the aching pain around the heart and in the back of the heart, etc. ALL sensitized nerves (you can call this TMS if you wish).
The basic emotional state that sustains and perpetuates the symptoms? FEAR. Fear and bewilderment over the symptoms themelves. [She suggests that maybe an unsconscious reason or even conscious reason may have existed at one point, but for most "nervously ill" people, it's the symptoms themselves, and one's reaction of fear, flight, fight, bewilderment and frustration, that continue to perpetuate symptoms]
Weeke's Solution:
Face (Don't try to escape the symptoms)
Accept (TRUE acceptance w/o negative reactions, fear, hoping they will go away)
Float
Let Time Pass
[Sounds a bit like Webdan's technique to overcome "fear conditioning"]
Working through this with my chest pain, seemed to help allot...in fact, just reading her description of all those nasty chest symptoms as simply "nerves" dramatically reduced my fear - which seemed to dramaticaly reduce the further triggering of symptoms...
Now if I could only fully assimilate these techniques to my wrist TMS. |
| hottm8oh |
Posted - 11/20/2008 : 12:24:14
I'm so glad I found this thread. I'm having TERRIBLE neurological symptoms right now, and I have convinced myself I may have MS. I had a *real* health issue in October that put me back on alert for any twang of discomfort in my body, and I have turned into a cyberchondriac in the worst way. My brain sucks.
Jena, I also went through a terrible break-up that brought on 7 years of severe back pain. I also had two close friends and my mother walk out of my life and September 11 happened all within a span of 4 months. I was a complete and total wreck. I'm still not sure how I got out of bed everyday.
I didn't really get over that time 7 years ago, but I did go on with my life. It was either that or stay stagnant and continue to hate myself because all these people walked out on me. Now I think, TO HELL WITH THEM. |
| skizzik |
Posted - 10/09/2008 : 15:25:10
quote:
Originally posted by playsinpain
Elation &
Opptimism...
orgasm?  |
| playsinpain |
Posted - 10/09/2008 : 11:35:02
You're right...different emotions bring different symptoms:
Anger ... Back Pain
Anxiety... Neurological or Shoulder/Neck
Stress.... Chest or Gastrointestinal
Elation &
Opptimism...NOTHING
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| mcone |
Posted - 10/08/2008 : 20:40:23
quote:
Originally posted by Jena
I think the reason why I'm confused as to why I'm suffering so bad is because my ex bf hurt me real bad and did very cruel things but I already know that so why do I have tms?
This is purely speculative on my part...but somehow I suspect that particular types of emotions cause particular types of physical symptoms. I might be seeing a pattern with my chest pain...Despair, frustration and especially aloneness or isolation seem to bring on my chest pain.
Are you around people? Do you still feel close to anyone? Have you seen any association with symptoms? |
| Jena |
Posted - 10/08/2008 : 19:41:10
I have to admit I literally started laughing out loud with my lymph nose typo! Lymph node I meant ! : ) |
| Jena |
Posted - 10/08/2008 : 19:39:43
Wow I didn't expect so many people to respond. My lymph nose is not a cyst unfortunately ive had ct scan its def lymph nodes. But your right everyone! I forgot can tms symptoms be a bunch all at once for example. Back pain, chest pain , and something else? Or is it one at a time? Are we all going to be suffering with TMS forever because ive cured myself 4 years ago and now I'm getting chest pains and my back pain came back tonight after doing yoga. I think the reason why I'm confused as to why I'm suffering so bad is because my ex bf hurt me real bad and did very cruel things but I already know that so why do I have tms? Idk why I'm getting deep chest and heart pain I can't find my tms books and I dont remember him talking about that. I will be getting evaluted for medication next week. I am having hard time with my diagnosis because of my chest pains I get it when I do something a certain way which makes me thinks its an enlarged thymus gland or lymph node. I truly am trying to accept tms I have done it before I even went to yoga today but now I'm bedwridden with pain |
| mcone |
Posted - 10/08/2008 : 17:43:14
From Dr. Dryland's website:
quote:
Dr. Dryland details groundbreaking research that for the first time links fibromyalgia to chronic dopamine depletion in the central nervous system. He clearly explains how patients can understand what is causing their particular case of fibromyalgia, and how to reverse the progression of this illness naturally.
http://www.drdryland.com/pilot.asp?pg=aboutsolution |
| mcone |
Posted - 10/08/2008 : 17:14:26
quote:
Originally posted by drziggles
Jena, I have one word for you: MEDS.
With the drug topic out of the barn, and a real doctor paying attention, I thought I should share some ideas:
Dopamine.
Dr. David Dryland (a conventional doctor who had FM himself) makes a persuasive case for Dopamine being the key - and his theory overlaps with that of Dr. Sarno.
His basis thesis is that fibromyalgia / central sensitization / autonomic dysregulation results from long term stress and its' effects on the hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal axis--- and that the *master* regulator neurotransmitter is dopamine - which either affects pain directly or is somehow involved in regulating the HPA axis and the neuromuscular system.
http://www.drdryland.com/
How does this relate to TMS? It explains the Rage/Soothe ratio. Pleasurable activities increase the "Soothe" by increasing dopamine. Increase dopamine and the soothe variable is enhanced (i.e., size of reservoir increased).
Dopamine is enhanced by drugs like Mirapex and Deprenyl. I started taking the *liquid* Deprenyl just yesterday at 5 mg per day, and I think it might be helping. Not necessarily a substitute for the TMS protocol, but possibly complementary.
http://www.antiaging-systems.com/a2z/deprenyl.htm |
| drziggles |
Posted - 10/08/2008 : 12:41:35
Jena, I have one word for you: MEDS. you are a nervous wreck and should consider seeing someone who can prescribe you an antianxiety medication. Flame away, naysayers, but SSRIs, for example, can be useful to get these kind of freakouts under control so you are better able to work on the underlying issues that are causing all of this stuff.
