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SteveO
USA
272 Posts |
 Posted - 08/08/2012 : 21:55:11
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Cath I didn't mean to make you cry. I usually make people laugh, at me.
That post wasn't aimed at you it was aimed toward you. I see it as the most common "form" in the people who are stuck. Back when I first heard of TMS there was almost no information on TMS. People begged and scratched for new information. If someone went to see Dr. Sarno they were bombarded with questions about what was said.
Today there is much more and some of it is conflicting with Dr. Sarno and some are conflicting with each other. This just means some people see it their own way. Right now there are 7 books being currently written on TMS that I know of, how many make it to publishing will be exciting to see because it's a lot harder than people think.
What that means is there's going to be even more information soon. In 50 years there may be 2000 books on TMS as people see the freedom Dr. Sarno brings to their lives, they want to share it.
But this brings it all back to my last posting. If there's one type of salad dressing at the store we grab it and enjoy it. If there's 40 we tend to stand there in gridlock. You take what you have and you use it. The only way I would recommend reading everything is if the person doesn't understand TMS. Maybe something someone else wrote might connect, but I think Dr. Sarno's work has passed the test for providing the needed material. One of the reasons I wrote is because people kept saying, "I believe Dr. Sarno, I know he's right, but he left me hanging on what to DO???" That's why I have the What You Need To Know, and What You Need To Do sections. To walk people through. I think I could work with someone and heal them with just my chapter 14 though. I would like to experiment one time with that.
Having said that, I would say about 50% of what I'm seeing people say that I said in my book isn't true. They seem to be overlaying a personal experience template over my words as they read, so they are seeing what they want it to say as opposed to what it really says. I do the same thing sometimes. The eyes see what they want to be there even if it isn't. TTom is doing the right thing by reading in small sections and thinking about it.
Even worse is when I ask them about this or that and they don't know about it even though they read the book. So this was my point in the last post. People are reading but not integrating. Their eyes are going over the words from start to finish but they aren't taking in the message. It could be because there are so many other sources of information out there. They may figure, "after I finish this one I'll get that one...etc."
But I had HBP by my bedside. I woke up to it and went to bed with it. My wife was getting jealous after while. When I said goodnight honey I wasn't talking to her. I had the good doctor's book glued to my body like an IRS agent on an Olympic gold medal winner. I wouldn't part with it. I printed out some of his most powerful sentences and hung them on my wall to pass by everyday so I could read them as I went by.
So it baffles me that people could read my book and then stop. They should take everything in there and think for weeks about each one, make margin notes. I would not give up on it ever, but I didn't just want to heal, I was going to heal.
Everything you need is in any one of the books out there, I think, I haven't read them all. I made mine a story to make it more readily acceptable to the unconscious and a manual so people could always return to it if they had a replapse.
What made you cry in the first few pages Cath? I worked with a couple women on their TMS who got that basel cell but their doctors were telling them they were thinking of declassifying it as a cancer. Those women are both fine now.
Do you remember in my book where running often made me worse? But you don't have to run like me. Maybe you deeply don't enjoy it, I love running it frees me like Doby Grey's beat.
Also, remember when I said in my book "you may have to get into better physical shape?" They key is "may" because some people don't do it and they heal ok. Each word I used was carefully chosen for affect. Not many people remember my statements like those when I ask them about it, they gloss over all that tedious detail too quickly. There's a lifetime of information in it though.
Don't ya think, that maybe, your mum's death is causing you pain? Can you see it? Remember, the emotions that drive TMS are too powerful and sad and threatening. Don't you think the loss of her could be that powerful or sad? I do. There's a lady I mention in my book who developed severe pain, when she went to see Dr. Sopher she told him she had lost a few dear friends that year but she couldn't associate her pain with the losses because of repression and superego. Dr. Sopher talked her into seeing a grief counselor and she's fine now. I recommend you see a grief expert. Certainly your one and only mother is a deeper wound than you can handle consciously, thus TMS is there to help you cope through your deep emotional pain. Where there is sorrow there is some anger.
Your peace won't come when your pain ends. That's a common error in perspective. Your peace will come when allow for peace and your pain will end as a result because it won't have any purpose.
I do care if you heal. I wouldn't give my free time writing a book or trying to help if I didn't.
