| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| mala |
Posted - 01/30/2008 : 18:05:04
I successfully mangaged to get rid of my back pain about 3 years ago and since then I have been living my life normally which means doing everything including going back to wearing high heels.
In december I joined some yoga classes and there was a lot of emphasis on forward bends- a lot of them. My back started hurting and for a while I just pushed through till the pain got really bad and I have stopped now.
I tried ignoring the pain but over the last month it has progressively gotten worse and I am in constant pain. The pain is constant 24 hours and is on both sides of my lower back . Sitting is very difficult and there are 2 hot spots over what I think is the SI joint.
I went for a massage yesterday for a bit of relief and couldn't bear it when the masseuse tried to massage that particular area.
To make matters worse I have also developed a bunion on my left toe and walking is painful. The pain in also more on the left side of my butt. It even hurts at night when I sleep
I know the tms drill god knows I've been thru it before but this time I am finding it all too hard. Nothing is working.
I would really appreciate someone giving me a good 'talking to'.
Thanks so much.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Redsandro |
Posted - 02/03/2008 : 07:29:37
That's good reason. But forgivenes sounds hard when you move out of the way.
"You've made my life miserable to the point where I moved to some place else so I won't have to deal with you again. But I forgive you."
On the one hand, how on earth can someone smart be as stupid as to make your life miserable in the first place and probably not even noticing it? Destructive people do not deserve to be forgiven. I am not Jesus. Thy screws innocent me for reasons beyond logic and love; I hate thee. On the other hand, you must be right as simply not worrying about certain people would be so relaxed.
Again, I might want to look into this after some other issues, but this frightens me. I used to be very aggressive and hateful as a child and when a lot of factors made me realize it's not how people roll, I became calm and patient. That same year, my worst RSI began, tinitus, fatigue, etc growing for many years, eventually leading me here. Ofcourse, back then, I didn't see the connection. I thought puberty just read another chapter of my DNA about how weak my body was. Anyway, it seems like letting go of hate and aggression caused a lot of the TMS.
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TMS is the hidden language of the soul. |
| mala |
Posted - 02/03/2008 : 04:29:20
Hi redsandro
quote:
You sound very true. I must try that sometime after I find a proper way to deal with my anger. One lame question though; say we forgave your mother or my former best friend, and they perform an act of in your eyes despicable behavior towards you such as only people close to you can manage to do. Would you smile and thank them for this $@!, or just never ever interact with them again? I think the difference between the people I mentioned earlier is that one is far more prone to piss me off again and again. Not like road rage, but emotionally.
In my case, I've kept my distance from my mother because I know that she has the capacity to hurt me (like only people close to you can). It's a choice that is necessary to my wellbeing. Why would I put myself in a situation where I allow her to hurt me again and again? Why would anyone do that? I allowed her to do it in the past for most of my life thinking that at some stage it would all stop but since she can't or won't stop I've had to make a choice.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
| Redsandro |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 21:44:16
quote:
Originally posted by altherunner
He had some road rage experiences of his own, once getting out of his car and jumping up and down on the roof of a BMW behind him.
Heh, I have some twisted personality traits but this sounds pretty extreme. One could argue that this kind of behaviour is far more healthy than someone who just keeps holding the anger in.
I'll note down the name and look for it when I visit local library.
quote:
Originally posted by mala
In my own case it took a long time for the anger to turn to forgiveness but it was definitelyan active process not a passive one. Working at resolving emotional issues eventually did lead to the understanding that in one particular situation it would be in my own interest to forgive rather than hold on to the anger.
You sound very true. I must try that sometime after I find a proper way to deal with my anger. One lame question though; say we forgave your mother or my former best friend, and they perform an act of in your eyes despicable behavior towards you such as only people close to you can manage to do. Would you smile and thank them for this $@!, or just never ever interact with them again? I think the difference between the people I mentioned earlier is that one is far more prone to piss me off again and again. Not like road rage, but emotionally.
Note though that I am not actively purposely holding on to anger. Passively just feeling how I feel works in both ways.
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TMS is the hidden language of the soul. |
| mala |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 20:46:53
Any advise on talking yourself into forgiving someone when there is usually no reason to do so except for calming your TMS gremlin? I know it would make my life easier, but it's like really believing your green trousers are purple.
