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Waterbear
USA
19 Posts |
 Posted - 11/12/2013 : 19:59:35
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So here's the story, today I had a doctors appointment. I had never seen this doctor before. I asked my mum to come along to hear what the doctor had to say; it's easier than me trying to remembering everything ( mom has been a nurse student so she has better understanding than I ) plus we were planning on getting dinner after.
I'm in the waiting room and my mom isn't there, I get called in so I go. I'm about 1 min into the appointment and I get a phone call. It's mom and she's lost and needs directions. I quickly apologize to the doctor and say its my mom calling, I just need one second. ( the doctor was not busy, I was the only patient in the office that afternoon)
The doctor literally flips out on me for forgetting to shut off my phone. The doctor is yelling at me in one ear, ready to kick me out. My mom is on the other ear begging for directions. I'm not often in the doctors; I don't know office protocol.
I excused myself to the hallway and the doctor follows me, all the time telling me off.
Finally, I get mom to take the hint that she really needs to use her gps and apologize to the doctor (again) who promptly give me another earful.
I can't stop feeling awful about this situation? As far as I can see, I didn't do anything to deserve the treatment I got, and yet I feel terrible that I was a " bad girl" who made the doctor mad at me. I don't know this doctor, why should I care so much about making her mad. I think this is a factor in my TMS, I read to be or not to be in pain, but he doesn't say how to let this stuff go. Maybe I missed it?
I'm working on the mind body prescription but I wanted to ask since its been making me feel crappy all night. |
Edited by - Waterbear on 11/12/2013 20:29:52 |
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indiana
Denmark
70 Posts |
Posted - 11/13/2013 : 01:19:09
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quote:
Originally posted by Waterbear
So here's the story, today I had a doctors appointment. I had never seen this doctor before. I asked my mum to come along to hear what the doctor had to say; it's easier than me trying to remembering everything ( mom has been a nurse student so she has better understanding than I ) plus we were planning on getting dinner after.
I'm in the waiting room and my mom isn't there, I get called in so I go. I'm about 1 min into the appointment and I get a phone call. It's mom and she's lost and needs directions. I quickly apologize to the doctor and say its my mom calling, I just need one second. ( the doctor was not busy, I was the only patient in the office that afternoon)
The doctor literally flips out on me for forgetting to shut off my phone. The doctor is yelling at me in one ear, ready to kick me out. My mom is on the other ear begging for directions. I'm not often in the doctors; I don't know office protocol.
I excused myself to the hallway and the doctor follows me, all the time telling me off.
Finally, I get mom to take the hint that she really needs to use her gps and apologize to the doctor (again) who promptly give me another earful.
I can't stop feeling awful about this situation? As far as I can see, I didn't do anything to deserve the treatment I got, and yet I feel terrible that I was a " bad girl" who made the doctor mad at me. I don't know this doctor, why should I care so much about making her mad. I think this is a factor in my TMS, I read to be or not to be in pain, but he doesn't say how to let this stuff go. Maybe I missed it?
I'm working on the mind body prescription but I wanted to ask since its been making me feel crappy all night.
Waterbear
In my opinion this doctor was completely out of line. You made a small mistake (and you apologized). Maybe not even that if there was not a big sign somewhere saying that mobile phones had to be off. You are his client and it is to be expected that he is at least polite. He might have said: I prefer it when mobile phones are off while I am dealing with patients or something like that.
I can identify with the feelings. Have had them numerous times. First I am so choked, then I get mad both at the person and at myself for giving the incident so much importance. Afterwards I know just what I should have said but then it is too late.
I have done a lot of journaling the last year and my probable reaction to episodes like you have experienced go (in my case) directly back to my childhood. I was often shamed and told off (for nothing serious) by my mother and I can remember how ashamed, sad and powerless I felt then. I can provoke this feeling even today. That is when I started feeling wrong. Knowing where all this comes from has helped me a great deal and knowing that my inner child was hurt then and I have to take care of it now and have an adult reaction. I hope one day I will be able to stay calm and rational in a situation like yours but I still get angry too quickly. It will take a lot of practise.
Please stop worrying about it. He is not worth it. Everybody makes mistakes and it was a ridiculously small mistake. His reaction was completely out of proportion. Get another doctor. |
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jegol71
USA
78 Posts |
Posted - 11/13/2013 : 09:44:34
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You know there's ample resonance in your message when it takes me to the place within that I've tried to leave my whole life. It's in many ways your badge of TMS. You won't leave it, but you can marginalized it until it's nothing more than an afferenct blip on your history's radar, which you carry from moment to moment throughout your structure.
