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Originally posted by balto

It take me a while to sit down and write this, My life right now is so full with love and happiness that I find it so hard to sit for long for fear of missing out on living life. :)

I hope by reading another healing story will help you in your journey to better health. Mind and Body.

First, I want to tell you a little about my background. Because I think it would help you understand better why I get tms/anxiety. I grown up in the war torned country of Vietnam. At 16 I escaped from Vietnam and spend almost a year in refugee camp in Malaysia and Phillipine and came to the US in 1981 alone, I was one of those boat people. I am now 48. I came from a lovely and wonderful family. Love my mom and very proud of my dad. Eight wonderful siblings and we got along very well. There is always love and laughter in our house, even the air raid and the bombing outside couldn't silent us for long. I would say my childhood is great and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I was always happy and always healthy, carefree and confidence.

My Mindbody syndrome started in the late 80's, I made a surprise visit to my long time girlfriend and caught her with another guy. My world turned up side down that day and nothing is the same since. All my tms/anxiety symptoms started soon after that. The sleepless night, the anger triggered stress I constantly feel, the loneliness that never leave... turn into anxiety and IBS. My head feel foggy all the time, I feel like a zomby, I just get up and go to work then drive home to spend the rest of the day all alone, everyday. Every where I go I have to know exactly where the closest bathroom is. I have to stand at the closest exit when I'm in any building, just incase my stomach is acting up. Probiotic, tumtum, and all kind of med my doctor gave me... rarely help. Xanax gave me a weird feeling so I stop taking it. Zoloft is not any better. So I just endure my anxiety and IBS. Long story short, here is the list of symptoms I had suffered from for almost 20 years:
- Anxiety & panic attack, agoraphobia, ptsd, depression, suicidal, headache, IBS and other digestive problem, CFS, tintinus, tennis elbow, shoulder pain, knee pain, backpain, sciatica, toe pain, gout, hip pain and clicking noise, kneck pain, rash and hive, pimples and other skin problem, tinnitus, chest pain, heart palpitation, sensitive to noise, sensitive to bright light, SAD, eye pain, ear pain, arthritis in fingers and knee, burning sensation in different parts of the body, pins and needles, buzzing muscle, burning mouth & tongue, unexplain dental pain, burping , belching, gas, nightmare, insomnia, sleep walking, sleep talking, night sweat, night terror awakening,... I'm sure if I think back long enough I will remember a few more.

I went to doctors and got all kind of tests done. I was diagnosed with many diseases I've listed above and was prescribed many kind of meds. Nothing helped me much, the symptoms keep increase in intensity and keep changing. At one time I was thinking of ending it all. The thought of hurting my mom is the only thing that keep me from doing it. So I start reading and reading as much as I can about my health problem.

One of the first book I've read is "Stop worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie. Dale taught reader how to conquer worry. He gave many examples of how people overcame all kind of hardship and traumatic events and move on with life. He wrote about tms/anxiety before the terms tms and anxiety were invented. He gave practical and easy to understand techniques to overcome worry. He gave examples after examples of real life people that helped me see that my problem is not unique, my problem had been overcame by countless other people. He gave me hope and he ended my suicidal thoughts. I've see that there is a way out. They can heal, so can I. A year after I've read the book, my anxiety level went down 50% and I don't have panic attack as often as before.

5 days before my appointment with the surgeon to operate on my back to cure my back pain, I went to the library to read up on book about back and back surgery. I just wanted to know what to expect during and after the surgery and be prepare for it. I happened to found "Healing Back Pain" by Dr. Sarno. You might have guess by now, I canceled the scheduled surgery 2 days before I have to go under the knife. My chronic and painful back pain/sciatica is 80% better about a week after I've read the book. I considered myself one of those who had experience a "book cure". Dr Sarno taught me that the mind is a wonderful machine, but when I feed it strong negative emotions, it can and will produce not only symptoms that consider mental but also symptoms that will effect the muscles, nerve at many parts of the body. Many health problems I thought were physical, now I've realize they were the product of my emotions. I'm not doom for life, I've see a way out and my fear level went way down.

Although I've gotten much better, and my health has improved to the point that I can functions and work almost as normal as before I was sick. Many of the symptoms has disappeared or subsided. But the anxiety is still there and it go up and down in intensity. The chronic pain keep disappeared then reappeared. I have my up and down. I was happy I got better but I wanted more. I want a 100% better. And that's when my best friend let me borrowed "Hope and Help for your Nerves" by dr. Claire Weekes. I also got an audio copy of the book. Her calming voice and just the caring way she used her word has helped me a lot. I keep listen to the tape for days and days, then one day it just clicked for me. One day I just realized that all my symptoms were started by my emotion, by the intense stress, but my symptoms stay with me because I fear it. It being keep alive by my fear. I feared the symptoms, I feared what the symptoms mean to my body, I worry about the future of my health. And if I can some how stop that fear I would be cure, and that's is exactly what I did. I just refuse to fear anymore. I am sick of being sick and I'm not going to take it anymore. No more fear for me. Yes Sir, no more fear. Whatever happen happen, I'm not going to fear anymore.

Boom, I was cured. After a few more weeks of what I called "exposure therapy" and deconditioning myself to many situation that trigger a automatic respond from my body, I'm completely cured. That was about ten years ago. I now happily married. I love my job, my family, my life. I am content and confidence. I faced the same work stress and life stress now just like before, but it doesn't bother me anymore. I am at peace.

Here is my conclusion:
life stress, life trauma, negative emotions... start the symptoms. Fear is what keep the symptoms alive.

You want to stop new symptoms from appearing, change your perception about life. think positive, slow down, be compassionate, get involve, be with people, do charity work,...
You want to stop existing symptoms, just stop fearing it. stop focusing on your symptoms, stop focusing on the body, move one and live your life as if everything is fine. There are many techniques out there to help with overcome your fear like : positive affirmation, meditation, praying, live in the present. But the most important is to accept that your ill is caused by your emotions. If you can accept that you're half way there. The fear just start to melt away. The rest is just conditioning that we have to deal with.

think about the past created symptoms. Think about the future keep your symptoms alive. The past created anger, the future produce fear. Stop both of them, live in the present and you will have peace.

I hope this helped inpire you to heal yourself. I was there, I can heal so can you. I'm not a very smart guy, I'm a college dropped out and I have fail at many thing in life, if I can do it, you can do it.

I pick 'Balto" as my screen name because of that Disney cartoon of the same name. I just want to be that dog that bring medicine to help the villagers. The medicine is right inside you. Be strong, think healthy, don't be affraid, and you will heal. We are much more powerful than we think we are. We just have to take control of our thinking.

You are what you think.

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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience.

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