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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
 Posted - 06/14/2013 : 11:32:13
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TMS is indeed real and this was one aha moment.
At the advice of someone one this forum I took a week off from the tms work/forum etc. I saw that I was getting deeply rooted in this syndrome to a point where I was obsessing.
I had decided to go to my moms new house somewhere in the suburbs of Pittsburgh. I learned a few things. Manual labor is good very good, allergy's are great.
As I felt the worst of my pain I just laughed it off in my head and it moved to literally 5 different places. Been doing my best at living my life like nothing happened. All my friends are commenting at how happy I look. Still in pain but doing my best to ignore. It is really hard to not think about it but I try my best.
An interesting thing happened though. My mother and her husband (who I despise) have 5 acres of land out in PA. I decided for therapy on my mind I would help mow the harder parts of it hills etc.
The grass was literally a foot long in some places. As I was cutting I got these terrible terrible allergys. I sounded like crap, looked like crap, and my nose was constantly running.
The first night I could hardly sleep because I could not breathe or lie in a comfortable position. The second day my mom was really concerned because whatever allergy I had was getting worst. My voice was cracking and it was bad.
Approaching it as TMS I said to myself " ok logically everyone would assume the grass here is so high so it had time to collect pollen and make me feel like crap" I know from past episodes I hardly get allergys but when I do they are really light.
Figuring my groin pains were subsiding because I wasnt giving it the time or thought I said to myself " What is causing allergys especially with me"?
It did not take me long to figure out that I unconsciously hated the fact that I was helping my mothers husband do yard work. I mean I totally despise this guy and everything he is about. Normally I wouldnt even offer to help him and just let him suffer and get caught up in his "back pain". This time I was doing this for me.
After accepting that I hated my moms husband and that my mind was furious that I was making his job easier on the lawn the allergy went away. Like seriously, my nose cleared up, my eyes turned white in a matter of 5 minutes!
I have never had such an astonishing TMS break through.
Now as for my groin pains, just getting a little personal and wanting to share my story. My father died in 1992 from complications of hiv/aids.
Since his death I have had issues with sex and sleeping around with women. Luckily my parents were divorced at the time so my mom is fine. I think with the way my father died and the way my last girlfriend who I assumed just used my as an experiment to see if she was gay or straight made me experience these pains down there.
I figure no sex, no relationships, no heartbreak.
I have no idea if this is why but I do know I have started living life regardless of the pain now. It actually hasnt been as bad but I am still ALWAYS thinking about it which I would like to break.
But then again, constantly thinking about pain for a few months leaves the habit in your head so I understand why it might be taking some time. Just gotta keep pushing.
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 06/14/2013 : 11:48:26
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| Excellent, you are doing what the Good Doctor recommends: "When you feel the pain, THINK PSYCHOLOGICAL". |
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 06/14/2013 : 11:59:45
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| Thanks TT, trying my best to approach this differently. |
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bryan3000
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - 06/14/2013 : 12:08:00
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Ice Ice baby...
Extremely proud of you. Trust me, I know how hard this is to do. I'm not at the finish line myself, so I still have days/weeks here and there where my inclination is to focus on the symptoms.
When we talked about you doing this, I kind of figured this would be the result. (Mix of good and bad.) But, I think you found out one thing during this week... that YOU are truly in control here. You have the ability to push through, get your work done and live with these symptoms until they dissipate. They are benign and while no one knows better than I do how painful and debilitating they can be at times, they are a result of stress and circular, negative thinking patterns. So, you don't need to worry about the next symptom that pops up.
I've had a few good weeks but had a little setback over the past few days. The setback included:
-Panic attacks
-Back pain
-Excruciating headache
-Stomach distres/nausea
-Dizziness
-Heart racing
-Numbness in feet and hands
-Knee pain
-Sleep disruption/bad dreams
And that's off the top of my head... all in about 36 hours. It's all bull****. It's all a stressed body, overstimulation and anxiety.
So, you've proven that you can push through and live with the symptoms without making them worse. (Within reason.) You've proven that you don't need constant and daily reassurance of what the symptoms are, even new ones. Time for the next step....
So, as you stated... each time a symptom came up, you found yourself looking for a psychological explanation. A long, involved story that would "explain" your symptom... which of course may or may not even be true. In my opinion and the opinion of those who have helped me on the road to healing, this tendency to try to play psychologist on ourselves every time a pain shows up is a big hinderance to our ability to simply let the pains come and go.
So, my suggestion would be, the next time an allergy symptom pops up... just let it be there.
You know what it is. You don't need to construct a story about your inner child, your subconscious mind or any such nonsense. If your nose is runny, it's runny. If it's because of an organic allergy or because you are secretly mad at your mom... who cares? You know it's benign and your job is now to work through symptoms calmly, not creating psychological tales each time one shows up.
