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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
 Posted - 05/16/2005 : 07:14:00
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Jackie,
I have had an exhausting weekend and I am tired and my feet and legs do hurt, but I read and reread your post. I am a fighter and I am willing to give it another try, but I think I need to try and change my approach....maybe not "try so hard" and watch my focus. My oldest daughter was a youth volunteer at the MA state Democratic Convention this past Friday night and Saturday and I was caught up in her excitement. She got me in to see Ted Kennedy and Howard Dean speak and to meet them. Yes, I was in pain, but at that point it was not my central focus. Then Sunday, we were off to CT as a family for an American Kennel Club Dog Show competition (both our kids show in Junior Showmanship) and again, I was in pain, but I found it was not my central focus of the day. Now of course, we cannot have these types of busy, exciting things happen every day, but even with the pain still there, I need to watch were my focus is.
As for the anxiety....you are so right. I have had this anxiety for a good 20 years.....some years it is quiet and other times it is bubbling over !! A Doctor doubting his diagnosis with me is sure to bring on the anxiety. I do think there is some physical thing going on but I will admit that pyschological factors have made it worse. Again, this feet pain (neuropathy, they say) came on 6 weeks post-op from a total hysterectomy which directly followed my Mom's death from ovarian cancer. I understand why my Doctor is sending me back to the Neurologist.....but that is what makes me anxious !!
I hope your leg pain resolves. What was your initial diagnosis for this pain??
Colleen |
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 05/16/2005 : 07:34:24
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Laura, Holly and Alinnyc,
Thank You all for your supportive responses. I sit her tired and feeling the pain this morning, but thankful for all of you.
As I said to Jackie, I do think that something physical could have caused this pain, but I also do believe that the pyschological is making it worse. The high stress in my life has been non-ending for several years now; between Mom's illness and death, my own surgery and continued adjustment to this "sudden surgical menopause", my sibling pushing me aside for unknown reasons, worrying now about my Dad who is alone and by the way has just bought a second home way down south, without telling any of us as I guess it is some "survival plan" for himself as his lonliness without my Mom is so great.....I found out by accident and of course, my own family issues with husband, children and financial.
I brought flowers to the the cemetary for my Mom yesterday right before the cemetary closed as we had been out of state all day. I talk to my Mom there, though I do believe she is in a much better place now. I asked for her help, for her strength. She always was the one who told me that I was "stronger than you think you are".
She had so much faith in me....more than I have in myself.
Colleen |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 05/16/2005 : 09:52:42
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Colleen,
I just read what you posted and it made me cry. You are so lucky to have the years you had with your Mom. She sounds like a wonderful human being. I cannot imagine my Mom saying things like that. I got the complete opposite. Even to this day, I'm the one doing all the phone calling to talk to her and she's the one always saying she's "too busy" to talk to me. It hasn't changed in 45 years! I have always needed her way more than she needs me, that is for sure. The sad part is, when my kids were young and needy, it's almost as if that void were filled. Now, I barely see them with all of their social activities. They just want to go places with their friends 24/7. It's hard. I only saw our 15 year old daughter for dinner last night. She was doing something with various friends all weekend long. You made me realize that that's where a lot of my anxiety and sadness is coming from. It's like - I have no parents and my kids don't need me so much anymore. That is a tough pill to swallow.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother as she sounds like the mother I wish I had had. I hope you see some improvement soon. I am reading Healing Back Pain, all over again, starting from square one. It helps. I am so busy right now with all that's going on but I will make time for it because I think my life depends on it. I've only gotten through the first couple chapters but I figure if I read a little every day and do the work then I will beat this.
Take care.
Laura
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Jackie
27 Posts |
Posted - 05/16/2005 : 19:00:19
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Colleen,
The original diagnosis was Arthritis in my hips...that was about 8 years ago. The Dr. admitted that the damage to the hips was minimal compared to the discomfort. I have been through the circuit of doctors visits. I always expect that the next appointment will find the "cure" No one really listened to me. No one addressed the fact that the pain was more in my muscles than joints...refered pain they said.It really got worse over the last two years.My Dad got sick and went through rounds of hospitalization...rehab...back home. I was the care giver. I had to take on my siblings to perserve his independance...it was an awful time. This sounds like many people on this site. Your doctor does not sound like he really follows Sarno. He gave up to easy. I am back to the book...today has been about the same...but I am hopeful things will get better. I hope that you can continue to work on the book and put the upcoming appointment out of your mind. Keep working!
Jackie |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 05/16/2005 : 20:40:30
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Just to reiterate the power of the mind, I wanted to share something. Last week, I was knee deep in stress - dealing with my daughter's school about a bullying incident, working on all the bat mitzvah plans (3/12 weeks away now!), and just dealing with all the regular "stress" that is part of life. I was getting dizzy so much that I was starting to believe all over again that there is something "structurally" wrong with me - with my inner ear. Then, I got out my books and started at square one. It's amazing! I haven't read that much and already I'm feeling better. This morning, I was walking in the bathroom and I thought "I haven't been dizzy all morning." A second later, I was dizzy. I just started laughing, out loud. It's funny already. I've kept busy all day and if the dizziness has happened, I have tried not to give it too much attention in my mind. Ahh, the power of the mind is such an amazing thing!!!
Laura
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2005 : 09:44:27
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Laura,
The power of the mind is amazing....you are right about that.
As for my Mom....yeah, she was the best and I was blessed to have her.....but remember, I do not have my siblings and my husband has no one on his side. My children have no cousins they can ever see, even though my sister has 3 daughters about 4 miles from me! I still have my Dad and I love him very much, but, simply put, he is not my Mom and he too is struggling with her gone. He has just bought a second home for the winters whenever he retires.....whenever that is. He doesn't tell me a lot and I even found out about this second home by accident. It is way down south (not Florida) and he knows I am upset about all this and so we "pretend" now like it doesn't exist. I do not expect an invitation down there.....so when he goes down there and my kids (like yours) are off doing the million things teenagers do and my husband is off at work or travelling for work, I will have to learn how to be with myself.....that is something I never learned, because Mom and I did everything together. I was just thinking about that the other day.....her solution to ease my pain or my anxiety or whatever was bothering me, would be to come over and eat something sweet with a cup of tea and just chit-chat. You won't find that in a medical book, but it worked !
Colleen |
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2005 : 09:49:20
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Jackie,
When your Dad got sick, you mentioned you had to be the "care giver". Do you still have your Mom? What type of a relationship do you have with your siblings and how did that effect your pain?
Colleen |
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May not be TMS afterall
