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flyfishnevada
USA
15 Posts |
 Posted - 08/26/2014 : 22:46:01
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It's been about three weeks since I posted my first message and I just got back from a trip to San Francisco (missed the earthquake by a day). Figured this was a good time to post an update, but not in the success story section as I'm still a work in progress.
I've been experiencing reduced pain and pain, buzzing, tingling, etc. in different places. I know that's common and I ignore it. We walked all over San Francisco and I had some pain but not a lot and it was sporadic. For instance, we walked about 2 miles out to the first support tower on the Golden Gate Bridge and back. Leg hurt but not intense. Immediately afterwards we visited the fort (sorry can't think of the name) just below the bridge. I walked all over that fort, up and down stairs, around each floor (four counting the roof), etc. No pain.
That was indicative of the whole trip. Some pain at times but none at others. In any case, I was eager to attempt things (like running up and down the Lyon Street stairs or just walking to breakfast) instead of dreading them. I do that purposefully but in many ways it feels more natural than worrying about the pain and holding back for fear of injuring my back. I've wanted to be more active and adventurous but fear held me back. As Yoda said, "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering."
The buzzing and tingling in my thighs at night, a clear TMS event since it happened as I tried to go to sleep probably to prevent me from doing any soul searching but was always totally gone in the morning of if I woke at night, has gone away almost entirely. I'm more active, no longer dreading or fearing physical activity. I've pushed myself too. I've lifted things incorrectly, I've twisted and turned, I've slouched and I've generally done things doctors have told me I shouldn't. I'm still standing  .
I'm not "cured" but I've seen progress and it's encouraging. Heck, I'd be happy with the way I feel now, even with the old pain. Confident and without fear. It is liberating. But the pain is lessened. That's awesome!
I try hard to not make a ritual of the twelve reminders or spending too much time contemplating TMS or the pain (or the lack thereof) but I try to spend a few minutes before I go to sleep or in the shower in the morning going over the reminders in my head. I've also found some other repressed anger hiding in my brain. I realize it will always be there to some extent but I'm more aware of the unhealthy anger that I didn't even know was there. I keep telling my brain I want to face my emotions instead of hiding them (Yes, I talk to my brain...out loud.)
Anyway, just wanted to update everyone. I get the feeling by looking at how many views threads get vs. how many people reply that there are a lot of lurkers here. That's fine. I write for a living so this is easy for me. I hope someone lurking might find some help or reassurance in my situation. |
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A Little Update