Steve |
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Cath
116 Posts |
Posted - 08/09/2012 : 07:39:03
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Steve - i did realise that you were aiming your post at all of us out here who are struggling to resolve our own battle with TMS, but for me, you were "right on the money" so to speak, and I was overwhelmed with your passion to get your message across in order to help us. You have a way of putting into words exactly what we TMSers are doing and feeling, which you are eminently qualified to do because of your own personal experience.
You know, I'm not someone who is easily moved to tears, but you managed it again with your second post. I have a little dog, who has been my constant companion for the last 6 years, and on both occasions over the last week when I have picked up my ipad and blubbed like a baby, he has crawled onto my knee and licked my arm for a full 10 minutes, making it very soggy.
When I read your book for the first time, it was my intention to go back and read it again, (now for the buts) but I got distracted with yet another book to read, and yet more information to process. This was probably also procrastination on my part, because I realised that I have a lot of work to do in order to fully recover. I have to explain that the version I bought was the electronic Kindle version, and I have this week put in an order on Amazon for the paperback version, so that I can go through it on a daily basis with a highlighter pen. The part in your book which made me cry in the first few pages was "Setting the Stage for Pain", particularly the part about being physically or emotionally abandoned by a caretaker. So, yes, I do think I am repressing a lot of grief over my very dear mum's death, but without going into too much detail, it was just the tip of the iceberg.
My only son left home a couple of months later, and although he is still around, I don't see a lot of him, as he is rightly seeking his own independence. I was also very worried about my Dad living on his own, after 52 years of marriage, and spent a lot of time with him for a while. But I underestimated his resilience, as he has acquired a very busy social life, and a new lady companion (who is a very nice woman), and has been on two cruises already with her this year.
I gave up work just before my mum passed away, and have been seeking that "something" that I can give my full attention to, which will inspire and excite me for the rest of my life, because I know that looking after a home and a husband (as nice as he is), is not enough for me.
My running did save me after the break up of my first marriage, and when I was 40, I qualified as a fitness trainer, but had a few injuries a short time after, which I now recognise as TMS (illiotibial band syndrome, leading to knee pain). Then I started getting exercise-induced migraines, which eventually led me to cease exercise altogether. I know what you mean about the release that running can give you. I always said that a good run "sorted my head out". But that was over 10 years ago now,
and I would be starting from scratch, plus the added stress of my myofascial pain (TMS), which encompasses just about the whole left side of my body from head to toe, and is echoed slightly on the right.
I guess I am a typical TMSer, and your book gives me a lot of answers, and your humorous play on words every now and then did make me laugh. I have all of Dr Sarno's books and have read them, but preferred the simplicity of HBP, so did concentrate on that for a while, but yours is so much more comprehensive on the what to do. Some of it still scares me a little. I have been taking Neurontin for about 2 years now for the neurological pain, and it's not a drug you can just stop taking, you have to titrate down slowly. I want to be drug-free, but the last time I tried it, the pain was unbearable again, and just made life miserable. I really need a massive dose of strength and faith, rather than the massive dose of neurontin I'm taking at the moment.
So now, I will emulate TTom for a while and re-read and ponder your book in it's paper form. Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post, and for your caring and compassion for all of us out here with TMS.
Cath |
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SteveO
USA
272 Posts |
Posted - 08/09/2012 : 14:36:05
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Cath my posts were for ~~~> you. I hoped others would also see themselves in it though.
Your puppy knows you're hurting inside.
You have what I call the Bermuda Triangle of TMS that I've seen many times. There is the midlife crisis, with recent loss of parent, and exodus of children. Add to that the search for a career direction and your good health vanishes. That's the reason I mentioned career in the HSP chapter. Aron said that vocation was by far the hottest topic in her seminars. People implicitly understand that they need a goal or direction in their lives if they are going to be fulfilled and happy and healthier. You can't stop the kids leaving or the parents dying or the midlife from coming.
So I spent time on purpose so that people could see that it is something we are born with and should seek out, if we're to be genuinely happy. It's also another reason I put the story of Marcellous Hurte in there. Do a search for him on your Kindle and think about what he said there.
Good luck, email me if you want, do you have skype?
Steve
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Cath
116 Posts |
Posted - 08/10/2012 : 04:04:37
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Thanks Steve, I was flicking through the chapters of your book yesterday on my kindle and came across the one on HSPs - it rang a lot of bells for me, and I will do a search for the story of Marcellus Hurte too.
I don't have Skype, but thanks for suggesting I e-mail you - it would be a great help for me to have a little support with my recovery.
