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verdammt
Canada
97 Posts |
 Posted - 04/20/2005 : 07:57:58
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At the end of the day, I like to reflect on how things went and how I responded to them. One thing I can't seem to control is my bad language. I swear a lot, whenever I get angry or frustrated. It's ugly; it upsets my wife; it sets a bad example for my children; and I feel ashamed and beat myself up for it later. It's a classic TMS-inducing vicious circle.
Now, the question is, does swearing help or hinder our health? Some would argue that we're blowing off steam instead of keeping a lid on things – that we're venting. That it's healthy. But is it? I wonder if we're not actually adding to our rage by shouting profanities. They're angry, violent words, even when spoken in a calm voice.
All the well-adjusted, laid-back people I know never swear. It's admirable, and it shows how well they handle stress and potentially enraging situations.
Sarno talks about storing up rage in an unconscious bank account – every time we get angry, we make another deposit. I suggest that profanities are the passwords that open the door to the 'vault of rage' and allow us to add to the stockpile.
Try this experiment: Next time you feel like screaming an emotionally-charged word like F*CK!!!!! deliberately take the time to say something corny like, "Well, bless my soul!" or "Well, now, ain't that something!" See if it helps.
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moose1
162 Posts |
Posted - 04/20/2005 : 08:18:00
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"Try this experiment: Next time you feel like screaming an emotionally-charged word like F*CK!!!!! deliberately take the time to say something corny like, "Well, bless my soul!" or "Well, now, ain't that something!" See if it helps."
It doesn't work. My advice would be to get a copy of "Facing the Fire" by John Lee and learn about expressing anger effectively and without freaking out the wife and kids. Or just sit in your car and get it all out without your family around. Just get in there and lose your mind for a few minutes, using all the profanity you can think of. It works.
Moose |
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Logan
USA
203 Posts |
Posted - 04/20/2005 : 09:15:34
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I especially like "mother of pearl!"
Or the old Yosemite Sam mainstay: "That really burns my biscuits!"
I use these in public so that I don't fall back on my habit of swearing like a long shoreman, something I picked up from my father as a mere infant. My first word, after "mom" and "dad", was f***.
But when I do my Facing the Fire exercises at home, I swear, scream and beat my couch. I don't have kids but I do close the door to the den so I don't scare my dogs who might think I'm angry at them.
Maybe Verdammt, you could institute a similar "anger release" ritual in your home. If it would make your kids and wife feel safer, do it when they're out of earshot, but let them know what you're doing and why, and encourage them to take their turn doing it too. It would probably help everyone.
I think if my parents had done that when I was a child, it would have demystified their anger for me and made me much less anxious about my anger and anger in general. I don't think I would have felt so much to blame for their bad moods if I understood that everyone gets angry and that it was okay to release it on inanimate objects. |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 04/20/2005 : 16:32:42
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I actually have had a new "problem" with cursing.
Having moved to the Bible belt,I knew I'd have to be on good behavior....just didn't realize what they think is a curse word....
At a baseball game ,I told my son to take his "sweet a$$ time" getting set on the mound after a particularly tense moment.A number of different parents made note of it to my sons coach (A$$???)
THAN I was all alone in the bleachers discussing something with my son and I said something like....."...and don't fall for any of their BullS-- when they try to...."
Mind you,I was alone,100 feet away from any one except one coach,talking in a near whisper...the coach turned around and said "Shhhh...you're in the bible belt now"
Wow...I thought I just had to watch the "Jeez" and "Oh my God" and of course the F-bomb and the more poignant ones....they get weird if you say "for the hell of it" or "damn" or anything of the sort.
My gestalt rants are safely in my moving car.
-out
Baseball65 |
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verdammt
Canada
97 Posts |
Posted - 04/20/2005 : 18:10:27
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"...just sit in your car and get it all out without your family around. Just get in there and lose your mind for a few minutes, using all the profanity you can think of. It works."
