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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
 Posted - 10/17/2013 : 15:13:16
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In February this year my dear sister in law contracted a very rare form of abdominal cancer called PMP. She had an interim surgery to remove large mass and other organs. She was instructed to prepare for additional surgery at Basingstoke Cancer center in October, when she will undergo a 10 hour surgery to have a treatment called ‘debulking’. This will remove the cancer followed by liquid chemotherapy. It is expected she will be on a ventilator and life support systems for at least a week of her three week stay.
My wife's sister is very close to us and has become part of our family as she visits every year for two months or so from the UK. She is a bundle of joy and laughter, so her visits bring wonderful trips to Hawaii, enjoyment and good times. As a single parent mother of two children she has had more than her share of adversity. We describe her as a very giving person, never thinking of herself, if we gave her money she would spend it on gifts for her family and friends in England.
As the seriousness of this cancer unfolded I felt reluctant to post here on this forum, but as the dreaded date looms I am now plagued with anxiety and sleepless nights. My wife and I did not discuss her cancer in depth for several months; we were in shock and disbelief. Everything was going so well for us I had just retired with money coming in and good health.
Being who she is my sister in law was not very forthcoming with information. To become more knowledgeable about this cancer we eventually went to the Internet and discovered the severity of her condition. I encouraged my wife to visit her sister which she did in August.
To get by we are trying to ignore the given statistics, the rarity and lack of studies make them meaningless. The doctors have deemed her to be a good candidate for this surgery, and I cling to the fact that a huge amount of financial and medical resources are being spent, and this gives me hope. Not wanting to spoil my wife’s visit, her sister was reluctant to talk about her condition, she has more than enough knowledge and does not want to spoil the present.
Ace, my sister in law is not a believer in the psychological side of her condition and we have to respect this. Her main assets are her positive attitude and love of life. I am sure she is very fearful, but she seems to have a passive, factual acceptance of her condition, something that many TMSers do not have and need to strive for.
My wife communicates every day and she talks factually about her next visit to recuperate in sunny California and splashing around in the Maui waves.
Finally, I have to say I felt very guilty not responding to Silvia’s posts to Ace that I have been following. Sylvia I am sending you love and good vibes for what you are going through, I truly understand.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
Edited by - andy64tms on 10/17/2013 15:16:12 |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 10/18/2013 : 04:12:27
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Dear Andy, I'm so sorry to hear about what you & Sheila are going thru right now. You are both in my thoughts.
Your sister in law sounds like a very lovely lady and I hope & pray for a very successful outcome for her.
That she does not wish to talk about her condition is not a bad thing although understandably it may be frustrating for you both. The fact that she is focussed on the present and on getting better and has a healthy attitude towards the future is the best frame of mind to be in.
To even suggest a psychological angle at this time would be detrimental & only confuse things.
I look forward to nothing but good news and will pray that she is soon well enough to enjoy life to the fullest.
Maui has be one of the most beautiful places we have been too. We loved it.
Wishing you well.
Mala
"It is more important to know what sort of person has a disease than to know
what sort of disease a person has." ~ Hippocrates (460-377 B.C.)
Mala Singh Barber on Facebook |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 10/19/2013 : 11:09:05
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Dear Mala,
Thank you for your kind comments.
Life has been very hard for our family this year and we are trying to face this illness head on for what it is. This is a very real medical issue with real fears that are there for very real reasons. We look forward to her return home from the hospital, and making plans with her for our Maui trip next year. When this is all over the value of our lives will be forever changed. “For everything a reason.”
I understand this was a hard thread to answer, thank you Mala for doing so.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
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altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 10/19/2013 : 18:26:51
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Hi Andy - sorry to hear about your loved one. I have a type of leukemia that has no medical treatment, I am going to try a product called DCA. The University of Alberta in Edmonton Canada has done
research and some testing on it, with good results. It has been used
for another purpose, and cannot be patented, so the drug comapnies
are not interested. I don't want to suggest anyone else try it, just wanted to mention it. |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2013 : 01:27:36
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Dear Al, has anything changed since u last posted about this? How are u feeling? You don't have to say if u don't want to. I completely understand.