My little dog crept onto my knee before I picked up my ipad today - pre-empting tears, but his soothing wasn't needed today.
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 08/10/2012 : 13:35:06
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Ha ha Steveo, "Bermuda Triangle"
How about the Bermuda Pentangle: parent dying, sibling dying, spouse leaving with secretary, lawsuits, cancer, no money...?
actually I could easily do a Bermuda Polygon (12 sides)...
but the honest truth is that all these issues are self-resolving and I'm finding the power of surrender, at the same time as giving myself no sh*t about remaining symptoms
I am going back to read about how Hurte resolved his hurt.
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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MatthewNJ
USA
691 Posts |
Posted - 08/10/2012 : 15:00:42
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I always rule out the physical first. I learned this from Dr. Sarno and it can not be said too often. That said, I beleive that virtually anything can be a TMS equivilant. I learned this from Dr. Evans I am believe it to be true. Again, though ALWAYS rule out the physical first.
-1-If the body can reduce blood flow to cause sever pain, why can't it create swelling?
-2- We DO have truly physical problems too.
And that is what I call the TMS conundrum!
I too had blood clots. I was in the hospital with a TMS gastric ulcer when the clots were diagnosed, I had 4 in my lungs already and 1 in my leg. Needless to say I let the western docs have at me.
Were those clots psychosomatic? Maybe. Who knows. In that case I chose western medicine.
Matthew
Ferretsx3@comcast.net
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Less activated, more regulated and more resilient. |
Edited by - MatthewNJ on 08/10/2012 15:23:15 |
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MatthewNJ
USA
691 Posts |
Posted - 08/10/2012 : 15:41:56
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I have been aware of my TMS since 2003. I had TMS for 27+ years in one form or another before I knew what TMS was. I have been treating it since 2004. 12 years. I have been very successful with it since the end of 2008. 4 years. OY! lots of practice! So, maybe I should write a book? LOL! Sorry, folks...not this week!
I respectfully disagree with Steve on only needing MBP. Or one set of information. Although I do agree this inunitself
can be a distraction and lead to continued TMS. I have been collecting TMS information for years. And I continue to do so. I take a bit from each source if it works for me. Sometimes it doesn't work and it works later. Or I can share it with someone else and it works for them. And that works for ME. That said, Do what works for YOU. As for when you "heal", the answer is simple, not easy to swallow, but simple:
When you are ready.
I had seen Dr, Sarno a number of times over a 1 year period. I was seeing Dr. Evans (one of Dr. Sarno's trained psychologists) for 2 years. Then I had a gastric (TMS) ulcer. A year later I had a severe back pain episode. TMS again. THAT was when I was ready to heal. That was when I said "enough is enough". And then it still took a bunch of narcotics and twice a week with Dr. Evans for a number of months.
I have not had a sever episode since the end of 2008. I do not ever intend to have another. I work on it every day. It is now my journey and my practice.
THIS is what I believe the solution is
-1- You have to be ready (ever try to quit smoking?)
-2- You need the information (more for some, less for others)
Btw, I don’t believe in reading it once and having an instant
cure. My experience is, there are only a few folks that this has
happened to. MOST folks may have rid themselves of
back pain and still believe that shoulder pain (or any other
equivalent) they have is physical! I have seen that over and
over again!
-3- You need to treat the source not the symptom (This is why
western medicine doesn't work as a permanent fix. They
primarily treat symtptoms.
-4- You need to practice it every day. Not just until you are
better. Not just when you have pain. EVERY DAY folks! For the
rest of your life.
It's like a diet, you can loose weight (and it will come back)
OR you can change your eating habits.
See http://tmswiki.wetpaint.com/account/matthewnj for more on how I got there.
Matthew
Ferretsx3@comcast.net
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Less activated, more regulated and more resilient. |
Edited by - MatthewNJ on 08/10/2012 15:47:25 |
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Birdie78
Germany
145 Posts |
Posted - 08/12/2012 : 14:14:06
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Matthew, sounds logical to me what you wrote above! I also think there¡¦s some recurrent theme for all TMS-sufferers: repressed emotions. But as unique each person is, as unique is each form of TMS.
