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RikR
USA
94 Posts |
 Posted - 02/28/2013 : 08:51:28
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I believe one point is to come to understand that we were handed a sack of lies as children and if you want to find anger get angry that these lies have controlled our thoughts, behaviors and health.
I have one hell of a time nurturing myself and using supportive self talk I hardly even know what to say to me that is positive. This is part of the negative bias many of us developed that was designed to protect us think the worst and hope for a bit less than the worst.
I am also becoming aware that the internal sadness created by believing and acting on these lies is a form of nurturing to me....pathological, yes but maybe all I could muster up while living in a drama storm.
Sadness is a forum of going into the fetal position emotionally and rocking yourself when you hurt. Protecting the exposed parts so they wont get hit again.
So my new tactic is when I hear one of these lies come to consciousness I inwardly yell damn it no! We are not going to do this dance again today.
Was it not enough that I lost the joy and comforts of being a child and now I should continue to carry this sack of sh...t with me today. For me this is hard because I now have to separate out the real me from the programmed, wounded me.
Believing these lies is creating things in my life I dont want |
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chickenbone
Panama
398 Posts |
Posted - 02/28/2013 : 11:26:40
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I know what you mean. I also lost the joy and comfort of being a child. It was not all bad, but the bad parts have affected me much more than the good. I sometimes feel as though I was born an adult. I have always had an extremely negative bias, don't believe that human nature is basically good and have real issues with our corrupt Government and institutions. Oh and did mention our corrupt and parasitic banks? The abuse of authority and lack of honesty and transparency are real hot buttons.
I have been reading a book by Fred Luskin called "Forgive For Good". I simply must get it through my head that forgiveness is all for me and not for those I am resistant to forgiving. Forgiveness does not mean condoning bad behavior and it certainly doesn't mean we have to like certain people. It does mean that we need to let go of toxic feelings like anger that poison our bodies and minds and those around us whom we love. The fact of the matter is that life is simply not fair or just. Accepting this state of affairs will set us free. I can't tell you how hard I have struggled with this concept. However, I consider it crucial to my healing that I must learn to really forgive and accept the world the way it is. This book is helping me a lot and I am just beginning to see how to take my power back. When you haven't forgiven someone, that someone will have power over you that you don't want them to have. In our anger, we are never able to hurt the people who have angered us, we only hurt ourselves and the people who love us. |
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pspa123
672 Posts |
Posted - 02/28/2013 : 11:43:46
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| Is anger the issue or is it repressed anger? I dont know but i do know that when i was younger i went through a long period where i was very angry, quite consciously, and i had no issues with physical pain whatsoever. This lasted for years. |
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RikR
USA
94 Posts |
Posted - 02/28/2013 : 12:16:16
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I think we need to be cautious that forgiveness is not lipstick on a pig making nice and again not seeing our feelings for what they are/were.
I know my parents were wounded and I know they loved me and I was a planned child but they created a life for me that was full of insults, pain, aloneness and thousands of feelings no child should have.
I am learning to allow the dichotomy yes they were good people also suffering but screw that my childhood sucked and it sent me down a path of lifelong difficulties.
