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RichT
12 Posts |
 Posted - 05/05/2005 : 05:18:34
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Hi my name is Rich T and i'm posting from the UK. I have had a three year rollercoaster of a life that has taken me to some real lows. Presently i'm definitely in a bit of a low.
Three years ago my partner of ten years, helen, left me for someone else and over the last two years we have had no contact. The guy she left me for won't allow it.
Back:
Six months later i hurt my back, MRI twelve months later showed a slight disc bulge and annular tear. I guess that might have been a real injury as the majority of the pain subsided in two to three weeks. What is odd is the way i have had recurring episodes, now on a daily basis, although only aches. My physio would explain this as increased susceptibility to pain due to the slight nerve impingement but tipped into pain sensation by emotions/ beliefs. This seems a similar idea to TMS.
Pelvic:
Four or five months later i started to have pains in, forgive my openess, my genitals which over a couple of weeks settled to sore prickly sensation around the scrotum. This tipped me over the edge and after three months of suffering, and getting nowhere with frankly unsympathetic medical folk, i was signed off sick. No treatments were suggested or provided, and only diagnosis of chronic pelvic pain was postured. A further three months later i felt considerably better. I was unhappy in my job and had been for many years, on and off. I feel this was one of the reasons my relationship broke down.
Unfortunately, the relief was temporary. I decided to take a sabbatical and wait out a full recovery. To keep myself occupied i started to work on my house. Whilst lifting and just after starting a relationship with a new girl i started to get awful back pain, the first time in six months. No real reason for it but my mind said ' structural injury....', panic set in and the pain continued for months. This reinforced the idea that this was more permanent than before because the previous episode had significantly improved after only two weeks. I was placed on a back physio program with lots of physical exercise in a group environment. This helped with my mood considerably, although no real change in the symptoms.
Wrists:
A few weeks later, after starting another relationship i felt a nerve sensation in my wrist, on tightening a bolt, and started to get awful pains in my forearm. Within two weeks this spread to my other wrist and the pain continued for months. The same unhelpful medical community gave them a cursory glance and said 'soft tissue injury', followed three or four months later by joint hypermobility. No treatments were suggested or provided. The latest diagnosis is 'thoracic outlet syndrome', compression of the blood vessels and nerves beneath the clavicle. Sarno suggested that there was no evidence for this but i have had an ultra-sound scan which shows it happening. I wonder why, obviously, and feel that possibly this has always been occurring in my body. Perhaps this occurs in a large percentage of the population in a similar way to disc herniations. Perhaps only now, with my heightened emotional state do i experience symptoms?
Foot:
Three months after the wrists started hurting i experienced acute pain in my left foot after wearing a new stiff soled pair of walking boots for the first time. I could barely walk for a week, anti-inflammatories helped. But the pain has persisted, at a low level, ever since. I tried orthotics, no improvement and felt uncomfortable. I am about to have new ones made up but now don't no which way to turn because of the postings on this site, not a bad thing but i struggle when pulled in two directions at once.
My 'negative' thinking is very ingrained even though i fully understand the help that would come from positive thinking and positive actions. Often i experience a negative voice dragging me down, overwhelming any positive encouragement i have just given myself. I feel very tired by my symptoms and it is becoming harder to keep myself going, my energy has dropped to an all time low.
I have read Dr Sarno's MBP, Marc Sopher's - To be or not to be.., Debbie Shapiro - The body speaks the mind, A headache in the pelvis- Wise and Anderson, Rapid recovery - Fred Amir
They all make sense, but i struggle with avoiding thoughts like - there is something wrong even if it is maintained in that state by the mind, i.e. nerve compression, and how do i break through the stalemate. Also, are we all just drawn to the idea that gives us the most hope - i.e. nothing really wrong, just pain symptoms that can be overcome. It is natural after all to look for hope. I am comforted by stories of people who have recovered, frightened by how they might not be comparable to my case and perplexed by my lack of recovery.
The rest of my life is not great, i am still signed off sick after two years. In the UK we have a wonderful system where people like me are swept under the carpet and forgotten about as much as possible.
I believe that if i can address some of the issues in my life like the environment i live in, an occupation of some description and overcome my chronic fear of the future then i will improve. But is this the overcoming TMS or just a consequence of making things better in your life. I know it doesn't really matter which it is. My problem is i feel so overwhelmed by my symptoms and the problems i have identified as causes that i can't seem to make headway on either.
Can anybody offer any good advice?
I love to talk to people so if any one feels they would be willing to chat to me on the phone that would be great. I know not to make a nuisance of myself, so don't worry on that score!
Best of luck to everybody,
Rich T |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 05/06/2005 : 10:37:14
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Welcome RichT,
That was a very good introductory post you wrote. If there is any way of pasting it to your Bio it would be useful for future reference. I think you have a good handle on the TMS aspects of your bodily "injuries". In my opinion they are most likely TMS. Even if they began as "real" physical injuries they may have morphed into chronic TMS sites. I don't blame you for being on the fence about whether it's TMS or structural. I have found that TMS "experts" can have differing opinions on what is what. In my case I have had two TMS doctors look at my x-rays and say what I have is NOT TMS and reccommend hip replacemet and a noted TMS psycho-therapist disagree and believe it is TMS. I am in no hurry for the surgery and continue to work on it from a TMS perspective. I have had great success using TMS thinking to fix many assorted sumptoms. I continue to play tournament tennis, allbeit not very successfully but getting satisfaction from participating and working on improving the aspects of my game that I can and hoping improved footwork can "cure" my TMS hip.
I find that TMS is a lonely "dis-ease". It is intensely psychological in nature. Ultimately we have to grapple through it oursleves. I have found, as you have, that relationships and dissatisfaction with our jobs is the psychological environment that festers TMS. You seem to have a good understanding of the social pressures creating TMS pain.
I would suggest reading and re-reading Dr. Sarno's books. He has written three altogether. I feel all the answers are in his books. It takes awhile to retrain the mind that has had a lifetime to develop TMS pain. Think of it as the mind-gym.
If you could be examinded by a TMS doctor to support ruling out the structrual that could be very helpful. Consulting with a TMS psychotherapist would also be very uselful as TMS originates in the subconscious.
I don't think there are many if any TMS doctors in the UK. There are a number of people on this board who are from the UK and perhaps they could help you in that regard. If you can afford it, it may be valuable to take a trip across the pond to see one of the TMS doctors on the East coast of the US where most of them are. Sarno will only see you if you are a NYC resident but the others would probably see you or even help you by e-mail. The links on the home page list TMS doctors and also another site www.tarpityoga.com has a good section on TMS and TMS doctor and therapist referals.
You sound somewhat isolated and not working for several years gives you time to fret about the physical symptoms. Busy yourself brain-washing yourself with Sarno's books. He will reassure you that the body is very strong-it is our minds that are the weak element. The mind gives up before the body.
You seem like a very nice person, fitting the TMS profile of a "goodist-perfectionist'. Welcome to the board RichT and good luck.
Cheers,
tt
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Rollercoaster, help needed getting off.