For some people it may be helpful not to collect so much information, for me that doesn¡¦t really work! Since I was a child I was very interested in understanding things, always asking my mum for the ¡§how¡¨ and the ¡§why¡¨. Always tried to get of the bottom and second-guessed (ok, I agree, the last won¡¦t ne so helpful for TMS ƒº ). It¡¦s part of my personality to try to understand an actual situation on a deeper level! And therefore information is indispensable. I find it more difficult to understand these informations on an emotional level, too.
But, as I mentioned: I am a fan of much information, for others it will be better to know less.
The same about permanent and full recovering only by reading a TMS-book. Think it also depends on how deep and complex is the problem causing TMS. Obviously it worked for some folks, not for me. That can reassure you, but it put me a bit under pressure (what if I read the book and nothing will get better? Does this mean I don¡¦t have TMS? ).
I am sure TMS got a firm part of my personality and it will be my lifeswork to get recovered. Maybe I have to go a loop way on just accepting my emotional and my physical pain as I feel maybe I am not up to let the symptoms go (although suffering a lot). It¡¦s a part of my biography and it¡¦s typically for me to want to get rid of bad feelings as fast as I can (my doctor called me ¡§the personified avoidancebehavior¡¨). Unfortunately he¡¦s right.
So my subgoal for the next months or years will be: NOT avoiding the pain. Becoming aware of the painfull sensations. Being mindful. Try to understand.
I was a bit frightened when I read Sarnos book. He recommended to ¡§yell¡¨ to your brain, to tell him, that it will not be in power just any longer. Think it would be more helpul to see the brain/unconscious not as an enemy but to appreciate it for it¡¦s try to safe me from emotional pain. Tell him ¡§thanks for the try to protect me but I don¡¦t need your help in this manner any longer¡¨.
Nice theory¡Ktime to begin. Walk it like you talk it, think this should be my new motto!
Bye,
Birdie
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Cath
116 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2012 : 04:29:36
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Matthew - i understand exactly what you're saying. I only came to realise a year ago that what I have is TMS, but I've probably had it since my first migraine at 10 years old. I have quit a lot of habits in the past, and know that it takes a certain amount of perseverance, and the will to do so. Also, as you say, the time has to be right.
I have gathered information, and am trying to treat the source, by being completely honest with myself, and trying to recognise what caused my current pain in the first place, along with coming to realise how my personality affects my current state of health.
I am struggling with a couple of things, and I know that fear is holding me back. Fear of the pain, which leads me to procrastinate. So your post made me think maybe I'm just not ready yet to let go. Because who in their right mind would want this constant burning, stabbing , pulsating monster. Maybe I'm just not in my "right mind" yet.
By the way I read your success story, and it was pretty humbling. And also, we have the same taste in books and films. |
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MatthewNJ
USA
691 Posts |
Posted - 08/18/2012 : 10:44:23
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Cath,
Whether your ready or not, I suggest that you keep trying. At some point there will be this ah ha moment. Mine was that "enough is enough" moment in my story (5 years after first reading MBP).
One suggestion I have is reading the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Specifically the first agreement which is "be impeccable with your word". I have found this to be very helpful to me in my evolution. there have been numerous posts on this site about how what we say creates who we are. There is actually scientific evidence backing that up!
For example, I would re-phrase this
"I am struggling with a couple of things, and I know that fear is holding me back. Fear of the pain, which leads me to procrastinate. "
to:
"I am working in a focused manner toward resolution of TMS. I am strong, I am healthy and my body responds well to my needs".
what do you think?
btw: I believe procrastination is another equivalent of TMS
Matthew
Ferretsx3@comcast.net
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Less activated, more regulated and more resilient. |
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Cath
116 Posts |
Posted - 08/18/2012 : 11:52:39
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Matthew - sounds like a good affirmation. I do keep trying to change the words in my head. And tell myself on a daily basis that I am healthy - not sure about the strong though. After nearly 4 years of my current TMS, I have a bit of muscle wastage to deal with. I am quite active, but there is always room for improvement.
Cath |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 08/18/2012 : 15:24:01
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quote:
Originally posted by Cath
After nearly 4 years of my current TMS, I have a bit of muscle wastage to deal with.
Cath
I would use a different word than "wastage", it's a bit of a pejorative. Atrophy is what's happening and that can be reversed with a couple of weeks of reusing a muscle.
G'luck |
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Cath
116 Posts |
Posted - 08/19/2012 : 04:58:52
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| See what you mean TTom - it's definitely all about the words - got to get myself a new vocabulary. |
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swelling question for docs and anyone...