My very best to you !
Mala
"It is more important to know what sort of person has a disease than to know
what sort of disease a person has." ~ Hippocrates (460-377 B.C.)
Mala Singh Barber on Facebook |
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altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2013 : 09:55:28
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Hi Mala - I was first diagnosed 5 years ago, the oncologist said I would have 5 - 10 years to live. I have no symptoms so far at all.
My white blood count has been stable. I took iv vitamin c the first year, and have been taking high doses of oral vitamin c since.There is a clinic in Toronto treating cancer patients with DCA. I want to try taking it myself to save travel expense, missed work, etc.
I find it interesting that it appeared not too long after my tms settled down. I also went to a doctor of chinese medicine for a year,
he thought a positive mental attitude was the most important thing.
Thank you for asking, I will post any results after trying it for a while. |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2013 : 13:28:04
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Hi Al,
Thank you for sharing. My knowledge of cancer is very limited, but I know it must be hard with no medical resources available. The DCA website I went to inspired confidence as well as inspiration to help you understand your Leukemia. At least this product has had some studies by a credited University. Being somewhat cynical in nature I typed DCA into Quackwatch.com with no adverse feedback. Thank TT for the link.
My sister in law very generous in heart and would not want to focus on herself, she has not even approached a support group or looked for information other than given to her by her surgeon. Her surgery and hospital visit is on the 29th October, we are all very unsettled and trying to keep busy.
I read your comments about your fellow employee. The best employment move I made was to walk out of a job. Another worker took credit for a design I had done it just became intolerable being around him, One day, much to my wife’s horror, I just stormed out in a huff with no job to go to! Any attempt I made to resolve this work situation had been met with contempt. I ended up with a wonderful job that lasted 5 years, surrounded by positive and polite people.
I look forward to hearing about your progress
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 10/26/2013 : 11:58:03
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Yesterday, I went downstairs to the sound of raucous laughter coming from my wife. She was on the phone to her sister in England, they were discussing her sister’s pending visit to the cancer hospital tomorrow and some of the procedures leading up to her surgery. They were really laughing and cackling about something really funny, and I was tickled pink to hear it. Dealing with cancer is new to our family and it’s not always easy dealing with the stress and speak the words you mean. This laughter was the first for many months and when my wife Sheila told me what they were laughing about we laughed even more. It was my Colonoscopy!
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 10/26/2013 : 12:10:43
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I did a search on this web site for Cancer and illness and two people that I know came up. Tennis Tom and Wavy Soul.
TT, I can’t even begin to understand how you coped with your mother’s six months in intensive care, my sister in law will be in ICU for about a week.
Wavey Soul, you dealt with cancer first hand, your story is one of courage and personal understanding.
Thank you both for posting.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
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jegol71
USA
78 Posts |
Posted - 10/26/2013 : 12:53:52
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Dearest Andy,
I'm so sorry I didn't respond to this earlier...I have been transitioning through selfish and isolated goals. But having approximated what you are going through with my father three years ago, I offer my most dutiful and gripping hug across cyberspace to your family en masse, and care to suggest that you reexamine the dialogue I maintained with Ace1 on this site regarding my father (search "JEgol71 cancer"), perhaps it will be of some value.
No matter what, let me know how I can be of more value to you and your family.
With love,
Jared |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2013 : 16:28:49
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Dear Jarad,
Thank you for your kind words, cyber hugs and the link to your experience with Ace and your father.
I remember reading it in May, but I re-read it with acute interest. It was passionate writing by both you and Ace, and brought back memories and feelings of my father and mother’s passing. I have learnt that dealing with someone else’s pain and suffering needs a delicate touch. Unlike you I had very little connection with my dad’s cancer or my mother’s passing, so I believe you to be more knowledgeable than I in this area. Over the years I saw fit to remove my association with my past family as their being a negative influence on me.