You said yourself, "I'd like to stop thinking about it." You can do it. I needed help from a behavioral therapist to do it, myself. You have thought patterns that go back years, decades.
It's going to take time and persistence to fix them. Like I said, I'm right here with you, doing the same thing and I've seen the progress. It's a great thing to experience when it starts coming together. I'll have setbacks, yes... but I'm learning to take those in stride, too.
Forget about "TMS." Forget about trying to solve it all. You have anxiety. You have physical pains as a manifestation of a worried mind. As I've said before, every single person on this forum is afraid. Well, those who aren't healed yet, anyway. When you and I totally lose our fear, we'll be free. No need to make it any more complicated than that.
Hope you can take the next step, now. I found it admirable that you took the challenge and did so well. Keep it up.
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 06/14/2013 : 12:27:09
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For the record, I am not afraid (at the moment), one is not "healed" of TMS, it is part of the "human condition". As Dr. Sarno says: a DEFENSE MECHANISM--a PROTECTIVE DEVICE that the SUBCONSCIOUS utilizes when "id" thinks we can't handle dealing with the TRUTH's of life's vicissitudes, head-on, at/in the moment. Ice congratulations, you were able to tell your subconscious I don't need that protection right now, I can handle this myself--success breeds success and confidence in the theory and oneself.
Cheers,
tt |
Edited by - tennis tom on 06/14/2013 12:27:38 |
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 06/14/2013 : 12:27:14
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Yes!
It was really well needed. Oh I did not mention that when i felt no pains what so ever I was obsessing about things in my life like bills, work, people.
In a matter of minutes my pain substituted for racing thoughts about where my life is going.
But, another thing I did learn was that those thoughts are really strong, some of them are so bad that I almost wanted the pain to come back. Do you have that reaction for a split second? Like life is so hard I would rather concentrate on pain?
Luckily I have two decent prospects for job interviews next week. Which I am excited about, steady schedule, benefits etc. After I solidify something I am going to go back to my TMS therapist.
These thoughts are ridiculous it even gets so bad that I go crazy looking for a pair of socks I have not seen in months. Literally stupid stupid things that do not matter.
I am glad we are all in this together. I really needed this break.
What stretches are you dealing with now? I am getting little breaks every other hour or so. But in between those breaks I am understanding how truly sad and anxious I am.
As you mentioned I kind of figured I should not play therapist and just let things be but if something pops up in my head randomly I will think about it as a trigger but I wont go over looking for a cause to the point where it makes me sick.
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 06/14/2013 : 12:31:43
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TT,
As I was saying to B, if I feel a pain I wont overly delve into looking for a cause, but if something flashes or pops up in my head I will investigate it.
I believe this is what happened to me when I had the allergys because I was literally standing right infront of my d-bag step dad and observing this as a third party.
I cannot believe how instantly it worked. I was amazed as well as my mother. I told her how I did it and she kind of understood.
Being 30 I can conclude I was on autopilot for awhile, where I wouldnt let things bother me that should. Family deaths, money,work. I took everything in stride and felt bad that I hardly felt the feelings associated with these horrible things.
For the longest I thought I was a sociopath. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 06/14/2013 : 13:10:35
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Yes Ice, I think we're on the same (Sarno) page. He does not say to dig deeply into past traumas, only to shift the thinking to the psychological/emotional. Thinking about what may be going on in that realm, necessitating the TMS symptom distraction. Dr. Sarno says, even if nothing can be found, this mind shift can stop the symptoms in their tracks. After consulting with psychologists, he used this treatment to "cure" himself of his own original symptom migraines, and as your post demonstrates so well. He would stop his migraines in the aura stage by thinking TMS'ly.
Regards,
tt
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Edited by - tennis tom on 06/14/2013 14:33:12 |
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bryan3000
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - 06/14/2013 : 14:41:31
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quote:
Originally posted by icelikeaninja
Yes!
It was really well needed. Oh I did not mention that when i felt no pains what so ever I was obsessing about things in my life like bills, work, people.
In a matter of minutes my pain substituted for racing thoughts about where my life is going.
But, another thing I did learn was that those thoughts are really strong, some of them are so bad that I almost wanted the pain to come back. Do you have that reaction for a split second? Like life is so hard I would rather concentrate on pain?
Luckily I have two decent prospects for job interviews next week. Which I am excited about, steady schedule, benefits etc. After I solidify something I am going to go back to my TMS therapist.
These thoughts are ridiculous it even gets so bad that I go crazy looking for a pair of socks I have not seen in months. Literally stupid stupid things that do not matter.
I am glad we are all in this together. I really needed this break.
What stretches are you dealing with now? I am getting little breaks every other hour or so. But in between those breaks I am understanding how truly sad and anxious I am.
As you mentioned I kind of figured I should not play therapist and just let things be but if something pops up in my head randomly I will think about it as a trigger but I wont go over looking for a cause to the point where it makes me sick.