Resandro, I think that calming yr gremlin is a good enough reason as any. Forgiveness in my opinion does not always come automatically. It has to start at some point and then you peel away like layers in an onion until you reach the subconcious where perhaps then understanding & forgiveness come. I agree with altherunner that anger manifests itself into all sorts of toxic physical nastiness.
In my own case it took a long time for the anger to turn to forgiveness but it was definitelyan active process not a passive one. Working at resolving emotional issues eventually did lead to the understanding that in one particular situation it would be in my own interest to forgive rather than hold on to the anger.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
| altherunner |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 19:34:49
I listened to a lecture on cd that convinced me forgiveness is the only way: How Forgiveness and Worry Impact Health and Being Well
by Dr. Edward Hallowell. He is quite funny and entertaining to listen to, as well. He had some road rage experiences of his own, once getting out of his car and jumping up and down on the roof of a BMW behind him. He decided his anger was interfering with his work as a psychiatrist, and his home life and did his homework and inner work on anger. I got it from the library, it's only an hour and a half, and very worthwhile listening to. Some of his examples of anger and resentment are so extreme, that mine seemed insignificant. |
| Redsandro |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 18:01:05
It's hard to answer that question. But forgiving is not as easy as reasoning that it would be best.
Take two of the many people I've sinserely hated at some point in my life. I know I've forgiven one. I just feel that way without trying to feel that way. I didn't want to or need to. It involved mental and physical damage. Yet somehow, I'm not angry anymore. I respect that person. With the other one, a mere precense of that person gives me a vibe that I identify with former hate. I feel like forgivenes comes automatically when the subconscious agrees. I don't know what's so different, but not a thought of benefit can make me feel otherwise. I think.
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TMS is the hidden language of the soul. |
| altherunner |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 16:55:18
Holding on to past anger and resentments has been implicated in many serious illnesses like cancer, as well as pain distraction syndromes.
Why not let all those past resentments go? What have you got to lose but your pain. |
| Redsandro |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 09:59:06
Any advise on talking yourself into forgiving someone when there is usually no reason to do so except for calming your TMS gremlin? I know it would make my life easier, but it's like really believing your green trousers are purple.
____________
TMS is the hidden language of the soul. |
| altherunner |
Posted - 02/01/2008 : 22:26:39
Sounds like you are on your way to forgiving her already. You can forgive her and still not have contact wtih her - it's your choice.
I read somewhere that holding on to past anger and resentment is like holding on to a hot coal. My mother has severe dementia, and her doctor told me the brain damage went back a long time - to when my siblings and I were still teens. Maybe this made forgiving her a little easier, as she really didn't know what she was doing. |
| weatherman |
Posted - 02/01/2008 : 20:36:13
quote:
Why do I keep hurting my back like this?
Mala
From a totally physical standpoint, maybe a big issue is the fact that you believe your back is "hurt." The pain is most likely harmless in and of itself. I had a hurting back many years ago, and it was absolutley mental - though that can be very hard to believe when you're in the middle of it. Especially since I didn't know of TMS at the time.
Weatherman
"Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement." |
| mala |
Posted - 02/01/2008 : 18:15:21
When I feel someone has wronged or hurt me(my ego), I feel the pain, forgive the person (to myself), and let go of the thoughts and feelings if possible. By forgiving, I don't mean condoning what this person did, or telling the person I forgive them, it's more internally letting go, and having gratitude for the good things in life. Gratitude, forgiveness, and kindness can truly work miracles, it only took me 40 plus years to realize this.
Altherunner, Its weird you shld mention forgiveness. Just the day before I was thinking about the problem with my mother and realised that perhaps the way, in fact the only way for me was to forgive her too. She had a pretty miserable life with my father for 20 odd years and although she had the power to change things not only when he was alive but also after he died, she didn't and so she has her own personal demons to deal with which of course she doesn't really recognise. Nothing is ever her fault. It always the other people around her. So I thought about just letting go by forgiving her for not knowing, for not being 'able' to understand what she is doing. It seems the best way coz then I don't have to fight her emotionally any more.
My long and drawn out point is this: is there a secondary benefit that your pain is giving you? To be very obvious, does it help you win sympathy from your distant mother? Or help you avoid seeing her because you're attending to your back? Or is it giving you the safe target for your long buried emotions? Maybe it is your friend for now, and let it help you.
