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alinnyc
USA
20 Posts |
 Posted - 05/13/2005 : 14:39:58
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Hello all, I am new to this website. I wonder if I can ask the advice of others who have experienced or are experiencing TMS,as I am. Just by way of brief history, I have been suffering from back problems for several years. However, they became acute during the summer of 2004. I made my way through the medical system to no avail. Highly frustrated and almost unable to move, a dear friend of mine told me about Dr. Sarno. I had heard of him before but thought the whole thing was fanciful at best. I am now an ardent believer. But I am still healing and would like your advice.
I have dived in, and it has made a big difference. But I seem to have gotten to a level beyond which I can't improve. There were lots of issues growing up. Both my parents had some serious emotional issues that they brought into their marriage and hence our family. The net result was our little world (my two brothers and I) revolved around my parents needs and our emotional needs got stuffed into a box. One of the big things I had growing up was golf. I was a good player and a good competitor and I accomplished alot. I feel very identified with the game. I truly love the game yet put lots of pressure on myself when I play.
I retired about three years ago from a 26 year career in investment banking in New York. I had hoped that I could among other things go back to playing competitive golf. The summer after I retired I lost a tournament that I had won several reasons running. I felt humiliated and angry. I worked like hell the next year. Won it back and when I was ready to defend the following year. Bang..Back issues. My TMS seems to be directly affecting the muscles involved in rotation in the golf swing.
What a surprise huh. How would you tackle this one if you were me.
I know that golf is not the only issue. I have been writing in my notebook about lots of things. I feel like I have learned a lot about myself and my reactions to things. But, I could really use some help and support from others who have gone through this.
Any advise on how to lose the fear of playing the game I love and on healing in general. |
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marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - 05/13/2005 : 15:30:36
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Alin,
I am new at this too, for about 6-7 weeks. But from what I have experienced, the reading and journaling have helped me. I have gotten back into running without as much pain and am making progress on other TMS ailments as well. It's definitely a routine I make time for everyday, the reading, journaling and visiting this board to get ideas and help. I also talk to myself when the pain starts up, I just tell my brain to knock it off and go through all the reasons why I know it's a trick it's playing on me and how I will not fall prey to it. I can say after two months at this I am doing a lot better. My efforts have paid off. This all may seem like obvious advice so if it is, it's only because it is what works! |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2005 : 10:22:36
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Seems like a classic case of TMS.
The child inside you is in a rage that you put so much pressure on yourself to perform. Finally it decided enough was enough.
You need to ask yourself, why is it so important for you to win that tournament? How much enjoyment do you really get out of golf if you put so much pressure on yourself to win? Why is it so humiliating to lose?
Seems to me you have a great need to prove yourself to the world, most likely stemming from a childhood where your parents were in no position to give you the support you so sorely needed.
Also consider that retirement (and aging in general) can be a big factor in TMS. |
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alinnyc
USA
20 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2005 : 15:10:40
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Thanks Dave
I think your comments are right on. I have been journalling alot about all of this. That said I want to think about the answers to the questions you pose and post my thoughts.
Through Dr. Sarno, I have asked for the help of the therapist. I'm really looking forward to it.
I have been struggling with this for about 2 months now. My progress has been significant but is uneven and that can be frustrating. Is that common? Little doubts pop into my head. Is that common? I know that is my brain trying to keep this going. It is amazing how desperately it tries to protect me from thinking about these things. It is all such unexplored territory. I have found the help forum helpful because it gives you support in the daily battle against this thing. Please keep helping. It means a lot to me. |
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n/a
374 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2005 : 04:50:31
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Alinnyc, you'll find that many, if not most of us who post here have had a recovery that is uneven and frustrating when we have had set-backs - and, yes, doubts creep in. Your brain has been conditioned a certain way for years and it can take quite a while and a lot of psychological work to de-condition it.
My recovery kind of 'sneaked up' on me. The set-backs became less severe and happened less often as time went on and, to be honest, I still am vigilant today - eighteen months after first reading Dr Sarno's work, although I haven't had any back pain for a long time now.