So I am now experiencing these new difficulties of seeing my sister in law go through cancer surgery. I do not wish to speak of the details, suffice to say in keeping with the rarity of her cancer the procedures she will endure next week are extreme. I think everyone understands the dilemma of both too little and too much information.
We have to find solace and hope in the surgeon selecting her for surgery, and the given medical statistics. The National Health in the UK would not use their expensive resources if there was not a chance of some recovery. We are comforted by the words of that kind, gentle doctor Andrew Weil who said “chemotherapy is a radical procedure, but the best offering at the moment”
Having been through TMS, I am in no doubt her cancer was caused by her stressful life full of hardships, (she would not admit to this!). It may be chance or destiny that guided me to this website in order for me to help with her illness. I will have to be surreptitious and cunning to plant physiological ideas, and to get her thinking about herself and not others.
But this is not about me, but how to help a non believer in TMS get through a radical cancer surgery and recovery. Our recent emails and conversations between us have left us all in no doubt what we feel for each other, she is much loved and needed in our lives. Her daily emails have stopped for now, and we wait in hope for, news of her recovery from her son.
Thank you for your reply, and the link helped immensely.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2013 : 16:41:54
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Hi Andy,
Sending you HOPE for your sister-in-law's recovery. Have your read SteveO's words on cancer? Also, Dr. Bernie Siegel, M.D. is a noted writer authority on the mindbody treatment of cancer.
Regards,
tt
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jegol71
USA
78 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2013 : 17:03:03
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Dearest Andy,
While my father was sick, knowing what I know about how we live our lives influencing what lives within us, I would like to offer you the consideration of a peace, one that disabuses you of needing to heal her.
I once put pressure on my father to see how the way he lived his life as analog to his disease: he knew academically, but not REALLY, and so was incredibly afraid to be at peace.
My radical suggestion is that you keep working on yourself, since the acceptance of the mind-body connection is not something that Hollywood-worthy late-night research will solve at the climax. Peace is a slow burn/melt. If you cannot convince your sister to feel what you feel, perhaps the onus goes from her "getting it" to you continuing to "get it."
I can feel your love for us. I cannot even imagine how much a cherished sibling must feel it from you. Through that you are healing her to the extent allowable by natural law, it seems. Stay true to what you believe in, please don't let her doubts be your own. We are all very proud of you, and I, personally, wish to see you continue to thrive in spite of the titanic inner strength that you both will soon show even more of.
I wish that the dutiful goodness that comes so naturally to you for those you care about can be taken in, at face value within your gut, so that you can heal and thrive via a permeating sense of just how deeply good you are. That is your sister's gift and wish to you, I believe, as I know it was my father's wish for me, as he told me so.
My best through these times to you all,
Jared
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2013 : 17:58:36
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Hi TT
Thank you. I read SteveO’s book thru and thru during the summer of 2012, after such how could I not be an avid fan! Unfortunately I don’t remember details about cancer – perhaps a re-read is in order?
I’ve made a link to Bernie’s website, maybe I can find the prompting words and phrases I need there.
Thank you for your kind thoughts
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2013 : 18:48:54
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Hi Jarad,
I understand your comments very well. That self inner peace that eludes us so much is always in constant chase, when we really have to slow down and let it catch up with us.
It is not my intention to convince my sister to heal by force, rather attraction, as in: “come to Maui with us and watch me enjoy myself windsurfing”. I have a lifetime to heal; my sister in law may not.
It was her who taught me to be more sharing when on one of her visits she brought a gift of wonderful English Toffee, when I offered it around to all, (even the cat) she commented: “thank you for sharing”.
I accept that being the breadwinner, father and grandfather in my family it’s my duty to provide under the guise of love and caring and not wanting something in return.
By the way I’m not the good person you make out,(ask my wife), but I hope I’m work in progress.
