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Racer
USA
129 Posts |
 Posted - 07/30/2013 : 09:59:11
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Few years back, I met couple of my old classmates after 27 years in social networking. Looking back at the past, these guys were financially very wealthy, keeps bullying me in school, causing lot of emotional trauma. When I met them in social networking, they couldn't digest or believe how much I grew up and doing lot better them.
I spoke to them only for couple of times. Exactly 1 week later I started sensing the pelvic pain. Probably I rekindled my memory on those bullying emotional trauma days.
You all know my remaining story. The nagging pelvic pain remained constant for the last few years (after I spoke to them), until I managed to get out of it mostly after visiting this forum and reading Dr. Sarno's books.
Interestingly couple of weeks back, I had a brief couple of minutes talk with one of these guys, who had called me. Had a casual talk. Immediately after I spoke to him, I got severe hip pain. This made me realize that I still hold those emotional trauma of the past, having lot of rage, and unable to forgive.
Ace, Dave,
1. Do you think rekindling this unpleasant emotional trauma of the past might have triggered my pelvic pain, possible?
2. Are there any therapies/counseling I should look for? Why this remnants of the past, after 27 years, with so much rage? Though I speak to them nicely (from outside), I still don't like them (inside me).
Despite doing lot better, these type of triggers are nagging me. By the way, I don't know what is still preventing me to write my success story, making the mistake of looking back.
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Edited by - Racer on 07/30/2013 10:09:17 |
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 07/30/2013 : 11:12:42
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Racer,
As a kid I was spit on had my coat slashed etc Tough schools in NYC.
Thank god Junior High is over!
I had never met these people again but what I did notice here and there if I did see them I would mess them up, this was probably a few years later.
Now that I think about bullying, I get more upset about my parents not doing anything than the actual bullying. If that makes sense?
I dont know just my 2 cents. Saying you might not be angry at them anymore but just angry at how the situation might have been handled by parents, teachers etc.
I am sure anything can bring up a memory within a memory. My problem as well as many other peoples problems on this board is that we tend to answer our own questions most of the time haha.
Curious what the others might think?
**Sure I can lay down on a bed of nails and not have pain but why am I having back pain when laying down on a soft mattress? |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 07/30/2013 : 12:39:58
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quote:
Originally posted by Racer
1. Do you think rekindling this unpleasant emotional trauma of the past might have triggered my pelvic pain, possible?
It is possible this had something to do with it. However, it is not the past trauma itself that is the primary cause of the symptoms, but rather things that are being awakened inside you as a result of revisiting those old feelings. Think about personality traits you have today, and how they might have been affected by your past experience. Maybe there are current relationships in your life now that bear some resemblance to how you felt back in those days when you were bullied. Maybe even people you love dearly and who are very close to you sometimes behave in ways that awaken the same kinds of feelings inside you.
In other words, consider that revisiting of that past trauma might have acted as a "wake up call" of sorts and stirred the pot of rage inside you. Try to think about what might be going on in your life right now that you may be glossing over, but affect you more deeply than you realize.
Of course you can never know for sure what might be causing the pain. But it is the act of trying to figure it out that is important. That is part of the reconditioning process. |
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 07/30/2013 : 13:09:37
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Dave,
Sorry to interrupt this thread.
Racer mentions posting about his success story and the doubts that he may not be posting it for whatever reasons he wont.
I am in a some what different predicament. Everytime I am going to post my success story I hesitate for fear that the symptoms will return. Sure enough they do return maybe a day later.
Do you think there is a fear or some type of pressure that is hindering some people from posting these successes?
I can tell you in the months that I have been through this last week has been the best. I havent had weeks before this just maybe a few hours would be the longest.
Fear of success? Possible?
**Sure I can lay down on a bed of nails and not have pain but why am I having back pain when laying down on a soft mattress? |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 07/30/2013 : 16:10:31
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| Ok racer, the way I think this works is that reactions to stress are cumulative. In other words one situation may not be enough to set you over the threshold to producing symptoms. So when you speak to them, I'm sure your on edge and not really happy to be talking with them, waiting for the conversation to end, thinking about how they were like with you, but your too nice to tell them you don't want to communicate anymore. This was enough to set your mind into symptoms, this is on top of your other reasons to get tms such as being in a rush, intense etc. You are sensitized or conditioned to interacting to people like this. In other words your mind gets into a hyped up state automatically with these people because you did it so much in the past. So the way I look at it is you really have 3 options. 1. Be good friends with these guys and decondition yourself as you interact, recognize your on edge and try to act the opposite while using directed affirmations in your mind, assuming these people have really changed(unlikely). Don't wait for the interaction to be over with, try to enjoy it bc you have choosen this option. 2. Forgive them, be cordial and when they call, decondition yourself when it happens, but don't be overly friendly as not to promote continued contact, usually this will result in distancing automatically. 3. Tell them, you really do not want to continue contact with them and that you feel you were not treated as a friend when you were younger and break off all ties. You have to do this without animosity so in a way you still forgive, but that does not mean you have to keep a relationship with them. They are not your spouse nor your job. This may give you the quickest sense of relief, but really doesn't result in change. Option one is the hardest and in the long run the most beneficial in terms of reconditioning. There are, however,I'm sure, many other things to recondition yourself to in your life so I really do feel that any of the options are appropriate. |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 07/31/2013 : 09:40:56
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quote:
Originally posted by icelikeaninja
Do you think there is a fear or some type of pressure that is hindering some people from posting these successes?