Mary Ann, I used to find that if I was ill or in pain, my mother would get all 'motherly' and sympathetic and I used to play on that maybe till about 5 or 6 yrs ago. But honestly since Sarno I have stopped that completely. In fact I've been careful not to let her know about this recent bout of pain but you could be right about the pain drawing my attention to emotional issues.
I do hope you sort out both the pain and also the work situation. Take care.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
| Mary Ann |
Posted - 02/01/2008 : 12:23:25
quote:
Originally posted by mala
I would like to understand something about my pain. I wonder if anybody could help.
I managed to overcome similar pain 3 years ago by doing Sarno. The symptoms were the same as the ones I'm having now that is a constant,burning, searing,hot inflammy feeling in the SI area and inabilty to sit because of the pain. There was no cause for the pain, it just came on gradually. I was told the usual stuff about wear and tear, arthritis, SI problems etc. and I spent a lot of time on conventional treatment to no avail. I read sarno, Fred Amir did the work and eventually got better.
Now the second time round. In Feb 2007,I was in Australia and I started doing some sun salutations. In fact I did a lot and my back hurt but I stopped and the pain went away fairly soon. In May 2007, I tried again and it hurt again so I gave up and it took longer for the pain to go way this time. Not to be deterred and remembering what sarno says about backs being strong I joined yoga classes at the beginning of Dec 2007. My back hurt after the first session again while doing forward bends but I persisted because again of what sarno says. I must have done 5 or 6 lessons when the pain became so bad that I had to give up. this time the pain has still not gone.
Why do I keep hurting my back like this?
Thank you all.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala
Hi Mala,
I'm so sorry to hear about your back pain returning. I think the yoga is a "safer" excuse for your back pain than connecting it with returning in contact with your mother. In fact your subconscious probably picked the yoga on purpose, because it is a safe target.
I'm going through the same thing right now after a real knee injury 6 months ago (a knee cap dislocation). I'm in TMS back pain to high hilt. But I've just connected with the thought that even though my knee is getting better, I'm not emotionally ready to give up the "gimp card". So I'm having "compensatory pain". My PT and massage therapists and everyone around me believe in compensatory pain very readily. But I have come to realize that I'm in a bad situation at work and really don't want to return. The pain is giving me a benefit and to be truthful, I'm not trying to get rid of it. I'm enjoying the massage and the attention of my PT. I know this is anti-Sarno, but it is helping me emotionally, so I figure it will all work out in the wash eventually.
My long and drawn out point is this: is there a secondary benefit that your pain is giving you? To be very obvious, does it help you win sympathy from your distant mother? Or help you avoid seeing her because you're attending to your back? Or is it giving you the safe target for your long buried emotions? Maybe it is your friend for now, and let it help you.
Don't panic. You came out of it once before you will do so again.
Take good care,
Mary Ann
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| altherunner |
Posted - 02/01/2008 : 06:41:15
I think your mother is the cause, the yoga is something that you like to do, and is good for you, and your mind is using the pain to control you and keep you in a state of fear, to distract you from your feelings. My mother went into a nursing home a few years ago with dementia, and I got severe back pains at the time. My first session with Don Dubin, he said I was probably internally angry at my mother for past neglect, and now no longer able to resolve this past issue, as her mind is gone. His therapy sessions(4) on the phone helped me a lot. When I feel someone has wronged or hurt me(my ego), I feel the pain, forgive the person (to myself), and let go of the thoughts and feelings if possible. By forgiving, I don't mean condoning what this person did, or telling the person I forgive them, it's more internally letting go, and having gratitude for the good things in life. Gratitude, forgiveness, and kindness can truly work miracles, it only took me 40 plus years to realize this. |
| mala |
Posted - 02/01/2008 : 02:21:38
I would like to understand something about my pain. I wonder if anybody could help.
I managed to overcome similar pain 3 years ago by doing Sarno. The symptoms were the same as the ones I'm having now that is a constant,burning, searing,hot inflammy feeling in the SI area and inabilty to sit because of the pain. There was no cause for the pain, it just came on gradually. I was told the usual stuff about wear and tear, arthritis, SI problems etc. and I spent a lot of time on conventional treatment to no avail. I read sarno, Fred Amir did the work and eventually got better.
