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filipe
Portugal
280 Posts |
 Posted - 03/02/2016 : 16:28:58
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Hi,
As some my know, I totally solved my chronic pain, and Atrial Fibrillation (AF) by allowing myself to be vulnerable...
However, everytime I have personal conflicts I have episodes of AF. And you can't run away from this life conflicts. I was wondering, is there a book you recomend that teach us tecnhiques of managing our emotions when we have a conflict?
There are times when you just need to make a stand for what is right? When you need to show who's in charge? Authority? When you need to show that you are tough instead of showing your vulnerability, right?
Thanks |
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StephAh
1 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2016 : 10:17:32
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Hi Filipe,
I can't tell you what is or isn't right for you in any given situation, or even in any hypothetical situation. Such decisions are based on complex variables and will vary from one person to another.
Whenever we are faced with acute (immediate, as opposed to chronic) conflict, we tend to lapse into the flight or fight response. It seems "logical" to react this way because of many thousands of years of conditioning. It's an imbedded reflex. We often will find ourselves arguing for the apparent logic of this or that reaction or decision and, because we are skilled at rationalizing, we can easily weave some very persuasive arguments for the case we are trying to make.
But, if you start acting on those reactions, and they are not right for you and/or your situation, never fear, the fallout will show up in your body somehow and you will know that it's time to make an adjustment.
Sometimes you will know before you ever act on your rationalizations because you can sense the inner tension starting to build, even as you are exploring your choices. That tension you feel is your intuition, that "gut feeling" that tells you something is off. If you learn to mind it, you can't go wrong.
I use EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) otherwise known as Tapping to sort through conflicting thoughts, feelings and emotions that come up during any crises like you mention. There are a number of good books on the subject on Amazon.com. But, if you aren't familiar with the process, perhaps you could start on YouTube and Google EFT and Gary Craig.
Let me know if you need more info.
Steph
quote:
Originally posted by filipe
Hi,
As some my know, I totally solved my chronic pain, and Atrial Fibrillation (AF) by allowing myself to be vulnerable...
However, everytime I have personal conflicts I have episodes of AF. And you can't run away from this life conflicts. I was wondering, is there a book you recomend that teach us tecnhiques of managing our emotions when we have a conflict?
There are times when you just need to make a stand for what is right? When you need to show who's in charge? Authority? When you need to show that you are tough instead of showing your vulnerability, right?
Thanks
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Edited by - StephAh on 03/29/2016 10:26:06 |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
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alexis
USA
596 Posts |
Posted - 03/30/2016 : 13:26:10
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I second the McGonigal recommendation. She has a background in meditation and mindfulness which is a tradition that, at least in its modern incarnation, emphasizes the recognition and acceptance of emotions in a nonjudgemental way. In recent years she has grown to see stress within that context.
What is interesting about this approach is that as one gains increasing skill in recognizing emotions as they first emerge, one's level of reactivity decreases. Normally an individual is caught up in an emotion before fully recognizing that it has even appeared, but with practice (usually in the form of meditation) one learns to identify the emotion early on and has the ability to choose to go with the emotion or to sit with it (lean into or deconstruct it) and move on much more rapidly without the prolonged rumination or loss of control. This is very different from shutting down or ignoring the emotion - it is the very willingness to sit with it that lessens its power.
In the case of personal conflicts this means that you learn to see a reaction early on and therefore can handle the necessary social tasks with more ability to stand back. And with McGonigal's latest focus, to see even what stress is left as not necessarily negative. |
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Managing emotions during conflicts