As children we have bodies that are able to tolerate more painful emotions add years of things brewing underneath with an aging body and it is easy to see where TMS is the signal that we can not take any more status quo! |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 02/28/2013 : 15:44:56
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| "It seemed to Scobie that life was immeasurably long. Couldn't the test of man have been carried out in fewer years? Couldn't we have committed our first major sin at seven, have ruined ourselves for love or hate at ten, have clutched at redemption on a fifteen-year-old death bed?" -- Graham Greene (The Heart of the Matter Chapter 2 section 3) |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2013 : 06:25:15
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"I usually congratulate people when they tell me, I don't know who I
am anymore. Then they look perplexed and ask, Are you saying it is a
good thing to be confused? I ask them to investigate. What does it mean to
be confused? I don't know is not confusion. Confusion is: I don't know,
but I should know or I don't know, but I need to know. is it possible to let
go of the belief that you should or need to know who you are? In other
words, can you cease looking to conceptual definitions to give you a sense of
self? Can you cease looking to thought for an identity? When you let go of
the belief that you should or need to know who you are, what happens to
confusion? Suddenly it is gone. When you fully accept that you don't know,
you actually enter a state of peace and clarity that is closer to who you truly
are than thought could ever be. Defining yourself through thought is limiting
yourself." -- Ekhart Tolle (A New Earth) |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2013 : 08:00:33
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quote:
Originally posted by shawnsmith
"It seemed to Scobie that life was immeasurably long. Couldn't the test of man have been carried out in fewer years? Couldn't we have committed our first major sin at seven, have ruined ourselves for love or hate at ten, have clutched at redemption on a fifteen-year-old death bed?" -- Graham Greene (The Heart of the Matter Chapter 2 section 3)
Well Shawn, I don't know about Scobie (or Graham Greene) but my hero is Ken Beer, who was playing tennis tournaments at 98 and was still practicing against a wall in his backyard and going down to the club at 102. Another hero of mine is Alex Swetka who just passed away recently at 95. I had dinner with him a couple of years ago and he was sharp as a tack, #1 in the world in the 90's, driving a big motor-home around the country to tennis tournaments and traveling as far away as to Turkey representing his country in tournaments.
When he passed away he was in the process of petitioning the USTA tennis authorities to add another age group to Senior Tennis tournaments, the 95's, since age groups only went up to the 90's. I'm convinced he passed away because he ran out of age groups to compete in.
I'm just turning 65 this year so I'm the junior in a new age group and feel like a kid again. Who ever figured out the five year increments for senior and master sports knew what they were doing--you can't fight gravity--unless your in outer space.
Just Do It,
tt/lsmft |
Edited by - tennis tom on 03/01/2013 08:07:39 |
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pspa123
672 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2013 : 08:22:30
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| Do not go gentle........ |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2013 : 08:33:12
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TT
Graham Greene as a famous novelist and that was a quote from one of his novels.
I don't have an athletic bone in my body, and I have been that way since my youth. I simply hate sports of all kinds. I am the bookworm type. Not surprising, I am rather on the chunky side. 
I wish all people in their 90s could be as healthy. I live right beside a seniors citizen's home and palliative care facility and many of these people are very ill and only in their 70s or early 80s. My dear mother, who is only 78, is blind as has been for a number of years. Her only full sister, who is only a few years older, has been ill for decades. Dad, who worked like a dog all his life, had a heart attack when he was 75 but is still going strong even though he has had to slow down quite a bit. Like me, he enjoys a hardy amount of food.
So if you have good health into your old age, be sure to offer up a word of gratitude because many people are not so fortunate. |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2013 : 08:34:21
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quote:
Originally posted by pspa123
Do not go gentle........
DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT
by Dylan Thomas
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2013 : 09:22:15
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| Shawn, do you do anything for exercise? If I don't get 30 minutes a day of something I feel lousy mentally, a healthy mind in a healthy body as they say. You need to get some form of aerobic exercise to keep the black thoughts from congesting in the mindbody. You don't have to be an athlete to get some exercise in. |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2013 : 09:27:26
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| Yeah, I go for 45 min walks most mornings. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2013 : 09:48:44
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| That should do it. |
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pspa123
672 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2013 : 09:51:13
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| Its old age should burn and RAVE at close of day. |
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njoy
Canada
188 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2013 : 00:02:10
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Rats, TT, I thought I'd found a match for my husband's 95 year old auntie who still plays golf and is a slick looking chick to boot. But your two heroes are dead and, well, you'd be just too darn immature for her.  |
Edited by - njoy on 03/02/2013 00:11:47 |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2013 : 08:14:39
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quote:
Originally posted by njoy
Rats, TT, I thought I'd found a match for my husband's 95 year old auntie who still plays golf and is a slick looking chick to boot. But your two heroes are dead and, well, you'd be just too darn immature for her.
Njoy, please send some pictures of auntie, I can fake "maturity" if I have to. Does she have some money of her own? A guy will say and do anything to get laid--she sounds hot. 
Thanks for the tip,
tt/lsmft |
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Sack of Lies
