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balto
839 Posts |
 Posted - 01/30/2013 : 09:18:17
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I think this article from Time show how important the bonding, the relationship between humans to our mental health.
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What the Pygmies Can Teach Us About Childrearing
By Erika ChristakisJan. 30, 20130
With narcissism levels on the rise among college students, and kids everywhere growing up with inflated egos and deflated life prospects, it’s hard to make the case for giving kids yet more pats on the back. But a growing body of research suggests we still have much to learn from traditional societies where babies grow into resilient and caring adults through a steady diet of nurturing.
Jared Diamond’s new book, The World Until Yesterday, describes some of the lessons we can learn from today’s hunter-gatherer societies that most closely approximate the way people lived in our ancestral past. While they vary in important ways, most of these societies share a leisurely childhood where infants are constantly held by their mothers or other caretakers and where young children have enormous freedom to play.
(MORE: Why American Kids Are Brats)
These traditional practices are important to understand because many indices of poor health in children — such as obesity, depression, ADHD and teen suicide — have increased dramatically in the United States over the last 50 years. At the same time, play, which has wide-ranging cognitive, physical, emotional, and social benefits, is under siege from short-sighted school policies, changes in family structure and technology use, and other 21st century pressures. Although it’s tricky to make causal leaps, evolutionary psychologist Peter Gray links the decline in play to a rise in children’s psychopathology via lost opportunities to make friends, learn self control, develop intrinsic motivation, and other basic developmental functions.
According to Diamond, babies are nursed on demand in the hunter-gatherer world, are never left to cry (88% of !Kung baby cries are responded to within three seconds), and children exhibit few of the psychological scars of contemporary life. Loneliness and depression are virtually unheard of and children learn empathy through non-competitive games and the care of younger siblings. Kids in traditional societies have few rules or expectations; in some hunter-gather societies, such as the !Kung and Aka Pgymy, young children are even indulged when they slap and insult their parents.
(MORE: Read TIME’s complete coverage of attachment parenting)
The nuclear family is much less important in hunter-gatherer societies too. Non-parental caregivers play a much bigger role in child-care than in contemporary industrialized societies, usually starting immediately after birth. Diamond cites a study of the Efe people in which infants were passed around among non-parental adults an average of eight times per hour.
Of course we’ve heard many of these recommendations before: skin to skin ‘kangaroo’ care helps premature infants grow. “Breast is best.” Co-sleeping has had its moment too. What’s new is the argument that our modern child-rearing practices are rubbing up against six million years of human evolution (when the ‘proto chimpanzee’ and ‘proto-human’ lines first split apart). The fact of the matter is that babies really weren’t designed to sit in car seats for extended periods of time or to sleep alone in their own bedrooms. And they certainly didn’t evolve to compete with an iPhone for adult attention. The hue and cry over attachment parenting, with images of neurotic yuppies breastfeeding well into elementary school, obscures a basic reality: modern life is not really compatible with the healthy child development we evolved to have.
(MORE: How Feminism Begat Intensive Mothering)
Why is it so hard to meet the needs of babies and young children? Most obviously, a child-centric approach to human development demands a lot of resources in industrialized societies where the nuclear family bears the burden of child-rearing. On-demand breastfeeding and 24/7 physical contact are costly luxuries for well-off families, and even where possible, many contemporary parents would sooner dig ditches than live in such constant proximity to their offspring. Our culture is organized around devices, such as baby monitors and strollers, that keep infants at arm’s length.
But there may be more than technology and economics at work. It’s hard to avoid the sense that all this, well, infantilizing is just a bridge too far. If children are losing their moral compass and failing to ‘launch’ into adult roles these days, how can we justify further amplifying the period when our kids are most indulged?
It feels counter-intuitive. But cuddling babies is not the same thing as coddling teenagers. Hunter-gatherer childhoods are easy and playful, but adolescents are expected to go out and hunt lions. We seem to have things backwards in our contemporary world, pushing our very youngest to do things that don’t make neurological or developmental sense while asking relatively little of our older kids. Human beings are endlessly adaptable, and it’s unrealistic to think we could or should step back in time. But if we want to stop the current slide towards depressed, unhealthy young people, maybe we shouldn’t ignore six million years of evolution either.
Read more: http://ideas.time.com/2013/01/30/what-the-pygmies-can-teach-us-about-childrearing/#ixzz2JTXUJJcx
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
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Birdie78
Germany
145 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2013 : 12:32:04
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Great article Balto, thanks for posting!
It's su true. Unfortunately there're many people who think they're spoiling their children when they "care too much" (like reactin promtly with a crying child or letting them sleep in their bed).
Kind regards from Germany sends Birdie |
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bryan3000
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2013 : 13:15:48
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My daughter turned 6 in June. She's got her own room, but she's also got a "crib" (it's actually a very large bed that has rails)
in my room.
She's slept in her room at times, and in my room in her old bed at times. I rarely let her sleep with me unless she has a really
bad nightmare. She is perfectly fine with sleeping in either room, though at times seems more comfortable being close to me.
I allow it and tell her she can sleep in her room whenever she wants, and sometimes she does for a while. But, I'm letting her
make that choice and slowly get herself ready. She doesn't have a sibling her age, so I want her to feel she has love around her.
But, I have to say... it's amazing how some family pushes me to get her out of my room. There's this notion that this is "bad" for the
child. Now given, it's nice to have her out so I can have some personal space, but soon enough she'll be out forever. What's the big
deal in letting a kid feel safe and grow naturally. I mean, some people around the world live in houses the size of my room so there
is no choice. I doubt the kids are worse off because they weren't stuck, isolated in another room somewhere.
I agree with the premise. I do think we have to prepare our kids for our society, though. We're not pygmies and they have to be able
to sink or swim in western society. So, there has to be some difference in raising them. But overall, I think we push our kids way too
hard into things they're not developed enough to do yet.
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What the Pygmies Can Teach Us About Childrearing