Perhaps.
To be completely honest I'm not a fan of "success stories" because I do not view TMS as something to "beat" but rather as something that needs to be accepted as part of life. If you are successful treating TMS, the symptoms fade on their own. If claiming "success" means that the symptoms are gone, then in effect it means you are still focused on them, and they are likely to return.
Those who are susceptible to TMS due to their personality traits are likely to experience symptoms from time to time for the rest of their lives. It is better to accept this than to fight it.
For me, success means that the symptoms are inconsequential to my life. I still wake up with minor low back pain from time to time. The difference now is that I never fear that it will get worse, that it will escalate into horrible spasms, or that it will interfere with my ability to live my life. Instead, I accept it as a benign signal that there might be something going on that is causing me to repress some negative feelings. I think about what might be bothering me and go about my day. The pain may still be there for a few hours but I pay no attention to it. It is nothing more than a temporary sensation that I trust will fade on its own.
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 07/31/2013 : 10:17:04
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Dave,
Well said I like this approach and your rationale
**Sure I can lay down on a bed of nails and not have pain but why am I having back pain when laying down on a soft mattress? |
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Racer
USA
129 Posts |
Posted - 07/31/2013 : 11:20:50
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icelikeaninja,
quote:
Now that I think about bullying, I get more upset about my parents not doing anything than the actual bullying. If that makes sense?
For me, I lost my father who died at a very young age (that time I was only 10 yrs old), who was the only one earning for my family in those days. Once doing well and luxury, with sudden financial troubles and medical expenses, I still managed studying in a good school, the place where these financially wealthy guys troubled me.
Dave,
quote:
It is possible this had something to do with it. However, it is not the past trauma itself that is the primary cause of the symptoms, but rather things that are being awakened inside you as a result of revisiting those old feelings. Think about personality traits you have today, and how they might have been affected by your past experience. Maybe there are current relationships in your life now that bear some resemblance to how you felt back in those days when you were bullied. Maybe even people you love dearly and who are very close to you sometimes behave in ways that awaken the same kinds of feelings inside you.
In other words, consider that revisiting of that past trauma might have acted as a "wake up call" of sorts and stirred the pot of rage inside you. Try to think about what might be going on in your life right now that you may be glossing over, but affect you more deeply than you realize.
I'm able to understand what you are saying. I still recollect the day when I was left alone not invited for a birthday party of one of these guys. When these guys come and talk to me after 27 years, knowing how I grew up now, talking nicely, etc is something created lot of rage within me. I felt about smiling superficially when you don't really like someone is hypocrisy.
Ace,
quote:
So when you speak to them, I'm sure your on edge and not really happy to be talking with them, waiting for the conversation to end, thinking about how they were like with you, but your too nice to tell them you don't want to communicate anymore. This was enough to set your mind into symptoms, this is on top of your other reasons to get tms such as being in a rush, intense etc.
I don't have teeth clenching. However, involuntarily I started seeing tightness in different parts of the body uncomfortable. All these days, I never realized about this tightness until I got into this forum and started practicing to deal with this TMS. Now at least I'm able to immediately feel this immediately, and practicing to relax with affirmations. It certainly helps.
quote:
3. Tell them, you really do not want to continue contact with them and that you feel you were not treated as a friend when you were younger and break off all ties. You have to do this without animosity so in a way you still forgive, but that does not mean you have to keep a relationship with them.
I'm going with this option, but little differently. Without telling them, I have already started distancing myself. I simply can't talk or smile to someone artificially, I feel something that has to come from my inner self. |
Edited by - Racer on 07/31/2013 18:51:16 |
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 07/31/2013 : 11:59:25
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Racer,
I too lost my dad at 9. My family was wealthy because of him and burnt it to the ground 4 years later leaving me to go to a very bad public school in NYC from a religious Jewish school.( got bullied horribly)
I understand full well when you mention wealthy kids and what not. I am sorry you had to go through this, if you ever need an ear to talk to let me know. I never met someone in a situation similar to what I went through.
Let me know.
**Sure I can lay down on a bed of nails and not have pain but why am I having back pain when laying down on a soft mattress? |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 07/31/2013 : 13:02:33
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| Yes racer, that sounds good, but remember, we are not victims of the iner self, all of it is trained. I would personally pick number 3 or 2 in this particular situation, because I dont perfer to be around people like that. |
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Remnants of past bullying - Question to Ace & Dave