That the doctor was an unprofessional and witless prick is of no consequence to the staving of your symptoms. What is of consequence is the self-flagellating ex post facto, the momentum of self-hating talk initiated by a sour human being you were forced into contact with. I'm sure everyone familiar with psychosomatosis can regale with accounts of automatic tension in the presence of a-holes. We take custody of the concept of apologizing, literally owing forgiveness to everyone, being sorry for existing.
How do you let this fossil go?
Self-ease, context, trust in your value and taking pleasure in interacting with the world (if you're not fully anhedonic, as our minds would prefer. For what is joy but a vicarious affirmation of your goodness?).
This physician twit spiked you into a state of what you're learning more about. That's good to great to profound, depending upon how elucidated the state you react with becomes in relation to each subsequent spike or challenge.
When you tense with the self-hate dialogue, which can often be audible but is often wholly somatic, just be easy with yourself: oppose the tension by hearing the doctor douche's flaying as a spewing of your own epithets with which you historically identify.
That's why you had the reaction you did, leading you to post. You've made the connection, you're seeing beyond the books into praxis.
Keep being awesome. |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 11/13/2013 : 16:09:18
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Hi Bear of the Water,
Life is made up of thousands of incidents like this. The new ones are the worst when you are on unfamiliar ground. The good thing is you recognized this incident for what it was, In essence you vented. In my opinion it is best to vent as near the incident as possible. You indeed had every reason to be angry, and I won’t add to the two wonderful answers from Indiana and jogol71 about her conduct, but to say that as a doctor she made an oath to serve you and ethically did not do this. Since she did not give you the opportunity to explain and chased you out of the room, I assume was consumed with her own ego was not in a receptive state to perform her duties as a doctor or human being.
So Action! You might feel strongly enough to follow this case of indignity with a letter to her asking for an apology or post a complaint on one of those medical boards describing her conduct. However it is possible that you have vented enough already by posting here. The key is to purge yourself of the inner rage if you can and accept that sometimes it is necessary to be angry to protect your self worth.
You may not have heard of a poison pen letter. The idea is to write all those vicious thoughts down, print it out, And then tear it up. It is an act of acceptance, reconciliation and perhaps forgiveness and you do it for no other person than yourself.
Another doctor once wrote that he was amazed that such a large majority of his patients carried a feeling of being inferior and lack of self worth, he wondered why this was. Well you and I know that the reason is other people, their superiority complexes, their lack of manners and tact. The doctor was Dr Sarno in his book Healing Back Pain.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 11/13/2013 : 21:34:47
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That doctor shouldn't do what he/she did to you. But you allow him to further punish you if you keep thinking about it. Shi t happened, so what, move on, change doctor. You have more important thing to think about.
Think of it as a learning experience. Try not to put yourself in similar situations again knowing that you're highly "allergic" to "cruel" people. Turn off your phone when you go into doctor's appointment, go on a date, in class room, at church service, or inside a movie theater... Some people will get very offended when they hear someone's phone ring. They think of it as a very disrespectful thing. Next time tell your mom to go earlier, and if she get lost tell her to just go home.
I hope you don't take this the wrong way and think that I am criticizing you. Not at all. I just think that we're tmser's are more sensitive than "normal" people. We need to minimize as much as we can our chances of getting into unpleasant situations.
For now, just say Fuc k him, I'll get another doctor. Shi t happen, I don't need to get all upset like this. Life goes on...
then really focus on moving on.
Making up your mind is one of the most powerful mind body technique exist. Just make up you mind that you will not think about this any more, just make up your mind that you will find a new doctor and forget about all this shi t that just happened.
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
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njoy
Canada
188 Posts |
Posted - 11/14/2013 : 05:24:51
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I totally agree that the doctor was out of line. Most of us (especially tms-ers) carry this kind of shame from childhood. Do vent! I certainly would. But once I've blown off some steam, I switch into another mode:
I talk to that shamed inner child part and tell her I love her and she's just fine. I ask her if I can help her in any way (maybe she just needs us to go do something fun). Often, I suggest she toss away the pain she's feeling. Or kick the shame in the pants. Whatever feels good and gives it the message to get lost!
