| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
kizaa
Australia
3 Posts |
 Posted - 01/24/2014 : 07:35:47
|
Hi, Im Kyrin new on the boards, From Australia and chasing some wisdom!
Ill try to make a long story short, I was being stupid one night with friends as you do.. so i put one on my shoulders. pretty be-nine activity, he was fairly skinny i had him on facing backwards and he lost balance and fell backwards making me arch so i counteracted it to pull him up felt my back strain on the right side and my life changed forever.
Immediately after i was like oh that was not good as it felt very sore and began worrying about what i did straight away. I did not collapse on the ground in pain or anything like that it felt like a bad strain. i was 19
At this point in my life i had some stress, mostly from a high maintenance girlfriend who at times made me feel inadequate and like she was better than me it drove me up the wall! I really liked her though! also i was leaving on holiday for a month the following week and i was not sure where my studies were going..
i tried to ignore it for 5 months after i was working at this time and everyday my right side would tighten up like no tomorrow, creating all sorts of fear and crazy feelings i thought id really stuffed my self and would cry after work. I was also pushing too hard at the gym because of self confidence issues had been for 3 years straight. I had to stop and it killed me it was my release.
Got to the doc got a diagnosis, Ct's mri's revealed a l5/s1 pars defect( break in the facet joint) and grade 1 spondylolisthesis, so my actual vertebrae had separated from the facet joints designed to hold it in place. a slight bulge at that level and the rest of the spine is perfect, No Nerve issues were ever present. Now im SCARED
13 months on, still pain 3 orthopedics, still lots of stress + girl issues. Ended up with a very experinced neuro and was basically told, the unsupported vertebrae is the cause of your problems But the condition happened when you were younger, as part of defect. i asked if my little accident caused the break he said i highly doubt it.
It cannot be treated with out surgery only managed.
i was given 2 options conservative, or surgery. with conservative he said id always have to be careful throughout life and forget lifting heavy stuff. So i was left guttered at 19. While i decided what to do and my friends got on with life.
I did my research ect. Ive read way too much **** by the way i couldn't even explain, some people are dealing with it others having surgery. conflicting info everywhere you look. My mind was really suffering by now, at this stage my right ham string used to get tight thought it was sciatica but scans cleared me for nerve involvement, which is very strange but it was so uncomfortable.
I decided i cant live with this everyday tightness and pain. so at 20years old out of desperation i had l5-s1 fusion through the abdomen it's supposed to be less invasive as no muscles are cut which is a positive. It was a success, only to have some internal bleeding at the would which required cleaning through a small re op. This also screwed my mind once i found i was going under again, the stress level was insane. by the time they got in it healed itself so they cleaned the clots and i received 10 blood transfusions.
1.5 years out from surgery here I sit. In these last 1.5 years of recovery there has been so many ups and downs it will make u sick as a dog. i was told 1 year to recover, its weird I had the procedure to get back to my previous active life, but somehow deep down i wasn't a full believer that this one thing alone will get me there. I became OCD looking at how the procedure was done and reading everything google had to offer. WORST MISTAKE EVER. People who are successes don't hang around on google! Still in pain on the right side a year later trying so hard to figure out why the hell! On scans im all fused and it looks great...
Then I discovered Dr. John Sarno for weeks ago and it's changed everything.
Iv'e listened to MBP and divided mind also watched one of his lectures i've been working on it everyday for 3-4 weeks at the start mostly just trying to convince my self of TMS. I HAVE had the best results in pain relief in 3-4weeks than i have in the whole 1.5 years, to the point of having periods of completely no pain, which further re in-forces my trust in TMS. I also get the lovely Symptom imperative all the time, my leg gets tight, goes to tailbone, then decided to go to the upper back only on the right side though, how strange!?! Mabye it thinks i will believe it their as that's where i felt the original strain. BUT I KNOW BETTER! To me when there is periods of no pain it just tells me that their cannot be anything wrong with my back! Im hopeful that i can make the change permanent even thought i know TMS is a lifelong condition. I like what one of the other posters said, you can't go in and PIN point the exact emotion IMO too stressful, You just have to recognize lots of them and work on surfacing them.
