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SarnoSoldier
16 Posts |
 Posted - 03/02/2005 : 07:26:20
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| Well, my wife and I are pregnant and so are her siblings. My back pain is pretty bad lately. It is a burning in the lower right side that increases as the day goes on. When I first get up, it does not bother me, but as I sit, it builds. Sometimes it subsides as if air is being let out of a balloon. As if circulation is being increased again. I recognize Sarno and all of his methods. I have a deep understanding of TMS and its power. I just don't seem to have any results from this way of acceptance. I still don't have the courage to do real physical exercise. I can do most physical things, but I always worry so much before every one of life's physical challenges that I will bring on a spasm and lose a portion of my life to unbearable pain. I am seeing a cognitive therapist who partly believes that the mind body connection can cause pain, but really believes that the stresses in life can only irritate physical injuries from the past, not cause the pain totally. I am 26 and scared of pregnancy and the end of my youth. I am also a sufferer of extremely low self esteem. I have herniated disk and have trouble accepting totally that I can't hurt myself. My wife just told me of a girl who is pregnant who was in excruciating pain for 2 months due to the baby pressing on the sciatic nerve. Is that TMS too? I have had back pain long before this pregnancy thing. I am telling my parents this weekend and I am terrified because they have told me in the past that I am too young at 26 and should live life longer before having kids. Any advice. How can I improve on my TMS acceptance? |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2005 : 08:07:04
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Your thoughts are still firmly rooted in the physical realm. You discuss specifics of your symptoms, and you still have fear that physical activity will bring on more symptoms. You are seeing a cognitive therapist which is contradictory to the TMS approach, and who is planting more seeds of doubt.
You may understand TMS but you don't accept it. At least, not yet. You still have a lot of work to do. You need to accept that the pain is entirely due to psychological issues, stop seeing the cognitive therapist, scratch words such as "herniated disk" and "sciatic nerve" from your vocabulary, and spend a considerable amount of time searching the deep emotions that are connected to your fears and low self esteem. The last part is the most crucial aspect of TMS recovery, yet you devote only a couple of sentences to it in your post.
This is the first I've heard that a baby can press on the sciatic nerve. I think it's pretty comical, actually. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2005 : 08:36:20
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quote from s.s. : 1-18-05 :
"I am married, 30 years old..."
quote from today :
"I am 26 and scared of pregnancy..."
That's a good trick ss, I wish I could get 4 years younger in a month and a half, tell us your secret. |
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SarnoSoldier
16 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2005 : 08:42:39
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| Sorry, I am 26, I did not mean to put 30 in the last email. 30 is the age my parents were when they had me. I feel that cognitive therapy teaches you how to think positive and not go into things negatively. How is this bad? |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2005 : 09:16:19
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| ss, were your parents each 30 or was that their cumulative age? Maybe it's time to update your bio it says 30 there. |
Edited by - tennis tom on 03/02/2005 09:20:00 |
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SarnoSoldier
16 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2005 : 09:19:32
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| 30 when they had me (separate ages of course) and 33 when they had my sister. I don't know why I always hold myself to their standards as if they are perfect. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2005 : 09:24:05
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| Your parents know how to push your buttons because--they INSTALLED them. |
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MikeC
USA
43 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2005 : 15:23:30
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SarnoSoldier,
With all due respect to your parents, the age issue is nonsense. I have three children (ages 8, 7, and 3). They, along with my wife are my universe. I know that might not be the macho thing to say but let me tell you something. When I come through the door at night, with the pain of TMS and aggravation of the workday, they come to the door with hugs and kisses and ask me how my day was. On the weekends, I look forward to hanging with them because I don't get to see them during the week. We'll watch videos, do projects, etc. This does not mean to say that they aren't work and that there isn't a lot of aggravation along the way, but the love you get in return is fantastic. By the way, you won't be able to go out anytime you feel like but what some people fail to grasp is that, once you have them, you don't want to go out.
Okay, I vented. Good luck with your pain and good luck with the pregnancy. You will do fine in both cases.
Mike C |
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2005 : 20:02:30
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Mike,
I totally agree with you. My two kids, who are both teenagers (12 and 14) are my whole world. They are a great comfort to me. I do not really have anyone else to get through this with, so I push myself for my kids. I try not to think of how fast they are growing up because that is more than I want to deal with now, since I have lost my dearest friend, my Mom.
I was 29 when I had my first daughter and my parents thought I was getting too old as they were in their early 20's when I was born!! So the age thing is nonsense.
Colleen
Colleen H. Mazzola |
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SarnoSoldier
16 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2005 : 07:04:09
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| Yes, but I am dealing with the very beginning of grad school and pregnancy at the same time. That is what my parents will object to. They will say "Why would you not wait until you finish school to have kids?" They will also be nervous that I will lose interest in school. How do I prove to them that we are making a good decision. I hate the need to seek their approval. They are great people, and maybe I feel more pressure than I should from them. It is in my personality to do so. I am a pleaser. |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2005 : 07:39:14
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quote:
Originally posted by SarnoSoldier
Yes, but I am dealing with the very beginning of grad school and pregnancy at the same time. That is what my parents will object to. They will say "Why would you not wait until you finish school to have kids?" They will also be nervous that I will lose interest in school. How do I prove to them that we are making a good decision. I hate the need to seek their approval. They are great people, and maybe I feel more pressure than I should from them. It is in my personality to do so. I am a pleaser.