I hope this helps. I'm a grandmother and to tell the truth the doctor would be sorry she tried to bully me like that. When I was younger, though, I would probably just keep quiet and feel bad. Not any more. Maybe when I am older and wiser I'll just laugh at her and tell her to take a chill pill 
*****
"It's worth considering that tms is not a treatment but rather an unfolding of the self, and a way of living as an emotionally aware and engaged soul." Plum
PLEASE READ!
I have been studying and using Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy for several months now and have found it most helpful in digging out what is really going on with me to cause tms symptoms.
Over at tmswiki.org there is a NEW mailing list for those who want to try using IFS for TMS. I hope you will check it out. The conversations are already going strong and unsubscribing is one click if you don't like it.
You can find a form to sign up here:
http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/mailing-list-for-parts-therapy-tms.2868/
Learning to use IFS therapy for self help is pretty easy, as these things go. There is a lot of info available on youtube.com and various other web sites. If you search "Internal Family Systems", you'll find it. My recommendation for a book is Self Therapy by Jay Earley which costs less than $ 10 on Kindle (also available in paperback at amazon.com). It is well written and introduces all the basics.
Forums are wonderful (I've loved tmshelp.com for many years) to learn all the possibilities that have helped others in their recovery. The mailing list is specifically about parts therapy and good for connecting in a somewhat more private way.
Finally, best wishes to all tms-ers, especially those who are still struggling with symptoms. May we all find peace and comfort.
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Waterbear
USA
19 Posts |
Posted - 11/14/2013 : 13:47:50
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Thank you all for the great advice.
I've been pondering all the suggestions especially trying to figure out if my childhood was a factor. Now I'm pretty sure this comes from all the " coach is always right" speeches from my dad and the passive aggressive love with holding whenever I got a bad grade.
Looking into these feelings has helped a lot. Writing it down helps more than I could have ever guessed and venting really helps.
I'm not sure about trying to avoid situations b/c they are stressful. I've been afraid of either mental or physical pain for 3 years. I'm so sick of being afraid ( that's why when I saw that TMS has roots in fear, anger, frustration, I knew I needed to learn more).
Never once did I think I could just not have the fear, I thought I was just high strung. I never thought to look into my past and to try to forgive myself. Now, I'm thinking I can maybe lick this thing and get back to being strong me ( except a me that can relax and forgive, hard stuff for me to do but I'll try)
I'll keep reading and writing and thanks again! |
Edited by - Waterbear on 11/14/2013 14:00:56 |
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njoy
Canada
188 Posts |
Posted - 11/14/2013 : 23:34:10
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Fear is a form of anxiety and anxiety is tms. The great doctor (Sarno, of course) says so!
I've had very little problem with anxiety since reading that.
All the best, Waterbear.
*****
"It's worth considering that tms is not a treatment but rather an unfolding of the self, and a way of living as an emotionally aware and engaged soul." Plum
PARTS THERAPY
I have been studying and using Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy for several months now and have found it most helpful in digging out what is really going on with me to cause tms symptoms.
Over at tmswiki.org there is a NEW mailing list for those who want to try using IFS for TMS. I hope you will check it out. The conversations are already going strong and unsubscribing is one click if you don't like it.
You can find a form to sign up here:
http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/mailing-list-for-parts-therapy-tms.2868/
Learning to use IFS therapy for self help is pretty easy, as these things go. There is a lot of info available on youtube.com and various other web sites. If you search "Internal Family Systems", you'll find it. My recommendation for a book is Self Therapy by Jay Earley which costs less than $ 10 on Kindle (also available in paperback at amazon.com). It is well written and introduces all the basics.
Forums are a wonderful way to find support (I've loved tmshelp.com for many years)and to learn all the possibilities that have helped others in their recovery. The mailing list is specifically about parts therapy and good for connecting in a somewhat more private way. A CALL IN phone discussion is also in the works.
Finally, best wishes to tms-ers everywhere, especially those who are still struggling with symptoms. May we all find peace and comfort.
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Waterbear
USA
19 Posts |
Posted - 11/15/2013 : 07:06:41
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Yeah! I just read about it last night.
It's so true, I had awful panic attacks daily. Since the joint pain, I've had like 5 attacks all year.
I was like "you connected bastards, I'm on to you now" |
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How to not care about being "good"