The frustrating part is that you clearly know exactly what is going on, but still can't let go. BTW, I love the term "cyberchondriac"...that sums up about half my patients, I think...
Naturally, you should consult your doctor before making any medical decisions. Good luck to you. |
| winnieboo |
Posted - 10/08/2008 : 08:37:43
I second playsinpain. You must focus on your emotional issues. If you're able to let go of the lymph node obsession, you will likely switch to some other obsession to distract yourself. I know this from experience, which you will see if you re-read some of my other posts. I've suffered from OCD, but was only recently diagnosed. I have perserverated over germs, weight, health issues, sins/guilt, danger, my weight, my skin--and then I moved on to TMS. You are young, so take it from someone who's struggled too many years with these ghosts, as playsinpain so aptly named them. Get help and commit to YOURSELF to get rid of them! Only facing the trauma will allow you to move on to enjoy your life. |
| playsinpain |
Posted - 10/08/2008 : 07:17:09
would you really feel better if you finally did find a Dr. who said "well it might be cancer...just to be safe, lets do a few rounds of chemo."....come on! try to step outside of yourself for a second and read your posts...you are obsessed by ghosts. I doubt you think of much else for very long...in other words, you are fully destracted by this cycle your mind has created: the very definition of TMS. If you are coming to this forum for reassurance that what you are suffering from is TMS/Hypochondria, I am officially reassuring you! However, even though I don't know you at all, I suspect that what currently obsesses you is masking emotional trauma that, at least for now, you have no intention of confronting. Until you find the courage and determination to go down that road, this spiral will continue. A year from now, when you have not died from the cancer you currently fear, you will fix on something else to focus on, perhaps a neurological issue, and the cycle will start all over again. TMS can be a powerful and debilitating condition...every bit as challenging as any chronic medical condition. And, just like any other medical condition, the patient stands no chance for a cure until the diagnosis is accepted...There will come a day when you really will be gravely ill; do you want to look back on your life with regret at how much time you cheated yourself out of due to this insidious cycle? I doubt it. Cut the crap out and get busy understanding what's really bothering you! |
| winnieboo |
Posted - 10/07/2008 : 18:10:51
You're right, you can't move on without accepting the TMS diagnosis. The therapist should help you with your control of the obsessive thoughts. It seems you come to the Forum seeking reassurance but then still can't shake your fears. The assurance and peace you look for can only come from within.
For help with this and with obsessions, I like Pema Chodron, whom I've mentioned on threads before. She has a lecture called "Getting Unstuck" which can be ordered on CD from Amazon or downloaded via iTunes. She has many other books as well.
"Getting Unstuck" opens with a talk about "living with discomfort" or "living with an itch" which is a metaphor for our repetitive thoughts and obsessions. It's a buddhist, do-it-yourself version of Exposure and Response Prevention (or ERP) therapy, which is the recommended therapy for OCD sufferers. The tape helped me immensely, as has therapy. But essentially, one has to make a commitment to turn away from the negative thinking. We don't need to throw out our unique personalities, but we do have to learn new patterns of thinking. Self-discipline must be summoned. As in all of TMS work, the commitment required is 100%. |
| Dor |
Posted - 10/07/2008 : 17:44:04
Jena, my brother-in- law had what appeared to be an elarged lymph node in the exact spot that you are talking about. It turned out to be a simple cyst - actually congenital. My sister and brother-in- law went through a pretty scary time over this - one doctor telling them that it could be lymphoma. However a top surgeon in NY did the surgery and it was just as he suspected - a simple cyst. Might that not be what you are feeling and all the doctors are telling you not to worry about?
Dor |
| Jena |
Posted - 10/07/2008 : 17:35:16
You all are great btw cuz I have been trying what everyones been telling me to do. i know ill get there one day. |
| Jena |
Posted - 10/07/2008 : 17:33:05
your right playspin has the attitude i should have and need to have but getting there is the problem.  |
| Jena |
Posted - 10/07/2008 : 17:31:57
I understand what you are all saying; however, I cannot just tell myself "I am going to die when I am going to die! Ok great now I feel better". My mind is not letting me let go of this obsession. I do journal and I do go see a therapist. I understand its in Gods hands but that doesn't make my feeling that I have cancer go away. Playspin has a great attitude towards death but I do not have the same attitude unfortunately. I dont think I ever will. If i drop dead i drop dead? I dont know if I am reading your post correctly but there are people who ignore symptoms and than yes one day they do drop dead because of their ignorance. I have no control over my death but what I do have control over is deciding whether or not I should continue to get checked out because I am feeling this strange and horrible pains. My problem is I have read to many people explaining that they should not have listened to their doctor and believed themselves because they did having something serious. My problem is I do not know when to draw the line and say tomyself "jena the doctor is correct you do not have cancer" in my head its like an OCD thought I keep getting this thought as much as I try and ignore it " jena hes wrong he missed the cancer just like other people have had their cancer missed".
I have obsessive thoughts that drive me mad! I wishhhh I could think like many of you can and I used to not be so afraid but I am now. I keep thinking early detection early detection! I need to fully trust my benign diagnosis to fully move on with TMS and that is the obvious problem that I am having. playsspin i cannot help by living in fear I am trying by going to therapy and journaling and reading sarnos books but in the mean time icannot think like u do about death. I accept I am going to die I know that but I cant accept living in this constant needing assurance that i do not have cancer! Its all because of these lymph nodes I am telling you. If most people were able to feel theirs I would feel like it was normal but since most people cant I am afraid. |
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