This is why you need to be in psychotherapy and not seeing a cognitive therapist who will do absolutely nothing for your TMS pain.
If your parents still have a tremendous influence in your life choices (even if it is self-imposed), even now that you have started your own family, then clearly there are deep rooted psychological issues that go back to the way you were raised.
This does not mean that your parents are bad people or that they do not love you, but they did sow the seeds for the TMS you have today. You need to come to terms with that and find a way to break free from the hold they still have on your psyche. Your need for their approval is a symptom of the pressure you put on yourself to live up to certain (unrealistic) standards. That pressure IS THE SOURCE OF THE RAGE that Dr. Sarno talks about. |
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NLK
USA
17 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2005 : 08:17:05
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Stop fretting so much over what other people think. Make your choices and then get on with your life. You're making yourself miserable with your worrying.
Are you still having surgery in two weeks, DiskPain?
Nancy
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SarnoSoldier
16 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2005 : 09:18:42
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| Surgery? I don't intend on that for my disk pain. Huh? |
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Lou
USA
41 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2005 : 10:07:35
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Hey I have been up and down with TMS for a few years. For the last 10 months I have been great... Mountain Biking, Snowboarding, Basketball, etc. Lots of Activity. There is always some nagging stuff from work, relationships,etc. I have been working with one of sarno's NYU therapists for about 18 months and it has been very beneficial...
I am 34 and have been married for 8 months.(we have been together for 7 years) We found out that my wife is pregnant about a month ago.
It is exciting and challenging at the same. How will my life change, etc. For the better & the worse. Trust me it is also a little scary. As I have dwelled on this a little too much, I started to get little flare-ups of nusiance pain! Finally the other day, I went for a walk a nature preserve near my house. Nice wooded area quiet with lots snow, and I reminded myself that I had beat the pain through the TMS theory, and that I will not let it back in, because of this new development or any other one in my life.
I have always found that when I give the doubt and "inch" it kicks the door open. Now I am holding strong on keeping that door closed.
Congrats... I am quite sure it will an awesome experience to be a parent. I am looking forward to it!!! |
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polly
127 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2005 : 10:13:27
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Hi All,
I haven't posted for a while, but I feel deeply connected here. I'm having a lot of problems and trying to sort out which ones are physical. Unfortunately, there are some physical ones to deal with. Coming to this forum always gives me hope.
To Sarno Soldier. If you're not Disk Pain, MrRosenthal or the other names that some person here gave themself, you should stay reading the archives for a while and just read the ones from this guy. If you are the same guy, and I strongly suspect you are, you have asked and been answered all the questions anyone can have. No matter who you are, you need therapy. You don't need a message forum for people trying to help and support each other. It's easy to just delete you, but I think it's really rude to be playing this game with people who are really serious about getting help and helping each other.
Polly |
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MikeC
USA
43 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2005 : 11:06:01
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SarnoSoldier,
"How do you prove to them that you are making a good decision?" After reading that, it reminds me of how far I have come from parental permission. I love my parents and I used to think they have to give me the okay on anything that I did. Tell Mom and Dad very nicely that the baby is on the way and there is not much we can do to change that fact. About grad school, maybe you will lose interest in it. I know I did. I took about two courses, then we had our first child and I quit school after that because I wanted to see my son as often as possible. Believe it or not, I survived not getting a graduate degree and to this day, I don't regret my decision in the least. Dave is right. YOu do need therapy and I don't say that in a condescending manner. You are obviously a perfectionist and a goodist. You can't live your life seeking Mom and Dad's approval. I know because I tried and wound up with TMS myself.
Good Luck,
Mike C |
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 03/04/2005 : 18:06:59
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Sarno Soldier,
It is wonderful that you love your parents as you do and respect their opinion. I know adults who have no relationship with their parents at all and their parents have no relationship with them.....I am married to one such person. I see his pain. His parents do not even know their own grandchildren nor do they show any desire to know them. On the other hand, I adored my Mom and always wanted to please her....of course, I couldn't always please her and she knew that better than I did. I watched her die and I felt like the world left me alone. I still have my Dad and yes, I try to please him too, but not the same as with my Mom. I am still struggling with her death and the lonliness it left me with. Learn now to please yourself first.
Colleen
Colleen H. Mazzola |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 03/04/2005 : 22:09:06
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quote:
Are you still having surgery in two weeks, DiskPain?
-Nancy
Yes...I believe March 18th is your surgery date.Perhaps you've forgotten....I checked your old posts...the ones where you were 26 the last time....you had scheduled it,or so the post ran.
anyways NANCY,you were correct...two weeks from today.
Baseball65 |
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Pregnancy Etc.