Ive learn t so much in the last month and iv'e only just begun. I was always focused on physical never gave any thought to the mind that was suffering so much, nothing a 20 year old should have to endure.
questions:
--I'm starting to believe TMS so much that I'm even questioning having an operation as Sarno even says spondy shouldn't cause pain.
Yet i read fusion for low grade spondy can be good and people get real results, placebo maybe?
need some help with this as it may be the tms just trying to keep my stress and anxiety going with a new thought, i always jump to conclusions. It seems this one though is a toughie to answer.
--Bending freely is still something i need to work on sometimes i get it done with no thought. But other times TMS and fear get involved thinking i need to be careful. Its a viscous cycle. Any tips?
I started the gym again! which has done wonders.
-- Any other tips or anyone dealing with fusion/Spondy feel free to say anything you want it all helps!
Thanks for listening and if the story doesn't sort of gel together too well it's because its 2am here and I'm half asleep already :)
writing this pain free :) |
|
|
Aussie
Australia
87 Posts |
Posted - 01/24/2014 : 15:03:43
|
Hi mate,
I'm also an Australian and like you found this site a couple years ago while in pain.
Learning of Tms helped me greatly and still does everyday. You need to stop worrying about whether you should've had surgery or not. That's done now. If you have felt better from the Sarno stuff then that's great. This site had slowed down a little these days so you should sign up then post this at tmswiki.org
You'll get plenty of responses there plus there is tonnes of info including free stuff to help you heal. I'm not on either site much these days but I wish you all the best.
Good luck! |
 |
|
|
kizaa
Australia
3 Posts |
Posted - 01/24/2014 : 16:20:56
|
| Good to meet a fellow Aussie. Thanks for the advice starting to put it outta my head. I'll look at the wiki! |
|
|
|
salamander
85 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2014 : 16:28:21
|
I was diagnosed with Spondy (I don't know the grade/level). However, because of the severity of my pain, it was suggested that I have fusion at l5/s1 just like you. This was when I was mid 20's if I recall....I'm 48 now. Like you, I was terrified and afraid to have surgery. My success story is on here, but the upshoot of it was that a previous MRI for an unrelated problem showed spondy, disk damage, etc...(back when I had NO pain). This information, coupled with learning about tms, was ultimaltely what I needed to get over my back pain. I never did have the surgery, and spondy or not, I've been pain free ever since, despite "horrific" pain for over a year.
You've had the surgery. It's done. So now you must move on with your life. Constantly worrying yourself about the result and doing obsessive research is counter productive and will restrict your recovery. Ultimately you must free your mind from the past. In all likelyhood you suffer from TMS. Unfortunatley you are caught in the ever endless cycle of wondering whether the surgery was successful or not. The only thing you can do is get whatever tests (xray, mri, etc...) to confirm that the fusion is stable/etc. When you get doctor buy off that fusion is stable and was done correctly, you put that surgical past behind you.
When you feel confident there is no physical reason for your pain, you must devote yourself to the tms diagnosis and make a concerted effort to recover. Your mind will do everything it can to keep you in a fearful tms mode. You must break the cycle. Get moving, get active, and move on with your life.
|
|
|
|
kizaa
Australia
3 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2014 : 15:48:11
|
| Thanks salamander I've read your story it's great. I agree with you it's hard thinking what if I waited ect.. But it is done now and at least the defect is treated. I have been checked out and the fusion is solid strong and no nerve damage occurred. So like you said that should be the end of it! I don't get pain anymore just this strange tightness on one side and it moves and comes and goes. These symptoms really make me believe it's TMS. The brain just trying to hold on. |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
Got a Tough one! My story with spondy