You're young and have great things ahead of you. Yes, you're correct... if bad things happen in life, please feel them. Cry, break down if you need to. I was guilty of blasting through a lot, myself. But, when symptoms show up... there's no need at this point to go into some elaborate mode of thinking. ("My inner child, my rage, my subconscious, etc.) You know what's happening. You have anxiety and mind-body pain. It's time to move on... forget about solving it all and get back to living.
Good luck with the jobs!
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 06/15/2013 : 06:25:12
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Thanks,
I had a little set back last night, my friend had his grad party for his masters at some bar I hate and did not want to go to.
I was only going to stay an hour but I decided to have two bottles of beer and a shot. I must say I have not been that tipsy in a long time over such a small amount of booze.
Into the night I experienced strong tms pains and actually blame them on the booze. For the last year I was drinking very heavily because I was unhappy. Have not drank in awhile.
Bottom line the drinks do not help your thinking. I think there is a direct connection between the pain syndrome and drink. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 06/15/2013 : 09:00:51
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Alcohol is a depressant.
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 06/15/2013 : 09:10:20
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TT,
In your experience does coffee or booze set symptoms off? I assume they do because they release so many chemicals in your brain.
Yea booze, it really is bad news.
I was never really a drinker until maybe the last two years.
I find coffee and booze make my tms worst.
When I had my chest and back tms pains they were always made worst by coffee which the Dr had attributed to acid reflux which I knew was bogus.
I was using coffee as sort of an anti depressant to help my mood. It got me really high but when I crashed I felt it bad all over my body.
Anyway off to the beach
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gailnyc
USA
80 Posts |
Posted - 06/15/2013 : 15:48:20
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quote:
Originally posted by icelikeaninja
TMS is indeed real and this was one aha moment.
But then again, constantly thinking about pain for a few months leaves the habit in your head so I understand why it might be taking some time. Just gotta keep pushing.
Congrats on your breakthrough!
I agree with Bryan. Don't "push." Just allow. Allow the pain to be there. Allow yourself to feel emotions. Don't fight--fighting only makes it worse.
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 06/15/2013 : 18:38:21
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quote:
Originally posted by icelikeaninja
...at some bar I hate and did not want to go to.
...Into the night I experienced strong tms pains and actually blame them on the booze.
I don't think the booze was the problem, just the catalyst, but I'm prejudice because I used to be the bartender at my restaurant in my formative years.
If you had the same amount of booze in an environment you enjoyed, it may have been an entirely different story. Try not to commit to doing things you "hate"! Just say "NO THANKS", when asked to do them. Say something like "Sorry I cannot attend but I have a prior commitment. If asked "what?", say "It's personal". Don't blame the booze, it inspired a lot of great Irish writers and poets and the bottles can look so pretty.
Cheers,
tt/lsmft |
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bryan3000
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - 06/15/2013 : 18:55:08
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Hey Ice,
My guess is that the booze got you where you were going more quickly.
Meaning... if you were generally happy, worry free and not concerned with your anxiety symptoms.. a few drinks would probably make you happy and silly.
For the short term, yes... maybe avoiding it is okay. But, you'll be able to drink again, and have a happy, goofy buzz. Just give it time.
Try not to watch yourself. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 06/16/2013 : 00:31:12
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quote:
Originally posted by icelikeaninja
TT,
In your experience does coffee or booze set symptoms off? I assume they do because they release so many chemicals in your brain.
...I was using coffee as sort of an anti depressant to help my mood. It got me really high but when I crashed I felt it bad all over my body.
I've had two panic attacks in my life, the first one occurred at a Sunday brunch, after drinking a mocha latte--that is quite a potent beverage! I had chest pain, had to go outside to walk around because my heart was beating so fast. I thought I was having a heart attack. It ruined the rest of my meal and I had to leave my omelet behind, I still regret that at least twenty years later. Thinking you are having a heart attack will make you VERY panicky! I saw my doc the next day, he gave me a treadmill cardiogram and said I did second best on the test to a guy who climbed Everest. He said it was a panic attack which is a very common cause for ER visits. I felt much better and went on my merry way.
There was an emotional component to it, I recalled a few days before I was involved in a stressful situation. I had to guard a running police car holding a suspect, pretending to be a plain clothes cop, while the cops chased the other suspect. The creep's gf came around trying to spring him and I had to tell her to get lost or I'd have to arrest her too.
This incident was pre-Sarno but somehow I put the stress-full situation together with the panic attack. AND, to answer your question, YES a lot of caffeine mixed with chocolate in the form of a mocha latte, can be a very powerful chemical stimulant and a catalyst to triggering TMS symptoms. If your TMS "RESERVOIR OF RAGE" is verging on overflowing, it can put you over the top. Exercise is good to help temporarily dissipate the TMS tension.
tt/lsmft |
Edited by - tennis tom on 06/16/2013 07:25:46 |
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took a break for a week .