I've tried it many times. Screamed in the car until I was so hoarse I couldn't talk. I blew out the speakers on my stereo listening to 'Soundgarden' one night. Stomped an acoustic guitar into kindling wood in a fit of rage. Put my fist through a wall another time. None of these things really helped, and I regretted all of them.
I want to disconnect the anger/cursing response altogether. It's learned behavior that serves no purpose. It's like the neurological pathway Laura talked about in terms of her dizziness. It has to be rerouted. I believe it can be done.
Thanx for the advice, though. I'll look up that book.
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johnnyg
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 10/06/2005 : 09:02:37
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verdammt quote re releasing anger:
"I've tried it many times. Screamed in the car until I was so hoarse I couldn't talk. I blew out the speakers on my stereo listening to 'Soundgarden' one night. Stomped an acoustic guitar into kindling wood in a fit of rage. Put my fist through a wall another time. None of these things really helped, and I regretted all of them."
I just finished most of "Facing the Fire" by John Lee and then looked up some old posts. I wanted to respond to the above quote in hopes that it is understood why the above probably didn't work for verdammt. According to Lee, we associated anger with hurt when we were young and thus suppress anger to avoid hurt. The activities described above cause physical and/or mental pain and thus there is still an association of anger with hurt.
You have to release your anger safely so that NO ONE, including yourself, gets hurt. While destroying a guitar might feel good while you are doing it, the destruction of something beautiful is never healthy and will not result in the hoped for release of emotion. Stick to screaming, twisting towels and punching pillows and bags.
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yowire
USA
70 Posts |
Posted - 10/06/2005 : 11:27:04
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Hi verdammt,
Doctor Sarno discusses what you describe on page 24 of Mindbody Prescription under the heading "Hostility and Aggression".
Here is a quote from Dr. Sarno:
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"Physical symptoms, anxiety, depression or hostility are in effect equivalents of one another."
So hostility like you describe is a TMS equivalent. If you believe that your hostility is just "part of the way I am" then it will not respond even if you are faithfully doing the TMS work. The first step is to recognize that it is TMS. That it is a distraction from something else. Only then can you begin treating it as TMS.
Yowire |
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johnnyg
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 10/06/2005 : 13:13:42
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| Hostility that is overt (TMS equivalent) is different from the rage/anger that Lee is talking about in his book. Lumping hostility in with anxiety as a TMS equivalent makes sense to me because high anxiety can make your fuse short, but you have to look deeper into the cause of the hostility when talking about emotional release. The type of anger that causes TMS and needs to be released (according to Lee, but not Sarno) is only repressed anger, not overt hostility. Repressed anger can result result in overt transferred hositility (like threatening to mutilate someone who cuts into a line ahead of you, whereas a simple statement to the person would suffice). But if you're a rageaholic who beats people up regularly, anger release of this type is not for you. |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 10/07/2005 : 10:33:11
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quote:
Originally posted by johnnyg
Hostility that is overt (TMS equivalent) is different from the rage/anger that Lee is talking about in his book. Lumping hostility in with anxiety as a TMS equivalent makes sense to me because high anxiety can make your fuse short, but you have to look deeper into the cause of the hostility when talking about emotional release. The type of anger that causes TMS and needs to be released (according to Lee, but not Sarno) is only repressed anger, not overt hostility. Repressed anger can result result in overt transferred hositility (like threatening to mutilate someone who cuts into a line ahead of you, whereas a simple statement to the person would suffice). But if you're a rageaholic who beats people up regularly, anger release of this type is not for you.
I agree with this. It's the unconscious anger that needs expression not the conscious stuff. That's what makes this so difficult. It's anger in context with your true wound that heals.
For me it's really valuable to get the anger out but the trick is to wait until i'm feeling the repressed fear- the fear of my own anger- before I let go with the repressed anger. The fear is the signal that i'm ready to connect with the repressed anger. |
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Cursing, rage and self-control
