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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
 Posted - 04/07/2005 : 18:45:38
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My siblings have caused me a lot of emotional pain over the years. I now know this is alot of my buried RAGE....among other things. Anyone else have sibling issues? Neither of mine speak to me at this point as they claim, I am "too down to Earth"....whatever that means.
Colleen |
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pault
USA
169 Posts |
Posted - 04/08/2005 : 04:53:59
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| You are not alone.(Too down to earth),probably means that you are open to discussion and they are not.Do not try to win that battle,as it is a waste of time.Just be confident in yourself and you will get more respect.Trying to win their approvel on anything will just instigate more disregard and aggrivation for you.Just be content with yourself,be respectful with them and leave it at that!Sibling rivalry's are a BIG tms'er! Good Luck,Paul. |
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 04/08/2005 : 06:24:33
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Dear Paul,
Thank You for your reply. Now that my Mom has passed away, my siblings "true colors" are showing. My sister is about 4 miles from me and I have not heard from her nor seen her, except to run into her by accident in church or store, since Mom passed away nearly 1 1/2 years ago. My brother is further away and I never see him either. Both my siblings spouses have added "fuel to this fire" in a BIG way.
I agree with your interpretation of what they meant by "too down to earth".....my sister in particular, is VERY self-absorbed as is her husband. I do feel badly for my children and mt neices who live in the same town, but cannot see one another, and for my Dad who is in twon as well. You are soooo correct in saying that siblings can cause a lot of TMS. This was recently made clearer to me during my first visit to a TMS Doctor.
Colleen |
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pault
USA
169 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2005 : 06:11:15
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| Colleen,I read some of your posts,no wonder you have tms!You are carrying a lot of baggage.You are from Boston? I live in Longmeadow Ma (small world). what tms doctor did you see Dr.Martinez,Rosenfeld,Siegel,Angelov? Did you like the visit? Have you seen the 20/20 ABC tape with John Stossel? There is a girl on the show who had a similar sounding problem with Her feet,and was wheelchair bound for years and was successfully treated By Dr.Sarno and now runs! Paul. |
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2005 : 10:32:54
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Dear PaulT,
Thank You for your words....people in my family do not seem to recognize how much baggage I am carrying around. My Mom was my anchor and since she has passed away, it seems to be all unraveling. Things have been worse the past few weeks as I have started to "Think Psychologiclally". I suppose that may be part of the process.
I saw Dr. Martinez. I just saw him and I liked him, but we shall see how things go from here.
I never saw the 20/20 with John Stossel. I would be very interested in seeing it.
Colleen |
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verdammt
Canada
97 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2005 : 19:27:44
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Siblings are a source of rage for just about everyone except only children and orphans (who have their own problems).
On the other hand, I'll bet in most families it's the younger siblings (like me) who suffer the most.
I've got a hunch the eldest child in the family is the one least likely to develop TMS. Has anyone noticed this pattern?
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 04/10/2005 : 10:25:57
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Dear Verdammt,
I am the OLDEST and EVERYTHING was my or became my responsibilty. My brother was the only boy and an "Irish son" ( you know, "my son, my son...."). He is actually a pretty good guy except he has no backbone, married a very mean girl, who is like my baby sister's clone and because he doesn't stand on his own two feet, I am not allowed in his life. My baby sister is the MOST self-absorbed individual I think I have ever met in my life. She knew how to manipulate and did it well, so she came out looking so good. I ended up with the anxiety attacks and the TMS.
Any other oldest out there with similar experiences??
Colleen |
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froydianslip
USA
2 Posts |
Posted - 04/11/2005 : 06:12:37
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quote:
Originally posted by Colleen
My siblings have caused me a lot of emotional pain over the years. I now know this is alot of my buried RAGE....among other things. Anyone else have sibling issues? Neither of mine speak to me at this point as they claim, I am "too down to Earth"....whatever that means.
Colleen
I have had difficulty with my brother my entire life. He hated me from the moment I was born, just for being born. He sexually abused me when I was very young, and I've suffered for it my entire life. I'm trying to work it out now. I beleive it's responsible for a lot of my TMS. I don't have anything to do with him any longer, nor do I intend to ever again. |
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 04/13/2005 : 10:41:01
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I just read your post and wanted to say how very sorry I am for the pain your brother has caused you.