Thank you for posting your thoughts.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2013 : 20:14:39
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Andy, yes you may find SteveO's views on cancer helpful. They were in a couple of recent chapters we discussed at the Tuesday night TMS Wiki teleconference. I think chapters nine or ten, good stuff. I'm sure if you look in SteveO's index you'll find a few citations on cancer. You may want to join in at the Tuesday night chat 6:00 PM (West Coast Time, 9:00 PM Eastern). Usually there's an announcement here at the Help Forum for it with the phone number and the Fuse meeting number to connect to.
Good Luck!
tt
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Edited by - tennis tom on 10/28/2013 08:20:44 |
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Carole
USA
49 Posts |
Posted - 10/28/2013 : 12:38:05
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Dear Andy,
Your Sister in law and family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Rinkey |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 10/28/2013 : 18:32:11
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Hi Tom,
Yes, thank you, I found this in chapter 9. He discussed Cancer and the Law of Attraction section. I remember feeling comfortable with this section in 2012, however as a re-read I was shocked and even a little angry at Bruce Lipton’s comment: “There is no evidence to support that pro active screening and early detection of cancer has saved any lives at all”.
So I drew a time line chart to try and understand what was being said. I had read this sentence out of context with a closed mind that was biased towards prescreening, as I indeed have had such for prostrate. He means that prescreening for cancer will bring it forward into our minds, as we disturb the dormant gene, thus giving it the power to flourish. Heavy stuff for me as I like to keep my TMS as simple as possible! Anyway I got it! I like Bruce Lipton and seen many of his u-tube videos.
In any event, I don’t think this applies to my sister in law or England so much as the prescreening there is very limited compared to the states, maybe she attracted her cancer somewhat, maybe it’s genetic, or even environmental, so I’m keeping my open mind to myself on this one.
I also had to look up the word "Posteriori" that was used, which means: Relating to or derived by reasoning from observed facts — compare.
So how about this? The word Posteriori has connotations of the word statistics, and we know statistics have been uses to prove anything! Is this my suspicious cynicism creeping in or just a worthy observation? I don’t need an answer!
For some reason I went to Matthew's Invitation link and listened to Forrest's Instructions on the Fuse meetings last week. At this time I am not ready for them, thanks for the invite. My household is subdued and edgy, as we wait for encouraging words and news from England.
Thank you again
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 10/28/2013 : 19:01:05
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Carole,
Thank you for your wishes and prayers. They come at the beginning of a very difficult week, for we have been waiting since February for this surgery to be over. The reason I am posting is to keep a sound understanding on what is going on, as this is a completely new experience for me and my household. I did not expect so much input, as I know everyone is hurting.
I notice you have been with us since 2006 and even before perhaps. I hope your back is improved or even healed, mine is, as I also read Dr Sarno’s Healing Back Pain in 2000.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 10/28/2013 : 21:09:14
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Dearest Andy,
I can't help but feel that you are looking for some kind of justification for your sister in law's cancer and that perhaps by doing so you are actually making it more difficult for yourself.
How so ever yr sister in law may have got the cancer is at this point in time irrelevant since she has got it & is undergoing treatment for it. For her to heal quickly the best thing would be to allow her to feel she is control & to follow whatever advice/treatment her doctors may give her & to let her know that she has all the support & love that she needs unconditionally.
The way you have described your sister in law gives me the impression that she is a very special person and that she has probably got a better handle on life than most people. The lesson here may be to learn from her, her strength, her acceptance of the situation & her generous spirit.
I hope to hear some good news soon. As always you both are in my thoughts.
Mala
"It is more important to know what sort of person has a disease than to know
what sort of disease a person has." ~ Hippocrates (460-377 B.C.)
Mala Singh Barber on Facebook |
Edited by - mala on 10/29/2013 07:12:59 |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 10/28/2013 : 21:49:14
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| Andy, just wanted to send some support to you and your family during this difficult time. ~ RSR |
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PMP Cancer