Now the second time round. In Feb 2007,I was in Australia and I started doing some sun salutations. In fact I did a lot and my back hurt but I stopped and the pain went away fairly soon. In May 2007, I tried again and it hurt again so I gave up and it took longer for the pain to go way this time. Not to be deterred and remembering what sarno says about backs being strong I joined yoga classes at the beginning of Dec 2007. My back hurt after the first session again while doing forward bends but I persisted because again of what sarno says. I must have done 5 or 6 lessons when the pain became so bad that I had to give up. this time the pain has still not gone.
Why do I keep hurting my back like this?
Thank you all.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
| mala |
Posted - 01/31/2008 : 17:51:19
You want to be kind to your mother but because of past history, your inner child wants nothing to do with her and is taking it out on you.
Susie, a very astute observation. Definitely food for thought.
Thanks
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
| weatherman |
Posted - 01/31/2008 : 08:57:48
Maybe part of the deal is that consciously most of us believe that our parents really were doing what they thought was right given what they knew or belived at the time. I've come to appreciate that idea since I became one 18 years ago. There are things I would do differently if I had it to do over again, unfortunately you don't get to take any practice tests.
Nevertheless, there is a part that's pisssed off about things that happened, even if they were done with good intentions at the time.
Weatherman
"Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement." |
| Susie |
Posted - 01/31/2008 : 07:30:16
Weak and Oversensitive are words you are using to describe yourself. That does not make it reality but it does give insight into what you think of yourself. Don't forget it's your unconscious thats spoiled and pissed off, not Mala, your mothers daughter. Sarno would tell us our unconscious is self indulgent and demanding and wants everything to suit IT. I really think that is your conflict. You want to be kind to your mother but because of past history, your inner child wants nothing to do with her and is taking it out on you. |
| mala |
Posted - 01/30/2008 : 21:51:01
Thank you all for responding so quickly and responding so effectively. Each post is helping me to reassess my situation and giving me a lot of insight and confidence. It is so wonderful to see how so many of you have such an excellent grasp of TMS and how well you are able to help others through this forum through your understanding of it. It's like I don't need my books and DVDs.
Stryder so good to hear about yr quick recovery. That is indeeed heartening news for someone like me at this time. Susie and Wavy Soul you are both on the button with yr observations about my mother. In a way I was much better off without her in my life and yes there is both guilt and resentment in the present situation. I am not comfortable around her and she has the ability to make me feel apprehensive.
The thing is everything else in my life is perfect. Truly I mean it. I am blessed in so many many ways . My relationship with my mother is the only negative thing. Why is it that the huge positives in my life are not enough to overpower and diminish the effects of this one negative aspect. Does that mean I am weak or over sensitive?
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 01/30/2008 : 21:13:22
quote:
The only thing that has changed in my life is that I have had some contact with my mother whom I have avoided for the last 3 years.
Oh absolutely, me too, money on the mom.
I have had one different TMS drama after another in the last 2 years, ALL triggered by having to deal more with my family, due to their disturbing current tendency to die, or nearly die, etc.
Coming home on the plane from having a conversation with my dad just before he died, in which I told him everything KIND that I could think of, to help him move on, (and after I had already pretty much healed myself of everything), I asked myself "Well, let me just scan myself to see if I suppressed anything or if I'm really clear."
"All clear," responded my crappy intuition. A week later I had penumonia ("from the plane," I said). 6 months later, riddled with a resurgence of fibro and worse, I finally "got it." I was enraged at dad, at the fact that even at the end, he didn't "see" me at all.
Once I realized that I had another big breakthrough in health.
Then my mother got Alzheimers. Back to England several times. Then my sister got cancer. Lots more communication... I feel as though I am being totally triggered with whatever I've got left "on" my family of origin, even though I had previously processed it all through several times. It ain't over until the TMS lady stops singing, I guess
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| Susie |
Posted - 01/30/2008 : 20:59:51
My money is on the mother. Could you feel guilty for wanting to get away but maybe feel trapped? Close family issues are a perfect recipe for anger and stress. Maybe you resent the present situation and were much happier without contact. You will be made to feel like the bad guy if you sever the tie, but you would really like to. About the toe thing--- I have one also and every once in a while it is extremely painful, kinda like a sharp toothache, only in my foot. I'm sure it's tms and have always ignored it. I do try to buy wide shoes. |
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