Colleen |
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froydianslip
USA
2 Posts |
Posted - 04/19/2005 : 06:07:30
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quote:
Originally posted by Colleen
I just read your post and wanted to say how very sorry I am for the pain your brother has caused you.
Colleen
Thank for your remarks, Colleen. I appreciate them very much. I too am sorry to about your problems with your siblings, and hope that you can "work it out," some way.
Steve |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 04/19/2005 : 07:01:41
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Great Topic.
Interesting to see everybody's different take on the age/sequence of birth issues.I am the youngest,and to my knowledge,the only one with TMS.
My sister is the eldest and HATES my older brother for even being born....the Family joke/truth is that she looked at him when he came home from the hospital and stared at my parents as if to say "How could you DO this to me??!!"
My sister and brother were both driving Mercedes Benz' when they were 16...the were given (and wrecked) many different vehicles.I was told by my mother that she "was done" by the time I turned 16....Hakuna Matata...I just stole cars.
Mom had this 3rd tag-a-long who never cared much for clothes and stuff(me) who sort of equated getting material stuff with responsibility and accountability..F that! I had already discovered drugs...who needs a family?
The irony is that I am now considered the "normal" one....Great wife,beautiful children,talk to/get along with anybody.I also got the TMS.
Deep down,I resented my sisters unending never wavering financial and emotional support.I also resented my Brother being the pride of the family,even though I outscored him at virtually every level of academics....just a parlour trick.
They all think me an idiot who has been duped by religion and New age metaphysics.
...but,My mother calls me when she has a real problem....they are too busy fighting and being successful to be bothered.
So....I know what you mean quote:
:"too down to Earth"....
I LIKE earth...it's a great place to be.Better than being lost in my head somewhere.
Hakuna Matata
Baseball65 |
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 04/19/2005 : 08:13:15
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Baseball65,
I was just rereading your post and I was struck by something. For all my issues, I too am the one who is called for the really big stuff, like planning Mom's Funeral!! When I asked my Dad WHY he called me and not the other two, he said, "Because Mom said if there was ever a catrophe, call Colleen". GO figure??!!
Colleen |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 04/19/2005 : 10:05:14
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...Oh..I KNOW why!
Because we're TMSers,that's why! We're the overconsciencious well meaning make-everything-OK people.
When I was in my teens,screwing up mind you,my Mother asked me to have my Fathers body exhumed and cremated according to his wishes(after my grandmothers death)...I asked "Why me?"
My Mother,like your father,said "You're the only one I trust to get it done"
---weird world
Baseball65 |
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 04/21/2005 : 09:14:10
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Baseball65,
You got that right!! TMSers and yes, it is a weird world!!!!!!!
We are in the "same boat"!!
Colleen |
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Logan
USA
203 Posts |
Posted - 04/21/2005 : 10:01:47
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[quote]Originally posted by verdammt
Siblings are a source of rage for just about everyone except only children and orphans (who have their own problems).
On the other hand, I'll bet in most families it's the younger siblings (like me) who suffer the most.
I've got a hunch the eldest child in the family is the one least likely to develop TMS. Has anyone noticed this pattern?
[/quote
I don't know about that V,
I'm the eldest child in my family and I would bet that there are a high percentage of TMSers who are the eldest, especially eldest daughters.
As the eldest daughter, you're practically trained to be a perfectionist and a goodist. You're mommy's good girl and her little helper and since you're the first child, your parents have no idea that their high expectations may be unrealistically high.
I was always the "good one" and my mom just relied upon that fact, counting on me to be a little adult and to care of myself. I have a lot of anger and sadness about her not being there for me.
My baby sister who is ten years younger than I am, and who benefitted from having a wiser more mature mom, had an actual childhood where she was worried over and looked after (by mom AND by me). She doesn't have TMS. She's one of the most well adjusted people I know, actually. |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 04/21/2005 : 10:26:17
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This is a really interesting topic. I'm the middle child and thus far I've been the only one to suffer from TMS. Just yesterday, I was talking to my sister and it sounds like she is developing some of the things I've had. I am 45 and she was born when I was 9 years old. She has always been spoiled, the "baby" of the family, and my mom has told me that she is her "favorite." This has been a big source of rage for me, you can only imagine.