One book that helped me a lot with the little doubts popping into the head that you describe was Rick Carson's 'Taming Your Gremlin' It might be worth a look. Quite a few of us have found it helpful, and amusing as well. It doesn't address TMS pain as such, but it helps with the doubts and fears that so often accompany chronic pain.
Best wishes
Anne |
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alinnyc
USA
20 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2005 : 05:08:24
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| Thank You Anne. I will get it. These postings are helping me so much. |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2005 : 08:04:55
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quote:
I was a good player and a good competitor and I accomplished alot. I feel very identified with the game. I truly love the game yet put lots of pressure on myself when I play.
My TMS seems to be directly affecting the muscles involved in rotation in the golf swing.
We're all really weird at the core.I went back to Baseball at age 28-29....unresolved childhood conflict? Neeing to be the BEST kid on the playground?
Tennis Tom and I have spoken at length on this topic.As Dave just said,it is important to find out why we need to win so badly,but I also think it is important to realize that if it weren't golf,tennis,Baseball,it would just find another 'vehicle'....it is an inherent competitiveness....I always want to be the gracious winner and let the other poor SOB wonder if HE's good enough.
When I first went back to competition,I went 0 fer like my first 15....I developed a painful spasm in the side of my neck.It was excruciating,but I knew it was somehow tied to my slump.My shortstop was a big,tattoed east LA gang member,and he had been giving me endless Shi## about my hitting.
When I finally got my first knock,I turned to my own dugout and yelled "F--- You!" to the big scary guy.....the spasm was gone that day.
The TMS HAS to block you from the thing you like/compete at the most,or it's not doing it's job.If you hadn't have retired so young,it would have gone after your hands(laptop/typing) or maybe your knees or back.....it needs to prevent you from what it perceives as a threat to it's work/distraction.
Maybe hit the driving range alone,focusing on your anger at not being able to dominate,fear of injury,etc....it's hard to do this kind of thing with other people around.
sounds like your on your way.
Baseball65 |
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alinnyc
USA
20 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2005 : 10:24:58
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Baseball good advice. You sound like a true kindred spirit. Your response made me laugh and feel a lot better. Frankly, I think you need to laugh at this stuff -- the more seriously you take it the more scary it seems. Not to beat this one to a dead horse, but I thought I would respond to Dave's questions.
Why was winning so important to me?, Why was I so humiliated when I lost? Was it fun if you put so much pressure on yourself?
Start with the easy one first. No it is not much fun to put that much pressure on yourself. You are down more than your up. It is fun to win. My goal is stay competitive and want to win without beating myself up so much.
As to the first two questions, this is my take. I grew up with parents who didn't think very much of themselves (in fact they down right dispised themselves). They had great self preservation instincts/avoidance mechanisms. (My dad developed narcisstic personality disorder and my my became obsessive about things and very self oriented. I must have picked up on their inner feelings as a child. I thought this was normal. I also thought , at some level, that I didn't deserve to get what I needed. Golf served two purposes for me. It was my escape/distraction ( I could blank out on bad feelings and for a change feel good). I didn't have to think about me and my situation or how angry I was. I could escape by totally commiting to the game. It's the kind of game that you can do that with ( it needs your undivided attention). Also, I found that by excelling at it, I pleased my parents and I liked proving that I was deserving to them. Snagged.
I retired from my job (which by the way was a job that consummed almost all my waking hours). I had an opportunity to stay on a pick up more responsibility but I just didn't want the pressure anymore.
My unconscious child had had enough. Given the void ..going from 24/7 to retirement, I threw wild expectations into my golf. That was the year I lost. That is not surprising in retrospect (that said my competitor played great and she deserved it). Clearly I have deep feelings of lack of self worth and a feeling that I don't deserved to be respected. I needed the distraction from these underlying feelings. I needed to prove that I was worthy of respect and I felt angry and humiliated when I didn't. But on a deeper level, I think that the self within me didn't want to play this game of prove yourself over and over again (hence retiring). Yet I was not ready to face my demons. I wasn't in touch with me...I was just in touch with those unrelenting needs and drives that these feelings had created. I needed the distraction. Golf didn't work as the same deception that it did in the past. I was really pissed off about this. It made me unhappy.