My brother is a delusional pot head. He is nearly two years older than me and is joined at the hip to my mother. They have a very dysfunctional relationship. He is earning just above poverty level and all I ever hear about him from my parents is "poor Kevin." When he was younger, they bailed him out of jail (drunk driving) several times. Now, they are bailing him out financially. He has two children and somehow he got custody (his ex-wife is a nut job - I guess the judge thought he was the lesser of two evils). My parents adore his oldest son so they are putting him through college. When I asked my parents to come here in June for my daughter's bat mitzvah, it was a huge effort to get them to take and plane from Michigan and come. Everything I hear is "We can't afford it." They could afford it if they weren't bailing my brother out of trouble and paying for his kid to go to a prestigious college.
I see the rage and anger that is created on the part of parents and how they treat each child differently. Many of you expressed that your parents asked you to be the one to perform the tasks that required being responsible. It is the same with me. My brother has his head too far up his butt and my sister is spoiled rotten. They know they can ask me for anything and it will get done properly.
My husband is the middle child and it is the same in his family, only under different circumstances. His older brother, a doctor, is the favorite (he's a doctor - gives them something to brag about). So, his brother is not a loser (like mine) but he is very attached to his parents and they to him. His younger sister is "the baby." She can do no wrong. Nothing is ever her fault. She is absolutely perfect. My husband is the executor of his parents' inheritance money. He hands it out to them when they need it because they will piss it all away and there will be nothing left in a few years. He is the responsible one and, to my knowledge, he is the only one who suffers from TMS symptoms.
Great topic, Colleen.
Laura
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 04/21/2005 : 12:03:40
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Laura,
Very interesting info you had in your post.
My brother and only son in an Irish family (my son, my son) is also a Doctor. He is 16 months younger than me. SO, he is the one who can be bragged about. He married an absolute witch....honestly, I think she is the wicked witch of the North East!! My sister, about 5 years younger than me, is SPOILED ROTTON, totally self-absorbed and a royal pain to deal with. You know that T-shirt that says, It's All About Me".....I swear they made that for her and her self-absorbed husband. They are never asked to do anything, but are always there to get!! To give my brother his credit, he was there for my Mom when she was sick and dying. My sister was there at the Hospital one full day and then she reappeared on the last day for about 15 minutes!!
I had a very emotional conversation with my Dad last night about his will and his retirement and all. Now that Mom has passed away, if he puts one of them in charge of all this, I'll bet you my last dollar, we will end up in court. It will never be enough for either of them. I finally cut to the chase and asked to be removed from the will as my Dad has been very generous to me and the thought of dealing with my siblings to gain whatever is left is just not worth it. My husband and I do not have much financially, but I would rather be this way then deal with them. They would be unmerciful to me. It feels good to be able to vent like this....Thanks!!
Colleen
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verdammt
Canada
97 Posts |
Posted - 04/21/2005 : 18:09:06
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"I don't know about that V,
I'm the eldest child in my family and I would bet that there are a high percentage of TMSers who are the eldest, especially eldest daughters." logan
Well, like I said, it was only a hunch. Betcha the youngest suffers the most when the kids are born close together (three kids born a year apart in my case). Being the "baby" in such a competitive and hectic environment truly sucks. |
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 04/22/2005 : 12:42:00
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I am the oldest daughter and I am the TMSer in the group of three.
I am looking at my own two children, born 2 years apart and I could not tell you right now who would be more likely to have TMS....hopefully neither of them. Being in pain is not fun!!
Colleen |
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Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 04/22/2005 : 22:06:37
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| Hmmm, I'm the older of 2 kids in my family. I most certainly am a TMSer, and I think my sibling is too (although she has yet to come aboard the "Got Sarno?" bandwagon). I honestly think personality is a more likely factor than birth order. -Stryder |
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n/a
374 Posts |
Posted - 04/23/2005 : 02:58:54
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Great posts, everyone. I've really enjoyed reading them.
I'm a first born, of two - a real TMS mess for years.
My husband is also a first born, of four - doesn't seem to suffer from TMS at all. His youngest sister does though, big time. She just doesn't know it yet. |
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Sibling Issues