By the way, I played in the club championship last summer even with excrutiating back pain. I could only swing the club up to as high as my waist. I played like **** and still managed to win. I guess my opponent's demons were worse than mine.
Here is what I can't figure out. Sarno says you don't need to change your personality you just need to accept your rage. I get stuck on that one. Don't you need to change the way you perceive yourself and don't you need to change your reactions. Doesn't this , at least in some small way, change who you are. Thoughts?
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n/a
374 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2005 : 14:01:07
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I'm only talking about my experience here, but I did have to change how I perceived myself and teach my brain to work differently in order to reach the point I am at now.
I had to tackle TMS from two different angles - one was easy - as soon as I read 'The Mindbody Prescription', I found what I had been looking for, because I had long suspected that the chronic back pain and my other ailments were psychological in origin. I had been actively searching the internet for information on the subject. That's how I found out about Dr Sarno. After reading MBP I was never so frightened of my pain again. It was indeed a eureka moment.
The other angle was the anxiety that had dominated my life for years and years. I had, up to then, thought that I had two problems - a 'bad' back and an anxiety disorder, but I came to understand that they were the same problem. The anxiety, however, needed lots of work, mainly reading on anxiety conditions, but I found a good counsellor to help me as well.
As I became less anxious, the back pain became less severe and I have not had any for a long time now.
As I say, Alinnyc, that was my experience and I'm not saying that everyone needs to make changes in how they perceive themselves to recover from TMS, but I did.
I find your experience interesting - I too grew up with parents with severe emotional issues (I'm pretty sure that they would not have stayed together had they been born later when divorce became acceptable); I grew up feeling that I didn't deserve anything good.
There are quite a few people who post here who, as Baseball puts it, 'Need to be the BEST kid on the playground'. It seems to me that TMS manifests itself in many ways - that's one of them - and another way, which applies to me, is that we never put ourselves in the position where we will have to prove that we are the best.
Years ago, my boss suggested that I start applying for promoted posts. I was a teacher. So, being the obedient person I was, I did. I had three interviews and didn't get those, but after the third interview, during the usual de-briefing, the divisional officer told me to keep on applying because my name was on a promoted job some time soon. I stopped applying after that.
Many of us seem to have developed coping strategies early in life and these work for a time. Could it be that the really bad TMS pain is a sign that these coping stategies are no longer working? Just a thought. |
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alinnyc
USA
20 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2005 : 16:12:40
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| Anne, I think that is exactly right. I think the old coping strategies (my golf of which was one) are no longer working as they did. For me, I transformed my golf from play to a job. It no longer became fun and an outlet but a source of pressure. I never thought of it that way as a kid and well into my adult life. I don't know why or when it changed. As mentioned earlier, I have found a counsellor and am quite excited about the new adventure that awaits me. I hope that it will allow me to me more accepting of myself, to begin to feel like I am in control. I am very much looking forward to experiencing the same success that you have experienced. I too think that even if that were to happen, this is something that I will be vigilant about on a go forward basis. Thanks Anne. |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2005 : 21:03:39
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quote:
Originally posted by Dave
Seems to me you have a great need to prove yourself to the world, most likely stemming from a childhood where your parents were in no position to give you the support you so sorely needed.
Wow-- that one really got me Dave felt some good old rage bubbling up after reading the above line. My parents were so focused on getting me to function practically in the world that they lost sight of the
problems developing in my emotional life. They were clueless as was I of how much help I needed on an emotional level as a child.
This site is great!
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2005 : 21:35:41
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quote:
Originally posted by Baseball65
[quote] The TMS HAS to block you from the thing you like/compete at the most,or it's not doing it's job.If you hadn't have retired so young,it would have gone after your hands(laptop/typing) or maybe your knees or back.....it needs to prevent you from what it perceives as a threat to it's work/distraction.
Baseball65
Baseball- you really have a way with words. TMS will try it's best to mess up your life as much as possible. It's a real battle to not give in to the distraction. |
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need advice
